There Is A Way
A sparrow sat by the windowsill and started chirping happily. The weather was fine and it had reasons to be happy.
On the other hand, Felixa, with an overwhelmed heart looked at the book in her hand.
All she wanted to do was to learn more to keep her alive. But it seems like she couldn't even do that. She could guess why she cannot read this language that all the books in the library are written in. It probably is because Wispy was never taught to read or write.
Wait... Wispy did learn to read but when she was very little. After her mother's death, she was told reading is unnecessary for her. She would be hit if she tried to listen to the lessons her siblings attended.
[What a pity!]
She looked around. That colossal room had rows and rows of books. The racks reached the ceiling and there were ladders to get access to the books high above. There are bound to be books that she needs in this colossal place.
[But what use are they if I can't read?]
Felixa closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She cannot get disheartened now. All she has to do is to learn to read and then she can learn whatever she wants. But she didn't know if she has that much time.
She wanted to read books from this library because as the native place of the Rose Knight, there might be more information and folklore about her in Deberia than in Lethusia where she will have to move since she is the Brute's wife now.
If she could at least figure out which books talk about the Rose Knight and possibly about magic, she could take those books with her and slowly learn to read. But she cannot ask for help to get those specific books.
[Should I reach my subconscious to get back my memories?]
She wondered. But last time she went there she almost lost control of this body and stayed there. She didn't want to take that chance again. Leaving Wispy in control is dangerous for this body.
[Should I take my chance with Max? Should I just tell him that I am curious to learn and ask him to find me the books I need?]
She wanted to leave this unwelcoming place that is of no help to her. She is not someone who finds company in books. She is someone who liked to run wild in the fields and wrestled with boys. The inner dolt in her wanted her to give up and leave it to Max.
But another voice rang in her head not to trust anyone. And she decided to trust that voice. Although she is "special" to Max, she doesn't know anything about him. And he is the descendant of Luke. That alone is reason enough for her to stay vigilant.
She knew she will cave in just by his slight touch, but she needs to be careful around him. She needs to train herself to be cautious around him. He never did anything to warrant her wariness but still, being vigilant never hurt anyone.
She placed the book back where she took it. Her throat got heavy as she couldn't figure out the next step. She's feeling lonely a lot in this place.
"Did you find any book you like, Felixa?" she heard Flavia walking towards her and composed herself.
"Um, no!" she forced a smile. "It looks like I can't read!"
She tried to smile but her eyes clouded.
"I wasn't allowed to read a book in a long time and… I…"
Flavia hugged her. "Don't cry, love," she patted her back. "I can't read Eundin either…"
"I am good," Felixa got out of her embrace after she sucked in her sorrow.
"Don't worry. Pricilla knows to read and write all languages in the realm. We can ask for her help," Flavia said with a soft smile and patted Felixa's cheeks that were sticking to her jaws.
"Yes," Felixa smiled. "Pricilla is a friend."
"You became friends already?" Flavia chuckled and her eyes became a line getting swallowed by her cheeks.
Seeing that hearty laugh, Felixa started to feel better.
"We did… But…" Felixa scratched behind her ear. "I don't know if she would…"
"What is it?" Flavia was not pleased as Felixa got sad again.
"It's nothing," Felixa smiled.
She suddenly got an idea but she didn't know how well it would work. She could learn to read the key phrases she needs to know first from Pricilla and then use them to find the books she needs.
[But I can try!]
With that thought, she became cheery once again. And she didn't want to stay in the library anymore. So they decided to return to her room.
As they opened the door of the library to leave, they saw Julius standing guard.
"Pumpkin!" Julius grinned ear to ear and walked closer to Flavia not even minding Felixa.
Felixa was stunned. Although Flavia is a little pudgy, it does not warrant her to be mocked as a pumpkin. She looked at Flavia and she didn't seem to be minding his words.
Julius said nothing and walked beside them. Felixa could sense something happening between them. So she fell behind them to observe.
She saw Julius trying to pass something to Flavia and Flavia was pushing his hand away.
[Or is he trying to hold her hand?]
As she tried to figure it out, she got distracted by the sound of lashing coming through the window carried by the whispering wind. She walked to the window to have a peek.
They were issuing the punishment for Elrick. The way they give the punishment hasn't changed in centuries, it seems. It still is humbling and bordering on humiliating. Pricilla was watching from the distance, her eyes red and lips trembling. This scene was all too familiar for Felixa as she could empathize with Pricilla.
"You don't have to watch it, Felixa," Flavia held her hand and tried to pull her away from the window.
"Yes," Felixa said but her eyes ended up outside again.
Elrick walked straight to Pricilla after they finished with the lashing. The one who hit him patted him in his head and Elrick nodded with a smile.
This was the same as before as Felixa remembered. Their superiors won't punish them, it would be one of theirs. And they won't hold it against them for hurting them. They treat everything as an order. That's how disciplined they were as Knights. At least when they were in training.
She never was whipped, but she knew it would hurt like death even if it is just ten lashes. But Elrick walked with his back straight and without a little twitch on his face. His lips curved to a smile as Felixa watched Pricilla shoot up to him like an arrow released out of a bow.
But for some reason Felixa could not understand, Pricilla stopped moving after taking a couple of steps, and oddly, that made Elrick burst out laughing.
Watching that scene made her heart feel like a spear went through it. Holding her heart, she leaned on the wall.
That day Tubby got whipped came to her memory.