Chapter 93

"I'm bored," Chuck announces.

"What're you gonna do about it this time?" Amara asks, already knowing that's where he's going with this.

"I'm not sure," Chuck admits, then adds quickly, "yet. Not sure . I'm sure I'll figure something out, though."

"You always do," Amara replies. And it usually doesn't end well.

It's about five minutes later when he randomly announces, "Alright, I'm sick of this. Might as well trying pass the time with them."

"Wha—" Amara begins, but before she can finish, Chuck disappears. She sighs. She might as well watch and hope he doesn't do something stupid.

~~

Suddenly, the entire bunker finds themselves conjugated in the war room. Dean looks around, meeting Gabriel's gaze with a puzzled look, silently wondering where the archangel was. Gabriel teleports to the boy's side, giving him and his boyfriend a brief nod of recognition, but ignoring Sam entirely.

"Where were you?" Dean asks, his voice a whisper, because if he was any louder, his voice would carry far too much in the otherwise silent room. It seems everyone is waiting for Chuck's inevitable visit before they get back to what they were doing.

"Lost track of time," Gabriel lies.

Sam knows the real reason he was ditching, of course, but he would never admit it. It does leave him wondering, though. Gabriel obviously had a place to hide out, so where does Lucifer spend his days?

He glances back at the older archangel, who meets his gaze and flashes him a small, almost imperceptible grin. The corners of Sam's mouth twitch up, and he quickly looks away, afraid someone would notice.

Fortunately, Chuck appears, and everyone's attention is on him instead. The rest of the residents of the bunker form what's almost a ring around the outside of the room, ironically as far from Chuck as possible, while they wait for whatever hell awaits them today.

"Hey, guys," Chuck greets them with a grin. "Been a while." When no one responds, he continues anyway. "So, what's new?"

No one answers at first, so Lucifer offers an answer of, "Well, you pretending you care is new."

Chuck barely glances at him, deciding it's not worth the effort. Instead, he says, "I just wanted to talk to you guys about Lucifer's son."

Those last two words seem to get everyone's attention. Lucifer finds everyone in the room staring at him, but the only person he can think to look at is Jo. How else could he have a kid? She looks just as shocked as him, but it's entirely possible that he's just oblivious to the nephilim growing inside her.

It seems everyone freaked out for nothing, though, because Chuck continues, "Not in this world, of course. You would have noticed that. No, I'm talking about a world where I just left you all alone. You would have had a nephilim on your hands."

"A nephilim?" Dean repeats. "The hell is that?"

"The offspring of an angel and a human," Lucifer replies, but his gaze is still on Chuck. "So you're telling me I would have had if you didn't lock us in this goddamn bunker?"

"I am," Chuck replies. "So next time you guys start whining about being stuck here, remember that. I'm saving not just you guys but the entire world by sticking you all in here. The least you could do is thank me."

Most of the bunker just stands around in silence. They hadn't quite thought about what the world would have been like if they had still been around, and it certainly never occurred to them that it would be better off without them.

It's Lucifer who speaks, and he makes it very clear that he's upset by the news. "Okay, great. The Winchesters don't have to hunt a nephilim. Gold star for them. Where's prize for putting up with your bullshit?"

Chuck looks genuinely confused when he asks, "What do you mean?"

"You act like we're supposed to be winning. The Winchesters don't have to fight a nephilim, half these guys just came back to life, and Castiel is finally something other than a complete disappointment." He knows that's going to hit his brother where it hurts, but it wouldn't bother him if it wasn't true. He's just stating facts. "Okay, goodie for them. What do I get from all this?"

Chuck has to think about this for a few moments. Finally, he says, his voice making it clear that this is a bit of a reach, "You have a friend?"

"Bullshit," Lucifer snaps. "I had the entirety of hell in the palm of my hand, and now you're going to give me a single hunter and call it even?"

Chuck sighs, obviously seeing his point. "Well, what do you want me to do? I can't let you out of here, especially not without the Winchesters to keep you in check."

"Then give me my son."

Chuck shakes his head. "I can't do that." Because if he does, they'll realize that he isn't quite as bad as Chuck is making him out to be — or, at least, not as of the season thirteen hiatus, but who knows what the future holds?

Lucifer glares at him, a dangerous tone in his voice as he says, "You locked me in a building with the people I hate most and have done absolutely nothing to help me out in any way whatsoever. I'm just asking for . Just give. Me. My. Son."

"You couldn't possibly care that much about having a kid," Dean says, rolling his eyes.

"You have no idea what I care about," Lucifer replies.

"Okay, question," Mary says, carefully avoiding Lucifer gaze as she asks Chuck, "If Lucifer's the father, who would the mom be? That couldn't have been a mutual agreement."

Chuck tries to hide his faint smile at that. That would probably be insulting to Lucifer, had he cared what anyone thought of him. She basically just said no one would fuck him — which is apparently untrue, judging by what little interaction he's seen between his angel and Sam.

"The president's girlfriend," Chuck tells her. Seeing the confused looks, he adds, "Don't ask."

"Why are you here if you're not going to bring Lucifer's kid here?" Sam asks.

"I'm just telling you guys that it could be worse," Chuck replies with a careless shrug. He needed something to do, and this was good enough.

"Then why am I here?" Lucifer challenges.

"Because otherwise, you'd be all alone, and where's the fun in that?"

"The 'fun' is in not knowing how much you've robbed from me," Lucifer snaps. "It's bad enough you took my freedom — again. I didn't need to know I lost my son because of you, too."

It's generally very hard to guilt Chuck into doing anything. He's God, after all. He shouldn't let his emotions get the best of him. But with Lucifer, it's different. Lucifer has always been different. It's a lot harder for Chuck to just go along hurting him, especially after what he did to him, throwing him in the cage all those years ago.

He sighs. Wow, kids are annoying. "Look, I know you think you want him here, but you don't. Trust me. I'm doing you a favor."

"I don't care if you think you're doing me a favor," Lucifer snaps. "I want to meet my son."

Chuck hesitates, then nods reluctantly. "Fine. But I'm telling you, you're going to regret it."