Chapter 10

My knuckles turn white as I squeeze Jordan's hand. I don't want to go inside, God only knows how drunk my dad is or if he's angry or if he's even still alive! I've been gone two days, he's never been alone that long since before mom died. I don't know what he does when there's no one to clean up after him or make him food.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Jordan keeps his voice low.

I don't take my eyes off the front door, "No, but I don't have a choice. Maybe if I'm lucky he'll be passed out and I can just make him a sandwich for when he wakes up and I go hide in my room."

"Stay with me another night, I don't want to send you in there not knowing what to expect. I don't want to send you in there to get hurt. I'll call my mom, convince her to let you stay, my dad doesn't pay attention, he won't notice. Please."

I finally look at him, his face is red and his lips are pulled in a tight line, "Jordan, I can't just never go home. He's still my dad, he needs me and I can't just walk away from my home and all my stuff. I can't run from this, he's the only family I have," I shrug and feel a sad smile spread over my lips, "I'm all he has."

"He shouldn't treat you this way, call the police, maybe they'll get him help."

I laugh, "Yeah, say they believe me, then what? They pack me up and send me to some home? I bounce from place to place until there's nowhere left in the state? I lose all contact with my father, so if he does get better I can't see him again? I lose the ability to see you?"

He looks away and shakes his head, "You don't know if that'll happen, you can't know that they'll take you away from everything. They could help, put you somewhere safe, get him help, make things better."

"I don't think I can risk it Jordan," I feel tears well up in my eyes, "My mom died and my world fell apart. My dad started drinking, he stopped paying bills, stopped caring, he started to hurt me; the dad I knew was gone. Then my best friend left, and I don't hear much from her now. All I have left is you and my job, I don't want to lose anything else. I can't. Please, don't ask me to risk anything else."

"You could be risking your life, I don't want you getting hurt. You said yourself, you don't know what to expect in there, I can't just--"

Our attention is drawn by a loud crashing sound from inside my house, it sounds like a large piece of furniture falling over. Panic sets in.

"Dad," I whisper as I frantically climb out of the car. I hear Jordan rush out after me.

I hurry to the door, scared of what I could find. I hesitate to open the door, only for a second, but a second is long enough for Jordan to open the door and rush in for me.

"Rhea, you should get in here," I hear Jordan's voice straining.

I take a weary step in the doorway, and instantly regret it. The entire house is a mess, chairs are flipped over, books and silverware and rags cover the floor. Cardboard boxes are tipped over and slipping out everywhere, including boxes of my mom's stuff. I carefully walk over to the boxes, picking up one of my mom's old dresses. I recognize it as one she wore frequently for singing gigs in the city.

"Jordan?" I call out, clutching the dress, I look around but don't see anyone.

"In here!" His voice is coming from back in my dad's office, I quickly follow it. When I come in I see my dad propped up on his desk chair, his hand has a nasty cut on it and his bookcase is knocked over, Jordan is squatting on the ground looking at the mess on the floor, his breathing is heavy, "I found him like this, it looks like the bookcase fell and the books all landed on him. He seems ok, but he's passed out."

I feel tears fall, my hands shake as I grip the dress tighter, my ears and cheeks warm up. Jordan sees my reaction and quickly runs to my side. He pulls me to his chest, petting my hair and gently whispering into my ear.

"Hey, it's alright, he seems ok. I can help you clean up, I'll help you take care of all this before he wakes up," I keep crying into his shoulder as he reassures me, "It's ok, shh, it's ok. I want you to go sit down in your room for a minute, I'm going to start picking up the books. Come back when you've calmed down."

I nod, pulling away as I fight the sobs and hiccups. I watch him start pushing books to the side so he can lift the bookcase, he seems so calm, like he's been through this a million times. I feel like my world is ending, the room suddenly feels so much smaller and I can't breathe. No one has ever seen the inside of my house, no one has ever seen my dad this bad, and now my new boyfriend is trying to clean up my father's mess. I'll be lucky if Jordan ever speaks to me after today, yeah he knew things were bad but never this bad.

I shamble into my bedroom and collapse onto my bed. Nothing looks to have been touched in my room, which amazes me. All my books, all my clothes are still where they should be, my dresser is untouched, as is my bed. Normally my dad has no problem raiding my room when he's on a tangent.

Pulling the dress away from me, I look at it and think back to my mom wearing it. It was always her favorite, she loved the lavender color, she always said it made her feel like a graceful flower. My mom worked as a singer, she sang in cafes and bars, occasionally at hotels for big events, it was her dream. Thinking of her helps me calm down, but at the same time it makes my heart hurt more. Once my breathing has leveled, I go in search of Jordan. I find him out in the kitchen.

