Glocara-7

"Her injuries came from that time."

"Oh." After listening to Elin, Glocara glanced at her own hands resting on the blanket.

"This child had hardly any freedom before she found me. So I think she should do what she wants. Thirteen years old, and she's about to face a lot of decisions. And then there's her mother's situation. I don't know how much she remembers, anyway she never talked to me about it. I mean, she used to draw her mother all the time when she was little, and she was very happy to show it to people, as if she didn't know what happened."

"She must still remember her mother. She's probably just not brave enough to talk to you."

"Maybe. Maybe one day I'll ask her. After all, I know nothing about the days her mother spent with her. Sometimes I think this sudden change in her personality is largely due to her slowly understanding the past. She might think, 'My mom died because my dad didn't act, and he's still silent.' This child is very clever, the cleverer she is, the more I feel she secretly blames me. Although I'm not directly responsible for what happened to her mother..."

"How can you say you're not directly responsible? Elaine is your and her child."

Elin looked at Glocara. "You know what I meant by what I just said."

"Okay."

Glocara turned her head to the side and fell silent for a moment. She knew there were many gaps and vague areas in Elin's story. He only said that he and Elaine's mother separated, but didn't give a specific reason. He also evaded the question of who had exploited and abused the mother and daughter. Glocara could understand Elin's selective narration, and she didn't really want to know the details of Elin and Elaine's mother's past, but regardless of whether Elin was sufficiently honest with her on this issue, she would feel a slight discomfort— for different reasons.

"I have a question," she said. "Considering Elaine's current situation, if you could go back to that time, would you choose to stay with her mother?"

"Here it comes, here it comes. I should have thought of that earlier. I should have known this topic would provoke this kind of reaction."

"Don't try to laugh and fool me again."

"Elin, I was twenty-one back then. An adult with a functioning brain, I know, but this year I'm thirty-four. It's unfair to speculate on my actions thirteen years ago with my current mind."

"I don't think you've changed much in thirteen years. At least five years ago, the impression you left on me hasn't changed much."

"Really? Glocara, I don't believe it. The difference of five years is, you slapped me then, and now you're talking to me naked. Considering this degree of change, if it were thirteen years ago, you might have kicked my nose. And if we go back thirteen years, you might have been the daughter of the butcher next door who always pushed me off the swing. So only the present matters, doesn't it?"

"Well, although the last sentence sounds familiar, I'll let it pass."

"Phew," Elin pretended to wipe sweat from his forehead, "women, always able to come up with puzzles that torment both themselves and others. This question is almost as difficult as 'what do you see in me?'"

"You mentioning it gives me an idea..."

"Stop. I'm warning you."

"Okay, in Elaine's case." She punched him on the left waist. "Tell me about Elaine's paintings. I saw one recent painting with Jorgen. Was that him?"

"You mean the one from the hospital?"

"Hospital? So it was from the hospital? Then the woman was..."

"Speaking of that." Elin sneered. "I know seeing him guarding a woman piques your curiosity. But this is not something to talk about frequently. At least Jorgen prefers as few people as possible to know about it."

"I wasn't really trying to pry into what he's up to. I guess I just... kind of... miss him."

"Maybe he'd be happy to hear you say that. It's great news when people he saved don't actually hate him."

"Don't you dare tell him what I just said."

"Don't worry, I may not even get the chance."

"What does that mean?"

"Well... I don't have many opportunities to meet him on a personal level now."

"Why, is he some big shot now?"

"He was before he went to Stromgarde. And now... he's stepped up even further. You know, people often talk and imagine if they could meet him in their lifetime. People like that can only communicate with those in the same position as them, except for their families. But Jorgen has no family. And obviously, I'm not in a position to communicate with him frequently. So, you know where the problem lies."

"I didn't know he's like that."

"Not surprising. You've only seen him during missions. So... if there's a chance, I still think I should mention you in front of him, just say Glocara asked about how he's doing lately. Just casually, as a small gesture, to let him know there's one less person in the world who hates him. Trust me, with him in that position, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people who hate him or are planning to. I won't go as far as saying Glocara screams his name in her dreams at midnight! Something like that. Is it okay?"

"Fine. But are you planning to tell him about us?"

"Maybe wait until he sees it with his own eyes."

Glocara looked at Elin and rubbed his hand on the back of his hand. "I'm actually a bit surprised. When I saw Elaine's paintings, I knew you two weren't just colleagues, but I didn't expect you to be... Tell me, how did you two become friends? I can't see any common ground between you."

"Glocara, you've made me confess too many things in one night. Maybe we can leave some things for next time. I think we should go to bed."

"But I want to hear it." She grabbed his hand and patted his thigh.

