CHAPTER 1 (PT 2) - Indignation

The TV is set on Vcountdown and blurry groups of idols skip around the stage, lip syncing to pre-recorded tracks. Not like they had much choice because singing live in such music shows would take too much time for the staff to set up each stage.

Some have fans screaming their hearts out, uniform fanchants thundering the area while others have a modest number of fans trying their best. Endless idol groups come and go, but it's finally time. My heart drums inside my heart painfully and I grip my knees, trying not to fidget.

I glance at Mr Park Tae Joo out of the corner of my eyes but his face is as blank as ever. A living statue, was what my traitorous friend used to describe him as. And I used to laugh about that with him. Always did.

Beside me, Ryuu, my Japanese roommate and fellow trainee is sitting like a sloth as he munches happily on a chicken wing. "Korean chicken is the best!" he announces, cheeks full of tender flesh. His accent has improved but there's still the familiar drawl of a foreigner. A familiar drawl of another foreigner rains my mind and I shake the thoughts away. It's been two years, Winter, I tell myself. Even exes don't reminisce for that long.

"Shhh, Purple Skyes are next!"

Ha-Joon hyung corrects his glasses as he glances at Do-Hyun. "Weren't we just studying them because they were produced by Mr Park Tae Joo previously? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're a fanboy," he says while stealing a chicken breast right from the box on Do-Hyun's lap.

Do-Hyun looks defensive for a second, lips jutted out like an angry pitbull before he deflates like a pierced balloon. "So what if I am? Fanboys do exist."

Ignoring everyone, Ryuu comments about the chicken more and the room is quite lively. But I can't bring myself to mingle with the talks like I always do. And from the looks of it, it seems like Mr Park Tae Joo and I were on the same boat.

A sympathetic sigh escapes my lips. At least I just lost a chance. This man here lost his career.

A young MC introduces the new group and her fellow MC, a veteran, takes the reins and starts laying out everything in the script as naturally as he could. "Like Miss Yuna said, the next group to perform is a rookie boy group from the industry's giant, PBS Entertainment. A year back, they debuted out of nowhere but swept up all the debut and rookie awards— unyielding to their extremely popular seniors. Now they're back after a year, with their first full length album." The MC pauses dramatically and suddenly, with his eyebrows shot up, he clamours enthusiastically. "Give it up for Purple Skyes!"

The camera cuts to the stage and on it, six silhouettes stand, preparing to perform. Though I try not to, my heart rate picks up and my stomach turns into a void as I stare at the unmoving figures. I identify my ex-best friend — Liu Xuejun— in an instant. He is taller than the last time I saw him, and even though it's just a silhouette, it screams familiarity.

I punch myself mentally.

The music starts. It's a harmony of whistles and it is already oh-so-cool to listen to. I glance at Mr. Park Tae Joo but even though the man has an aloof, unreadable face, his fist is mildly clenched.

Do-Hyun screams like he is at a concert, embarrassingly waving the TV remote like a lightstick. His eyes glow and I wonder if he is about to cry. Ha-Joon hyung laughs but soon joins him, both screaming the unfamiliar lyrics as if rent was due tomorrow and everything depended on how well they fanchanted. Ryuu was eating more chicken, not caring about a single soul as he stacked the bones neatly on the carton.

I turn back to the TV.

The cameraman religiously followed the idol who was singing the lyrics and though this is a matter of pride and willpower, my eye muscles fail me and I find myself staring at Xuejun in the background.

Last year when Purple Skyes debuted, I was too petty to watch the debut stage or listen to the debut album. Do-Hyun made it his life's goal to scream about every single achievement of theirs so I kinda knew that they were successful right from the bat. But I was a bratty jackass, and a cheap one at that, that I pretended they didn't exist.

Though, I would never admit that I had expectantly held on to my phone waiting for a certain someone to text about his new achievements. But you know what? Make that two bratty jackasses. Because that certain someone never texted back either.

So what if he debuted first? I was about to debut too. Take that, you loser.

On screen, the song was close to ending. The fans scream louder than the band, and their voices drown. Purple Skyes do a complex choreo for the final bridge, going all out. Ad-libs blow through everywhere and with veins pulsating, the main vocalist—probably—hits the high notes. My eyes follow Liu Xuejun but he pretty much has zero lines and even though the guy I remembered had one of the most beautiful voices with one of the best footwork, I see none of them on TV.

And though I try not to, a sense of indignant disappointment grips me.

"What even…" a muffled voice breathes and I glance at Mr. Park Tae Joo. For once, his impassive face has a look of disbelief. Then it slowly morphs into dampened anger. It's barely there but I've known him for four years and I easily pick out the slight creases of his forehead.

Is this man Buddha? How can someone get angry and still look like they had sat in front of their fridge for ten years and could barely move their facial muscles?