Spinning Heartstrings

I settled in quickly into my new room, but I couldn't stop the many thoughts churning in my head.

What's happened over these past few years? Do I even know Matthew anymore? And yet, why do I‌ melt like butter when I think about his crooked smirk? Why does my heart race when I remember how his hair fell over his eyes?

Even with these confusing thoughts, I somehow drifted into sleep.

I had dreams of Matthew whispering in my ear, telling me to wait for him. "Don't give up on me.", he said huskily, and yet I noticed a hint of desperation in his voice. I leaned into his whispers..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't want to leave my dreams.. but all good things must come to an end.

When the sun rose, my eyes peeled open and I recognized my unfamiliar surroundings. Remembering Matthew and my dreams gave me a sudden burst of positive energy. Today was a new day and I have to try to find out more about Matthew. No sense giving up so quickly just because we've both grown up. I took a shower and dressed for the day, putting my hair up into my signature bun and mentally preparing for anything to happen.

"You've got this, Shells!‌ Just be yourself."

In the middle of the living room, Miriam was anxiously spinning around seemingly looking for something.

"What's going on, Miriam?"

She latched on to me, "Protect me, Shewwie!‌ Matthew's chasing me!"

I bent down to give her a hug but before I could, she bolted away screaming.

"Can't catch me, Matthewwww!"

When I heard running from behind me, I‌ swivelled around only to be met headfirst by Matthew colliding into me. And then my heart froze in my chest while my muscles fell limp as I hit the ground with a sudden thud, Matthew hovering over me. He cleared his throat as I gasped. Electricity jolted me as my wide green eyes met his dark, pine green ones. My body felt like it was on fire, my throat became parched and my heart began racing. To describe what it was like to absorb the sensation of finally seeing Matthew from such a close view, after years of distance, was indescribable. His longer hair fell from his face as he looked down at me, and I was shaking like a leaf as seconds stretched slowly by..

"I hope that wasn't one of my vases!"

Teresa yelled out from the kitchen and almost as though a spell was broken, our heads snapped up and Matthew helped me stand.

"Grazie."

He nodded almost imperceptibly and just.. walked away.

Was it just me, or did he look sort of dazed? Like I am, too? That was crazy. I felt like I was floating. And aww.. he plays with his little sister. He was still so good with kids. I sighed.. It looked like my heart still beat for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the rest of the day exploring the manor, helping Teresa out in the kitchen and bonding with her over old times and good cooking. With each conversation and the fit of giggles that ensued, I realized just how much I missed Teresa over my years away from California.

Before I knew it, the day was coming to an end and after setting up the table, I chose the seat closest to Matthew at dinner.

"So, Matthew dear, why don't you show Shelley around the city tomorrow after breakfast? It's Sunday, so you shouldn't have any plans that I'm aware of."

I silently thanked Teresa in my head for setting things up for me without me even having to ask.

"I would love that, Matthew! If you're available, of course."

I had to suppress my excitement, and I couldn't remember seconds ever stretching so long as I waited for Matthew's response.

He stopped chewing, "Mom, well, um, tomorrow.. I don't know."

"Oh come now, it's not like you have a girlfriend you need to hang out with these days. You're always home on Sunday!"

"Mom!‌ You don't know if that's true or not.", he protested.

"Sweetheart, I'm so proud that you've focused your attention on your studies and your sportsmanship. That's why you told me yourself that you had no time for girls, remember?"

It was amusing watching Teresa call out Matthew without even realizing it herself. Miriam piped in,

"Yeah, Matthew! You only had two girlfriends, and they lasted with you for only one or three months! And there there was that one relationship that only lasted a week-"

"That's enough, Miriam! Stop being nosy and mind your big mouth."

Matthew was blushing from embarrassment. I suppose he didn't want me to know he didn't have many girlfriends. I forced myself to keep from showing my amusement. That, and I‌ had to keep from blushing. My stomach was stirring with butterflies because of the topic of this discussion. A part of me was admittedly happy that Matthew wasn't seeing anyone. But I was also ashamed to recognize that other part of me that was vaguely jealous of the girls that had already gotten the chance to be with him.

"That wasn't nice, Matthew!"

Miriam didn't quite take his scolding well, and ran away crying. Teresa called after her,

"Where are you going, Miriam!‌ Come back, sweetie, there's still dessert!"

