“You’re Not”

It's been so many years, and my first thought when I wake up is still her, even after all this time. Every second of every day all I think about is holding Lexa as she dies in my arms, and knowing I'll never see her again. What makes it worse is having Madi with me. Because even though Madi's not biologically related to me or Lexa, I still see myself and Lexa in her. She has Lexa's strength and bravery. She has her smarts, and even looks a little like her. So I can never escape the thought of Lexa, especially now that I have Madi. After everything that's happened, I'm glad we still have each other. Now we're in Bardo, trying to figure out how to stop this final war. Cadagon has Raven as a hostage, so Madi, Octavia, Echo, Hope, and I are fighting to get her back. I stay by Madi's side, knowing I can't lose her too.

We enter a room and we see Raven with Cadagon standing over her. She is strapped to a chair with a machine on her head. "Let her go. You're out numbered." I say angrily. "But I'm not." He says, and immediately over 15 invisible disciples pop up. "Don't let them escape. I need to take the test for all of mankind." Cadagon says. "For all mankind." The guards repeat. Cadagon opens a portal and jumps through it. "Drop your weapons!" A guard yells. We do as he says, because we know we're way out numbered. I know I have to kill Cadagon to stop him from this crazy thing he thinks a test. The portals not to far away, I can run and not get shot. I look over to Madi, and she can immediately tell what I'm thinking. "No." She mouths. "Stay here. Be safe. I love you." I mouth back. I run to the portal and I jump in without getting shot.

When I exit the portal I'm on a huge platform. I see Cadagon. I aim my gun and shot him without hesitation. I've learned my lesson from hesitating. He falls to the ground. "That's what you get for keeping so many people in my family hostage." He looks up at me with disgust before he dies. I walk back to the portal only to realize it's not there. "Why am I still here?" I say to myself. "You know why." I hear a familiar voice. It can't be. It's not possible. I turn around to see Lexa standing there with her armor and war paint. Her deep green eyes lock with mine. "Lexa." I say softly. I run over to her and give her a hug I never thought I'd get to give. But then I realize. It's not Lexa. Cadagon mentioned something about a judge taking the form of the person you live the most. A tear slips down my cheek, realizing I'll never really get to see Lexa. I keep my hold on the judge Lexa, knowing it's the closest thing I'll get to feeling her warmth. "I'm not her Clarke." She says. I feel guilt and pity in her voice. "I know." I say sadly. I pull away from her. "So this is real? This is really a test?" I ask. "Yes. You're species must now be judged through you." How am I supposed to save my people?

She walks over to Cadagon's dead body. "This man was unarmed. He was no threat to you, yet you killed him. Why?" The judge asks. I almost start to cry hearing Lexa's voice. But I don't let myself, because I know it's not her. "He held so many people in my family hostage. He almost killed my daughter and my friends. But he did kill Diyoza. And I know Hope would want me to kill him for it." "So you're need for revenge is more important then the entire human race?" She asks me. "It's not revenge. It's justice." I reply. "Clarke." I flinch when I hear her same my name, remembering Lexa say it. "A rose by any other name is still, blood must have blood." She says in trideslang, as she walks towards me. "You don't know my pain." I say angrily. "You're wrong. During the test I sense every part of you. I'm feeling your pain right know." She doesn't get it. "Really? Then feel me holding Lexa as she dies. Feel me seeing someone else wear my mother's face. Feel me murder my best friend to save my child. Feel that." I say, as tears threaten to fall. "You suffer, and inflict suffering on others. Pain for pain, that's not justice Clarke. You say you do these things to protect your people, but you're all one people. That much Cadagon had right." She says. She's wrong. Cadagon had nothing right. "He created a world without love to get to you. He almost killed so many people to get to you. Have you ever considered that you're the problem?" I yell. "How dare you judge me, when you annihilate entire species because they don't live up to your ideals. Have I pulled the lever to commit genocide, yes I have. And did live make me do it? You're damn right it did!" I yell, feeling the fury overtake me. "But what's your excuse." I continue. "You play games with people and call yourselves higher beings. You are no better then the people I've killed. And you are no better than me!" I yell. "I have sorry for all you have lost." Her voice has a tone that shows she isn't sorry. "But if you are humanity, then I am afraid humanity is not worthy of taking the next step. It has been decided. Yu Gumplei ste odon." She she's, before she disappears.

