Zabuza Finds a Wild Obito (R-18)
I focused on the pain, the only thing capable of clearing my head while balls deep in Ringo. I haven't finished training with Bullseye, nor have I found another way to purchase her a Template Stack of the Third Raikage. The current doggy style coitus we've engaged in at her place came about entirely because Ringo wanted the D. She can't get enough of it, and who can blame her? I serve up the good D with the strength, skill, will, and determination of man dedicated to finishing the mission mutually, simultaneously, and as often as possible.
Ringo threw her bubbly cheeks back with a sexual hunger, like her womb burned with a fire only my semen can put out, making it insanely hard to not turn into a slobbering stroke victim again. A huge part of me wanted to just hold on to her hips for dear life as her snappin pussy stole my reason, intellect, and even my soul. For what is man before snappin pussy? I strived to find an answer with the full might of my staggering intellect and my vast sea of experience and power, but the monkey man I really am just wanted to lose himself in the soft warm sex-flesh. I work hard, I deserve to indulge my vices. It's a weak and pathetic part of a man, that entitlement to indulgence.
That part of me would have gotten me ganked tonight, as it was only my seeking distraction from the gripping wet heat engulfing my man-meat that had me pushing my mind in as many directions as possible away from my penis that led me to utilizing the full capacity of my chakra sensing. As such, I sensed the disturbance as it emerged and successfully dodged the lazy assassination attempt of the red cloud cloaked jackass, taking Ringo along for the ride, the straightening of my legs with her hilted on my rod lifting her into the air to travel with me across the room, though I had to use my hands to keep her there as I spun around to confront this bad boy.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Obito cried as he danced around, "You're still alive! How'd you dodge that?"
I removed Ringo from my cock with a loud pop and kicked up Shorikimasu spinning the sheathed blade around my body and neck reaching up to stop it resting over one shoulder, "You've got guts infiltrating my village like this, interrupting the only part of my life that makes all the hard work I do worth it." I drew Shorikimasu cross body slowly, letting the bastard feel every ounce of my indomitable spirit, "You've offended the very foundation of my being, prepare to get bullied by a naked guy! You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!"
These are not my actual opinions on the man acting the fool in front of me. As a fan of the series, Obito, like most Uchiha, pissed me off with the way the author bent over backwards to hand these guys power ups at the cost of narrative integrity. Obito is lucky Madara followed him up as the big bad, otherwise the guy would have been the villain king of asspulls, and Madara is lucky that Kaguya was such bad writing everyone forgave and forgot the way Kishimoto introduced a new retcon every time Madara showed off some new degree of asspull.
Just because Obito was written to be two deviations beneath the biggest FU to integrity of the world building, doesn't mean he isn't terrifying to face down. Just looking at his orange spiral mask makes me feel like an elephant is sitting on my guts. For all his faults, Obito is Him, and all I got in the tank to beat him is chanting debuff insults.
"Hey! Why are you saying all those mean things about me?" Tobi stopped dancing and pointed his finger at me, "You're a bully!"
You're goddamn right I'm a bully, and I'm not going to stop until this fight is settled. Ringo flanked the guy with the Kiba Blades in a burst of speed, assured of the hit, but instead of bisecting the guy her blades passed through him, not making contact at all.
"He's intangible!" Ringo shouted as she used her momentum to roll away from any kind of counter attack.
Not that Obito sought to counter, calmly assured in his invincibility as he continued to act the fool.
"You missed me, nana nana booboo!" he mocked the naked kunoichi.
"You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!" I repeated.
Unless Shorikimasu is going to surprise me and interrupt his Kamui, then I don't actually have a good way to defeat him. I might get lucky and toss some clones at him hidden as transformed projectiles that he sucks into his eyeball dimension, but I'll need an opening to set that up while under the watchful eye of the most experienced Uchiha alive, among the strongest of his kind ever. Obito is fast, strong, tough, and has hacks for days. So I'm going to bully him, every word blasting him with out of context power. It may not be much, but battles like this are won and lost in fractions of a second, especially with as tuned a technique as Obito's intangibility that utilizes his Sharingan's predictions, his lightning fast reactions, and impeccable chakra control to phase parts of his body in and out of this dimension. Obito has the right to be cocky, he can play with most anyone in the world without any reason to fear, but he's wrong to play with me. I'm cheating.
"Oh dear, I'm being underestimated… by a loser like Zabuza Momochi!" Obito laughed in his fake high pitch.
Laugh it up chucklefuck, Kiri may be a big joke to this guy, his own personal toybox, but I'm not the Zabuza who lost hard to Obito's favorite puppet.
"You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!" I repeated again.
"Is this some weird method of assessing my power?" Obito mocked and I pounced, arriving at the guy and stabbing Shorikimasu into his chest.
"Was that supposed to do something?" He tilted his head, so quirky, very wow.
"You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!" I repeated again.
"Okay, you asked for it." Obito yelled in his fake voice and moved to attack.
And I moved with him. He moved forward, I moved backwards. He moved backwards, I moved forwards, like a gag skit, all the while, "You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!"
"You are being so mean! How bout this!" he screamed as he dropped into the floor and immediately popped up behind me, where he found Shorikimasu already waiting for him. That evil turd Lester could take down teleporters with predictive ricochets, keeping my sword between me and Obito is pretty easy compared to that, especially with my powerful chakra sensing giving me that fraction of a second early warning to his repositioning.