Matthew got up from his chair.

"Dammit!‌ Now I feel guilty. I keep forgetting how emotional she is. I should go see if she's alright."

"Hey, don't worry. I'll go check up on her.. let her cool down a bit before she sees you again."

He mumbled a thanks and I went to search upstairs. I first checked her room, then her parent's room. I couldn't locate her at either place. I finally approached my room.

I found her on the rug in my bedroom, sleeping on her side with tear tracks running down her face. She looked so vulnerable, and I felt a warm rush of affection for the little girl.

I knelt down next to her, placed her head on my lap and without thought, I gently began brushing her soft, dark, feather-like hair from her face with my fingers. I wiped away her tears, smiling softly as I witnessed her innocent freckled face, and thought back to a simpler time.. when I was her age. That was around the time I first "noticed"‌ Matthew, when I was 8 years old. I chuckled softly, still brushing the hair from her cheeks, and spoke to no one in particular.

"You know, Miriam, I was right around your age when I first looked at your brother differently.. It was like love at first sight for me, right as soon as Emmy picked me up from my fall when we played hide and seek in this very room. We were best friends in school, and he protected me from my demons. He taught me all sorts of things, and I was inspired to write poetry and sing because of him. Emmy gave me strength, confidence and he always made me laugh. He loved you so much, he loved his mother and father and he loved my little brother too. I used to think he loved me too, but now I'm not so sure if he remembers. I'm starting to forget what he was like now that I know what he is like today. We've both changed over the years, but he has changed much more than I have. But I think our history has to count for something."

Tears leaked from my eyes as I finally said out loud and put to words this little rant, and I quickly wiped them away.

"He was my first love. With him I learned what it was like to have butterflies in my stomach, what it felt like to have my heart fall out of my chest when I merely saw him. But most of all, he taught me what it means to care for someone you're not related to.. so much that you would die for them if that was needed. I still have all those feelings for him, and I know it doesn't make much sense, but I still love him dearly because of what he meant to me. Emmy was my first best friend, my first crush and my first love. And somehow I'm still deeply in love with him.. I can't stop thinking about him, and I know that I would still die for him if I‌ had to.

You know what kills me though? It's that I could potentially go my whole life without him knowing how much I‌ love him. Isn't that just wrong? Isn't it wrong that you could exist in this life not knowing that there's someone right under your nose who loves you so much? But how can I tell him, Miriam? Maybe with time, but right now I can't.."

I stopped there, wiping away my tears and sniffing to kill the sting that blossomed in my nose.

"Why are you crying, Shewwie?"

The little voice that spoke out from my lap startled me. I hoped she hadn't heard anything.

"I just had something in my eye. Why did you come up here, hun? Your brother's not really mad. You know he loves you, right?"

"Yeah, I know he does. But I thought I‌ heard you saying something about my brother..?"

"Oh, that was just me talking about how I‌ missed my own brother. Nothing about yours, hun."

Judging by the doubt that shadowed Miriam's face, I'm not sure that she believed me.

"Um.. ok. How old is your brother?"

"He's 13. Hey, how about we go have some dessert huh?"

"I like the sound of that!‌ Let's go."

She hopped up and her spunk was back almost instantly.

"Come on!‌ Last one down is a rotten egg!"

I laughed and chased after her. And just like that, I stowed away my feelings, and life went on..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning..

I was eating breakfast next to Teresa in comfortable silence, planning out my schedule for the day in my head. My heart skipped a couple beats when Matthew walked into the kitchen, and I wondered when this was going to stop happening. As I ate, my eyes widened in appreciation at the green shirt he wore. It brought out his intense green eyes. He looked so alluring.

I couldn't place it, but his demeanor is somehow.. different today. He keeps beaming at me with that heart-stopping crooked smile of his. And if I'm not imagining it, his eyes are twinkling more today. I don't know for sure, but he looks quite mischievous, like he's teasing someone.

And then out of nowhere, he winked right at me.

I stumbled with my plate, turning red as a tomato and turned to face the other way and hide my face. Was I staring at him that long?

But he wouldn't let me hide. He approached me on the other side, tilted his head and whispered into my ear. I stiffened, and he spoke so softly and so close that the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

"So.. you ready to head out or what?"

