19

Chapter 19: V2C6: Frustrating Hangups

A/N: Volume 2 OP: "PEACE SIGN" by Jonathan Young

Shirou's breath came out in white bursts in the winter air as he slid back into a guard stance. He gave himself only the briefest of moments to rest before launching forward into another series of attacks. His black blade blurred as it tore through the air in a complicated series of slashes, each swing flowing into the next as he went through an intimately familiar yet completely alien pattern. As he went, the light layer of snow that surrounded him was blown away by the force of his swings even as the branches of the nearby trees swayed.

It had been a day since the investigation and the encounter with Roman. Naturally, Ozpin had been quite curious as to how events played out and thus had interviewed all those present one at a time much like he had after the incident on the docks. When it came time for Shirou to explain the events from his perspective, Ozpin had been quite interested to learn of Shirou's usage of his magecraft as well as his opinion of what he saw of Team RWBY's teamwork. In the end, Shirou's interview was more like a progress report on Ruby and her team than a description of the events that night.

While Ozpin had been satisfied with the way events had played out, Shirou absolutely was not. In fact, he wasn't satisfied with his performance ever since coming to Beacon which was precisely why he was outside during the night, training in one of the wooded areas near the dorms. The fight with Roman in the Paladin marked the second time that Shirou had come close to dying since attending Beacon and the second time he had been saved by someone. He had his justifications, sure, and he could reassure himself that he could have easily handled everything they had encountered by himself under different circumstances but that didn't change the simple facts of the matter. Twice now Shirou had nearly died and twice now he had been rescued.

That was simply unacceptable.

Shirou had been saved countless times by this point in his life. By Kiritsugu from that fire so many lifetimes ago, by someone (possibly Tohsaka) when Lancer had pierced his heart, by Saber when she answered his hasty summons to defend him from Lancer again, and so many more beyond that. For someone who had spent his entire life that he could recall wanting to save others in the way he had once been saved, being the one saved instead while being powerless to save others had been infuriating. Even when he thought he had finally started making headway and was going to save countless lives by ending the Holy Grail War perhaps once and for all, that had simply been the starting gun for the unspeakable evils that had lurked in the dark. After that, Shirou was saved time and again still but now at far too high a cost. His life was spared in exchange for someone else's.

Needless to say, these inequitable exchanges took their toll on Shirou. So many people died so that he could live and even when he chose to cast everything aside so that he could dedicate himself to one person and their safety, he had been forced to kill that very person with his own hands. By the end of the Holy Grail War, Emiya Shirou had been a broken man utterly devoid of any meaning other than the need to see this through to the end and an anger that burned so great that it had threatened to consume him. His last memory of Earth before waking up on Remnant had been of him releasing the power of the projected holy sword in his hands— a nameless sword of relative power to Excalibur— at the Greater Grail while simultaneously cursing that cruel and worthless world.

And now destiny seemed set to repeat itself. Despite his great skill and power that had been gained from countless hours of training with Kiritsugu, Taiga, and especially Saber; Shirou was still being saved. He had been hopelessly outclassed during the Holy Grail War, fighting forces far beyond regular human abilities, so his inability to do something was understandable but this was supposed to be different. He wasn't fighting figures from legend who had been elevated to a status comparable to gods. He was fighting against monsters that the people of this world make a career out of fighting and against common criminals. He was fighting enemies well within his ability to handle and yet he still needed to be saved.

Perhaps he should have expected this. He had been told that you can't save anyone if you can't first save yourself and Shirou couldn't exactly save that which didn't exist. He had always been a twisted individual with no real sense of self. That hadn't been a real issue to him before and he had, in fact, been grateful for this fact during the war. The seat inside his heart where his sense of self should have been was vacant but that had allowed Saber to take that seat. She fulfilled him in ways he couldn't even begin to describe simply by existing and he did the same for her. She was his sword and he was her sheath. That was the simple fact of the matter and Shirou didn't want it any other way.

But now the sword had been taken away and the sheath remained empty. Shirou held on desperately to those fragments of memories that remained with him but it simply wasn't enough. He knew what weapons were the best fit for Emiya Shirou. He knew what fighting style was the perfect choice for Emiya Shirou. He knew what path was the one most suited for Emiya Shirou. Yet, despite all of that, he denied them. He fought with a sword that was similar to hers, using a fighting style that was copied from hers, and wearing armor that was inspired by hers. Without his sword by his side, he had been forced to try and fill that void with memories of her yet it simply wasn't enough.

