36

Have you ever had one of those days where something just screws it all up? A day that was going fine, maybe even well, and then someone has to go and piss in your cheerios. And you get frustrated or angry, real angry, angry enough to want to end a mother fucker's existence. But then, something extraordinary happens, and while you keep that mother fucker in the back of your mind for future extermination projects, you can't help but smile. Dad, that wonderful man, just gave me an early birthday present, and I can't wait to cash in on it.

"We're sure about this, right, dad?" I ask, barely containing my excitement.

"Yep, witness testimony and everything. How are things there?" he asks, the slight murmur of his voice telling me he's smoking a cigarette.

"Meh. I've ID'd the asshole on the demon side that killed Mio's foster family—probably going to kill him soon. Subjugated some fallen angels, made a few deals with devils, upped my cooking game, and decided to kill a teacher at the school. By the way, do you have any information about the Naberius Clan? They might be involved in some shit that's going to go sideways here eventually."

"You've been busy. You didn't do anything to your sisters, did you?"

"Nothing they didn't consent to. Also, how's your relationship with Sirzech Lucifer?"

"Hmm. To your first question, not a lot. I'm more familiar with the demons than the devils, but I can look into them. Anything specific?"

"Bloodworms. Mind control parasites with a potential mutation effect... Also, they seem to be using corrupted energy in their super devil experiments, so that may be something too. I don't like them. I don't like their methods. They're reckless and not in a cute way."

"Heh. Never is—your second question. I've had fair dealings with Sirzechs in the past. Why?"

"He might be someone that would be interested in that report on the Phenex Clan you have, considering his favorite baby sister is being forced into a political marriage with Riser Phenex," I say.

"So?"

"Well, I'm sorta engaged to her as well, so I figure I can use it as leverage to be allowed to participate in the Rating Game to kick Riser in the junk."

"Wait, engaged?"

"Oh, by the way, I'm going to start renovations on the house to make room for more girls to start living with me there. Thanks for the info. Love ya dad, Bye," I say in a hurry before hanging up.

"What do you m-" I hear a bit of yelling just as I hit 'End' on the call.

It's not that I don't plan to tell him all about it but now is not the most opportune time. I walk back over to the group as Yuuki is telling Rias and the rest about her family's plan to use her as a bargaining chip. Something Rias feels strongly about.

"And then I found a picture of me taking a shower in his email sent file, addressed to the guy they're essentially selling me to, calling it a 'preview' of what he'll get. I don't even know when the picture was taken." Yuuki says.

What is with people getting compromising pictures of her? Do I have to give her an ability that hides her from photography... actually, that's not a bad idea. I wonder if I can Editor that into the Harem King Blessing? Ah, shit. It's an S-ranked ability. I can't do it until I get Editor up to SS-ranked. The limitations are killing me.

There is a definite atmosphere of rage developing here. The five other women in the room look ready to explode. Even Akeno's smile looks sharp and vicious. The sparks of lightning dancing around her hands aren't helping that impression. A chair next to Rias disintegrates as a flare of her destruction magic rips through it.

Sona and Tsubaki are a little more reserved. Still, there is definitely the feeling of a monster looming over Sona's shoulder, and Tsubaki, someone used to being disappointed by family, appears like she might scream 'off with their heads' any moment.

Personally, I'm thinking about doing something awful to her family and the shithead to whom her parents were selling her off. People like them will turn me evil way before any of these devils or demons do.

I walk up to Rias. "So, what do you think?" I ask as she takes a breath to cool down.

"If she's willing, I'll happily take her in. What were you thinking as far as position? Bishop?"

I shake my head. "She's an all-arounder; Pawn would be best for her. She's athletic once the rust gets knocked off. She just needs training and a safe place, and she'll be fine. She won't be ready by the time we curb stomp Riser, though," I say.

The smile that had started to wilt hearing Yuuki's family issues makes a resurgence as I remember my dad's phone call. "Do you think your family would still be interested in knowing that Riser was directly involved in the attempted kidnapping of the former Demon Lord's daughter for nefarious purposes?"

Rias frowns. "My mother might. My father, on the other hand, is dedicated to uniting the families. He thinks it will create an unstoppable dynasty. Ever since my brother ascended to Satan, he's been obsessed with bloodlines and dynasties."

"Zeoticus? Really?" I ask, shocked. She just nods. I shake my head. "This is different. He wasn't nearly this much of a prick in the or- in some of the other timelines. I wonder what changed him?"

"Well, what about your brother? He still dotes on you almost as much as Serafall does Sona, right?" I ask.

She nods. "He'd probably help me, but he can't interfere with the inner workings of the family in an official capacity. He's tried talking to father about this before, but my father is unbending."

"Well, maybe you can get in touch with your mother then. My dad's sending the file to my house, and it should arrive by tomorrow," I say. Then, with a smirk, I say, "Maybe you'd like to come by, and we can peruse it together?"

She flashes a knowing smile. "Sounds enlightening. Shall we say, seven o'clock?"

