16. I Couldn't Be Your Friend

Lena POV

When Lena's car pulled up the crew had already begun pulling the stairs away from the plane. When they noticed Lena they quickly began to roll it back to the plane. She heard one of them radioing to alert the rest of the crew to her presence. Crewing the L-Corp plane had trained them to be ready for anything - the Luthors were not a predictable lot.

Lena had planned to fly out the night before and spend the day in meetings with her L-Corp subsidiary in Gotham City. That plan went off the rails when she received a call from Arkham, saying that there had been another escape attempt by Lex, which was quickly followed by a frantic call from her mother. It seemed the situation was back in hand, but Lena cancelled her flight so that she could smooth things over for Lex with calls, and to appease her mother. The next day she was tempted to fly commercial to avoid traveling with the team in the company jet, but she knew she couldn't dodge Kara forever, and the thought of being crammed into a 6-hour flight across the country was too much. Once Sam had changed plans so that she could go that settled it. Sam would have thought she'd lost her mind to travel commercial to Gotham when her own jet was going there on more or less the same timetable.

Lena climbed the stairs of the plane resolutely in her high heels and made her way to the front of the plane, followed closely by Sam. She always sat close to the cockpit in her plane. Being a licensed pilot Lena felt better about being close to the controls in case something went wrong, and she also liked to check in on the pilot at some point during the flight. She knew it made them nervous but she liked to keep them on their toes.

Unlike any other time she'd boarded the L-Corp jet, this time Lena's heart was in her throat as she took her seat. She'd tried not to look around much and hadn't seen Kara on her way to her seat, yet knowing she was aboard was causing her heart to race and her breathing to come more quickly. She was thoroughly annoyed with her strong reaction to the thought of Kara being on the plane. Even Sam seemed to notice and looked at her curiously, but didn't say anything.

Lena felt better after getting settled into the large, familiar chair near the front of the jet. One of the crew brought her usual take-off drink without her asking. It wasn't long before they were in the air.

Sam looked over at Lena with a smile. "This jet is one of my favorite perqs of the job."

"You mean second to having the most wonderful boss in the world, of course." Lena said with a smirk.

"Of course, Boss." Sam winked at her.

Lena was feeling more relaxed and relieved to find that Kara must have been seated far enough away that she couldn't see her. Or worse, smell her.

Once they sat down Sam fired off a text and turned to Lena with an excited smile. "I asked Alex to come up and say 'hi', and to bring Kara after we take off. Can you believe I've never met her sister?"

All Lena's calm immediately washed away. She felt her heart jump at the thought of seeing Kara. She tried to downplay her heart's reaction.

"Oh, that's...nice. I'm sure you'll like her." Lena said then added. "Everyone does. You might say she's...irresistible."

"I hope it's not awkward for you." Sam said.

"I'm a grown woman, Sam." Lena said with annoyance. "I'm sure I'll manage."

After takeoff and the seatbelt light went off the Danvers sisters materialized before them. Sam stood to give Alex a hug and then squeezed Kara's hand in greeting.

"So, this is the amazing Kara Danvers I've heard so much about?" She said with a warm smile.

"Sorry! My sister also happens to be my biggest fan. I'm very lucky that way. Apologies if she's been regaling you with tales of my greatness." Kara laughed.

"Indeed. But she's not the only one who's been talking about you." Sam looked at Lena, then, seeing a horrified expression she added. "I mean, the L-Corp board is thrilled with their investment in the team, and of course their star player. Even without the championship, their investment has more than paid off. Going to the championship game has been icing on the cake."

"Well, Lena gets all the credit for that. It was her brilliant idea. And having L-Corp as a sponsor has been amazing for the Spirit." Kara said, giving Lena a hesitant smile.

"Thank you, Kara." Lena said, looking at her directly for the first time since the sisters had stopped by. Normally she might say something to deflect the compliment and credit others, but something about Kara always made her want to be sincere.

When Lena looked at Kara their eyes locked. The other women seemed to sense the tension in the air and got quiet for several moments. Finally, Alex broke the silence.

"Well, we should get back to our seats. I'm so glad you were able to make the trip, Sam." Alex reached to caress her hand.

"Wait, do you want to sit up here? I'd love to...catch up with you." Sam said, looking at Alex suggestively.

Alex smirked, but then looked at Kara and seemed to reconsider. "Sorry, we should really get back to our seats."