After all, his best performance had been when he stopped fighting like her and started fighting like himself.

Still, it wasn't like he could just completely abandon her. Even if that was something he could do emotionally, memories of Saber were the only thing holding Shirou together. He had abandoned his ideals in order to try and save her, after all, and now he only followed them because that is what she would have wanted. After everything had been violently torn from him by the war, it wasn't so much that the seat in the center of his heart was empty, it was rather that such a place simply didn't exist anymore. Everything that he had been was gone forever and now there was nothing left. If he let go of his memories of Saber to try and achieve those ideals, he would become the man that Kiritsugu had been before the fire that ended the Fourth Holy Grail War. He would become nigh unstoppable but he arguably would no longer be human. He wouldn't dishonor the memories of the people who had died to save him like that. He couldn't. While he had died with nothing but curses, they had all died with wishes. Wishes that he would live and find a better tomorrow. It was for their sake alone that he continued onward, never once understanding others, never once being understood.

In the end, his life was nothing but Unlimited Blade Works; endlessly producing weapons for no reason other than because that was all it can do.

OoOoOoOoO

Shirou once again found himself standing in Beacon's training hall, his nameless sword firmly in hand. Unlike the previous times, he wasn't here to train with Ruby. Instead, he was here after challenging someone to a rematch.

"Not gonna use your fancy swords this time, huh? You're going to regret taking it easy on me," Yang said as she stretched from her position on the opposite side of the platform.

Near the end of last month, Yang had challenged Shirou to a fight after he had fought not only Ruby but also Blake. He, indeed, had started that fight with Kanshou and Bakuya and, as a result, Yang had been soundly defeated. He had explained her weaknesses to her at the time much as he had with the others but it didn't seem like she had listened. After seeing her fight against the Paladin and as a part of various exercises in class, he had come to the conclusion that she had, in fact, learned nothing. As such, he had challenged her to a rematch intent on teaching her the hard way.

"I don't need them. This sword is more than enough," Shirou said evenly even as he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do.

Yang frowned, "I know you kicked my butt last time but I'm not that weak. Bring out those cool swords of yours so we can really go at it."

"I only use as much effort as is needed. At your level, you don't require any more effort than this," Shirou said as he shifted his stance. He brought his sword to his side and gripped tightly near the crossguard with his right hand while his left held the pommel loosely.

"What the hell? You challenge me to a rematch just to insult me?" Yang asked, confused and more than a little annoyed. "If that's the way you're gonna be then I guess I'll just have to kick your ass and make you take this seriously!" With that declaration, Yang charged forward, her eyes red as she pulled back for what would no doubt be a devastating right cross.

What Shirou was about to do was something he had never attempted before in combat. He was quite familiar with the basics of the technique thanks to having seen it so many times and it was simple in practice but he wasn't too sure on his execution. He had made sure to practice it a few times before this but the fundamental problem was that one or two of them would completely tap out his prana reserves. Then there was also the inherent danger in this stunt. If he miscalculated, even just a little, things would end very badly. Still, if he was going to get this lesson through to Yang, this was the fastest way to do it.

Shirou stopped reinforcing his sword and himself with Aura and switched to prana even as he shifted his weight forward onto his left foot in preparation to dash. He flooded his sword and arms with far more prana than they could normally handle. He pushed off and met Yang's charge head-on, the two fighters closing the ten-meter gap that lied between them in an instant, and unleashed the stored prana in an explosive burst at the right moment. His sword, which should have been easy to block or avoid given the distance it had to travel, flashed forward in a downward arc so quickly that it left behind a streak of afterimages in its wake. Yang could only look stunned as the sword impacted with her arm as Shirou ducked to avoid her fist as the two passed.

The two fighters paused, Shirou having completed his attack and Yang still reeled back to deliver hers. When Shirou straightened to a neutral position, Yang looked over at her right arm and saw a line of red on her bicep, a drop of blood falling from it to splash against the floor.

Yang whirled on Shirou even as she focused her Aura toward the area to heal the wound. "What the hell, Shirou‽ You could have taken my arm off!"

