This Time Around

Edinburgh snuck to his dorm room the night before they were supposed to depart. Or, at least, she tried to, because the floor creaked just as she was about to step in. Not that it mattered, anyway. He was up and about, and he was waiting, hoping that she would come.

He was the only student left there, and her presence was a blessing. The place now felt too big, too quiet—but at least he didn't need to worry that someone would find out she was coming.

"Oh, hi," she was sheepish as he chuckled at her embarrassment. Her modest nightgown fluttered as she made her way to his bed and took his offer for a seat by his bedside.

"Can't sleep?"

"Hee, no," she sighed, staring at her lap. "It's funny. I'm a KANSEN. I shouldn't be nervous—I mean, this wouldn't be the first time I'm going to fight. But it feels different now. I've never felt this nervous. What if..."

Her smile was wistful, and he could never get used to it. She wasn't supposed to look that way. When she glanced at him, he thought he could understand why. She was no longer fighting for a cause. The reason was as distressing as it was reassuring.

"...Yeah, I'm the same," he took her hand. It was still as rugged, still a stark contrast to her delicate appearance, but with a touch of fragility, and at that time, she didn't seem like a KANSEN at all. And that's the way he liked it.

"We're both scared...but it's normal for you to worry about someone you care about."

"Oh, consoling me, huh? Even though I'm the older one. I should be the one doing that—but thanks, Wills. It means a lot," she laughed and poked his cheek. "But I still can't help but worry about you. You're so young...and...a human."

"Wow, that hurts. But no, I'm not backing out. I've made up my mind, and not even you could change that. And not even knowing that the training camp will be a two-week hell will make me reconsider. That's how much I care about you."

There was no immediate answer, yet her silence was nothing but comforting.

"You know what, Wills—let's play a game," she clapped her hands, breaking the silence.

"That's kind of random," he remarked, though he welcomed the offer, and he wouldn't think of asking why. "What do you have in mind?"

Her smile turned a little mischievous.

"A little truth or dare. Just for the hell of it."

That was unexpected, to say the least—but if there was something he wanted above anything else, it was knowing her more and more, the only sort of greed he could abide by.

"Sure, why not."

"Okay, I'll start. Truth or dare, Wills?"

"Truth."

"Hmm..." she pursed her lips, pondering, and the short wait felt like an eternity. "Oh, have you ever kissed, Wills?"

"Wow, you started heavy," he groaned as his cheeks grew hot. "Nope, never."

"Hee, that's surprising. But then again, I've never either," she tilted her head, her expression impish. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but her words seemed like a dare.

"Okay, your turn, Wills."

"Uh, okay. Truth or dare, Edi?"

"Dare."

"Kiss me."

The words came out faster than he could think. When her face became just as red, he knew it was too late to take them back.

Yet, deep down, he didn't want to.

"Oh...oh...getting bold, aren't you? Okay...close your eyes. And sorry if I mess up."

He did, and right after that, he could feel the bedding shifting and her lips on his cheek. A simple peck that was clumsy and chaste and warming all over, so impossibly adorable. She was quick to pull away, and all those feelings made that fact bearable.

"Sorry. It's not much—"

"No, that was probably the best thing ever. Thanks, Edi."

"N-no problem. It's not easy, though. Anyway, back to the game. Truth or dare, Wills?"

"Dare."

"Kiss me, I dare you."

She tried to be nonchalant about the dare, but he didn't buy it. Her face was reddening more, and that was telling. He had no reservations about returning the favor, though.

Her cheek felt warm when his lips touched it, but it soon grew hotter. As embarrassing as it was to think, it was as soft as he imagined.

It was as fleeting as hers, and she giggled and covered her face when it was over.

"That was nice. Very nice," she mumbled, her voice shaky and dazed. "Thank you, Wills."

"Anytime, Edi."

Everything that had happened had made sleep impossible—not with their hearts and minds racing and the pleasant feelings intoxicating.

"Alright, truth or dare, Edi?"

"Truth."

"Do you have dreams? Anything you wanted to do other than fighting?"

"Wow, deep. Um...you know, I haven't given that much thought before."

No, that can't be true, he thought. That isn't right. She deserved to know and much more.

She seemed to have caught on to his thoughts because her countenance softened.

"Maybe...maybe I just want to have a happy ending. No more fighting, no more bloodshed, no more loss. Is that too much to ask?"

