Party Hardy

"Who wears short shorts? We wear short shorts!" I shouted as I put my arms over my teammates' shoulders and led us to the first location in our bar crawl victory lap while my hands emitted the green aura of medical jutsu.

"What are you doing, Kiba?" Sakura whined as she stared at my hand.

"Manually adjusting our bodies response to alcohol." I grinned, "A drunken ninja's best technique. Too many of us have an adapted or natural resistance to poisons, so without this little jutsu there'd be a whole swath of shinobi unable to get their drunk on."

"So how much will we be able to drink?" she asked from under my arm.

"Just don't drink more than me and you'll be right as rain tomorrow." I answered as we stepped into the dimly lit bar full of off duty shinobi, "Hold the applause ladies and gentlemen! I know it's not every day you are graced with the presence of the greatest Genin Team of all time, with the confirmed highest grossing mission in the history of the village! But what can I say? When you're me, these things are expected! So a round of drinks on me, I am rich after all! I can afford a little generosity!"

And boy could I. It been the work of an afternoon to island hop and take down Gato's entire operation in the Land of Waves. We killed most, captured some, and took the little midget megalomaniac prisoner.

We spent three days under Kakashi's tutelage torturing prisoners to death, and when only Gato was left I knelt down next to the man, covered in the blood of his two bodyguards whom he had a front row seat in watching the surgical exploration off, and explained to him that I was an Inuzuka and that I could literally smell the chemicals his body gives off when he lies, and if he chose to lie to me, or withhold what I wanted to know, then he'd be the next strapped to my make shift operating table.

Needless to say, the man revealed every hidey hole he stashed his dosh in. With Gato and his gang gone, Tazuna gladly signed off on our completed missions and we took the midget home with us to hand over to the real Torture and Interrogation Division of the KNC. They'd get him to give up all his assets world wide and the village would auction them off. That's a huge shot in the arm for the treasury considering that besides the man's criminal empire he was also the world's largest shipping magnate.

In one mission, we not only collected enough loot and bounties to keep us drowning in liquor, whores, and blow for years, but put the boot to Iwa and became the richest hidden village in the world. Needless to say we received four shiny medals and a note in our files stating we were up for automatic promotion as soon as we either met the peace time promotion mission requirements or participated in the Chunin Exams.

We could technically fail out of the first exam and still walk away with our flack jackets. That's the kind of appreciation your boi deserves.

Now my announcement cause a great stilling in the bar room, and the noise level dropped dead. Naruto and Sakura stiffened under the pointed observation of their elder servicemen and women, and their hearts moved south, just behind their navels.

"I'll drink to that!" the first man shouted and his companions joined in a great outcry of appreciation.

For the first time the pair of kids who'd experienced constant rejection from the people they wanted acceptance from most got to feel the warm comradery of a great barroom. We spent an hour here exploring different drinks and eating greasy food before we moved on to the next location and repeated the process again and again and again along the path I scouted for watering holes with the best vibes until we dragged our drunk asses into the capstone of the evening, a nasty strip club in on the edge of the red-light district.

As an old friend of mine would say, 'Those girls get hella handsy up in there!'

"Now listen, Naru-bro, these girls… don't think of them like people… think of them like puppets designed to separate you from your cash." I paused as a a topless girl walked by with some delicious looking breasts then continued after we stopped ogling her thong clad ass, "Your… you're dumb, dude. So you are probably going to fall in love with the first girl that pulls you aside and tells you everything you ever wanted to hear someone say. In like… three hours we are going to pull out of here and go get pancakes. That's when I'll have to break down exactly why she isn't a nice girl in a bad spot that just needs you to come save her with all your money."

I handed Naruto his greatly deflated Gama-chan that I pulled from his pocket during my lesson, "That's why I am going to hold on to most of your cash. You have a fat budget right here. You can spend the night sitting up at the stage, getting lap dances, but you don't have enough for any ridiculous schemes these hos might work on you. If you really need more just come find me."

"You're the best, Ki-bro!" Naruto slurred, "You teach me stuff, and make me lots of money, and protec ma money! And you bring me to tiddies. I love you, Ki-bro!"

"I like you to Naru-bro." I smiled back at him, "You are way less annoying now that I'm drunk. You too, Sakura."

"Hey! Why do you only care if Naruto falls in love with a stripper?" Sakura burped out, "What if… What if I fall in love with a stripper?"

"Then you are way cooler than I give you credit for, girl." I laughed and directed us to the bar to get our next sippable buzz extenders.

As I pulled up a stool I saw the bartender pouring an ounce out of bottle after bottle into an ice filled glass and top it all of with a splash of grenadine, leaving a lovely red drink for his customer's enjoyment.

"Is that a Motherfucker?" I gasped in wonder.

Not an Adios Motherfucker, THEE Motherfucker. Basically a Long Island with like six more ounces of assorted liquors poured on top.

"Yeah." The bartender grinned, "They don't like it when I make these, but if you don't tell the manager I won't."

I considered it only for a moment. If we switched to these, then I will have to use disgusting hangover cure rather than trust my medical skills to avert a bout of agony in the morning, but YOLO son.

"We'll take three." I nodded.

Money changed hands, drinks entered hands, and the three of us settled in stage side to watch some pole dancing. Naruto eventually got waylaid on his journey to get us more Motherfuckers, forcing me to abandon my post after a failed kunoichi damn near lit the stage on fire with her athletic performance.

I spotted the dunce in the corner with some nubile little woman whispering in his ear and my drink warming on the table next to him.

"Et tu, bruh?" I sighed as I grabbed my drink and Sakura's dirty Shirley Temple and made the walk back to the stage.

"Well if it isn't the guy that dropped the world's richest midget right on my lap." A sultry tone stopped my roll dead.

"That guy was no fun." she complained as the mesh clad form of Anko Mitarashi got up on her tippy toes and draped herself over my shoulders.

Sans coat.

"'I'll tell you whatever you want, just keep the dog boy away from me~!'" she mimicked in disgust, "Where have all the good men gone?" She lamented with her lips over my ear, "I hear you're a good man. A man of prayer."

I put the drinks down and popped shadow clones who nodded and ran off to pay the tabs and get Sakura and Naruto home safely.

I had a new mission for the night, and couldn't lug around a pair of drunk twelve year olds for this one. Anko squealed when I put her over my shoulder and ran to the nearest love hotel, these super convenient Japanese fuck stations that provide a man anything he might need for debauchery all day every day.

With minimum fuss I booked a luxurious suite with an attached fake hot spring and chucked my partner onto the mattress before diving out of my clothes like the great Lupin III. Anko slithered out of her bodysuit almost as fast as I did and without any fanfare I slammed home into the most tight, warm, and soft pussy I have ever felt.

I was literally stunned. It felt like magic running from the tip of my cock up my spine.

"Done already, champ?" Anko teased, "I guess it's a good thing you want me to sit on your face."

"Done? Damn near." I grinned while looking down into her dull brown eyes, "But that's how I want to die, sweetcheeks. And since I ain't done living yet, I'm going to do my best to fuck you into a blissful stupor."

I punctuated this by getting my hips into gear and working her glorious cunt with grit teeth and burning determination. If anyone doubted my Will of Fire, then the glowing grit I displayed in my effort to get her to climax before I blew my load put those doubts to rest.

Turns out I'm a team player after all.