"That's the point," Shirou said calmly as he turned to face the enraged blonde. "Like I said last time, you're too reckless and rely too much on your Semblance. You need to start relying more on skill than on overwhelming power. If you don't start thinking more, it's only a matter of time before you fight someone who won't just graze you. I forfeit."

A nearby speaker played a buzzer upon hearing Shirou words even as the holographic screen displayed Yang's picture with a "WINNER" banner. Yang could only stand there dumbstruck as Shirou sheathed his sword and calmly walked away.

"What do you mean you forfeit‽ What about our rematch‽" Yang shouted after him once she found her tongue.

"There's no point in it," Shirou called back over his shoulder. "Think about what I said, Yang. I don't want to see you get seriously hurt and I'd hate to think how Ruby would react."

OoOoOoO

Yang let out a sigh of relief as she found Blake leaning against the railing of one of Beacon's balconies. Her partner had been more silent than usual ever since the encounter with Roman two days ago and she was starting to get worried.

"Heya, Blake," Yang said as she moved to join her partner.

"Yang," Blake said with a nod before turning her attention back to the slowly setting sun.

"What'cha doin' out here?" Yang asked as she leaned against the railing and gave her partner a kind smile.

"Thinking." Blake's voice was almost a monotone and her face was almost perfectly blank. The faraway look in her eyes was the only crack in her mask.

"About the White Fang?" Yang cocked her head slightly so she could get a better look at Blake's face.

"Among other things." Blake gave Yang a quick glance before gazing back at the horizon.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? You're my partner and, more importantly, you're my friend."

Blake allowed herself a small smile before settling back into her mask. "I know."

Yang sighed and let her head droop. She really wanted to get to know her partner more and be there for her but that was difficult when said partner seemed intent on keeping her out. Not for the first time, she envied Shirou's ability to get people to open up to him.

"So, are you looking forward to the dance?" Yang asked, hoping that she could at least take Blake's mind off her worries with a safer topic.

"Not particularly. Those kinds of events aren't really my thing."

"Really? C'mon, I'll bet it'll be fun! I heard that Team CFVY is putting it together and you saw what Coco's like."

"Maybe," Blake allowed, "but I'd rather not waste my time on it. Besides, I wouldn't have anyone to go with, anyway."

"What about Shirou?" Yang asked with a sly look in her eye.

Blake was clearly caught off guard by the question as her gaze snapped back closer to home with a surprised start, her cheeks turning slightly red. "Shirou… he's… Shirou's a nice guy and all but I don't think he'd go with me even if I asked."

"What makes ya say that? You two spend a lot of time together and there's no way any decent person wouldn't like you."

Blake gave Yang a slightly embarrassed smile at the praise before shaking her head. "It's just… Shirou's a really… interesting person and our relationship is… complicated. There's just so much going on with him that I honestly can't say if I'm interested in him that way or not. I could certainly do a lot worse but… What about you? Are you going?"

Yang turned around so she was leaning on her back, her elbows resting on the railing and her legs crossed at the ankles. "You can bet your fluffy ears I'm going." Yang couldn't help the smile that formed when she saw Blake's bow twitch. "I love going to parties."

"Is there anyone you plan on asking out?" Blake asked even as she found herself unwittingly relaxing. It was strange. She felt like she should take offence from Yang's fluffy ears comment and from calling her "pussycat" two days ago but she just couldn't.

"Honestly? Not really. I've had my fair share of boyfriends and even the odd girlfriend but things are just different now. I could easily get a date but I don't want to go with some nobody. If I'm gonna take a date, it's gotta be someone I'm actually interested in, ya know?"

Blake smiled fondly even though her expression was tinged with sadness as she looked down between her clasped hands. "I can certainly understand the feeling."

"Hey, I know!" Yang said with a snap of her fingers. "Why don't we go together? Can't say I've ever gone to a party with someone as friends before."

Blake's smile wavered. "I don't know. It still seems like a waste of time."

"Aw, come on, it'll be fun! Don't be a sourpuss. We can even rope Ruby and Weiss into coming with us if they don't have dates!"

Blake looked away as she chewed on her bottom lip. A part of her honestly wanted to go with her partner but Yang still didn't really understand anything or even know anything about her. About the sins she had committed and the blood that stained her hands. And with his shadow looming over everything, the courage to reach out to someone like that was simply escaping her. At least with Shirou, he had known a lot beforehand and circumstances had practically forced her to reveal the rest but with Yang? She wanted to keep her partner as far away from that mess as she could. "I still don't know."

