65 3.27

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I left welcoming the different emissaries from the Great Villages to Yahiko, Konan and Nagato as I sat atop the highest tower of Hanzo's castle, or the Akatsuki's now. I sat on the edge of the tower, my feet dangling in the air as I looked down at the world.

It felt special.

"Did you say something!?" The calm was broken by a loud voice however.

Looking to the side, there was Sarah, looking at me. I shook my head, and she continued screaming, "Why did you come here? The wind is too strong!"

I shrugged, replying, "Feels just fine to me."

"I can't hear you!"

Rolling my eyes, I asked louder, "Why did you follow me?"

Sarah got a little closer, sitting behind me as she said, "What? You thought I was just gonna leave you alone? I can't have you forget about me once I'm gone!"

I chortled at that, feeling her lean against my back.

"It's only a year. Besides, with my enhancements, I hardly feel like I could forget about you, or anything for that matter."

Sarah turned silent, before she sighed, and turned her head, speaking closer to my ear, "Don't overwork yourself, alright?"

I raised an eyebrow at that, questioning, "This is about as close to a vacation as I could get though?"

She shook her head, "I'm not talking about that. Just don't feel like you have to do everything on your own. We're here too."

My first instinct was to refute her, to defend myself, but I stopped myself. Leaning my head back against hers, I muttered, "Don't I?"

As I said that, Sarah grabbed my chin, turning my head to face hers as she looked deep into my eyes. She made a sad smile, and pointed out, "You know, the first time we met in the carriage, you made quite the impression. Do you know why?"

I could have moved my head away, but I didn't as I teased, "Because you were thrown into a deathly game against your will and I was the strongest around?"

She shook her head, not amused by what I said as she revealed, "It was your deep, blue eyes. I found them captivating. Mesmerizing. And now, they're gone, replaced by this shallow, empty yellow."

Shallow? Empty? Is she for real?

"What are you talking about? You know nothing."

"Jon Snow."

I frowned and turned my head, confused for a moment, before she asked, "You didn't watch Game of Thrones?"

I paused for a moment, before looking away, grumbling, "You're such a child."

However, the moment I said it I regretted it as she moved away from my back. But as I was about to turn around, I felt something touch my back. Fingers, I realized, as she started drawing circles in my back, lightly humming under the wind.

For some reason, I was suddenly brought back to middle school, in… god that was a long time ago, 7th grade?

The prettiest girl in the school sat behind me in class, or at least I considered her the prettiest at the time, and although I could only observe her from afar before, we got in the same class, and she sat next to me. While I felt nervous and barely dared to speak to her, I, for once, showed some courage and spoke to her. And somehow, we clicked right away, and became great friends.

Later in the year, we had to change places, as we always did about every trimester, and as luck would have it, she went from my right to directly behind me.

That's when she started drawing circles in my back. Foolish as I was, I kept rebuking her, telling her off and pretending to be annoyed, probably because I couldn't face my own feelings. Or at least, I was too cowardly to move on them. So I didn't dare tell her I liked it. That I liked her.

I've never been sure as to whether she knew my feelings or not, as she continued despite the repeated complaints from me. For the rest of the year she continued drawing circles in my back, humming the same song in my ears.

I never knew the song, although the melody is forever carved in my mind.

But in the end, I remained a coward. The year ended, and despite thinking more than a thousand times of sending her a message, I didn't. It took me the whole summer to finally get some balls and decide to ask her out.

I was too late. New year started, and the first thing I saw was her, holding hands with a jackass. While I had spent my entire summer holed up in my room, hesitating, she actually lived her life, as she did have a social life, and she found someone.

Alice was the first girl I ever loved. Something I unfortunately only realized years later in high school. But she wasn't just a first love, she was a chance at another life. Instead, with her a pattern established itself, and the same scenario kept happening over and over with the real girls that mattered.

I did get a couple of girlfriends over the years, but those were nothing but desperate hook ups to fake a social life. Or regular sex.

But for those girls I loved, they always ended up the same. We became friends, I grew feelings, and never ended up confessing them.

I love you. As silly as it is, I was able to say it a thousand times, as long as it wasn't true. And not even once did I say those words with my heart.

I… feel empty.

And no amount of Midi-chlorians is ever going to change that.

Closing my eyes, for the first time since I was brought in this game, I let go of everything. I reached a peace like I never did before as I asked, "Tell me more about my eyes."

My voice… was weaker than I thought possible. Not because I didn't speak loudly, but I could feel fragility practically oozing from it. Was that really me?

Sarah did not answer directly, but she did continue drawing circles. After a moment, she started, "I feel like there is always a smart child in every family. Always one of the children every adult seem to pour all their hopes in, thinking they will become a doctor, a lawyer, or the president."

I did not say anything, and quietly listened.

"Well, my family had one. My little brother. And unlike most families, he is the real deal. Two years ago, he got his PHD at only 16! I mean, isn't that crazy? It feels like a comic character, like Tony Stark in the flesh. That was two years ago. And you know what, I think he could have gotten a second one. But he didn't, as he was working on a big project. Something that might get him the Nobel Prize!"

So your brother is super smart. Alright, move on.

"But as smart as he was, Nathan always felt… empty. From the youngest age, he always struggled to show his emotions. We all knew he loved us, but he would recoil from most touch, and his eyes were still like a lake."

She pressed her fingers a little harder as she continued in a more cheerful voice, "But you, the first time I saw you in that carriage, you were on the polar opposite. You don't seem like a very social person either, but you had that spark in your eyes. That excitement about our seemingly bleak fate. If my brother was the underground lake, undisturbed by any outside interference, then you were the raging sea, ready to clash with any obstacle."

But then, the pressure from her fingers lessened as she continued, "But your spark has been fading away. Maybe I wouldn't go as far as saying you've lost your will to live, but you've certainly dulled. As if you lost something."

A frown now marring my face, I asked, "And what would I have lost? My humanity?"

I wasn't really sure of what I wanted her to say, or expected her to say, but I was definitely surprised as her arms slid under my own, and she hugged me from the back, resting her chin on my shoulder as she muttered, "Who knows…"

As her hands swept under my shirt, going up my chest as she carefully felt each muscle, I felt excited. However, I ruled it in as I asked icily, "What about your fuck toy?"

Her hands stopped, before she started laughing. I looked back in surprise, only to feel a pair of soft lips touch mine.

I froze, my eyes wide, while Sarah separated from me, "He dreams of you at night, not me."

"The fuck?"

Sarah grinned, softly kissing my neck as she explained, "I already told you I found you attractive the moment I saw you. I thought I had to spur your competitive spirit and play hard to get, but I've recently realized I needed to take things into my own hands."

I looked at her a little absentmindedly, before snorting, and pushed her down.

"That was a stupid thing to do."

"Are you going to punish me then?"