Tonight Is About Freedom

The ring of the home phone pierced the silence, its shrill tone a reprieve from her spiraling thoughts. Alanna snatched the receiver, her heart pounding a rhythm against her chest.

 "Hey," Sasha said. "You should come over early so we can get ready together." Her tone was transactional. They already knew the drill.

 "Yup." Alanna fiddled with the cord, wrapping it around her finger until the skin blanched white.

 "Mom's going to drive us to Lucas' house for the party... and I might be able to snag up something to drink," Sasha added, the words casual, innocent.

 "Okay." Alanna's response was automatic. The memory of Noah's request to join them surfaced, a wrinkle in her otherwise smooth acquiescence. "Um, Sasha, Noah asked if—"

 "Alanna, he can't third-wheel us tonight," Sasha interjected, her tone brooking no argument. "He... hovers."

 "Right, of course." Relief washed through Alanna, mingling with a twinge of guilt. Noah would have to understand, though she couldn't directly tell him that his 'hovering' annoyed Sasha.

He just liked to hang out with them, though there was not much he had in common with Sasha or Lila.

 She didn't want this night to be about trying to please Noah or make an already awkward crowd feel comfortable. It was about escaping, even if just for a few hours.

 "Great! See you soon then!" Sasha chirped before the line went dead.

 Alanna replaced the receiver, a small sigh escaping her lips.

 Tonight was about freedom, about forgetting the whispered fears and the silent accusations that clung to her like cobwebs. She stood, a resolute figure against the chaos of her room. She'd have to be quick about getting her things ready.

 Alanna zipped up a duffel bag, the fabric straining against the bulk of hastily chosen clothing and an arsenal of makeup that promised transformation. She slung the strap over her shoulder, taking a moment to brush away a strand of wavy brown hair that had fallen across her eyes.

 Downstairs, she swiped the black dress from the hanger, quickly said goodbye to Bonnie, and disappeared.

The bike ride to Sasha's was a blur, her mind racing faster than the wheels beneath her.

"Finally!" Sasha exclaimed as Alanna arrived, her own excitement a palpable aura around her. "You won't believe it—Lila's sneaking out tonight. She's got this whole plan to climb down the trellis after her parents are asleep."

"Seriously?" Alanna marveled, her voice tinged with both admiration and concern for their sweet, impressionable friend.

"Yup," Sasha nodded, applying a coat of shimmering gloss to her lips. "Nothing's stopping us tonight."

"Speaking of which," Alanna hesitated, "where is the party again?"

"Derek's house," Sasha replied nonchalantly, inspecting her reflection in the mirror.

"Lucas'...?" Alanna's heart skipped a beat, her stomach clenching in a cocktail of nerves and dread. Derek was Lucas' older brother. Lucas would obviously be there.

Would he expect her to greet him? The thought sent a rush of heat to her cheeks.

"Is your mystery guy going to be there too?" Alanna asked, trying to sound casual as she diverted her thoughts from Lucas.

"Maybe." Sasha's lips curled into a secretive smile. "He might just make an appearance."

Alanna excused herself to shower, letting the hot water cascade over her in hopes of washing away her insecurities. But as she stood before the mirror, wrapped in a towel, her reflection seemed to mock her.

A few minutes later, clothes lay strewn across Sasha's bed, each piece tried on and discarded like the fragments of Alanna's wavering confidence.

Nothing fit right; every outfit seemed to accentuate her flaws, making her feel bloated and out of place.

"None of my stuff looks good," Alanna confessed, her voice laced with frustration as she held up another dress that clung awkwardly to her frame. It was too tight around her belly, and lately, she had begun to resent the way her boobs changed shape depending on which bra she wore.

It wasn't that she wasn't grateful for having boobs, given that Sasha complained about their non-existence. But it just made getting dressed more annoying, and despite the attention they attracted, she sometimes wished she could just remove them occasionally.

Sasha, already dressed in a sleek, low-rise jeans that hugged her figure perfectly, glanced over with a frown. "Why don't you try one of mine?"

"I can't," Alanna sighed, letting the dress drop to the floor. "Your clothes barely fit me, Sasha."

"Let's not give up yet," Sasha said, rifling through her closet for something that might suit Alanna. "We'll find you something stunning."

But Alanna wasn't so sure. As she watched Sasha move with such certainty, she couldn't help but feel lost in comparison. How could she step out into the night, into Lucas' world, when even her own skin seemed foreign to her?

Alanna's fingers trembled as they traced the lines of eyeliner, an attempt to mask her nerves with the sharp wings that might lend her a facade of confidence. The scent of Sasha's perfume mingled with anxiety in the air, creating a dizzying cocktail that did little to soothe Alanna's churning stomach.

She stopped to admire Sasha's quiet confidence, as her friend sat on the bed, completely ignoring everything around her except for her phone. Around Sasha and Lila, Alanna always felt like the ugly friend, even though she knew she wasn't objectively unattractive.

While they were long and sleek, she was short and stocky. Curvy, with thick muscular legs that had once made her proud because they earned her several medals for track racing. Now, they were a nuisance.

"Girls, we should head out soon," called Sasha's mom from the hallway, her voice carrying a gentle but firm urgency. 

"Mom, relax, it's way too early," Sasha replied, her eyes meeting Alanna's through the vanity mirror. Her tone was dismissive, yet held that edge of authority that always seemed to make adults reconsider.

"Let's chill at the park for a bit before the party," Sasha suggested, turning to Alanna with a conspiratorial gleam in her eye.

"Park?" Alanna echoed, her voice barely above a whisper as she fumbled with a mascara wand. A fleck of black smeared on her eyelid, and she dabbed at it with a Q-tip. "Yeah, okay."

"I mean, we can't show up early," Sasha cajoled, standing up and smoothing down her skirt with a flourish. "We can swing by the convenience store, grab some gum or something. You know, like old times?" 

"Sure," Alanna said, though her heart wasn't in it. The thought of strolling into Lucas' territory still sent shivers down her spine. But the park was neutral ground, a place where memories of simpler days lingered between the rustling leaves and the laughter of children. With the way they looked, however, they'd be a sore spot among the colorful swings.

 "Here," Sasha offered, holding out a shimmering gloss. "This will look great on you."

 "Thanks." Alanna took the tube, applied a layer and watched as her lips transformed into a glossy pout. She tried to convince herself that it was just enough shine to catch a certain someone's eye without screaming desperation.

 "Perfect," Sasha beamed, giving Alanna a quick once-over. "You're ready to break some hearts."

 But Alanna's own heart felt like it was the one in danger of breaking. She tossed the makeup back into her bag, a mosaic of colors and brushes that somehow felt like an arsenal for battle. Her reflection now bore a stronger resemblance to the Alanna who existed within her dreams—poised, mysterious, unafraid.

 "Let's go then," Alanna said, her voice steadier than she felt. She slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder, following Sasha's confident stride out of the room and into the waning sunlight.

 For now, the park awaited them, a prelude to the night's uncertainties.