"Seven o'clock," I repeat with a nod. Shifting my gaze, I ask, "Do you have a place for Yuuki? I don't think she should go back to her house. I just don't want to risk something out of our estimation happening."

"I'll take care of it," Rias says. "Unless you want to give her a place to sleep."

I ignore the teasing. Addressing the room, I say, "So, what is the plan to deal with Shido? I can have some of my people start looking for him, but you guys will have to handle the Underworld side of things."

"I'll contact my sister with regards to the Bloodworms," Sona says.

"I'll do the same with my brother," Rias chimes in, all of her teasing gone the way of the dodo once the topic changes to Shido. "And I'll have Yuuto-kun aid in the search for Shido."

"This shit with Shido feels sketchy. Tell Kiba to be careful," I say, and Rias nods. "Yuuki, I'm going to leave you in Rias's capable hands and walk Aika home, but if you need me, give me a call."

.

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After conferring with the fallen angels about tracking down Shido and reminding them to be careful and not risk themselves, I find myself in a familiar situation. I'm walking down the street with a schoolgirl and a loli; oddly enough, it's a different schoolgirl and a different loli from my usual walks. I had Sora come out and introduced her to Aika so that she could help explain about magic.

"Magic is doing the thing that is furthest from what your rational mind wants you to do," I say. "At least the type of magic we're talking about."

"Wait, there are different types of magic?" Aika asks.

"Well, yes and no," Sora says. "Magic is magic. What we're talking about is more like differences in programming languages. Devils have a programming language different from what the average Magus uses, and even among the human magic users, there are other schools of thought. The one we're referencing is a branch heavily influenced by draconic magic."

"There are dragons?" Aika asks with an excited bounce in her step.

"Oh, yeah. Issei here is practically half of one himself."

"More like a third at this point. Maybe a little more," I say. It could be as much as forty percent, I suppose.

"So, you're not human?" Aika asks me.

I shake my hand in a teetering balance sorta way. "It's complicated. Even my human parts are more than baseline human."

"Oh, yeah, I know!" Aika says and, realizing what she just implied, promptly turns pink.

I just look at her, amused. "Can you actually see through my clothes, or is it a more ephemeral thing?"

She shrugs. "More like a sixth sense thing. A feeling, like how full would I be if... Ya know what? Let's get back on topic. So, dragon magic, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. Seven powerful dragons created the first grimoires linked to magical concepts, which we call Archives. Mages study aspects of these Archives called Thema. When mages choose Thema, they usually go for ones completely different from their personal morals and principles," Sora says.

"Hang on," I say. "You skipped a part. The Archives are based around the concept of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth, Envy, and Greed. Take mine, for example. My Archive is Superbia, the Sin of Pride, and my Thema is Imperium, rule or control. Things that typically chafe for me, but I've been engaging in them more and more lately. Lilith in our class has the Lust Archive."

"Isn't she like half a prude?" Aika asks.

"Exactly," I say. "Why we chose the Archives we do is beyond me. Maybe we're seeking balance or that which we tend to avoid. The furthest thing from what our rational minds want us to do, after all," I say with a shrug.

"So, what should my Archive be?" she asks.

I shrug. "You know you best, and before we even get there, you'll need a grimoire."

"I'm guessing you can't just go down to the library and grab one of those, can you?"

"Not likely, but I think we can probably track one down. What do you think, Sora?"

"Oh, definitely. There were a few unbound still in the library last I knew."

"Seriously?" I ask. "I thought you were like a hidden treasure there that I just came across by fate."

"Who said you didn't?"

I nod. "Fair."

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Dropping Aika home with a peck on the cheek and plenty of information to ponder, I continue towards my house. I call Maria to confirm everything is alright and oddly enough Rei is there. Talking to Mio... Yeah, this isn't going to end well for me, is it?

I hang up to Maria's laughter and shake my head. A familiar voice pulls my head up. "No, I do'n wan you. I onlee wan Dar-ling-g," a familiar buxom blond slurs.

"You guys heard her. We're not interested, so why don't you go harass someone else?" a less familiar but recognizable purple-haired woman says to a small group of heavily muscled men while trying to stay between Shizuka and them. For their part, the men with lascivious grins are trying to back the two beauties down an alley.

'Oh shit,' Ddraig says as I feel my blood boil.

My steps hasten, and I reach the first man in what would probably be a blink of an average person's eye. I let him feel the exhilaration of a brief flight as I fling him through the air into a nearby brick wall. The second man learns the taste of pavement mixed with blood and teeth, while the third bounces across the street like a tumbleweed. His scream is what alerts the rest that something might be wrong.

It's taking everything I have not to just splatter their corpses all over the street, but I want to make a good impression on the ladies, so carnage will have to wait... Maybe. I feel my muscles tense, and I crack my neck as the other men look back at me. "I don't think the ladies are interested in your company. Leave," I say.

"Darling!" Shizuka yells and tries to come to me, but her wiser and less intoxicated friend holds her back.

"Darling? This kid?" one of the large and evidently more stupid men says. "Heh. Sweetheart, you should just come with us. We can show you a better time than this little punk."