"If I fall asleep during interrogations tomorrow, it's your fault." He frowned and thought for a moment before continuing. "I haven't really thought about this question carefully. But... I definitely didn't see him as a friend at first. To be honest with you, I wasn't very—let's say, I didn't respect him as a real colleague at first. It was inevitable, you know he doesn't stand out. But as time went by, I had to secretly admit, well, this guy is pretty good in some aspects, and better than me in others. In the first few years we worked together, he helped me a lot. A role model, I can use that word. But he's also a very bad role model, because his personal life is a mess. I've had a lot of bad luck, but he's a hundred times worse than me. It's a strange feeling... I just felt, as someone I respect, you shouldn't live this ugly life. I had a feeling of not being able to stand it, wanting to help him. Whether I wanted to help him because I cared, or because helping him gradually cultivated caring, I can't figure it out. It's a strange thought process, isn't it? Anyway, I still think to this day that this isn't the life he deserves. I really want to do this," he clenched his fist and swung it at the air, "to give him a punch like this, and tell him, old friend, stop putting on this miserable face, let's go have some fun. What do you like? Hunting? Fishing? If you don't know, I can teach you. Besides catching criminals, you can find other reasons to go out, is this principle so hard to understand?"

He paused for a moment and put his hand down. "But it's too late, Glocara. I should have thought of these things earlier. Now neither of us can speak freely to him. I can't ask him to have his grumpy bodyguard step aside so we can talk like real people. I can't help him anymore."

"What nonsense are you talking about? You're both only in your thirties. What's too late."

"Maybe that's the problem. As someone who's climbed to his current position, he's too young, and at the age where working desperately is appropriate. This means he'll be stuck in this quagmire for too long before he's too old to move. But... I'm not sure what I've said. I've never talked to anyone about these things. You're right, these words are quite foolish. I won't say anymore."

Glocara kissed his cheek and lightly stroked where her lips touched. "It's okay. You say these things because you have a good heart."

"Well, Glocara, this is the only time tonight you've praised me, and it's because I helped Jorgen. You've hurt my feelings."

"Cut it out. This might work on the women you meet in any random bar, but it's meaningless to me."

"Is it? Five years ago, I met a woman in an underground casino, and she was very receptive to this."

"Now, when I look at you, I know what I see. Everything is clear. I know which of the things you say are true, what carries weight. Lies won't fool me."

"Do you want to hear something true?"

"Of course. What else can you say?"

"Move in with me."

Glocara's breath caught momentarily. As she had said herself, she saw everything clearly in Elin's eyes. The ringing in the depths of her brain that had troubled her before did not materialize. A portion of her back was exposed, and a chill ran from the nape of her neck to the center of her back as a draft from the window crept in. She had somewhat anticipated him saying this, but hearing it with her own ears was another matter.

"No," she said.

"...Why?"

"I... both hospitals are too far from here. I've only been working for a week. If it were just staying with you... I wouldn't really want that."

"I understand."

"Sorry."

"But you need to find a better place than that hotel, alright?"

"Okay. I already said I would look."

"Let's go to sleep."

Glocara didn't reply, curling up under the thick blanket. Ironically, it was only now that she felt the cold. Snow was already falling outside. Initially, she tried to find a rhythm between the tapping of snowflakes against the windowpane and his heartbeat, but her thoughts quickly blurred into a mess. She fell asleep, her thoughts melting into the solid and steady earth along with the falling snow.

The next morning, she felt someone touch her shoulder in her sleep and instinctively rolled over. The person in front of her was Elaine, one leg kneeling on the bedsheet.

"Good morning," the girl said.

"Go... good morning," Glocara rubbed her eyes. After two seconds, she hastily pulled the blanket up to cover her body. She looked to where Elin had been lying, but he wasn't there.

"Where's your dad?"

"He went to work."

"Did he say when he'll be back?"

"No."

"Oh."

Elaine bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things yesterday."

"I accept your apology. It's alright." Glocara patted Elaine's head. She had almost forgotten about the incident.

"Are you going to stay here?"

"For a little while. I have to go somewhere else too."

Elaine nodded and sat on the edge of the bed for a while before standing up.

"So you're not leaving right away."

"Right. Is there something you need? Did your dad make you breakfast?"

"I already ate."

A brief silence. Glocara felt like Elaine still had something to say.

"Elaine, you..."

"Can I draw a picture of you?"

Glocara looked into Elaine's eyes as the girl lowered her head.

"Of course."

"Wait here. I'll go get my sketchbook."

Elaine ran out of the room, and Glocara suddenly remembered that maybe allowing herself to be depicted lying on Elin's bed wasn't a good idea. Nevertheless, she couldn't wait to see how Elaine would draw her. Hopefully, Elaine wouldn't use the excuse of "lack of soul" to tear up the yet-to-be-drawn picture.