A shiver snaked down my spine and I jumped off the ground a little. What a stir of butterflies.. Calm down.. calm down..

"I thought you were busy. Are you sure you want to go?"

"Nah, I was just messing with you yesterday."

I don't know what happened then, but my nervousness and reserve suddenly melted away and I regained my quick tongue.

"Well, you're a classy fella."

"Hey.. it takes one to know one. No but really, I'm leaving in five minutes. You can either stay cooped up here watching the carpet grow.. or you can follow me around and see what fun back here is all about."

"Oh, so now you're a fun guy, huh? And here I thought all you did was read textbooks and kick a ball around."

"Watch it, woman. Don't go around calling me a mushroom."

"Wait, what?"

I tried stamping down the burst of heat that consumed me with how he addressed me. So humorously but in a way that only Matthew could make charming.

"Get it? Fun guy.. mushroom? It's a fungi."

Wow.

"Um.. should I‌ laugh now?"

After seeing the twinkle momentarily extinguish from Matthew's eyes, I could no longer suppress my laughter. He let out an exhale.

"Whew. The lady finally laughs. For a second I thought I‌ was being ridiculed."

"Oh, hardly. That was actually pretty funny."

"Somehow I doubt your sincerity.. But let's get going for real. It's not like I have ANYTHING better to do with my day other than go back and forth with you."

I rolled my eyes at the sarcasm.

"If you insist.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't help how jumpy I was sitting in that car with Matthew.. being so close to him, alone, after all these years.

"So, where do you want to go first?"

"Hmm.. I want to visit the city."

"Good choice."‌ He turned and shot me a wink. "Let's see where the mushrooms hang out."

As we approached the city, my eyes grew as wide as saucers. Memories came hurtling back at me and I loved seeing the tall buildings. We eventually parked in the city and took a short stroll downtown.

Matthew spoke of his favorite things to do in the city, and where he liked to hang out on evenings with his friends.

"The best part about San Jose is that it's only about 30 minutes away from Palo Alto."

"That's very convenient!"

"It is. My biggest priority though is to be there for Miriam and let her know that she has a brother who loves her. So even though I‌ live on campus, I try to drop by home at least once a week."

"That's so sweet!‌ Miriam's very luck to have you."

I loved this side of him.. I‌ hope Miriam knew how lucky she was. I can only dream of one day being loved by Matthew so much. Of course it's a completely different kind of love I want..

I recall that Miriam has not one but two older brothers. Alessandro is the oldest in the family. I wondered why he hasn't been spoken of at the manor.

"So.. what's Alessandro doing these days? Does he get home much?"

Matthew paused and his gaze shifted. "Well, he's doing his own thing these days down in LA. Something about acting or something."

"That's good!"‌ Sensing the awkwardness in the air, I decided to end the topic. "But then it's certainly nice that Miriam has you around to have fun with."

"I think it is, too. You know what, we can check out the downtown area, it's only a short walk away. It's very charming."

I nodded and as we walked and talked, we soon reached a bustling area full of crossroads and people.

"Here we are."

"Uhh.. charming??"

The noise was almost unbearable and honestly, I felt a bit suffocated in this atmosphere.

"Don't you think so? I thought you'd remember some of this and feel nostalgic."

"Oh God, no. My parents didn't really take me DOWNTOWN downtown if you know what I‌ mean." I chuckled, "I guess I've gotten too used to laid back North Carolina. I don't think I‌ can ever like this.."

"Hey, what makes you so sure about that?"

A businessman rounded the corner, pushing past and almost spilling his coffee on me as he briskly walked through.

"Yeah.. I just don't see it happening in the next few months. Don't be surprised if you find me running back to the East Coast at the end of the summer."

He dramatically exaggerated, "Oh no!‌ What will I ever do?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"You can't keep me here, Matthew!"

"Well, I‌ love a good challenge."

There was that mischievous glint again.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Let's take you to a part of town I think you'll like better. I wouldn't be surprised if you frequented the area as a kid. Sound good?"

"Sure!"

"Alright.. let's walk back to the car. But first, let's grab some coffee here."

Not having had any sugar since the morning, I was already feeling low on energy. I couldn't hide my excitement for some caffeine.

"So.. can I get you anything to drink?"

I wasn't expecting to get treated.

"Oh!‌ Um.. Just a vanilla latte, thank you!"

