'Can I get it back?'

Airi woke up suddenly, startled by the strange dream she had. She was still in a trance by it, so she was looking around, again and again, just to make sure she wasn't dreaming anymore.

She was all drenched in sweat, and her eyes were hurting badly because of crying in her sleep.

She could remember her dream clearly. It was so vivid that she was still in a daze. She sat on her bed for a long while, just to calm her thumping heart down.

After she was all calm, tears started to fall from her eyes. Her vision got blurry again, and she lowered her head down, pressing her temple with her left hand.

"Those were my past life memories…"

She sobbed again, pressing both her hands against her mouth so that the sound of her crying didn't get outside of the room.

After a long while, she calmed herself down and got up to go downstairs. She had to get her diary back. She had to know about all of the things she did, she faced, she caused. There is no way Airi could sit back and let those emotions slowly weigh on her. She had to finish all of this.

She ran down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen to confront Mrs. Arne.

"Call him downstairs. I gotta talk about somethin'."

Mrs. Arne was confused by this sudden demand of her daughter early in the morning. Anxiously, she put down the plate she was holding, and asked, "Is something the matter, Airi?"

"JUST… just call him down, please."

Mrs. Arne got nervous when she noticed how red and swollen Airi's eyes were, so she hurried to her room to call her husband.

Airi looked towards the direction the lady ran while wondering to herself how terrified the people around her past self might be of her.

A while later, Mrs. Arne returned to the dining hall with her husband, both of them wearing tense looks on their faces.

Airi signaled them to sit down, as she sat down herself dragging out a chair. After all of them took a seat each, Airi started to talk about what she called them for.

"Look, I am gonna be really straight here, okay? No beatin' around the bush!"

Her parents nodded understanding her.

Airi slowly asked out, "Last year, on Christmas, I attempted suicide, right?"

She could see her parents' faces changing into shock. Anyone could clearly tell that they were so not prepared to hear something like this first thing in the morning.

"I just want you to tell me the truth, not the one you told me yesterday. So let's be honest here, kay?"

Mr. Arne and Mrs. Arne stared at each other, wondering about how they should react, or reply. They had been so careful about hiding this matter, yet here it is, disclosed to her as soon as she woke up.

Mr. Arne carefully looked at Airi as he inquired, "Did anyone tell you?"

"I recalled everything a while ago." Airi appeared to be as calm as she could, despite having storms of emotions surging inside her.

A helpless sigh came out of his mouth. "Yes, you did. You took some medicines, and… tried to… take your own life."

"I see. So when I woke up, why is it that NO ONE bothered to tell me anythin' at all? Not even when I went ahead and asked yesterday? Huh?"

This time, it was Mrs. Arne, whose voice got as timid as a whisper, "The doctor instructed us not to give you any pressure about it, as the last time when you woke up briefly, you couldn't recognize us. So he told us that might be due to shock. And if we did tell you anything, that would make your condition worse…"

"Then was I supposta' be fu*king brain dead or amnesiac for the fu*king whole life or what!" She burst out interrupting Mrs. Arne, "That goddamn doc, he said that? He told ya' to hide it forever?"

Airi was still quite disturbed and emotionally unstable, which made her lose control of her words or think rationally.

And the abrupt outburst and her being foul-mouthed made her parents jump to the point that Mrs. Arne stopped immediately what she was saying.

'Shit… I did the same thing as her…'

Airi regretted letting her unstable emotions control her. She breathed out and tried to calm them down, "I'm sorry for that. It's just… please continue."

Mr. Arne decided to continue the rest for his wife, "The doctor… he told us to wait until you recover on your own. That's why we lied about your sickness."

"I see. Did Maria come by looking for my phone that night?"

"No, she never did. She was supposed to?"

One damn work and she couldn't even do that. Well, that figures as the phone was still here until now...

"And I told you something about giving my diary to someone when I gave that to you."

"... Yeah."

"Where is my diary then? I know the person who was supposed to get that never did. So, can I get that back?"

Mrs. Arne started to have a hesitant look on her face, even Mr. Arne kept quiet, not replying to anything.

"Did ya' guys destroy it?"

"No… no… we didn't. It's just… that is…"

'They are hesitating so much, don't tell me…'

"You guys read that?"

Mrs. Arne hid her face with her palm. She got no more courage to face her daughter upfront.

She intruded on something her daughter hated the most, her privacy.

"Just the first… two pages, we couldn't make ourselves read any further, I know, we shouldn't have at all…"

Mr. Arne took the chance to speak up in the hope of handling the situation more peacefully. "Look Airi, we didn't mean to. But our only daughter took such a huge step, and we didn't know anything about it. We had to know it in order to protect you, help you. So, when your condition has gotten a bit stable, we look through it. Though soon enough, we felt like that was written to someone else, so we stopped immediately."

Airi couldn't blame them for doing so, because surely, they would be devastated and desperate if their daughter ended up doing something like this.

"I see… can I get my diary back now?"

Both of them still hesitated to say anything ahead. It was clear that they didn't want to hand that to her, lest that should trigger her in some way or other.

"I told ya' I recall everything. So it wouldn't be really a matter if I get that back or not," she bluffed to make herself strong and confident enough on her point. She needed to get back their trust anyhow. "If I am still alive and didn't go on dying again, then surely, it won't affect me anymore, right?"

Now there are two possible outcomes. One, they would give her the diary, thinking that there would be no point in hiding that from her as she recalls everything. And two, they would refuse to do that, as she already said that she knows.

Well, luck favored her. Mrs. Arne got up from her seat to return to her room. "I'll bring it to you."

She went to her room and soon after, came out with the same bunch of keys Airi used to open the drawer in their room.

"Wait here for a moment. It's in the storehouse, with your old books and some other pieces of stuff." Mrs. Arne went ahead towards the main door to go outside in their yard.

"Can I come along?" 

She looked behind in response to her daughter speaking up. Thinking about it for a while, she nodded in agreement.

Airi got up and walked behind her, to bring back the piece of her past.