"Will you at least think about it? Please? For me?" Yang asked as she gave her partner her best pleading face.

Blake couldn't help the exasperated sigh nor the fond smile when she looked back toward her partner. "Alright. I'll think about it."

"Thanks, Blake. You're the best."

OoOoOoO

Velvet Scarlatina pulled her jacket a little tighter as she strolled through Beacon's grounds, the freshly fallen snow crunching under her boots. It was just after seven and the sun had long since set, her surroundings only illuminated by the faintly twinkling stars and the reflected light of the shattered moon. Given how cold it had been recently, nearly every student had elected to stay inside as much as possible but Velvet had a tradition to stick to and it was one she really needed as of late.

Velvet's outing with Shirou four days ago still weighed on her heavily. She was able to set it aside easily enough when she needed to focus on something but her idle hours were being eaten away by her thoughts. This was something Coco had naturally quickly noticed but Velvet had no choice but to brush her concerns aside, saying that Shirou had given her a lot to think about. Talking about what she learned in anything but the vaguest of terms would be a betrayal of the highest sort and, even then, she wouldn't have divulged even that much if it had been anyone other than Coco.

The fact of the matter that bothered Velvet so much was that there was simply nothing she could do. The pain that ran through Emiya Shirou was not something that could be healed so easily and the opportunities she had to try and alleviate that pain at least a little were few and far between. Since Velvet was in her second year and Shirou in his first, they shared no classes and their free periods didn't overlap. During lunch, he always ate with Teams RWBY and JNPR so there wasn't anything to be done there. When they weren't in class, she often saw him with a member of those teams so she never felt comfortable with anything more than a passing hello.

Of course, it's not like she could do much even when a chance came up. The few times Velvet had managed to catch him alone, their conversations had been short, light, and more than a little awkward. Velvet wanted to reach out to him and help him but she had no idea how while Shirou seemed to be actively keeping his distance. She had managed to gather from the posted test scores that he was doing fine academically and she had seen him studying with Blake or Ruby once or twice so he didn't need help there. Outside of that, she honestly couldn't think of any other way to try and make his life a little more pleasant. It wasn't like he was a social recluse who needed help learning how to make friends, after all. Quite the contrary, Shirou was surrounded by friends who seemed to care about him so there wasn't much that one more friend could do.

Velvet's rabbit ears twitched and she instantly froze, her thoughts coming to an abrupt halt as she heard something cutting through the air nearby. She was in one of the more wooded areas of Beacon so she couldn't see the source of the sound but it was every bit as unmistakable as it was curious. At this time of night, in this cold, no sane student would be outside without a good reason. What it could be other than a student training for whatever reason she didn't know but she knew she had to find out. She didn't hear the sounds of fighting but she still needed to investigate in case it was something serious.

Crouching low and moving using skills honed through countless hours of training and enhanced by her Semblance, Velvet crept along toward the noise, her footfalls making nearly no noise as she went. As she went deeper into the wooded area, she became more certain that no fighting was happening and that there was only one person present but that just made her all the more curious. When she finally found the source of the noise, she instantly recognized Shirou even with his back to her and the grayscale that all Fanus see in when in the dark. He was wielding weapons she had never seen him use before— two curved short swords that were intricately designed— and he was swinging them through the air was a speed and precision that she rarely saw even in her own grade. It was an amazing sight and one that would probably look all the better in color with the moonlight streaming down through the trees. Overtaken by desire as she was, Velvet couldn't help but to pull out her special camera and snap a picture.

This, of course, proved to be a bad idea as Shirou whirled around and hurled one of the blades at Velvet in surprise once the picture was snapped. The white blade cut through the air at surprising speeds but, even with the shock of the situation, her trained reflexes made her throw up her Aura even as she started to sidestep and turn out of the way. The entire effort proved pointless, however, as the blade crumbled away like broken glass before it even reached her.

"Velvet! I'm sorry! Are you alright?" Shirou asked as he quickly came up to her, eyes wide in panic.

"I'm fine," Velvet reassured him even as she tried to calm down her suddenly racing heart. "I'm the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that."

"No, it's fine. I was lost in what I was doing so I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been. More to the point, I shouldn't have attacked without seeing who it was first. What are you doing out so late in this cold anyway?"

