No Choice

"I…Um…" she gulped.

"You don't want to watch me spar?" Maximus raised his brows, unimpressed and displeased with her.

She shook her head. She didn't want to antagonize him. That would not end well for her.

"It would be my fortune to watch you spar, Your Majesty," she smiled and bowed her head in reverence.

"It's Max," his voice trembled a bit.

"Yes, Max," she looked up and he retracted his hand he held out towards her.

"I cannot wait to watch you spar tomorrow," she pulled the corners of her lips to a smile. It was hard to hold her smile. But it was harder to look into his amber eyes when she is concealing her true feelings from him.

"That's… good."

Maximus looked at her for a moment before turning to leave holding his sword.

"A seamstress and jeweler will visit you today," he said without turning back.

"Yes. I will get help from Flavia and I will make sure to be properly dressed for the ball, Max," Felixa figured that he is getting her dresses that would suit his status and she accepted his goodwill.

And she is pretty happy she'd be getting new dresses. She loved new dresses.

Maximus paused and turned to look at her. And he looked angered. Felixa wondered how she has angered him and retreated.

"Just…" Maximus lifted his hand holding his sword and pointed his finger at her. Then he stared at her for a fraction of time before turning and leaving.

Felixa stood astonished for a moment. She didn't know if he is angry or not. But he closed the door softly before leaving and she let out a sigh of relief.

[Ah… I shouldn't get near a sword again…]

She didn't know why he asked her to the training ground. And his angered expression made her wonder if he is angry because she touched his sword. She knew some people didn't like others touching their swords.

Well, that made her think of her sword. It looked different than the sword she had in the academy. And from what she remembered, others were scared of her sword and were unable to touch her sword. Well, Tubby could. Tubby did.

[Maybe I didn't let others touch my sword and Tubby was an exception? But that sword had many runes engraved on it and… Could it be a magic sword only I can touch?]

Felixa sat with her eyes closed as Flavia gently brushed her hair. She never knew brushing her hair would be therapeutic.

"Do you want to cut your hair, Felixa?" Flavia asked. "It might be a little too-"

"No," Felixa turned to look at Flavia.

When she mentioned cutting hair she remembered her past life when she had to reluctantly cut her hair often because she had to be a man. Men, especially, Nobles and Knights had shoulder-length hair back in those days. But she sees men having medium-length hair these days.

She wanted to have long hair then but she couldn't. Noblewomen wore wimple and veil back then and now it seems the fashion changed.

[Three hundred years… It has been a long time…]

"Oh, I just wanted to ask… you don't have to if you don't want to cut your hair, dear," Flavia chuckled sweetly.

"It's…" Felixa realized she got too defensive over this and felt a little ashamed. "I am sorry, Flavia. I didn't mean to be defensive. It's just…" she took a look at her hair and the tips looked damaged.

"Maybe I should cut my hair. But only a bit," she looked at Flavia. Seeing the usual smile on Flavia's face she got relieved.

"Don't apologize," Flavia held her chin and smiled. "It is not wrong to speak your mind."

"Yes," Felixa nodded in agreement.

[Since when do I care about what others think? I've changed a lot… even in my soul, I could feel it.]

"But I just want my head attached to my neck for a long time," Felixa mumbled inaudibly.

She knew why she has changed. It is because she wants to live. Live for what, exactly?

Felixa closed her eyes and started thinking as Flavia gently did her hair.

'I will find you our next life and I won't be a fool then…'

The thoughts she had when she watched Tubby cry for her death came to her mind.

She opened her eyes wide and her heart skipped a beat.

With how emotional she was, she didn't think about the finer details of that thought. How was she sure that she can find Tubby her next life? But she was. And she is in her next life.

[Tubby! So I am here for Tubby..? He is here? Will I find him here? How will I find him?]

Before she knew it she found her heart getting filled up with strength. Even thinking about him gives her strength.

"Do you need anything more, Felixa?" Flavia asked and that made Felixa snap out of her reverie.

"No, Flavia," She got up. "Nothing."

As they walked out of the room to the drawing-room where the designer was, Felixa noticed she is being followed by Julius and a couple more knights.

[I am stuck here and getting watched, aren't I?]

"Mmm…"

The designer said nothing more and looked at her front and back, top to bottom. Felixa didn't mind that much since she knew she didn't have anything of value. She loved her hair though. She thought it was needlessly long but she has gotten used to it. It gives a charming warmth to her back.

The designer then started taking measurements and then gave her a couple of dresses to try on to have an idea of how the design and the fabrics will feel on her skin. Felixa knew there would be a gasp or two when she tries to dress her.

Felixa was rather ambiguous about the scars in her body. She would feel ashamed a bit when she sees Maximus' clear skin, but then she didn't think that it is something to be fuzzed over. And she could see that the scars are reducing after the commingling process. It might disappear soon.

She might be indifferent but she knew others won't find those scars very normal and that would beg questions and judgements. Although they won't dare to ask, she would prefer it if she isn't judged for what she had no control over. And there will be gossips.

But the designer was more composed than Felixa thought she would be making her wonder if she's been briefed about her situation with the scars.

"These scars… They are pretty," the designer said. "It makes you unique."

"Hmm…" Felixa nodded. She didn't think along this line. But it makes sense. "I don't want others to see it, though," she added. "So the dress need not be too showy and too gaudy. I just want it to be a proper attire suitable for the night and nothing more…"

She still didn't want to be someone to attract the attention of others. It didn't sit well with her. She didn't want attention.

"White and gold, Lady Michelle!"

Felixa heard the familiar deep voice behind her and she stiffenened.

"She should be covered in those white shiny stones and gold. Especially gold. Make a dress out of gold, I don't care. She should be shining!" Max went on and Felixa bowed her head and gulped.

[So he will control everything? Do I even have a choice?]