Little? I mean, I'm not one of those monstrous-sized guys, but I've recently added a bit of size and have broken the one-hundred-eighty-three-centimeter mark like Jin. That's a nice six feet, ya fuckin' ogre. Yeah, the guy has a few on me and looks like a muscle-head, but he's a normal, and I'm really not.

I guess he overlooked his friends, tossed a dozen meters away. "Why don't you get out of-" he starts.

"Excuse me, miss, with the purple hair," I say, interrupting Captain Roid-Rage. "How much can I get away with without damaging your opinion of me?"

She saw the flight of 'Flight of the Morons' display from earlier, so she knows what I mean, but apparently, the Captain and his trusty sidekicks aren't well versed in observational skills.

"Hey! I'm talk-" he tries again but is once more interrupted.

"Nothing too permanent, please," she says, and I nod. Broken bones are alright, but severed limbs and death are not. Got it.

Finally fed up, the meathead leaps at me with a guttural scream and a fist. It's tempting to let the goon hit me, just to see the look on his face afterward, but to be honest, I hate getting hit. So, instead, I grab his fist and, with a twist, lever him over onto the ground dislocating his shoulder in the process. A quick jerk and a wet popping sound later, and I snap his elbow across my knee.

I'm pretty sure the acrid smell is from him pissing his pant when the pop sounded. I'm also pretty sure that his friends are just as stupid as he is as they both attack in the same ham-fisted way. Isn't insanity doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results?

I step to the side and level a kick to the side of the first mook's knee, and with a similar wet popping noise, he's curled up on the ground screaming. I wince and look at the purple-haired beauty. "Sorry, that might be semi-permanent."

The last mook not capable of learning charges over his friend's prone body, and, in my boredom, he catches a backhand to the chest that likely cracks several ribs and sends him into the adjacent brick wall about two meters away. There probably isn't a punctured lung. Probably.

Stepping forward, past the borderline crippled meatheads, I arrive in front of the two women. My blood has stopped raging, and a calm sense of peace settles over me.

'You held that back pretty well,' Ddraig says. 'I thought you'd tear one of their spines out for sure.'

'Can't let potential waifus see me losing my shit,' I respond.

'Some might like it.'

I acknowledge that with a mental shrug and turn my attention to the potential waifus in front of me. Shizuka breaks free of her friend's grasp and leaps on me. "Darling! You came to sh-save me!" she yells and plants a kiss on my cheek while engulfing my arm in her plush cleavage.

"I'm glad you're safe, Miss Marikawa," I say with a smile.

"Darrlinngg!" she whines. "W-we aren't at shhcool, you can call me by my name, or mmaybee, Honee?"

"Well, you are certainly as sweet as honey, but I think I'll go with Shizuka for now," I reply.

"Oh, poo. I wan you to call me, Honeee. Please, Darlinggg," she slurs, wrapping her legs around my waist and hanging from my neck. The other woman just looks incredulously at her friend.

Pulling her up so that she doesn't fall, I ask, "Does this mean you want to be with me forever, Shizuka? Once you decide, there's no going back. You already know I'm going to have several wives and lovers."

"Oh, oh," she says in an excited drunken haze. "Th-then you should take Rika, too!"

"Nani!" The purple-haired woman shouts. "Don't get me involved in this Shizuka!"

"Sh-she's my bes-best frwend. I love'er so much, and I don' wanna be wivout'er," Shizuka says, starting to peter out. "And, I know you wud treat her relly good... Like ya do me an' Chisato."

She's practically passed out as I slip her to my back, hoping she doesn't get sick, and then readjusting, I look to Rika. "Hi. I'm Issei. May I help you bring Miss Marikawa back to her house?"

"I'm your Honneee, Darlinng!" Shizuka cries out. Then in a fit of giggles, "Hehe, you should eat me up. Eat your Honee, Darlinng!"

I'm struggling here because I would like nothing more than to eat up Shizuka and, second, with the hilarious situation I find myself in. Poor Rika, who is not drunk, is red-faced and embarrassed.

I smile and shake my head. "Maybe we should go before we attract any more attention," I say to Rika.

"I think you're right," she says.

"What about these guys?" I say, nodding towards the rejects from Muscle Beach.

"I'll call it in and have an ambulance sent out," she says, but reevaluating the scene, she continues, "Maybe three ambulances."

I nod before gesturing for Rika to lead on. "So, as I was saying, I'm Issei, and if I'm not mistaken, you're Miss Rika...?"

"Minami. It's nice to meet you, Issei; your timing is impeccable."

"All luck, Miss Minami. I'm glad you were able to hold them off. If someone had hurt Miss Marikawa-"

"HONEEE!" Shizuka shouts.

"If someone had hurt... Honey, my response would have been much less measured." I sigh.

I can see a slight smirk from the corner of my eye. "I could tell. I thought someone's head was coming off any second."

"It was a very near thing," I say seriously.

"Oh, are you and Shizuka close then?" she snarks.

"Close enough," I say. "Don't take this in a creepy way, but I consider her mine. I'm pretty sure, especially after tonight, that she does too."

"Heh! What gave it away, Darllinnngg?"