Over the Dinner Table

The knife flashed as Suzhen's hands worked deftly, slicing a slab of tofu. She arranged the tofu onto a plate and moved onto a small bunch of spring onions, which she chopped. Her face bore a preoccupied expression, and though her hands never faltered they moved almost mechanically.

She felt two arms come around her from behind, and half turned to feel Xuxian bury his chin on her shoulder. He leaned his head against her with a contented sigh, and sniffed appreciatively.

"What's for dinner, Niangzi?" he said cheerfully, with a teasing emphasis on the formal title, giving her a light squeeze.

"You're going to make me cut myself," she retorted, continuing her chopping, but she smiled.

He let go of her, and went over to the fire to peek inside the pot that was boiling on it. "Soup?"

Pushing past him Suzhen used the knife to sweep the plate of tofu into the pot. "Yes, tofu soup. Would you get the rice? Some fermented beancurd chilli would taste good too."

He busied himself fetching the chopsticks and bowls. "I was so hungry on my way back, smelling all the food smells coming out from the different houses. I used to have to cook after I got back, coming back to a dead fire and a quiet house. But when I reached our gate, I saw the fire's glow, and the smell of cooking greeted me, and I knew that you were in the kitchen preparing dinner. Let me tell you, I felt like such a lucky man in that moment. To have someone to come home to."

Xuxian was busy scooping rice as he talked, the steam from the fresh hot grains bathing his face, so he did not see Suzhen put down the ladle and look at him silently as he spoke. In the sudden rawness of the moment there was something almost like anguish in her eyes.

Putting down a bowl, he reached for the other. "Don't forget to add salt to the soup, Susu," he added cheerfully, putting down the rice scoop and carefully balancing the chopsticks ontop of the heaped bowls.

When she joined him at the table later she was rather quiet. Xuxian reached over to give her a slice of mushroom. "Eat more. It's been getting colder these few days. Make sure you wear your cloak when you go out, even if it's just to the yard," he said with his mouth full.

Suzhen dipped into her bowl of soup without saying anything, glancing occasionally at him in a furtive way. Oblivious, Xuxian ate without noticing anything, now and then breaking the companionable silence with some .

"I saw Granny Hong's new lodger today," he commented, picking up a dried chilli with his chopsticks. "It's such a good chance for her to earn some extra income. Their hut is not big, but since there is only her and Yuanzheng they can well afford to rent it to someone. The only problem is that we seldom get strangers here. Passing by, maybe; but those who actually stay here for any length of time, hardly."

Suzhen's chopsticks paused.

"He's a holy man, too, so even Granny Hong can't find any fault with him if she wanted to." chuckled Xuxian.

"You met him?" Suzhen asked quietly.

"I was passing by, and thought I'd drop in to check on her arthritis. It surprised me to see a monk, and she introduced me to him. A tall quiet man, but with such an otherworldly aura, it quite took my breath away. One feels that he truly has given up the pleasures of this world, and reached a stage where they no longer pose any temptation. His plain, worn robes also reflect well on him. Clearly he is one of the true saints, living in the pure pursuit of enlightenment and truth, unhampered with material possessions or the lusts of the flesh."

Chewing thoughtfully on a mushroom, he added, "And though he did not speak much, he carried himself with graciousness and dignity, so that one could not help but be impressed. I wouldn't be surprised if he knows wushu. His name, I believe, was Fahai."

"I know," Suzhen said. "I too, have met him."

Xuxian looked up, surprised. "You have already? Well, news would travel fast, especially regarding a stranger. What did you think of him?"

To his surprise she shook her head, seemingly unwilling to talk.

"Come on," he teased. "Did he frighten you?"

Suzhen put down her chopsticks. "I did not like him," she confessed reluctantly.

Xuxian looked startled. "You didn't like him? Why?"

She looked distressed. She had not intended to say so much; she thought it would have been safer not to, but at the moment the words had come out of her mouth without her meaning to. Perhaps Xuxian's unintentional teasing had hit the mark too keenly not to provoke a reaction.

Finally she shook her head again. "I don't know," she said unhappily, feeling the red come into her cheeks.

Xuxian put down his chopsticks, taken aback at the sudden distress she was in. "Susu. Is everything alright?"

She avoided his gaze. "Yes. It's fine."

Not satisfied, he tried to catch a glimpse of her face. "Susu, look at me. What's wrong?"

Frightened, she tried desperately to pick at her food, though her stomach seemed to have closed on itself and her throat was so tight she could not possibly have swallowed. "Please, don't keep asking." she whispered. "Nothing is wrong."

She felt something horribly like panic. Had she betrayed herself already, then? Did he suspect that there was a reason why she was reacting like this to Fahai?

To her mortification, tears were gathering in her eyes. The whole day Fahai had been weighing on her mind, oppressing her since the night before, robbing her of sleep and any peace of mind. Hearing Xuxian bring it up so casually, and then hearing him talk so admiringly of Fahai, was like a blow.

Xuxian had already sensed something indeed was wrong, even before he caught sight of the tears glistening in her eyes in the firelight. Aghast, he went over and crouched beside her. "Susu."

She averted her gaze, trying frantically to blink the tell-tale tears away.

"Susu," he repeated, persistently, urgently, shifting as she turned her head away so she was forced to look at him.