Chapter 11

I hadn't had a chance to clear the air with Micah, every time I tried to reach out he was busy with some or other guardian duty and it was starting to piss me off.

I knew he was avoiding me like the plague and having Declan always near me in some capacity wasn't the best way of trying to convince him that what he saw was nothing… well as much nothing I could trick myself into believing that is.

I needed Declan though and he really was helping. It's like Micah's guardian duties always came before me – and I understood that, it was his job – I wanted him to understand that having Declan help me was kind of the same thing. It was my version of guardian duties and I had to put that above my own wants.

I knew I couldn't come out and tell him what was going on point blank, but I had to see him so I could explain that this was a necessary evil compared to the madness I could face if I didn't have his Declan's help. Sometimes it really did suck being the voice of reason, and acting like an adult. This time was one of the few times I wished I could be just a normal teenager.

That wasn't in the cards though, because apparently the universe had big plans for me – for all of us actually.

I was learning a lot though and having Declan around constantly was really paying off. I was surprised, when classes started on Monday, to see Declan coming out of the room next to mine. Apparently he had insisted on staying close to me, and while headmaster Zeklos had been hesitant – he eventually caved and gave the okay, well according to Declan anyways

Along with Ilya and Andrei, Declan accompanied me to all my classes. Helping out during training, but sitting quietly in a corner during my book classes. Never making a nuisance of himself, but always right outside my periphery. I could feel his scorching gaze on me all the time and it surprised me that it didn't make me uncomfortable in any way.

I only saw Micah when we headed back to our dorm rooms late on Wednesday, squealing as snowflakes chased us all the way. Micah looked our way briefly and upon seeing Declan with me, averted his eyes.

Our eyes met for a second and I hoped I could convey my longing in that brief moment, but I didn't think I got my point across so I sighed audibly – utterly defeated.

Declan paused at the sound and eyed me suspiciously, I could see the questions swimming in his eyes. He surprised me though by saying something I had not expected.

"I don't like him, it seems like he's always watching you. It just creeps me out."

I stared at him wide-eyed, thinking that Micah might be feeling exactly the same way towards Declan. I almost chuckled at the thought, but I didn't particularly want to explain the situation to him so I quickly composed myself. It was rather strange coming from him as he'd been watching me without fail every day since he arrived.

Rather than crying over spilt milk, I thought about how much Declan had been helping these last couple of days. Both James and I were clearly benefitting by having him around and he'd even been giving us private training classes after school, along with meditation and breathing exercises in my room with me before curfew.

"Don't mind him, he's harmless."

I finally answered in the most nonchalant tone I could muster, but something flashed behind Declan's eyes that I couldn't really place.

"Not what I heard."

I looked at him questioningly, but when he didn't elaborate I let it go – though reluctantly. I was way too tired to try and coax it out of him, both mentally and physically. I had once though that Micah had been a tough instructor, but Declan gave a completely new meaning to that word. He was even worse than my grandmother, but the jury was still out on the comparison to my father.

It was hard for me to concentrate that night, and while Declan wanted me to try and actively seek out a mind, I just couldn't do it with my emotions scrambled like they were.

Declan looked at me like he was expecting me to talk about it, but it felt like that's all I've been doing these last couple of days. I was completely talked out, although I still had much to say I wasn't about to tell Declan about my complicated love life – especially given the way he reacted to Micah earlier.

He didn't seem to accept my unwillingness to talk though.

"Look Lily, I know this is all fairly confusing and new, but you really need to confide in me. Your emotions are all over the place, I can practically see it. You're not concentrating, so something is obviously bothering you."

I sighed once again, something that I'd been doing a lot of lately. Declan seemed to think of it as giving up on my part and a smile played on his lips as he, most likely, thought I was ready to talk. Instead I got up and turned my back to him so he had no way of reading the deceit in my eyes.

"I'm just really tired, can't we just pick this up again tomorrow?"

I questioned and I could feel his eyes bore into my back as he contemplated this.

"Lilith, this is important. We can't train according to your moods, it's imperative that you push through your own comfort zones."

He was speaking in that hypnotic voice again, honey dripping off of every syllable – sweet and rich, golden just like those eyes. It scared me that I could think so fondly of Micah one moment and be completely enthralled by Declan the next. This was probably what was causing most of the conflict between my heart and mind. Though they've never been completely on the same wavelength, they had also never been this contradicting.

My heart and mind were pulling me in two different directions and I was afraid that it would eventually cause me to snap.

I wasn't about to tell Declan that.

"Look Lilly, I know a lot has changed for you in these last couple of weeks. It's scary having someone you don't know walk into your life and tell you things about yourself that you were still trying to figure out. Believe me, I wish I had someone like that when I was learning – but I didn't and you have no idea how lucky you are that you don't have to go through this alone."

There was a kind of desperation behind those word that made me turn around and face him. I really hadn't even stopped to consider how fortunate I had been, had I really taken Declan for granted that easily? I mentally chastised myself for being such a brat – in my defense I was still just a teenager – but that wasn't really an excuse I could get my heart or mind to get behind.

I was sighing yet again as I faced his chest, unable to bring myself to really look at him. I felt like such a failure, he's been going out of his way to help me and I've basically thrown it back in his face with the excuse of being tired.

I wouldn't even be able to look at myself in the mirror after my revelation, and it's in that moment that Declan decided to grip my chin and tip my head so I was forced to look into his eyes with a million different emotions playing on my face.

He seemed to be waging a war inside himself as well and for just a second I wondered how his lips would feel against mine. It was just a second, but I felt guilt immediately. It was almost like that emotion had given him the answer that he desperately needed and he slowly let me go.

"I think we can both use the rest to be honest."

Declan barely whispered before he disappeared through the door. I couldn't be completely sure, but it almost looked like he was heartbroken when he left.