Chapter twenty - A different perspective

Ordering coffees, they relaxed into a companionable conversation, allowing Jessica time to process her thoughts. Ruth offered encouragement and sympathy in equal measure as Jess replayed everything they'd done over the week, her initial feelings about the actor who would be playing Darcy, and how their relationship had grown. When she mentioned the theories Sebastian had raised about Darcy's relationship with Elizabeth, and his insistence that Darcy would have seduced her prior to marriage, Ruth cursed.

"Sebastian has always enjoyed play-acting, both on and off stage. The way he latched onto you that first night, he might even have come here with the sole intention of enticing Elizabeth Bennet into his bed, whoever played the part. I'll say one thing for him, he'll always rise to a challenge."

"If that was what he expected its no wonder he was so angry. Call me old fashioned, but it takes more than a week of kisses and romantic walks to get me in bed. I'm not the sort of person who can give myself up to someone I've only just met, and as handsome as Sebastian is, I wasn't ready for that."

Ruth reached out and patted her hand. "You deserve better than him."

"Well, whoever it is, he won't be an actor. I've learned my lesson now. No relationships while I'm working...not ever. They're all the same."

"No, darling, they're not. Gareth is nothing like Sebastian."

"Yes, Jane's a lucky girl."

"You mean Laura?"

Jessica grimaced as she realised that she was still thinking of them as their characters rather than people in their own right. "Laura and Gareth have spent so much time together this week it would have been impossible not to think of them as Jane and Bingley. They make a lovely pair."

Ruth didn't reply immediately, seemingly content to allow the silence to stretch between them. Then she placed her cup back on the table. "They're not together, you know."

"Who?"

"Laura and Gareth. There isn't anything going on between them."

"That can't be right. You never see one of them without the other nearby."

"Yes, but only as friends. I sat with them a couple of times while you were out with Sebastian. She's missing her family back home and he...well, he needed someone to talk to. Laura was willing to listen. There's nothing more to it than that."

"That's something else I got wrong this week." Although Jessica felt better after talking with Ruth, she still had a lot to think about. How on earth could she return to the Hall and face everyone? They would all be talking about what had happened between her and Sebastian. It was one thing to have Ruth feeling sorry for her, but she didn't think she'd be able to stomach the pitying glances of her fellow cast members.

She didn't need to worry about the others. The Hall was dark and silent when they returned, except for some muffled voices coming from behind the door to the green room. Ruth ushered her straight up the stairs and remained by her side until they reached Jessica's door. She couldn't allow Ruth to leave without thanking her for her help.

"It was my pleasure. Do you need me to stay a while?"

Jess shook her head. "Thanks, but I'm quite exhausted. I think I'll go straight to bed."

"Well, I'm at the other end if you need me; two doors up from the stairs, on the other side of the corridor."

Thanking her again, Jessica entered her tiny bedroom and closed the door. She wished it was so easy to shut off her memories, but her argument with Sebastian in the orangery played over and over in her mind, like an endless re-run of a really embarrassing comedy show. Even knowing what happened next, she wouldn't have done anything differently.

Changing into her nightshirt she switched the light off before climbing into bed. It had been a long, emotional day and she hoped that a good night's sleep would leave her sufficiently refreshed to deal with whatever might happen tomorrow.She had just one more day to get through, including a final kiss with Mr. Darcy, and then she would never have to see him again.

~~~~~~

When Jess woke the room was still dark. She lay still but couldn't identify what had disturbed her. She was about to close her eyes again when she heard a scuffing on the floorboards. It sounded close; just outside her room. The only light came from the misty moonlight beyond her thin cotton curtains, but there was enough to see the door open and a dark figure slip through. Jess tensed as they moved towards the side of the bed and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Jessica?"

"Sebastian?" She pulled the bedcovers up to her neck. "It's the middle of the night. Go away."

As he knelt by her bed, his face loomed over hers. She shuddered as she smelled alcohol on his breath. "Dearest, loveliest Jessica! Please let me speak in my defence and then I will leave you alone if you want me to. I promise."

Although he wasn't slurring his words, she could tell from his hoarse whisper that he wasn't wholly sober. Even using her own name he didn't sound sincere.

"Nothing you can say will make any difference, but I'm sure Emily will be more than happy to play Elizabeth Bennet for you," she hissed at the Darcy-shaped shadow as she pushed him away.

Ignoring her efforts to hold him at a distance, Sebastian leant closer still as he tried to whisper in her ear. "I'm hurt that you have so little trust in me. I might have thought like that in the beginning, but as I spent more time with you I realised that it's Jessica I want, not Elizabeth. Please, let me have another chance and I'll prove that to you." He ran his fingers through her hair, laughing when she pushed his arm away. "I'll admit that I'm weak. After spending the day suffering the most exquisite frustration, I was too tired to refuse when Emily came to my room." He sighed, but the sigh sounded forced and unnatural. "I tried to make her leave, but she was ... so ... damned ... insistent."

It was probably better for her that she couldn't see him so well in the dark. His facial expression usually did most of the hard work when he played his role, and without those visual tricks his voice alone was unable to project the genuine sincerity he lacked. "You didn't seem to be making much of an effort to resist her when I came in."

"I know, I know, and I'm truly ashamed of myself, but you must understand. All the time I was with her, I was only thinking of you."

"What?"

Heeding no warning in her cold tone, he repeated his words; explaining how, by closing his eyes, he imagined that it was Jess lying beneath him, so therefore, in his mind, he hadn't been unfaithful at all. "You are so beautiful, Jessica. Have I ever told you how beautiful you are? You are truly the most generous, forgiving woman I've ever known."

Jess tried to get up, but she found herself pinned under the duvet. While he'd been flattering her he'd gradually moved his body onto the outer edge of her bed. She pushed back harder, her panic now rising. "Get off ... get off, and get out now."

"But Jessica, if we could just―"

Powered by fear, her voice grew louder. "I said out!" Jess wriggled around until she was able to free herself, but she was still trapped in the corner of the room, with Sebastian lying across the bed. He would only have to swing his legs a little to block her way to the door.