"No. Too little, even. You deserve better. You and the other KANSENS have always fought for us, and few have ever thanked you. So thank you. And I can't promise you a happy ending, but I want to try. So please bear with me. Okay, Edi?"

Again, she didn't answer. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and leaned closer until her warmth was all he could feel.

"You're going to make my heart burst," she whispered. "Who would've known you're a sweet-talker?"

"I'm just being honest, Edi."

"We need more people like you."

She was smiling even more when he returned the embrace; he could feel it, and he didn't really want to part anytime soon."

"Truth or dare, Wills?"

"Truth," he hastily said as he was reminded of their game.

"What is your dream, Wills?"

He knew that question would come sooner or later. He wasn't dreading it, even though the answer wouldn't be any more uplifting.

"Become an adult, someone Dad can be proud of. No—scratch that—I want to be someone I can be proud of. Someone you can be proud of."

His hold on her tightened, but she offered no reaction.

"You already are, Wills. You defied everything and decided to stay. You're nothing less than a man now. I don't want you to grow up so quickly, but I couldn't complain."

Her words were always relieving, and even the air in the entire room felt lighter, no longer stifling but liberating.

"Truth or dare, Edi?"

"Hm...truth."

"So what are we, now?"

"What do you want us to be, Wills?"

That was just so like her, he had to chuckle. Deflecting and countering, but not because she didn't want to answer.

"...Well, all I could say is that you're the person I care too much about to let go."

Her laugh was like a wisp, airy and soft and barely perceptible.

"Oh, Wills. If I don't feel the same, I'd say that's too much. But I do. So, no, I'll never let you go that easily."

It didn't take long for him to realize her hands were cupping his cheeks, and her face was inches away from his.

"Truth or dare, Wills?"

"...Dare."

"Then let me kiss you on the lips. Please."

He nodded, and she claimed his mouth.

It was as clumsy as ever, but somehow she made it work. It wasn't their first, but it was their best, and he cherished every single second.

She didn't resist when he gently pushed her down to the bed, and her hair soon scattered across the pillow. He pulled away reluctantly when their lungs screamed for air, and she continued to lay there, sweaty and flushed.

"See? You've grown up indeed," her giggle was breathy and hoarse. "But, um, do you want to stop?"

He perfectly knew what she meant and what she wanted, tampered with hesitance that only served to make her even more human in his eyes. But when every day from here on could be their last, he could not think of any reason not to give her everything.

"Do you?"

She shook her head, and he was quick to seize the moment.

"I love you," he murmured between kisses, and each time he spoke them, the words grew truer, more intense. She returned the affections in kind.

Neither was sure who started it, but their hands began to roam and explore, going down and up, their breaths getting heavy and labored as their clothes came undone.

It wasn't what he had in mind when he wanted to grow up and become an adult. But if their world could turn upside down overnight, and how their peace would end when they woke up the next morning, it felt like it was the most natural course of events.

They were far from experienced and just a little scared, but they could still laugh about every stumble, every reluctant pause, every errant, awkward touch. They cried, too, and apologized a lot over the shared aches.

But there was also bliss, and the pain and sorrow would soon fade. It was the best. She was the best. He wanted to believe he was the best for her.

It felt like tomorrow didn't matter. Yesterday didn't matter. Only the here and now mattered. It wasn't quite a happy ending, but the aches, the satiation, the warmth, and how they were closer than they had ever been were more than enough.

The passion eventually peaked, and her fingers sought his, squeezing and not letting go as he buried his face in her neck, the moans and groans growing louder, then abating, replaced by ragged breathing and eventually contented sighs.

He was the first to regain his bearings and strength; his concerned gaze earned her smile and caress to his cheek.

"You know...truth or dare, Edi?" he grinned back, and the giggle she let out was like a blessing.

"Really, now? Ah, I'm done with dares, so...truth."

"Do you love me, too?"

"Wills, I thought you'd never ask. But yes, I love you, Wills."

She spoke the truth, and it wasn't her who ended up in tears. She was empathetic as ever, and she wiped them away as tenderly as she could.

"Thank you, Edi," he whispered, stuttering and hiccupping but smiling again.

"Always, Wills. And also..."

"Hm...?"

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

She seemed so self-satisfied as she inched closer.

"Somehow, I had the feeling you would say that. So...I'm daring you to sneak out with me. You still can't sleep, can you?"