"Here, I'll just move across the aisle. Kara, sit here in my seat. I promise, you get the fastest service up here with the Boss." Sam winked at Kara and shot Lena a look. Before anyone could say anything Sam stood and moved towards the 2 empty seats across the aisle.

"No, really, I..." Alex started to protest but Kara broke in.

"It's fine, Alex. You and Sam should get caught up. We're good. " Kara said taking a deep breath and smiling at her. "Don't forget - other people exist."

Sam looked back and forth between the sisters with a confused look on her face, seeming to realize she had missed something.

Kara left no more room for discussion by sitting down in the seat next to Lena so that Sam had no choice but to move. She shrugged and moved across the aisle and took a seat. Alex glanced at Kara again. Kara nodded and Alex sat down next to Sam.

What fresh hell is this? Lena thought to herself. She understood Kara was doing a favor for her sister, but it seemed unfair that she would be subjected to the torture of sitting next to Kara on a plane for 6 hours. Especially given their history on planes and the recent memories of the time together at her penthouse. Being so close to her, smelling her and talking to her...Lena knew it would be sweet torture. She quickly decided she really couldn't bear it, and shouldn't have to.

"Kara, I..."

"I'm sorry, Lena. I won't stay. I just didn't want Alex to come to the back with me. Once they get settled I'll be out of your hair."

They both looked at each other with darting eyes. Memories of Kara gripping Lena's hair while riding her mouth, memories of gripping Kara's hair and pulling back to force her to look out over the city, flashed before Lena's eyes. She wondered if Kara thought the same. Kara's next words assured her that they did.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Kara stammered.

"It's OK, Kara. I am a grown woman, after all." Lena looked at her with a wry smile.

"I'll say..." Kara said in a low voice and then her eyes went wide. "Sorry, I keep saying the wrong thing..."

"Shhh...You don't need to say more, Kara. Let's just acknowledge that this is awkward and move on. This..." Lena motioned between them to indicate their interactions."...will get easier over time, I'm sure."

Just then one of the crew arrived to see if they needed drinks. Kara asked for an orange juice and Lena asked for a gin and tonic.

"I know how you love free drinks, Kara. Are you sure you don't want something stronger?"

"I absolutely do! I could use it to calm my nerves. But Coach gave us strict orders - no alcohol on the flight!"

"She is a wise woman. The last thing we need right now is the National City Spirit drinking free alcohol for six hours the night before their game." Lena laughed.

Kara smiled at her, looking momentarily like she'd forgotten anything more serious. They starred at each other for a few moments, neither seeming to know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Lena broke the silence. "But you really should go, Kara. We don't do well in small spaces together. Fortunately we cycled together very recently and we should be fine. But, unfortunately, those memories are only making this more difficult for me." Lena said in a perfunctory way, clearly resigned to her fate.

"Me too." Kara whispered, her smile disappearing.

"Lena, can we meet and talk, next week? After the big game, after this craziness dies down?"

"Kara, I..." Lena took a deep breath. She looked around to judge whether people nearby might be able to hear her. She spoke in a low voice. "Look, I obviously wanted what happened with us that weekend. Begged for it, if I'm honest. But it really hasn't helped me move on from thinking about you. From wanting to be with you. It's only made it a 100 times worse. And making plans to see you next week, well, that won't make it any easier. I need to figure out how to let you go. To get you out of my thoughts so I can move on."

Kara looked at her with moist eyes. "Is that really what you want?"

"No, Kara - That's what you want!" Lena said, sounding frustrated. "Please, just go."

"Lena, can I just...let me be near you for a bit. I just want to...tell you..."

"Kara, please, don't..." Lena squeezed her brow with her fingers. "I can't bear it...Let's just get through this game..."

"I'm sorry, Lena. I never meant to cause you any pain." Kara said with resignation. She moved to stand up. Lena's brain wanted to let her go, but her heart protested.

"Why, then? Why do you do it?" She spoke up before Kara could leave.

"Do...what?"

"Make me suffer." Lena said. "All I ever wanted to do was...be good to you. Make you feel good. Take care of you..."

"Lena, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. You're right, we just need to...get through this game. There's so much I want to say to you. But I know it's not the right time."

Lena continued to rub her brow, but stayed silent. Something deep within her was screaming at her to tell Kara to go fuck herself, while another part of her urged Lena to grip her hand and never let her go. She stayed frozen, torn between the opposing forces of her mind.