There it was again. Shirou's tendency to blame himself for everything. While it was admirable, from a certain point of view, it was also infuriating. Velvet honestly had no idea if she would have preferred it if he blamed everyone but himself for his problems. "I could ask the same of you," she said, deciding to put that matter aside for the time being.

"I'm training. I've been disappointed in my performance lately so I thought some extra practice would help."

"Admirable but you're the top of your class, from what I've heard. What's there to be disappointed about?"

Shirou grimaced, "Have you heard about what happened two days ago?"

"You mean your battle with that Atlas mech stolen by the White Fang? Of course. Between that and the fight at the docks four months ago, you and Team RWBY are minor celebrities. Most students don't start going on truly dangerous missions until their second year."

It was hard to see in grayscale but Velvet was pretty sure Shirou was flushing from embarrassment. "Maybe, but that fight, among other reasons, is exactly why I'm training. My Aura broke and I lost consciousness toward the end of it. I'm fine," Shirou said quickly, holding up his hand to forestal an interruption at Velvet's look of concern, "but it was too close for comfort."

"I guess that's as good a reason as any. Do you expect to get into more fights like that so soon, though? You'll get better as you keep up with your classes, after all."

Shirou shook his head, "It's not so much that I expect more fights like that to happen as it is that I need to be prepared regardless. I certainly do expect more tough fights, though. There's a lot of stuff going on and I don't think Team RWBY is going to stay out of it."

"And you'd help them out even if they didn't ask you." Shirou nodded. "Still, why outside? The sparring hall doesn't close until nine and it's certainly a lot warmer."

"I like the privacy," Shirou said, looking off to the side. "My father drilled the importance of secrecy into me when I was younger and it's kept me alive through countless fights. It's a lot easier to keep a secret when no one's around."

"Is that why I've never seen you use those swords before?" Velvet asked with a tilt of her head.

Shirou grimaced again, "Yeah. That's my Semblance. I can recreate any simple bladed weapon I can see. It works best with swords and those are the swords I'm best with."

"Oh, so it's a lot like my camera, then," Velvet said, holding up the archaic-looking device in question. "Your weapons are just made from Aura rather than hard light."

A look of recognition passed through Shirou's eyes for a moment but he spoke up before she could. "What about you? What brings you out here?"

Velvet crossed her arms to tighten up her jacket as a chill wind blew through the area. Interestingly enough, Shirou didn't seem to react to it. "It's a bit of a habit. I like taking a walk through the grounds before I go on a mission. It helps settle my nerves and keeps the memory of this place strong."

"You're going on a mission soon?" Shirou asked, his brow perked up in interest.

"Uh-huh," Velvet nodded. "Protection detail. There's a small town called Vilhim a few hours away from here via airship. The Grimm have been acting up there lately so we're being sent to reinforce their guard until more permanent aid arrives."

"So, you'll be leaving tomorrow?"

"Yep. If all goes well, we should be back by Monday."

"What time do you leave?"

Velvet looked at him curiously, "Our ship leaves at seven in the morning. Why?"

"Just curious. Good luck on your mission."

"Thanks," Velvet said with a smile before an idea struck her. "Hey, maybe I could help you train? I'm not the best in my class but my Semblance lets me mimic just about anything I see so I make for a good sparring partner."

"Oh, no, there's no way I could impose on you like that. Especially with you having a mission tomorrow," Shirou said quickly, waving his hands back and forth.

"Well, I obviously couldn't train with you right now but it'll be fine once I get back. It wouldn't be any trouble at all."

Shirou fell silent for a moment as he pondered the offer before speaking slowly, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt. So long as it's not an inconvenience."

"I wouldn't have offered if it was," Velvet said. She wanted to scowl at his recalcitrance and unwillingness to let people help him but instead decided to beam at the fact that he had agreed to let her help him and that she might have found just what she was looking for. "Well, I better get going. If I don't get back soon, I'll really hear it from Coco."

"Right. I'm sorry for holding you up."

"It's okay. It was great talking to you Shirou! I'll see you when I get back!" Velvet said with a wave as she turned to leave.

"It was nice talking to you, too. I'll see you later."

The next day, when Velvet and her team arrived at the port to head out, they found none other than Emiya Shirou waiting for them with a box of ohagi for their trip.