We played a game of whack a mole that had my sphincter clenched tight enough to turn coal to diamonds all the while I kept up my debuff chant, aiming to get that frame advantage. He even tried a few attempts on Ringo, but she's a bit of a beast, and her two weird shaped swords allow her to easily position them defensively, preventing it from being safe to attack her front while I guarded her shapely rear.
"You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!" I kept repeating.
"Why are you doing that!" Ringo screamed in annoyance as she danced over an attempt on her ankles.
"Getting in his head." I grit out as I used my blade to force Obito to keep his hands out of this dimension, then got right back to my debuff chant, wishing I had some of those Sekuna mutations to make this process easier. Double debuffs and four hands to put sharp obstacles in this Uchiha bastard's path. Sign me up, just no face cancer please.
"Oh, this fight is so frustrating!" Tobi sobbed as he reappeared on the other side of the cut up room from us.
"That's my line!" Ringo screamed at him, "Your gimmick is bullshit!"
"You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!" I repeated.
"Alright then." Obito announced in his real deep and manly voice that I'm totally not jealous of, "I've tolerated enough of this."
In a warping of space, a quartet of straight edged fuma shuriken shot out of the man's face at high speed, which I repelled with a single half seal exhale of wind justu (suck on all of this Prime Hiruzen Powah!) The torrent of violent air tore up the floor and created just the diversion I needed to pull a fast one. For a brief moment the debris and one of the cartwheeling shuriken broke the line of sight between us. Obito also tried to be slick, and emerged from the dust up running at me with (at fucking furious speed, what the fuck dude why are you so fucking fast!) two kunai attached by a chain coming in behind him as he charged, nearly the same setup he tried to snare Minato with. He ghosted through both my attack and my body, the chain tightening around my arms. I'm trapped. I didn't que Obito to the fake out with a smirk, though I wanted to.
"I win." He declared and sucked my clone into Kamui with a quickness that made my nads tighten in terror.
I emerged in a puff of smoke from my hiding place amongst the wreckage of Ringo's apartment (thank God I'm a dictator, or we'd be cooked on the deposit!) and thrust Shorikimasu at the guy's chest, right in his his pathetic broken heart to avoid his OP head defense eyeball. The blade passed through harmlessly, but Obito still bled and pulled away from me on shaky legs, his mask leaking blood and spit from the bottom. The heart he sent into Kamui met with the clone he just sucked up.
All of this happened in less than a second, and in that less than a second Obito sucked. He was shit at fighting. His predictions were wrong. His reactions were slow. His coordination off. His chakra control, atrocious.
"Checkmate, bitch!" I grinned my heart full of glee and went to decapitate the man.
Who fucking vanished, taking half my fucking sword with him.
I looked down at what was left of my awesome sword and found myself suddenly wishing it had Kubikiribocho's dumb as fuck gimmick. My classy and powerful piece! This bastard blocked my nut and assassinated one of the key features of my fit! Truly a bad guy of all time!
"What are the odds that my clone kills that bastard and avenges my sword?" I whimpered as my eyes got misty.
I only got cocky for less than a second and now my sword got Mangekyou Sharingan'd in half. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
"What are the odds that any of my stuff didn't get destroyed!" Ringo screamed and started going through the rubble looking for her clothes.
"I hope it's one hundred percent." I muttered.
Next time I see Obito, I'm bullying his ass into the grave.
-Meanwhile with Haruto-
Obito returned to Kamui, his body impaled on the clone's sword, his heart destroyed with a terrible twist. More than pain, Obito felt humiliation. No one had laid hands on him since the night the Fourth Hokage died. He was the invincible shinobi. The heir of Madara. A loser like Zabuza Momochi killed him. One of these statements doesn't fit with the others. Without a moment of hesitation Obito sacrificed his spare Sharingan and layered an illusion over existence that became the new truth. The fatal strike never happened.
In a shocking display of speed and awareness the clone dodged Obito's retaliatory surprise attack, completely unbothered by the reversal. The naked Zabuza just smiled at him, a wide and sadistic smile.
"You must feel like a god, carrying such a handy pocket dimension in your eye." the clone of Zabuza mocked, "You have your own private retreat from our cruel world, but now there's trouble in paradise! Feel free to strand me in this little dimension of yours, but know that I have more chakra in me than most shinobi produce in their entire lifetime! I'm going nowhere and I was made with only one purpose, to torment you! You're own personal demon turning your private heaven into hell!"
Obito grimaced, for a loser, Zabuza certainly had some cold lines to drop.
"You suck! You're shit at fighting! Your predictions are wrong! Your reactions are slow! Your coordination is off! Your chakra control is atrocious!" the clone began chanting and Obito felt pure burning rage.
But he didn't allow it to overcome his good sense. Obito left him to his chanting and teleported to his laboratory. With the flip of a switch a wall lined with shelves illuminated revealing a vast supply of Sharingan eyes. Techniques that blind the eye like Izanagi were reviled by the Uchiha who hold their eyes sacred in the clans self-deifying pseudo religion. Obito was never a good Uchiha, and it liberated him to become the strongest. He pulled away his mask, revealing his deformed face half grafted with White Zetsu flesh, and reached into one of the glass storage containers filled with eyes and preservation fluid, popping the replacement into his skull and letting his Zetsu enhanced Uchiha biology do the heavy lifting attaching everything.
With a few blinks Obito was back online and ready to stomp out an infestation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me know if anyone wants me to write about the clone running around in Kamui chanting insults at Obito. I don't think it'll be very fun and would rather leave the details a mystery.
You can support me and my family at ko-fi.com/jmanm