"Won't you look at me, Lena?" Kara asked, sounding heartbroken.

Lena closed her eyes as if in deep concentration, then suddenly opened them to look directly at Kara's. Kara took half a step back. Lena's jaw was jutting out and her eyes wide.

"Kara. You can ask me for anything that's in my power to give you...and I will get it and give it to you. I only ask one thing from you. Please, stop this torture. Let me move on."

"I,..if that's...what you want..." Kara asked, a bit in shock.

"Yes. I can't...do this anymore. Seeing you here...it's obvious that I can't handle it. Now that we've been together...the way we have." Lena took a deep breath. "I should tell you, I'm going to ask Sam to take over all my duties related to the team next season. Nothing will change with the L-Corp sponsorship. But she will manage the relationship and represent L-Corp with the National City Spirit. I just can't manage...these interactions...any more."

"Lena...please."

"It's OK, Kara. You haven't done anything wrong. I just...can't. Not anymore."

Kara looked at her with such sorrow, Lena briefly wanted to retract everything she'd said. She was always terrible at accepting any type of sadness or worry in Kara's eyes. She saw tears welling up in Kara's eyes.

"Please don't look at me like that. You're only making this harder for both of us. Just...go."

Kara turned her head to look towards the back of the plane. "You really want me to walk away?" Kara asked, sounding devastated.

Lena stayed quiet. Kara reached for Lena's hand and gave it a kiss.

Lena looked up at her and forced a smile. "Go relax and rest. You've got a big day tomorrow. I know you're going to be amazing. You always are."

Kara smiled sadly and turned to go. Alex looked up at her and Kara waved at her to stay.

Lena watched out of the corner of her eye until Kara was out of sight down the aisle, then downed her drink and pulled out her computer, planning to distract herself with work. She put on noise canceling headphones to block out more of the world and cursed her foolish heart

***Kara POV

Kara moved dejectedly towards the back of the plane. What had just happened? She so wanted to talk to Lena about how she was feeling, but she knew it was the wrong time and the wrong place. Lena was right. She needed to relax and rest. She needed to focus.

She saw Lucy motioning her to sit nearby, but Kara waved her off and went back to her place next to Alex's seat which was now empty. There she could at least gaze out the window and try to think about the game.

Unfortunately she was not able to think about the game. All she could picture was Lena's pained expression, repeatedly asking her to go. It hit her all the way through. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach to realize how she'd hurt Lena. That Lena was not even willing to meet her.

Why are you surprised? You've done nothing but tell her you don't want a relationship since the first time you met! Did you really expect her to keep holding out hope, or even want to keep holding out hope at this point? Clearly she just wants to move on. Kara chided herself.

Kara adjusted her seat backwards and tried to go to sleep. It was over an hour later when Alex came and sat down next to her. Kara was still wide awake and thinking about Lena.

"Kara...what...happened up there?"

"Nothing."

"Well Lena looked like you just shot her dog. Did you try to talk to her?"

"Lena has a dog?!" Kara asked excitedly.

"Kara! It's just a saying. I have no idea if she has a dog." Alex said, shaking her head. " Did you talk to her or not?"

"No! Well, I asked her to meet me next week. She turned me down. She said she wants to move on and seeing me only makes that harder."

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

"No. I...wanted to wait till after the game. So I can relax and focus. We talked about this..."

"And how is that 'keeping focused on the game' working out for you?" Alex asked with a knowing smile.

"Not great." Kara said, turning from Alex to look out the window.

"Yeah, didn't think so." Alex said. "Kara, look at me."

Kara turned to her. "I've fucked up, Alex. She's angry with me, tired of me, trying to get over me. It's too late."

"I think you're probably right about all of that. Except the part about it being too late." Alex said, reaching to wipe a tear from Kara's cheek.

"Listen. I think we were wrong about waiting until after the game. You're obviously completely distracted, especially since you're stuck on this plane with her. I think you should go talk to her now.

"In front of the whole team?!"

"Well, I happen to know there is a small room for the crew, with some degree of privacy..."

"Oh? And how do you know about that, exactly?" Kara asked in an accusing tone.

"Let's just say...the COO also seems to have privileges there..." Alex said with a smirk.

"Ha! Alex, how could you?"

"Hey, you're one to talk Ms. Mile High Club!"

"Shh, Alex! Do you want the world to hear?"

"Well, you weren't worried about the world hearing when you were with Lena on a plane last time." Alex whispered.