"Yeah, I couldn't."

It was a bad idea, and coming from her, it was downright bizarre. Yet it was also the best.

"So? Will you do it?"

"Of course."

He decided without thinking twice, without regretting even once.

Edinburgh smirked, rolled to her side, and stood up. The sight of her shimmering sweat-slicked skin and tousled hair, short-lived as it was, would forever be seared into his mind, just like the entire night.

"...Hm, have you seen my glasses...?"

He found them without much trouble, on the corner of the bed, the spectacles having been flung aside and landed there in their feverish rush, though he didn't really want to give them back just yet. Without them, her eyes seemed larger, bluer, clearer.

But she was waiting for them, and he was never one to keep her waiting.

She was about to reach out and receive them, but he was quicker to place the pair on her.

"There. Beautiful."

"Flirt," she pinched his nose. "Don't stop, though."

They got dressed and cleaned up quickly, and soon they were on their way, to nowhere and anywhere.

Nobody was standing guard, and it was unsurprising, given the state of things. If they were forgotten, he wouldn't even raise a brow.

"Hey, Edi, are you okay?" He inquired when she slowed down and wobbled slightly. She was only mildly embarrassed.

"...Well, haha, I'm not tired, for sure. But even being a KANSEN doesn't stop you from getting sore down here, huh?"

"Sorry."

"Hey, it's okay, we're used to worse things. But if you are, can you...let me lean on you?"

She didn't need to ask. He would even carry her around the whole day if needed .

"Sure."

So she did, and the feeling of her weight against him and the warm and playful smile she gave his way was beyond satisfying.

"This is our first date, isn't it?"

It was an amusing question, really, because they both messed up the order of how things should be. But then again, they were not exactly an ordinary couple.

But he liked the idea. A lot.

"It could be. Where to, then?"

He thought she would want to go to the shore. He was mistaken but didn't mind.

"...How about the library? I don't think anyone's ever locked it up anymore."

The library. The place where it all began, and things between them grew different. Now that he thought about it, it was fitting.

"Sounds good to me."

Nothing much had changed there, either, save for the presence of even more dust than he imagined and other obvious signs of neglect. Soon, they were sitting in what used to be their usual corner, and only when he was seated did he realize how much he missed the setting and the feeling.

This time, she wasn't sitting across from him, though. She was huddled by his side, leaning against him. The closeness didn't feel new, even though they were never that intimate before. But since they had crossed the line, there really was no point in holding back.

"I wonder where that book is now."

"That fairytale book you told me about before?"

She didn't seem surprised he remembered. But he got a feeling that was because she trusted him.

"Yes. I can't remember which story it was, but I'm pretty sure it was a tragedy."

"The fairy who didn't get the happy ending."

"Mm, that one," her voice was a little distant. "...And for a KANSEN like me, to fall for someone who couldn't be more mortal, the irony is not lost."

"Edi..."

"No, Wills, I'm not regretting anything. Never. What we did...it felt special. If that was my happy end, it's enough."

He didn't want her to stop at that, yet he didn't want to make empty promises. When nothing seemed to come to mind, he settled for wrapping an arm around her, and she reciprocated.

"Or maybe if it isn't here, it's somewhere else," she spoke, and he got a feeling she wasn't talking about that storybook.

"What do you mean?"

"The happy end, one that can't be taken away."

Her glasses and the dim light made her eyes glisten, and they looked a lot like a pool of tears.

Or maybe they were.

"It's nice to think about them," she said, and before he could process it, her head had been lying on his lap, her hair spreading and covering it. "It's also nice to just rest here."

"You are the first, and likely will be the only one, to say that about my lap."

"I'd like that honor. Haha, oh, Wills. Don't tell anyone I'm being this sappy."

"Well, it's not like I have anyone to tell that to."

He could see her eyes widening as if realizing something, then turning into half-moons.

"You are not alone, Wills."

She didn't need to remind him. But that could only mean she cared. She was the one more deserving of comfort, of company, of anything good in this world, yet she still had the heart to care for him. Him, of all people.

It was all too much. How could she be more human than many others?

Why couldn't they meet sooner? Why couldn't the circumstances be kinder?

What could he give in return?

There were too many questions, but no answers could satisfy if there were any.

But one look, one smile, one touch—and he could remember at least one thing. One truth.

She was right.

"Thanks to you, Edi."

He wasn't sure if she would notice the crack in his voice.

