TO BE ENOUGH

HANNAH

I sat on the sofa when I heard the door slam loudly, a sign that he had left. Tears welled up as I remembered the conversation between me and Apollo. He might also be tired of chasing Tallia.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at the ceiling to stop them from falling."Unsa man ang problema nako? Dili ko baho." (English translation: What’s wrong with me? I smell good and beautiful.)

"Hoy, ang imong sagol nga batasan. Kinahanglan ka pa magmalipayon tungod kay adunay usa ka anghel nga nakagusto kanimo. Demonyo ka." (English translation: Hey, you have a bad personality. You should be thankful that an angel like me made a move on you even though you’re a devil.)

"Hey, I want to say a lot of bad words!" I mumbled while talking to myself. "I've been a muse since Grade 1 up to Grade 6, which means I'm not ugly!"

"Ah! Maybe I'm having this bad love life now because of the chain messages I didn't pass on to fifteen people!" My god, Hannah!

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone rang. It was Giaco. I answered immediately. "Hi."

"Miss, is everything alright? I saw your boyfriend leave but you're not with him."

"Uh, I'm okay. I'm still in the room."

"Did he... dump you?"

"Hey! Giaco! Why are you hurting me?" I joked with him.

"Should I dispose of him?"

I stood up because of what he said. "Don't! Without him, I’ll grow old alone. Calm your tits."

“My what?”

“Shh!”

"Miss, you have a lot of suitors, disposing him won't make any difference in your life." He sounds so serious!

"No! He's different. Apollo is different." I heard him sigh. Giaco is like an extension of Papa because of his overprotective nature. I hung up and put the cellphone in my bag.

I straightened myself up before closing Apollo's room because I knew he wasn't coming back. I took a deep breath to control my emotions. I got home and found Mama watching television. Papa holds Mama's hand and kisses the back of her palm.

I cleared my throat and got their attention. I approached them and sat in the middle.

"Hi, Mom, Dad." I said while kissing their cheeks.

"How was your visit to him? Why do you look sad?" Papa said worriedly.

"I visited him and we had a fight.”

"A fight?" Mom asked.

"Yeah."

Papa stood up and could see that he was holding back his anger. "I knew it. He's not the one for you, Hannah. I think what you have is one-sided love."

"That's not true, Dad." It is. Duh.

"We should dispose of him."

"You think like Giaco," I commented.

"Because I sponsored Giaco's training!"

"He's the one for me. He'll also realize that I'm the one who can make him happy." I bent down and felt Mama rub my back.

It's my third day here in Cebu and I already miss Apollo. It was an emotional night for me. I stayed in my room and tried to keep my mind occupied with other things. But while watching the television, my mind is still filled with his dumb face.

I have texted him several times, but he doesn't answer. When I call, he just hangs up and then cannot be reached.

I can’t do this anymore.

I knocked on Mama's room and slowly opened it. They got up because of what I did. Mama stretched and Papa yawned.

"Ma..."

"Why, Hannah? Did our only daughter have a bad dream?" Mama said softly. I approached and lay beside them. Mama adjusted her position and hugged me around the waist.

"Are you still unable to sleep without your Mama and I next to you, baby? Or do you need something, that’s why you’re cuddling?" Papa asked sleepily.

"I want to go back to Manila," I said weakly.

I felt Papa was surprised by what I said.

"Why? Your vacation isn't over yet, sweetheart."

"Our daughter already misses Apollo,” Mom interrupted.

Papa sighed. "If that's what you want."

"Thank you, Dad." I said and started to pull sleepy. We slept together that day.

The next day, I packed my things to take to Manila. I only carried what I could carry because I still have a lot of stuff in my condo. After that, I went out and went down to my room. Mama immediately came close to me and hugged my arm as we went down the stairs.

"Be careful in Manila, okay?" Mama said sweetly. "Call us when you get there."

"Yes mom."

"Don't go out at night. It's dangerous there," she added.

"Yes mom."

"When you need something, call us. Eat right on time. Don't go on a diet, because you're sexy. If he hurts you, tell us. I'll chain him up and shoot him in Luneta," Papa added.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, Papa." I said, laughing.

I gave Giaco my bag and he put it inside the car. I kissed Mama's forehead and Papa's cheek before I got into my car. I waved to them before Giaco started the car. When I got home from Manila, I didn't go inside. First, I made plans for my condo. I knew when I got close to Apollo, he would find a way to get away from me.

The next day, I went straight to the President's office. And I was surprised to see Sir Zander there. I thought he was gone?!

"S-Sir Zander!"

"Hi. You looked surprised."

"I... I thought..."

It was as if he read my mind, so he immediately smiled. "You know what happened to me and Tallia and Apollo, huh?"

"I'm sorry for interfering in your life, Sir Zander. I thought you left Miss Tallia again."

"It's just a misunderstanding. But we settled down yesterday."

I hesitated for a minute. "And Apollo?"

He looked down. "I don't know what's going through his head right now, Hannah."

"Did he come in, sir?"

"Yes. He glared at me when we bumped into the hallway."

"I want to go see him, but our schedule is hectic right now, sir."

He laughed. "I just saw the calendar invites; you won't even let me rest."

"You need to catch up, there are too many client meetings being scheduled."

"Can I go home by 5PM?"

"You have a dinner meeting with San Agricultures."

"Damn, I should inform my wife how demonic my secretary is."

"Sir Zander." He looked at me. My grip tightened on the planner I was carrying. "Please don't let her go again."

"I won't. I promise."

I nodded and went back to my own table to adjust its schedule. It was six o'clock when I finished what I was doing and Sir Zander went to his dinner meeting. I thought about going to Apollo's office to say hello and make him happy. I knocked and slowly opened the door.

I saw him leaning on his swivel chair and holding a paper in his right hand, while his left hand was touching his forehead.

"Hey?" I got his attention. I closed the door and approached his table. "Overtime?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I want to lighten up your mood."

"I don't need a clown at this moment, so please leave."

"Fine, I just want to talk to you."

"If this is about how you're infatuated with me, go home. I have no need of another headache," he said coldly.

"Do you have a headache?"

"I'm fine, go home."

He said as his eyes continued to focus on the papers.

I turned around and stood behind his back. "Do you want a massage?"

"Yes. If it's not you." He made me suffer. "Didn't you understand what I said? Go home, Hannah."

My eyes darkened. Why does he always make me feel like he doesn't need me? As for me, I almost exploded from missing him so much. I moved quickly to hug him.

"Hannah!" His eyes widened.

"You can use me, Apollo." I wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my face in his shoulder. "As a rebound. I'm willing to do this for you."

"I won't." He said while trying to remove my arms that were clinging to him. "I'm not that kind of guy, Hannah."

I know, Apollo.

"How many times have you pushed me away but I will still come back to you again and again? Even if it hurts, even if I look like a fool, you are still the first thing I think of every time I wake up in the morning." I tried to steady my voice. I don't want to be weak in Apollo's eyes.

"Hannah, I don't need your love," he whispered.

"Tell me what you need, so I can give it to you."

"You don't have it." I am so sad that it physically hurts inside.

I closed my eyes. "What can I do to be good enough?"