"Alex, please! Don't remind me. And I was in heat. I couldn't help myself."

"Whatever you say. Just...go talk to her. What's the worst that can happen? You already feel terrible and distracted. Just...give it a shot. Tell her how you really feel."

Kara looked at Alex and knew she was right. She couldn't leave things the way they were between them. She had to at least try to talk to Lena about how she felt.

"OK, sis. Get out of my way." Kara stood and tried to get around Alex.

"Always remember - big sister knows best." Alex teased as Kara shoved past.

Kara made her way back to the front, feeling like she was on a walk of shame. She reached the front row and stood in front of Lena, who was wearing noise-cancelling headphones and working on her laptop intently. Sam was sitting next to her again.

She figured Lena wouldn't hear her, so she eased her fingers under Lena's palm and squeezed her hand gently to get her attention. Lena looked up at her with surprise and took off her headphones.

"You said you'd give me anything I asked for that was in your power to give. All I'm asking for is 5 minutes. And maybe some privacy?"

Lena looked curiously at Kara but didn't move. Kara could see she was attracting attention standing in front of the plane like that, but she didn't let go of Lena's hand.

"Five minutes. That's all I'm asking." Kara decided to pull out all stops. She gave Lena her best pout.

"Oh, that is a low blow!" Lena's eyes narrowed at Kara's ploy. Kara just rolled her eyes towards the ceiling and tried to look innocent.

"You really are the worst." Lena said, trying not to smile. "Fine. We can go to the crew's cabin. I'll go first. You sit here with Sam for a bit and then follow. The last thing we need to deal with right now are unfounded rumors."

"Don't you mean 'founded rumors'?" Sam piped in.

"Not helpful, Arias." Lena said, passing Kara and making her way towards the center of the plane. Kara watched as she knocked on a door and then let herself in through a small door.

"Well, any advice?" Kara said eventually to Sam.

"Kara. Are you sure this is what you want?" Sam asked.

"Absolutely."

"Because Lena...well, I've never seen her like this over a woman. I just...really don't want her to get hurt." Sam said.

"I don't want her to get hurt either! Look, Sam, I tried to stay away. But I realize now that was wrong. For both of us."

"OK. I can see you mean what you're saying. You have a very earnest face." Sam said. " So, go get your girl, with my blessing."

"Thanks, Sam!" Kara said, jumping up. "Wish me luck?"

"Good luck. Something tells me you are going to need it." Sam chuckled.

Kara let herself into the small room and closed the door behind her. There just enough space for narrow bed and a sink. It was the place for crew members to take turns resting when they were flying for long hours. Kara and Lena stood awkwardly and close together in the tight quarters.

Looking around it occurred to Kara that it was a terrible idea for them to be alone in the small space. Too late to worry about that - tell her how you feel, Danvers! Kara cajoled herself.

"Can we sit?" She asked. It was hard enough to do, and standing in such an awkward position didn't help. Lena sat and Kara followed, being careful not too sit close.

"Thanks, Lena. I appreciate you giving me a chance to talk..." Kara said taking a deep breath. "I'm not sure where to start. I guess I didn't really think this through very well..."

"You said five minutes. Just spit it out, Kara." Lena said

"God, this is harder than thought. The thing is, Lena, when I met you I had a very strict rule about dating alphas. And I had a good reason for that..."

"I know. And I completely understand. I've always respected your decision..."

"I know! I know. But the thing is...honestly,...I just can't stop thinking about you." Kara finally blurted out. "I've tried so hard to focus on training, and the championship, and everything but you. But you're invading my dreams. I can't...get away from you. I keep experiencing the time we were together, over and over again, in dreams. I wake up, thinking you are there with me. And every time I find you aren't there, it's a crushing blow."

"Kara, please..." Lena rubbed her eyes.

"I know I've screwed up." Kara broke in. "And I can see it it's caused you pain. To be with you, but not...let us have a chance. I promise, I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. For both of us."

"You don't owe me an explanation, Kara."

"Just let me finish, please. I see now how wrong I was. Wrong to judge all alphas because of one bad one. Wrong not to try..."

"What are you saying, Kara?"

"I'm saying, I just want to try."

"Try?" Lena asked. "Try...what...exactly?"

"I just want us to try...spending time together. When we're not in a heat or rut. Without rules about being friends or not friends. Just...hangout. Just spending some time together. Maybe going on a real date..."