"One vanilla latte coming right up!"

I sat down on a nearby bus stop bench and waited for him to come back. I wondered if he was sending any signals or just being friendly.. Gosh. When I think about where I am now, sometimes, I still felt like I was dreaming.

Then, coffee in hand, Matthew and I approached the other part of town he wanted to show me. It was a quaint town square with a few specialty shops scattered around the vintage buildings, complete with a small fountain in the middle.

"Oh, I love this place!"

"I figured you would like it since you're a small townie. This area is really popular for when you want to decompress and enjoy a more peaceful experience."

"Small townie, huh? Do I detect disdain?",‌ I teased.

"Well, you said so yourself. Things are different where you come from."

"I suppose, but I‌ love my small town heritage. I think you should visit sometime."

The air between us had settled into a comfortable silence as we sipped our coffees and admired the view. I‌ caught myself staring at him, wondering how someone could look so effortlessly attractive even when doing practically nothing. He took notice and cleared his throat.

"So, any other part of the city you want to see?"

"I think I'm good, thanks."

He stood up and gestured back the way we came from.

"Ok then, let's get back to the car."

We decided to go to the beach next, and when we approached I‌ was blown away by the beauty of the shore.. there was just something so special and authentic about the beaches here.

"Wow!‌ Now, this is what I‌ picture when I think of California."

"My friends and I hold a lot of bonfires and parties here. It's always a blast."

As we soaked up the sun, Matthew and I‌ chatted about various things. I was reminded fondly of the times I remember talking to him as my best friend when I was a tween, the lightheartedness of the conversation putting me in a good mood. However, I had one last thing on my agenda once we were back in the car.

"Okay, what do you say about showing me around Stanford now?"

"It's Sunday, summer break, and you're making me go to school?", he said disappointedly.

"Whiner."

He laughed, "None of that. Fine, let's go. At least it's not the mall."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I gasped as we approached the campus.

"Wow!‌ It's so beautiful here. It's no wonder that everyone recognizes Stanford as having one of the best campuses in the world."

He nodded, "It really is nice here. This is the Main Quad. I'm going to show you the Oval next. It's also really pretty."

We strolled until we reached a magnificent field of flower beds.

"Oh my god. This is just breathtaking! Remind me again why you didn't want to visit here today? I mean, so far, the campus is like a park!‌"

"You're right, it's a real privilege to be a part of this campus. But after the novelty sinks in, it's still school, you know?"

I amusingly agreed but I still couldn't get over how nice everything was. I couldn't wait to start college here next year.

"Um, you wouldn't mind showing me to my new lab, right? Please?"

"Only a please?", he taunted.

I batted my eyelashes up at him and repeated, to which he stared wide-eyed.

"What was THAT?"

"What? Fluttering eyelashes don't help convince you?"

"I feel like I would've been better off not seeing that."

We both cracked up at that and started heading over to the Clark Center, which was where the lab I would be working in was located. The Stanford campus was truly huge and it looked so high-tech.

"Wow.. I love it!"

"I suppose this is where all the nerds hang out with their microscopes and scalpels."

I scoffed, "Disdain appears to be your middle name."

"You're hopeless, that's why."

If it meant hopelessly in love..

"What, no fancy retort? You must be getting soft.", he teased.

"Oh, you have no idea."

As I was about to shoot him another witty remark, my stomach suddenly rumbled loudly.. I covered my face in embarrassment but Matthew simply chuckled.

"Somebody's hungry!‌ Let's go to the Cool Cafe."

"Oh my god, is that what it's really called?"

He nodded.

"How unimaginative." I laughed, "But anyway, let's eat at the Cool Cafe! And I'm making sure that I treat you since you've been such a good tour guide."

His eyes twinkled, "Sounds good, I love free food."

"And I love free lattes."

"Well, we should go now and satisfy your appetite before it gets any worse."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Everything looks so good here!"

We chose our menus and spotted an empty table to sit down at.. which wasn't so hard considering we were one of the few people actually on campus today. Before I knew it we had finished our food, and after a nice meal and lighthearted discussion, we began to collect our belongings and head out of the cafeteria.

"Thanks for the meal."

Matthew was nice as ever at the end of the day and I wondered if I‌ had really judged him too quickly when I‌ arrived.

