A Child

Her patient stared back at her with tired, confused eyes. "Where am I?" she murmured, trying to sit up. Wanwan supported her, noting the bruises on her arms as she raised her hand to rub her eyes wearily. "Mao Gongzi found you last night, you collapsed outside his house," she said soothingly. "The physician came to see you earlier on. He said you must rest properly as you are weak."

Suzhen frowned, not quite understanding. She fished in her mind and had a fleeting memory of a bowl of water, and a man's refined, concerned face. "I see," she said absently. "That is kind of him. Thank you, for nursing me."

Her low, polite voice left Wanwan at a loss--she had never been so close to a highborn person before, as she was sure this lady was, and from everything that she had heard they didn't treat you like this.

"I'm just a maid, madame," she said in some embarrassment, wondering if the lady thought she was related to Mao Gongzi, and feeling guilty at the very idea.

She stole a glance at the lady and started as she saw her putting her feet down on the floor.

"Please lie back down, madame, you need to rest. The physician said--the physician said you--"

Suzhen shook her head resignedly. "I need to be on my way," she said quietly but firmly. "Help me to stand up." She glanced at the girl. "What is your name?"

"Wanwan, madame."

"Please help me to stand up, Wanwan."

Wanwan hesitated, but she was not bold enough to refuse. She took the hand held out to her. "Yes, madame."

Slowly, Suzhen got up, leaning heavily on the girl. She felt stiff and sore, and the curious queasiness that had bothered her before was back once more. She groaned softly to herself. How would she ever find Xuxian like this?

Mao Jin looked up as he heard voices drifting in from the chamber. He shook his head resolutely, annoyed at himself. No, he was not going to be a slave to vulgar curiosity like any gossipy village woman.

He tried his best to concentrate on the book he was reading, but the words kept floating out of focus as his attention drifted, even though he stared fixedly at them. At last, with a sigh, he put the scroll down and gave up.

"I deserve answers," he muttered defensively to himself as he strode towards the chamber.

Stopping short at the doorway, he hesitated, then coughed self-consciously before he entered. "You are awake, I see." he said stiffly, feeling that he sounded lame.

She was standing up, with Wanwan holding her by the elbow, and the dignity he remembered from their first meeting still hung on her like the coarse robes Madame Shen had dressed her in. He watched as she turned to him, and the calm dark eyes swept over him. Yes, in the daylight she was beautiful indeed, though she still looked pale and worn.

"You must be Mao Gongzi, who took me in." Suzhen made a low bow with Wanwan's help. "Bai Suzhen thanks you for your kindness."

"Bai Suzhen." he repeated. "Miss--Madame Bai? I hope you are feeling better."

Suzhen bent her head. "Thanks to Mao Gongzi's hospitality, I am feeling stronger now."

She gently disengaged Wanwan's hand from hers and folded her arms before her chest, bowing before Mao Jin. "I fear I have no way of repaying your kindness. May the gods reward you for your compassion. If in the future I ever have the chance to repay you, Mao Gongzi, Bai Suzhen will not neglect to do so."

Straightening, she added, "I am sorry to have burdened you; I will take my leave now, and be on my way."

She would have walked past him and out of the room, but Mao Jin stepped in front of her. "Madame Bai, you cannot simply leave like that. You don't seem to care very much about your own life but still, we can't quite let you do so."

Suzhen's eyes bore into him. "Are you stopping me?" she said quietly. Wanwan swallowed as she noted how the face that had been so calm and gentle before suddenly became still and hard.

He cleared his throat. "If you are determined to die, that's all very well," Mao Jin said stiffly. "But we would not like to be accomplices."

They locked gazes challengingly, and the tension thickened in the air till Wanwan squirmed. Finally she stepped forward awkwardly, inwardly wondering why gentlefolk were so bad at communicating. As polite and elegant as they sounded, they had to be stupid if they could't say anything obvious or speak straightforwardly.

"Madame. Please don't be angry. The physician who saw you just now, he said it would be bad for the baby."

There was a brief silence. Suzhen stiffened slightly and turned to Wanwan. "The--"

"The baby," Wanwan repeated, raising wide surprised eyes to her. "You're with child, Madame. You really shouldn't leave before you've recovered some of your strength. If not for your own sake, for your child's. Please, Madame."

Tears welled suddenly and unexpectedly into Bai Suzhen's eyes. She caught Wanwan's hands tightly in hers. "A child?" she choked.

Wanwan nodded timidly and gently led her to a chair. "Didn't you know, Madame?"

Suzhen shook her head mutely. Her hand crept out and rested on her stomach. "We have a child," she whispered incredulously. "Xuxian, if only you knew."

Her head was whirling; she felt her heart twist sharply and unbearably in a spasm of joy so closely mixed with pain, that she could not tell which was stronger. Suddenly everything made sense. Why she had felt so awful on her way here, that insistent nausea. Why her powers seemed to have weakened when she was fighting with Fahai.

Raising her head, she looked Mao Jin squarely in the face, noticing his features for the first time. He was young, despite his serious expression and stiff, almost prim way of talking that made him seem older than he was. A long oval face with smooth fair skin like a maiden; Lady LiuRong's delicate features softened Mao Yuan's beaky nose and deep-set eyes. Simply yet elegantly dressed, he had every bit of the scholar's refined, dignified air, yet the alertness of his eyes kept his face from becoming passive or moody.

He met her gaze defensively, not knowing that she was critically assessing him. Suzhen was all too aware of the temptation that men, especially rich men, might have to take advantage of her in this state. She had no desire to end up trapped as someone's concubine, or worse. And if she was with child, she might not be able to use her powers much for an indefinite time.

Stubborn and particular, perhaps, but he didn't seem to have any bad intentions towards her. Perhaps she could trust him.