"But why? Why all of a sudden this change of heart?" Lena asked suspiciously.

"I understand it must be hard to trust me, going against everything I've been saying. That you don't want to take a chance on me after all that's happened. But the truth is, I'm not having a change of heart. I see now that all I was doing was suppressing my heart. Resisting my true feelings. And the truth is, I'm tired of working so hard to fight what I really want. It's exhausting. And I see now that wasn't right for either of us."

Lena stayed quiet and Kara watched her closely, trying to read what she was thinking. She reached out for Lena's hand, but she pulled it back.

"Kara, I just...need some time. I've also been fighting my feelings for quite a while. This is all very...sudden." Lena said, clearly in a bit of shock.

"Of course. Of course. Just...will you tell me a day next week when we can talk again? Or maybe even...get together? Right now I just...want to believe there is some hope."

Lena stayed quiet and looked at Kara closely. Kara waited patiently, determined not to push Lena anymore. She just looked at her with imploring eyes.

"Really, Kara. Looking at me with those eyes...it's just completely unfair."

"I'm not above using my assets." Kara said, batting her eyes. "Come on, Lena. Just give me a chance. I know it's more than I gave you. But I promise...I'll make it worth your while..."

"I have no doubt." Lena said in a low voice, but sounded wary. Kara saw she was tearing up and watched as a tear slipped down her cheek. Her heart hurt at the sight. She couldn't bear to see Lena upset and couldn't help but reach and wipe the tear, then kiss her cheek. Her lips felt electric at the touch of Lena's skin.

"Lena, please, don't cry." Kara said, still cradling the side of her jaw.

"It's OK, Kara. I'm not upset. Just emotional. This is something I've wanted a long time, but I've been pushing my feelings down for so long. It's just...a lot."

"I know." Kara said. "But I also know...how strong you are. All that time we spent together...you were so...powerful, and so tender. You took such good care of me. And never pressured me or tried to take more than I wanted to give. And all that time you were fighting your own feelings. I'm so sorry I put you through all that. And after all you did for me."

Kara watched as a tear slipped down Lena's other cheek. She couldn't help but gently kiss that one away as well. She could feel the pull of being so close to Lena, being surrounded in her scent in the small space. Kara longed to wrap her arms around her and hold her. To convince her of how she felt.

"How could I not want to be with you? You're fantastic, Lena. You're like no alpha I've ever met. Like no person I've ever met." Kara said. "I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure out. But I promise, I'm going to do everything I can to prove myself to you."

Lena stayed quiet. Kara watched her closely and couldn't overcome her longing to touch her again. She gave her another gentle kiss on the side of her face, followed soon by another, and another along her cheek until she reached her lips. After a slight hesitation she kissed her chastely on the lips. Lena didn't move.

Kara started to pull away, worried that she'd pushed too hard, but just as she did she felt Lena's hand behind her neck, pulling her back. In the next moment Lena's lips were on hers. Kara responded immediately to kiss back and in moments they were locked in a deep kiss, mouths searching. For Kara it felt like she was tasting water after days in the desert without it.

Kara's hands moved without her direction to wrap around Lena's back and pull her closer.

"God, I missed your lips..." Kara gasped when they paused for air.

"Stop talking." Lena said, pulling Kara close again as she started to lay back on the small bed. Kara moved quickly to hover over her. They eased back into the kiss. Lena's hands reached to Kara's shirt starting to unbutton it just as Kara moved to push Lena's jacket off her shoulders. Their hands fumbled with clothing as they became more desperate to feel and touch one another.

"Fuck, Kara. We can't...not here..." Lena said, seeming to come to her senses and sitting up again. "I'm your sponsor's CEO. You're the star player...we can't..."

"I know, I know." Kara said breathlessly. "Just...let's stay here a little bit longer. I've missed you so much...You have no idea how I've longed to touch you..."

"Me too." Lena said, pulling Kara back again. Lena was now leaning back slightly against the wall with Kara moving over her to bring their mouths together again for an open mouthed kiss. Their tongues delved deeper but they resisted trying to get out of their clothes this time. Kara rested her hands on the wall on either side of Lena to keep herself off of her. Lena gripped Kara's shirt collar tightly, as if she thought she might escape.

As they kissed, Kara lost track of her movements and accidentally rubbed her knee between Lena's legs, momentarily pressing her cock, causing Lena to groan deeply and whisper into Kara's mouth. "Oh...fuck..."