"Nonsense! Thank you so much for taking me around today! I really appreciate you sacrificing your time to give me this tour."

"Don't mention it."

As he sat up, I noticed something on his sweater and couldn't resist the opportunity to reach out and brush it off.

"Oh!‌ You have a few crumbs there."

He jumped and averted his gaze, and I immediately regretted coming on so strongly.

"Uhh.. is there something wrong?

He focused back in on me, "Wrong‌?‌ What could be wrong?"

"Okay, because I'm sorry if I startled you and.."

"I'm fine. Really."

There was his smirk again.

"Well, if you say so."

As I walked away from the table, he lingered behind with a thoughtful expression, or maybe it was just my imagination. He soon caught up, and we had walked halfway across the cafeteria when he froze. He whispered under his breath,

"We have to get out of here quickly."

"Is there a problem?"

I looked around apprehensively when my eyes locked with a tall blonde guy picking out a straw for his drink just a few feet ahead of us. As I took in his rather peculiar looking pants, he turned to face us and began walking over.

"Damn! He's spotted us.", Matthew tsk'd.

"Bro!!! How's life, my man?", he enthusiastically greeted.

"I'm great, Adonis. Taking summer classes?"

"I only failed two classes this spring, bro!‌ I think I'm finally getting the hang of this college thing! And are you taking classes this summer? That's weird though! You're our 4.0 Quarterback, you don't need remedial classes!"

I couldn't believe this dude.

"I'm killing this summer outside of school.. unlike you."

"Sure sure. Dude, it's tough being in the field and going to class at the same time.. you know what I mean? All the ladies," he put an emphasis on ladies and winked at me. ", that desperately try to get a piece of "the Adonis"!"

Okay, I officially hated him and his attitude.

"With all of that action, I've got no time to do my homework."

"You don't even show up for exams, bro. That's not even trying."

"Ha, you're probably right, but a man's gotta set his priorities, right?"

Matthew rolled his eyes so far back, I thought he would pass out right then and there.

"Sure, sure."

When Adonis began detailing some of his repulsive "dating"‌ exploits, I tuned out of the conversation. As they talked, I attempted to be as unobtrusive as possible, and the gears in my head started to shift. Was this idiot seriously for real?‌ Firstly, who wears pants that short and one that strongly resembles underwear?‌ Secondly, referring to yourself as "the Adonis" takes some serious lack of humility. Third, Adonis.. for THAT face?‌ Laughable.

Suddenly a line in the conversation drew my ear and brought my calm thoughts to a screeching halt.

"So, how many girls have you bagged this month? I heard you had some crazy hot shit going on last term."

Wait... what?!

"Yeah, you know how the ladies get."

"Of course I do. My name isn't Adonis for nothing. So.. is this fiiiine chick your current distraction?"

Now I couldn't hold back.

"Excuse me?!"

"Ooh!‌ She's feisty, bro! The Adonis likes!"

He flexed his stupid muscles, "Tell you what, babe. When you get tired of old Matthew over there, come warm my lap over here."

"In your fucking dreams!"

"Exactly."

I flushed red, and luckily Matthew took hold of the conversation again.

"Dude, she's just a family friend. Back off."

He shrugged it off, "Shut up, man. If she isn't yours, then she'll be mine. Just for tonight. Babe, my hots for you is like diarrhea.. I‌ just can't hold it in."

What the hell?! That had to be the worst pick-up line ever. How has that ever worked for him before? He laughed so hard at his own idiotic joke that he started choking on his drink and put it down next to him.

Amidst the great urge inside of me to put this orange orangutan in his place, I found myself eyeing his cup. As he struggled to regain his airways, I quickly picked it up and threw the remaining contents right onto his shirt.

"Get lost, perv."

I heard Matthew stifle down a laugh next to me,

"Adonis, I think you better go."

"I'll get back at you for that, you little bitch!", he yelled as he frantically tried to dry the stains on his shirt.

I shrugged, "Sure you will."

He was already heading out the door, stomping in anger.

"Run along now and get yourself changed before your next plastic surgery appointment!"

Okay, maybe that comment was a little uncalled for. But it was hard to keep it in.

Matthew sighed, "I wish we didn't have to make a scene.. but he had it coming with the way he was talking."