Another touch, and it was clear she did.

Sympathetic, almost apologetic, reaffirming.

"I'm glad I could be the one, Wills. Really. So don't worry. And...promise me one thing, please? Actually, make that two."

Anything, he would say. Instead, only a nod was all he could give.

"Don't lose your kindness, Wills. And..."

She closed her eyes as he waited for the agonizing pause to end.

"...If...we had to part for good...if this doesn't last, let go. Move on. Find that happy ending."

It was the most difficult thing to bear, an impossible ordeal. The world seemed to freeze; the air felt like heavy iron and hot and cold at the same time.

And the ache was the worst.

She shouldn't die. She shouldn't so readily accept.

Her eyes fluttered open, and the smile was as sincere as her words.

"Promise. Please."

It was all she wanted, and it was selfless.

He couldn't say no, no matter saying yes stung, burned, and tore his very soul apart.

"Yes, I will."

She nodded, and a satisfied sigh followed.

"Sorry, make that three."

"...What is it?"

She rose from his lap to draw him into her embrace. The most tender, the most precious she had ever given.

"...But until then, let's cherish every moment."

It was the most agreeable thing he had heard in his life, and he wasn't exaggerating. The pain and fears didn't lessen, but they were easier to ignore.

"We will, always."

He held her back, and he could hear the clock ticking once more, feel the air moving again.

"Can...I...ask you of those things, too?" He dared to ask.

"Of course, Wills. I will."

He wondered how she could make every word carry that much weight yet still felt like a caress. Then again, she had been doing that for a long time, and he was always weak for it.

"Thank you. Thank you."

"You're welcome.

They remained still as they were, but the air wasn't one of a dead calm. That was before she leaned in, a giggle tickling his ear, the breath sparking a pleasant tingle, and he laughed, too.

"Soooo, truth or dare?"

"Huh, I thought we were done. Well, uh, truth?"

"Ohoh, I see. So...what kind of happy end do you have in mind for us?"

The way she became shy over her own question was the most adorable thing, not that it helped him with his own embarrassment or thinking quickly enough. Eventually, the answer came, and it was simple and easy.

"The one where we could see each other and be together even after everything ended, and not seen as breaking the norms and all that nonsense."

It wasn't exactly a fairytale-like ending, and not even close to perfect. One might say it's too vague, too abstract, too unimaginative. But it was the most natural answer; it was him at his most honest.

It was the right thing to say. She was smiling more and more.

"Hee, I'll take that. It's the best. Thank you."

No small reward was the kiss on his cheek, the most chaste and innocent and easy, yet it left the same mark as their heated union.

"Your turn, Wills."

"For the last time—truth or dare, Edi?"

"Mhm...still don't feel like doing dares, so...truth."

"Ever think it would come to this....?"

The way she tilted her head was cute, and the answer was, too.

"....Well, I didn't know for sure. But you know, that time after you helped me here, then meeting you again a few days after that...I was feeling something. Not sure what. It's like flipping open a storybook and keep wanting to find where it goes. It's weird, huh?"

"No...not at all, Edi. I didn't think about it at that time, but...well, there's something, I guess?"

"Oh, so I'm not being weird. At least, not the only one weird,"

They exchanged a glance and a laugh, and soon, she laid her head on his lap again.

"I don't mind being weird, then. If it's with you."

"Heehee. So what do you think? Are we done with the book and moving on to another, or do we have more pages to read?"

He pondered and considered, and not for long.

"Whatever it is, I'm not going to read it alone. Neither will you."

"Mm. I'd love that. Just us, yes?"

"Yeah. Together."

She yawned already, and for that matter, he was getting drowsy as well.

"Huh, finally, we're getting tired. But glad we talked. Oh...can we just stay here?"

"It's not comfortable, Edi—but if you want to, I'll stay."

"Uncomfortable?" She raised an eyebrow, her body so relaxed. "This is the best pillow ever."

He lost the argument, and not that he minded.

"If you say so. Sweet dreams, Edi."

"I owe you one, Wills. See you tomorrow...and sweet dreams."

He didn't need to be wished for one because watching her sleep was like a sweet dream. The purr-like snore and the solace on her face were enough, as did the warmth and her weight.

"Edi, thank you."

The whisper would go unheard, or maybe they could reach her within her dream.

Either way, it was not meant for anyone else 's ears.

Because the story's theirs.