The road towards his future (2) - Maritsu POV (2)

Maritsu took a deep breath and suppressed the sadness inside of him. He needed his full attention for what he was about to do next. Maritsu sat down with his notepad in front of him. He would analyse the situation and decide on his next course of action. This moment would be a defining moment. It would decide the road towards his future. The path he would walk from today onwards.

So, he took another deep breath and forced himself to calm down. His eyes became clearer and more determined. There was still sadness hanging around, so much sadness it was almost palpable, but it wasn't a raging storm anymore. It was like standing in the middle of a hurricane, a forced calmness and an absolute quiet.

He uncapped his pen and he started writing. One of his future paths was taking the College entrance examination and going to Ivy League colleges, like his mother and brother always wished for him. It was also the reason his brother died… Because without him, his brother would have been a college student or a member of the working class by now.

The second road ahead of him was to drop out of school and join the armed forces, like his brother did. He wanted to find out what was the reason for his brother's death. He didn't want just the official reports. Furthermore, he wanted to know everything his brother had experienced in his last days leading up to his demise. If he found out anyone had a hand in his brother's passing. He would stop at nothing to get his revenge or bring those people to justice.

He hadn't decided which yet, revenge or justice… Those, after all, they were two wholly different concepts. Revenge would only give himself satisfaction and didn't give his brother the answers he deserved. While justice would explain everything to his brother and his mother. That his brother must have been a hero, he was sure of it. However, did he really want to rip open his mother's scars many years down the line for this so-called justice? While revenge could be achieved silently in the death of night. Not disturbing any peace his mother might have found. However, these were all questions to be pondered, for later, a future worry.

Now he quickly crossed out the option of going to an Ivy League college, with a resolute stroke. When crossing it out, he felt a hollowness and uncertainty fill his chest. He had always walked the path towards this future goal. A path others had laid out for him by making sacrifices. Not being able to live up to those expectations, which had been placed upon him, left him feeling empty.

He suppressed, the hollowness and uncertainty, that filled his being in the speed of light. He remained however firm in the decision created, no matter what kind of emotions it created. Where he first seemed to bend down a little because of the decision, he now straightened his spine. He would do this and could do this.

He, however, quickly remembered the effort and time it took for his brother Jason to climb up. Not only that, but he didn't want to waste his time. A foot soldier would have a hard time finding out his brother's movements and investigate whatever was going on. He needed a better path. "Come on", Maritsu whispered to himself while hitting himself in the head. "Your brother always said you were smarter than him, prove it!" "Come up with a better and more suitable path!"

After thinking for a while, an idea flashed in his mind. The idea flashed by quickly, but he firmly grasped it as soon as it came into his head. "That was it, that was the way forward!" Grunts and foot soldiers had a hard time working their way up, a way fought with blood, tears, and sacrifice. He might not make it if he started at the bottom. Now he didn't really care if he lived or died. He was now burdened with finding the truth of his brother's death, and not only that. He also had to consider his mother's emotions, she wouldn't understand his choice, she would just be terrified of losing her only other son. The hit she received today was hard enough, he couldn't add more to that, his mother would be terrified if he joined like his brother did.

While grunts had no access to information and had to fight to work their way up, there were easier ways. He clenched his pen in his hand tightly and started writing again. A third path taking shape. He would not drop out of high school. Even more important, he had to get the best results he had ever gotten. Then he would be able to apply to the National Defence Academy, called Columburt. To apply to Columburt, you needed excellent College Entrance Examination results. That wouldn't be a problem for him. If he was accepted at Columburt, he would accept a four-year study course. Where they thought you the basics of being a soldier and how to be an outstanding officer. The last was significant since as soon as you left school if you passed all the required courses you would be an officer in the armed forces.

It made him not a grunt. It also allowed him to start in a high position. What was also essential was that his mom wouldn't be worried. He would tell his mom he wanted to follow in his brother's footsteps, but that he would be trained in an Academy. That after he finished his study he was the one making the decisions and not a cannon fodder like every foot soldier sometimes seemed to be.

His mother would accept it as well. They might have always pushed him to enroll in an Ivy League school, but that mostly because they were afraid he didn't have any goals and that they wanted him to have a goal to work towards. If his dreams and goals had been different, they would have supported him in a heartbeat.

This goal had all the advantages and none of the disadvantages of the second path. Therefore, he quickly crossed out the second path and circled the third path firmly. Here in this simple room and on this simple piece of paper he decided his future. No matter what this future would hold. It would be hard and he would suffer.

This road, however, would allow him to be able to find out what happened to his brother and make his mother proud at the same time. When he finally made his decision, he let his emotions back in. The loss of his brother was hard, and he needed to feel these emotions acutely. He needed to remember these emotions whenever he doubted the path in the future he chose to walk today. When he let his emotions back in he was no longer in the center of the tornado where always deadly calm and still. No, he was outside of it, in the center of where the storm created the worst havoc.

He felt the loss of his brother and the sadness his brought, but he would make this loss make him stronger. He would do his brother proud.