I was still reeling from the encounter and I wasn't particularly feeling happy with how Matthew hadn't intervened earlier. Clearly that idiot wasn't backing off when I tried to convey my disgust. Matthew could have spoken up earlier.. so I decided to be curt.

"That was awful. What a disgusting person!"

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that.. It's why I wanted to avoid him in the first place."

"Thanks. But why didn't you interfere earlier?"

"I..‌I- It's just hard for me to do something that might hurt my reputation. I guess I'm too wary of drama.. even when it's necessary, because I hate the mess."

That was semi-understandable.

"Still, I don't think you should have to care so much about your reputation when you have the choice to do something right. But I get it. Thanks for trying."

"No." That caught me off-guard. "Thank YOU for understanding. I know it wasn't cool for me to be silent earlier and I felt bad about it."

"It's okay.."

I also still wanted to know what Adonis meant about Matthew and his "crazy hot shit"‌ last semester. He made him sound like a player. But his family made him out to be a good guy, and the blush he had at dinner suggested he was embarrassed by the truth. I need to know who the real Matthew is.. but I'm not his girlfriend so it's not my place to ask him. Ugh, but I‌ couldn't rest not knowing now!‌ And it's better to ask when the memories are still fresh so I didn't misquote anything. Gosh, I better be delicate with this.

I bit my tongue and quickly spoke up before I regretted it,

"Um.. Matthew, could I ask you something?"

He turned around while nodding but stopped when he saw my face. "Wait.. why do you look so confused?"

"Well, it's because I am. Adonis said something about you having crazy relationships. He made you out to be a player."

"So?" He took a defensive stance, "What's it to you?"

"I wasn't sure if your family was right or not. Miriam and Teresa seemed pretty convinced that you weren't like that."

His face shifted into one of careful blankness, the strange emotion in his eyes unreadable to me. But he couldn't hide the slight blush that mounted his cheeks, which confirmed my suspicions that his family was right. I wondered again why would he create such a reputation.

"Forget it.", I chuckled.‌ "I already know the answer to my question."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.. your behavior's pretty obvious.. it suggests that your family's correct and that you're embarrassed by it."

He flushed again, "No it doesn't."

"You're a terrible liar." I giggled from how adorable he looked right then. "That hasn't changed from when we were younger."

I realized I still hadn't gotten my answer from him.

"But I want to know why.. why would you want everyone to think you're a player?"

He crossed his arms, "Look, I don't know why you're getting in my business-"

"You're right. I have no monopoly on you at all. I'm just honestly curious because you were my friend and I thought I still somewhat knew you."

He gave an exasperated sigh and dropped his arms as if in defeat.

"Ugh, okay, not here! Jesus! You're so loud."

"Wait! Wait!‌ Where are you taking me?!"

Suddenly crossing the space between us, he had grabbed my hands and started tugging me away into a room at the back.

"Hush. Others will stare."

As soon as I could, I wrestled my hand away from Matthew's tight grip.

"Where are we?"

"Cafeteria storage room.", he stated nonchalantly.

"Wow, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. Ick."

There was cobwebs in the corners and I coughed from the stuffy air and flour coming out of the packets on the shelves.

"It's dusty as hell here!"

".. which is why no one comes here."

He tossed his hair back as if in satisfaction.

"Right. Now, where were we before you very rudely dragged me here?"

Grinning excitedly like a child, he exclaimed, "You forgot!"

"Not so fast! I wanna know why you want everyone to think you're a man whore.", I said, making him cringe.

"I don't even know why I'm explaining this to you, but.. there are some things I‌ have to pretend to be to keep my life where it is right now. And I am very happy with where it is."

It was kind of ironic how robotic his last sentence sounded. I honestly felt bad for him.

"That doesn't really make sense to me.. but okay. So all those girls are fake? All those stories Adonis was blabbing about.. were conjured by you to uphold your reputation as a promiscuous, STD-harboring man whore?"

"It's not that.", he said coldly. "Look. You don't know what it's like because you're not.."‌, he seemed to be searching for the right word to say. ",you're not.. me. Besides, not all of those girls were fake. There were-"

I cut him off, "Two girls."

"Three!"

"Fine, three. IF‌ you count the one week relationship!"

He nodded confidently.

"Three girls in two years of college. Each relationship lasting a week, two months or four. I doubt you even slept with them!"

