CHAPTER 1: Day One

I am Alexa ,not the whole robotic sounds on your phone you keep on asking questions. Am Alexa Jones ,the DUFF ,the Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Let's get straight to the point.

School has never been my thing , I don't know whether it will ever be. I know you're wondering why and maybe you think am a failure and a disappointment to my family.The truth is am not ,I am no disappointment, I hate school because am so insecure with myself . Being the chubby girl everyone makes fun of and you only react by laughing like nothing just happened.

It's the first day of the school year and I have to go back to meet the same suckers who always make my life a living hell.

I never come to school without my two best friends, Coco and Kiara . Coco is more tough ,she got a whole more attitude , protective,she is fearless but Kiara just talks to Me and Coco not forgetting her younger brother. She's small hearted but loving ..and both of my friends are beautiful that I know for a fact the only doubts I have it's when it came to me .

I arrive at the bus stop earlier, they are not yet here .I put on my headphones as usual the music is so loud anyone passing by can clearly hear the song I am listening to. I am lost in my thoughts when I hear someone say "Alexa Jones come back to reality biiiiitchhh" and the person snaps their fingers in front of me.

'It's you guys , how have you been?',I asked

' We've been good but why are you lost in your thoughts?' Coco replies

I have no perfect reason to give her so I decide to lie ' you know when ,ummmmh,am listening to music,I listen to the words ,,sooo' ..before I could finish my statement she interrupts " so nothing, you're a terrible liar"

"I know ",Kiara Says as she giggles softly and we walk to the bus.

I love music alot , Coco loves meeting knew people with diverse languages and Kiara she loves anything related to business,she badly wants to be a successful entrepreneur.

So for the morning I have a music class ,Coco has French and Kiara has Entrepreneurship. We reach for our books in the locker and we go to our respective classes.

I love music but not my teacher , just like the other students he also makes fun of me

Teacher " Alexa , you're incredibly beautiful, intellectual and a sweet voice ,but watch out your f***** weight." In my head I was like ' fuck you bitch, Mr Thompson I hate you .'

( Now the whole class is laughing,at me to be precise )

I asked him what that was supposed to mean and he said " To be a perfect musician in the 21st Century, to be liked by your followers you have to be petite ."

( Now the whole class is laughing harder)

Teacher: I don't think I've said anything funny,, how about some of you ain't bright like her ?? she got brains ,she got the voice which you don't have."

( That worked , everyone was silent and I really felt like laughing...Shiiiet did I just laugh out loudly )

Teacher : there you go ,is a draw ..all of you laughed and all of you felt offended ..Equity..Anyway let's put that aside and turn to page 9, let's talk about the creation of music. it's arrangements, the rhythm...

[ other people's words do get the better of me , and whatever the teacher just said is just ringing in my head]

( Watch your fucking weight , in the 21st Century ...followers )

[At the centre of the school there's a small circular beautiful ground . It has beautiful flowers ,, it's silent ,not everyone goes there. After my music class I am sitting there ,,still thinking of what my teacher had said ... It's like some demonial attack when someone says something about my body .It keeps on echoing in my head ,but it gets louder each time .)

Coco: Why are we lost .....

I cut her short ( in our thoughts ??)

Coco: uuuhh! we are not lost ,,so what's up ?

( It's my music teacher ,,,guys do you think I am too fat ,,like should I be hitting the gym ,,or maybe stop eating completely

Kiara: What's that supposed to mean by any chance ?

( Guys just tell me ..)

Coco: You're good the way you're..even if you hit the gym, you won't cut that ,, you've always been like that since birth.

Kiara: and not eating will make you weak and pale .

Coco: [laughing]I just don't want to imagine what you will look like ,if you cut weight .. you'll look terrible ,we are used to you like that.

Alexa:( laughing) Am okay just the way I am ,I won't try to loose weight ,,when time comes I'll be slim for now I won't starve myself .

[ I didn't agree with whatever they were saying,I just had to because deep down am never comfortable with that when I got home, I got my laptop and began to search " how to loose weight fast,, loosing weight in one month ,weight lose in three weeks."I never had dinner as usual , I only took two glasses of hot lemon. After that I downloaded " WOMEN.WORKOUT" and got into action With some Intensive Training.Guidance from Another me ,Alexa some stupid robotic voice from my newly downloaded app ..

Robotic Alexa: 20 mountain climbers ,,1,2,3,.....half way.11,12

WTF! ( as I stop breathing heavily)half way and am already sweating..( you're fucking fat , 21st Century ,followers) ,I can't give up .( with those words in my head I did some Intensive workouts for long and I was sweating.)

(The next morning I have pains on my thighs and abdomen.)

As I get out of bed to take a shower : Ouuuuch!! that hurts ,, what's wrong with me .( Now can't walk normal ,, it's like I've been raped ,am about to cry when it hits me ,,it was the intensive workout.) After my shower I head to school .

Alexa: Good morning momma, am gone

Momma: Darling you haven't had your breakfast

Alexa : Not now momma,am late ..(as I close the doors and ran out .Am fucking hungry,, am in pain ,I can't even walk properly but I have to pretend to be okay)

Kiara: You are late today,what happened?

Alexa: I woke up late ( as I look around ) Where's Coco ??

Kiara : She's sick .

Alexa : I'm also not....( She'll realize am trying to workout) Let's drop by her place after classes ( She nods her head ,we board and head to school .After classes we go to Coco's place.)

Kiara:(Knocking) Any one at home ? Coco it's us K and A.

Sandra opens the door , she's Coco's nunny .

Sandra: Come in girls ,how are you today

In unison with Kiara : We are fine .

Sandra: Coco is in her room. (I open the door slowly not to wake her up if she's sleeping)

Alexa: Hey Cee,, ( That's The short form of Coco) how are you feeling?( she's busy on her phone)

Coco: Am fine (putting her phone aside and spreading her arms for a hug which we both go for)

Kiara:School was boring without you

Alexa: I second that

Coco: I'll be back before you know

Sandra: (opening the door) sorry for interrupting you girls ,but I brought some drinks for you guys .

In unison:(smiling)Thank you

After leaving Coco's place,I got home did some assignments, had two spoons of my spaghetti and told my mum that I was full .

Momma: (looking at me shocked ) Are you sure ?? because that's some what strange and weird .

Alexa : For real mum, am full, actually I don't have the appetite

Momma: Are you sick ?

Alexa: (Shouting) Am fine ,am not hungry.( As I tose to my room and start my Intensive workouts. This went on for sometime , starving my self and intensive workouts all this for what. Trying to fit in , trying to be slim in a months time , but at the end of two weeks there's no slight change. Sometimes our own expectations, disappoint us

( Maybe my friends were right I will never loose weight, I will always be the DUFF, I will never be like the girls on Tv and Magazines ...I will never get to wear clothes that expose my body like other girls ..I will never get my perfect boyfriend,I will never do anything,am a nobody ,am just some fat clown.)

( I walk to the kitchen tears flowing uncontrollably,get some snacks and eat my sorrows , disappointment, hopelessness and despair away)