"Your dad is still out," He smiles back at me, "If you'd like I could try to move him to a bed or something."

"He doesn't sleep in his bed anymore, he hasn't been able to since my mom got sick. He said it felt wrong in their bed without her there, it gave him nightmares for a while. He usually sleeps in his office or on the couch. You don't have to stay, Jordan, I can handle... All this," I gesture around the room.

He turns to face me, leaning against the sink, "It's alright, I want to be here. I want to help. I knew things were rough for you, I won't lie I didn't think it was this bad, but I can handle it. If I can help in any way I will."

I stare at him in stunned silence as he turns back around and starts cleaning the dishes. It takes me a moment to move again but soon I'm cleaning with him, fixing the chairs and cleaning the floor. I'm not used to heavy cleaning, my dad is usually awake so it's not like I have the chance to clean much.

The floors are disgusting and I doubt they'll ever truly be clean again but I still clean. I find some old Clorox wipes hidden under the sink and use them on the table and counters, when I can actually see the tile on the counter I almost cry. Jordan digs through the closet by the front door, finding a broom to sweep the floor after I move on to fixing the boxes of my mom's stuff. Unlike my father had packed them after he started drinking, I gently examine and fold each piece of clothing. I occasionally hold some of the clothes up to me, deciding if I could wear them, maybe look at a book or picture of hers before putting it away. Once the boxes are packed I carefully put them in the closet, hoping they'll be safe until I can move them to the garage. Jordan and I meet in the living room, picking up blankets and old dishes, getting rid of empty booze bottles, and actually making it look almost halfway decent.

"Maybe when my dad runs out of alcohol I'll be able to pull out the vacuum while he gets more," I chuckle at the thought of my house getting clean.

"I think it looks much better, and while it probably won't last, it should be nice to have a cleaned house for a while," He holds my hand as we walk into the kitchen.

I make my dad a peanut butter sandwich and go to put it in his office. He's still out, I can see him breathing thankfully.

"Should I call someone? He's still not waking up. We got rid of his empty bottles, I could say he got really drunk this one time," I sit at the table with Jordan.

"Maybe, I don't really know," He runs his hands through his hair, "I don't think they would just accept that, I think they'd still investigate and I know you want to avoid that. I can try to wake him up but we don't know how much he drank or how angry he'll be."

I shake my head, "If he doesn't wake up in an hour I'll call someone. I don't know what to expect from calling, I don't know what to expect when he wakes up, I don't know what to do."

"I can stay for that hour, just in case. I don't want to leave you alone. Who knows how he'll be when he wakes up, I want to be sure your ok."

"He doesn't sleep much, an hour here or there... I don't know how he'll be after sleeping this much," I look at the clock, "It's been almost four hours."

"It's ok, it'll be ok. If he needs to go to a doctor I'll help you figure out how to handle it," He smiles and stands up to walk over to me.

He leans down to kiss me and I shy away, surprising him, "I'm... I'm sorry just, not here. Please?"

He looks confused, but backs away, taking his seat again. He pulls out his phone and stares at it curiously for a small eternity. I literally sit there twiddling my thumbs and watching the clock. Ten minutes pass. Fifteen. Twenty. It's been four hours and nothing. Thirty minutes. Forty.

"Are you alright?" Jordan reaches out and takes one of my hands.

"I'm scared, I don't know what to do or what'll happen if he doesn't wake up. What'll happen to me, my dad, my house, all my mom's things? I'm just..." I let out a deep sigh, "Scared."

"Rhea, it'll be alright, one way or another," He stands up and walks over to the cabinets, "You should eat something, help calm your nerves."

"You won't find much in there," I mutter, pulling at my fingers, "I was so caught up with getting the bills paid I forgot about groceries, there wasn't enough money for everything."

He lets his mouth hang open his eyes hang low, "You can't live like that. You're hurting yourself living like that."

"This is my life Jordan... It's my reality," I shrug my shoulders and try to hide my angry laugh, "This is what I have, I don't have a huge house or rich parents, I don't have a shiny new car!"

"Rhea--"

"No, Jordan! You say you get it but you really don't seem to! You say you knew things were bad but you keep acting surprised!"

"Rhea!" I jump when his voice booms at me, he sighs and lowers his voice, "Turn around."

I hesitate, giving him a confused look before turning away from him. I gasp at the sight of a man standing behind me, a vile robe hanging from him and deep, confused grey eyes watching me. Only one word escapes my lips.

"Dad."