There was that deep blush again. Except this time, it was ten times darker. I was starting to like this look on him. And of course, I was very happy with this revelation.

A laugh slipped out, "Oh, get out! You're a virgin?!"

"So are you, in all likelihood. Because no guy has ever wanted you."

..Ouch.

"In contrast, hundreds of girls have wanted to bed me."

No guy has ever wanted you.. that stung. Burned deep, actually. But I tried to not show a response. He was probably just saying that to divert my attention from the topic at hand. Little does he know there were two guys I‌ could have been with back at home, but I pushed them both away because I wanted to save myself for Matthew. It was silly, but I couldn't help my heart. I was stuck on Matthew.. and I‌ still am. I quickly recollected myself.

"Okay.. ignoring that jab, I still can't believe you're a virgin!"

"And you look unjustifiably smug."

"Well.. I'm happy that you're not a player. And I think it's sort of funny that you have this elaborate game around your reputation. I mean, if people knew the truth..", I‌ mused.

His jaw dropped.

"Don't look so shocked, Matthew. I would never want to blackmail you. All I‌ have to say is that I'm happy you're being responsible, unlike some kids when they go to college."

He laughed, "You sound like my mother."

It was my turn to blush now. Way to make Matthew see me as a romantic interest when he's comparing me to his mom!

"Wouldn't want that, now, would we? Comparing you to my mother?

..Now that would dash all hopes for this fantasy of yours."

And just like that, my stomach fell a million miles. Not because of my attraction, but because I felt pure dread. He didn't mean.. no!‌ He can't have meant that. He doesn't know..

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Oh, nothing, Michelle.", he said smirking.

"It's Shelley!"

He sighed, "Shelley."‌

"Now tell me, what the hell did you mean by what you just said?!"

"Oh.. you mean that fantasy of yours?‌ I just happen to know you love me."

"There's no fantasy!‌ What bullshit are you talking about?!‌" I was screaming as I tried to control myself but I just couldn't. The world was falling apart around me by the second. "I don't care about you!‌ In fact, a part of me hates who you've become."

His smile didn't let down. "But our history.. it has to count for something. Right, Michelle?"

I gasped.

"Where did you hear that?"

He just stood there, facing me with that same obnoxious smile.

"I'm asking you again. Where the fuck did you get that from?!"

He shrugged, "Ohhh, nowhere."

"I'm either going crazy or you're lying to me."

His laughter was driving me insane.

"You are such a bully! I don't know why you've been dissing me since I came, but I don't care! In fact, I don't care about you at all! I might just be starting to hate you instead."

"Right.. keep the fire alive, Princess. I happen to know you're lying to yourself."

The use of his old nickname for me caught me by surprise. I became dizzy all of a sudden as a stir of butterflies took over my stomach. But.. I had to focus.

"And how would you know that I'm lying?!"

He took out his phone and started scrolling for something.

"Why.. because of this thoroughly enlightening video. Let's see.. play."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"..Isn't it wrong that you could exist in this life not knowing that there's someone right under your nose who loves you so much? But how can I tell him, Miriam? Maybe with time, but right now I can't. We've both changed over the years, but he has changed much more than I have. But I think our history has to count for something.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tried my hardest to keep my tears in check. I would not give myself more reasons to be embarrassed. It was so difficult. I felt so violated, so ridiculous, and so wholly embarrassed. This was not how it was supposed to happen. But then again.. when did life ever follow my neat little planned script? But this.. now this just blew up in my face.

"And THAT is how I know you're lying to yourself. You 'love' me."

I exploded, "SHUT‌ UP! SHUT‌ THE HELL UP! I don't love you! I HATE YOU!"

Matthew scoffed harshly, like he didn't give a single fuck. My vision was being blinded by tears, and I hastily wiped them away. He started slowly walking towards me.

"I know you're lying, because every step I take, I hear your heartbeat go faster."

"You wish! I feel NOTHING for you. NOTHING."

"So why is it then that every time I whispered into your ear today you..?"

The temperature in this pantry must have gone up, because I started feeling hot all of a sudden. Nothing to do with Matthew though. Not at all.

"You're dumb and stubborn. I UN-love you. There."

Amusement was circling in his eyes. With his slow approach, my heart began pounding harder and faster than I'd ever felt it go before..

