Chapter twenty two: Carmella

I can not believe we just did that. Damn it! I wanted him to gorvel. I think we all wanted him to grovel actually. Oh no, no. I just did that with him... No, now it's going to be weird, he just had his fingers up me.

—

"Come on, Carmel, we gotta get up and figure out how to get home." Royal whispers in my ear.

"Yeah I guess." I put my hands on his thighs and lift myself up. I get dressed then stand there dumbfoundedly.

"Woah, what's that face for?"

"What face?"

"Like a deer in the headlights."

I look down and fiddle with my rings.

"Come here." I look up and Royal has straightened himself. He takes my hand in his and brings me closer.

"What's wrong?" He whispers searching my eyes.

"Talk to me please."

"I don't know." I say shyly.

"Did you not want what happened right now to happen?"

"Oh no, goodness no." I say cupping his cheeks and kissing his nose.

"I wanted that, but I don't want it to make things awkward."

"Things won't be awkward."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die, Apple."

—

We finally decided that neither one of us has a working phone and that no one was going to come for us. So we started walking toward town. Which has to be a good forty five minutes to an hour away by foot.

"This is just fucking great." I sigh.

"What? Don't like walking?"

"Never have never will."

"Come on, cardio is good for the heart."

"Sure."

I should say sorry, right? Yeah definitely, just say it ready, three.... two... one....

"I'm sorry." He says just as I say.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I have everything to apologize for. I shouldn't have had a full blown panic attack over you calling me a heartless bitch."

"It's completely fine, I should never have even called you that."

"No, it's not 'completely fine' . I feel as though I should explain to you what happened."

"You don't need to explain anything."

"I'm sort of asexual, well, I was until I met you. No one in my family really understood that. So they'd call me a 'heartless bitch' like it was funny." I say finally look at him. From the look in his eyes, he knows I'm lying. It's not a complete lie, I was or am, I don't know, asexual. But that's not where heartless bitch comes from. Questions fill his gaze, he wants to ask, but something stopping him. He looks down at my hands and wrist.

"What's all your jewelry mean?" He says referring to the three necklaces, seven rings, and nine bracelets I wear 24/7.

"Lots of meaning," I say then start explaining them all

My middle finger on my left hand has two stacked rings, the first one in the stack has hearts, every other one is upside down, it's matching with Clara. The second one is twisted with a fake diamond because it's my birthstone. Then the Mickey one on my pinky is from going to Florida when I was like seven. The one on my pointer is a friendship ring with my Cousin Alice. The one on my thumb is just a red band, it used to have Lighting McQueen on it but it sort of broke. E has a Mater but she doesn't wear it. Then the two on my ring finger, one is my great grandfather's birth stone and the other I just liked the color.

Then the necklaces, the really short one is also Grandpa Otto's birthstone. Then the chain that's really close to the same length as that one is from Charlie's high school ex girlfriend. And then the longest one is Maryland's baseball team from when I was in like fifth grade and Charlie went to see them.

Now the bracelets, first we have a bracelet from my school with the school colors marbled royal blue and white and it says 'Go Pirates'. Then a bracelet from when Summer had breast cancer which is just pink and a lighter pink. Then the four metal ones, this one says 'a true friendship is a journey without an en' that's mine and E's, we got them way back in fourth grade and we've never taken them off, then I have one that says 'thing two' Clara has 'thing one'. Then one that says 'what if you fly'. I just like to make fun of that one. Like bro what if I fly? I don't know I'm God? And then the last one says 'always in my heart' my dad gave it to my mom on Mother's Day. And then this one is just a teal with a turtle. The turtle's name is Miss Piggy. And then this one is just a rainbow for Ocean. Now this last one I'm surprised even is still on, it's literally just made out of those band things. I was like thirteen and this little kid came up to me and we immediately became besties. So she made me a bracelet.

"That's all really neat." He says with a small smile.

"I'm a sentimental sob."

"Yeah but it's cute."