I'm back in the room with Raven and everyone else. "What happened?" Raven says. "I failed. We're all going to get wiped out." I say in defeat. "You're just going to give up? You can't." Raven jumps out of the chair and runs into the portal.

After a few minutes of waiting, everyone starts glowing. "Whats happening?" I ask. "Raven did it. We're transcending." Octavia says. I realize everyone's glowing except me. I hug Madi one last time, and everyone disappears. I start to cry. I sit in the floor for a long time, before I go to the anomaly stone. I take the portal to earth, knowing If I'm going to be alone, that's where I'll want to be.

I get to bunker, and I walk outside. I see Picasso. "What are you doing here boy?" I ask, knowing that he can't answer. It doesn't make sense. The dog barks and runs away. "No wait!" I yell, and I run after him. He runs to a beach, and then I lose sight of him. "I don't want to be alone." I say sadly, as I feel a tear drip down my cheek. I was alone before, before I found Madi. I don't want to live like this forever. "I don't want to be alone." I say again. "You're not." I hear the judges voice. "What do you want?" I say, as she walks towards me. "To explain." "There's no need to. I get it. I bear it so they don't have to." I saw sadly. "Such a curious species. I'm glad to have been wrong about you, you've added so much to us." She says. "Does that mean you're heat to take me with you?" I say hopefully. "No. You're actions must have a cost." I look down. And then I start to walk away. I feel her footsteps close behind mine. "Just mine? Am I the only human being whose ever sinned?" I ask angrily. "Of course not. But you are the only test subject from any species anywhere in the universe since the dawn of time whose ever committed murder during the test." "And I'd do it again." "Everyone knew you would say that." "You can talk to them?" I ask. "Yes. Everyone's consciousness has joined ours. They'll never feel pain, and they'll never die. But because you won't be joining them, I have someone to keep you company."

I realize that she's disappeared from behind me. I see someone running towards to me on the other side of the beach. When she comes into view, I can't believe who it is. How is it possible? I see Lexa. With no armor or war paint. She's how I remember her before she died. It must be her and not the judge. I run to her. I jump into her arms and tears immediately stream down my face. I feel her warmth of her skin on mine, and I can't believe this is real. "Lexa." I say softly. "Clarke." She whispers. I cry even more hearing her voice. I kiss her gently, and her lips on mine is the only thing I focus on. Her lips dance with mine, and she's the only person in the world. Literally. After more hugging, and a lot more kissing and crying, I pull away a little to ask her something. "How are here? You died." Tears spill out of Lexa's eyes as she realizes what's actually happening. I haven't seen her in so many years, and I thought I never would again. "The judge told me that she brought me back with something from the flame, and she made it so I'll always be with you. She said that everyone else transcended and you couldn't, but this made it so life for you wouldn't be horrible." She smiles brightly. "I can't believe you're actually here. When I took the test the judge looked like you, and I thought that was the last time I'd ever get to be with even someone that resembles you." I cry even more. "The judge looked like you for me." Lexa says. I am Lexa's greatest love, and she is mine. "You have to fill me in on everything. This is all so confusing." Lexa says, as she laughs. I smile hearing her laugh again. "You even have short hair now. I love it." I smile even more. "I missed you so much. I thought I'd never see you again." I pull Lexa in and I wrap my arms around her. "I never said it back." She says. "What?" "I never told you I love you." "You didn't have to Lexa. I know how you feel." "I know now that love is not weakness. It's strength." She says, as she holds me tighter. "I love you too, Clarke of the sky people."

————

AN: I was only going to make this one chapter long, but I decided to make one more and have another thing that should've happened. Thank you!