"Still lying to me, Princess? Because I swear I heard somebody's heartbeat go up."

I knew there was no way for him to know and he was just trying to rile me up more but I felt flustered nonetheless.

"Not true. I h-hate you."

My voice and posture became vulnerable. Matthew was so close to me and his eyes were twinkling with the same mischief I saw this morning in the kitchen. His crooked smirk was amped to full effect and his hair was slightly disheveled. Everything about him at that moment was so. damn. sexy.

"I really. really. hate you."

Damn it, Shelley! Focus! You hate him! But my rebel gaze kept travelling to his lips despite my best attempts to look elsewhere. He slowly inched closer and closer to me, and I kept stepping back until I was cornered.

"No. You don't hate me." His voice dropped. "Do you want to know how I know that?"

"H-how?"

It was hardly a whisper.. strangled and involuntary, as every muscle within me wilted like jelly. He whispered silkily into my ear, tilting his head ever so slightly,

"Because you will respond to this.."

My stomach took a steep nosedive as his hands gently glide up my arms and then to my shoulders, and I tense as he draws me into his embrace. Time slows and I grow limp as his warm breath dances across my forehead, my eyes fluttering while he waits for me to pull away.

And I don't.

Of course I don't.

My heart has stopped beating and my mind feels empty and all I can do is hope and pray that he doesn't pull away as my nerves teeter at the edge of combustion in a state of anticipation.

Answering him, I subtly pulled him closer, his soft lips tentatively touching my forehead, while my breathing hitches in shock.

It's like the world has come to a grating halt on its axis as my heart flutters so fast that it might fly right out of my chest. Every nerve in my body feels like it's been lit on fire as my breathing becomes shallow and slow. My mind was racing but also short-circuiting from elation and panic, and I couldn't believe that this was really happening.

Each kiss he dropped rendered a new muscle unstable, and amidst my shock, I tried to reassure myself that I was not dreaming. It wasn't long before I submitted to the magical joy that consumed me, my brain growing fuzzy as it pleasantly drained all thought.

As his lips explored my face, along my jaw and grazing my right cheek, I leant into his frame, letting myself be engulfed in the sensation of letting Matthew kiss me. Soon enough, my knees buckle and lose their power, but he catches me with his hands on my waist, where he firmly holds me as I‌ melt into his grip, drawing him even closer to me.

He doesn't capture my lips himself, as though waiting for me to catch up. And then, I couldn't hold back anymore.. I found myself eager and hungry to fulfill the burning desire etched on my lips, rising up to meet him.

My hands uncertainly weave through his hair, and I trace my hands down to his chest as our lips meet passionately in a dance that smolders every fiber in my body. He guides me against the wall, and I push myself against him. I shiver as his hand glides up my side. All of my desire, all of the longing I had for Matthew, I put all of it into this kiss as I cupped his jaw against mine.

When he breaks our kiss suddenly, I feel a stab of disappointment, but then I gasp and my eyes roll back as his lips pepper featherlight kisses down the slope of my neck. Against the dizzying sensations being aroused in me, I try to focus on the sheer feelings that overcome me with each new kiss Matthew plants.

And soon, his lips graze my left ear as he whispers something.

"So.. nothing, huh?"

.. .. .. ..

My heart breaks into a million pieces.

"GET AWAY‌ FROM ME!"

I push him away from me with all my strength, my eyes blazing, and he falls on his back, lying upright on his elbows as he looks up at me.

He's smiling.

"This was all just a game to you?!" I started sobbing. "How could you be so vile?!"

"And how could you be so naive?", he taunted.

I ran from that pantry as far as my legs could take me, tears still streaming from my eyes. The dripping mascara stained my face, and all I could feel was the cold wind of the night whipping against me. Tears kept falling due to my anger, shock, frustration and heartbreak. He was right. How could I be so naive as to think he actually felt something for me? I was wholly broken. I wanted to go home. I wanted the comfort of my bed, and I wanted to speak with Jolie and Bella.

Thoroughly numb, but absolutely sure that I had only been running for mere minutes, I opened my eyes slowly, clearing them of all the tears that clouded my vision. I was completely shocked to come across the sight that met me next.

My North Carolina house stood before me in its small form and warm lights spilling out of the windows inviting me home. The road was unmistakably my road.

"I'm.. home?!"