Chapter-6

"Hush now. Stop crying." I whispered again.

He had been crying non-stop for the last fifteen to twenty minutes and my heart was just ripping apart at the helplessness that I was feeling. I wanted to comfort him.

He sobbed. "I am so sorry for breaking down. But I thought I would never talk to you again." His voice broke at the end and he started to sob again.

I sighed. A hole was burning on my chest. I felt angry at myself for not being able to comfort him.

"It's just that I am so happy to have you like this. And...and whenever I am stressed and I talk with you, I forget about everything. I like the world when it's only you and me here...oh sorry I over spoke. I- I am sorry." He apologized and went dead silent.

There I was again, unable to express how I really felt. I wanted to assure him about things but it felt bad to give assurance when even I wasn't sure of things. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to be his to call. I wanted to call him mine too but we were in no circumstance to be each other's. I definitely wanted him but the uncertainty about the future was cold and dark. For that reason, it felt bitter to give him false assurance.

"Kwan?" He called.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you so quiet?"

"Nothing, just waiting for you to be okay."

Silence stretched and with it, my heart shrunk deeper. I wanted to comfort him but I knew words weren't enough. If I was with him physically, I could hug him tight and hold him until he stopped crying. I gritted my teeth together and clenched my jaw in frustration. A lump rose in my throat.

I had never seen his face, only heard his voice. He had seen me in photos. It wasn't like I didn't want to see him. Of course I wanted to see him but he didn't seem to be willing to show himself. I never forced him. I respected his privacy and his reason to hide himself, whatever that maybe.

"Hey? You okay now?" I called quietly.

He giggled.

"What?" I frowned.

"I made you speechless again, didn't I? Everytime I express my feelings, you turn into a cold stone." He giggled again.

"Oh...I am sorry for the silence." I apologized.

"No. No." He quickly replied. "Don't apologize. I actually like the silence. I like it with you. Even though we don't exchange words, I like it." He muttered.

I gulped down. I had never felt that way for anyone and for an instance, I just wanted to run to him.

"Kwan?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to fall asleep."

My heart felt heavy and the lump in my throat was choking me. I couldn't control it anymore. Tears blurred my view and slowly flowed down my cheeks. I compressed the sobs.

"You should sleep peacefully now." I said in a normal voice.

He scoffed softly. "I just said I don't want to."

I swallowed hard, my throat feeling tight. I couldn't speak anymore. If I tried to speak, a sob would probably escape my mouth. I sealed my lips and cried silently. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand but they didn't stop. It kept on flowing down.

Why was it happening to me? Was it karma for all the heart break I caused? Two things I was sure of, first, the thing with him was different and second, I was falling harder for him.

After a while, I took a deep breath to feel better. He had gone completely silent.

"Hey?" I called.

There was no reply.

I sighed. He was probably asleep. It was rare for him to fall asleep while talking to me. It was always me who would fall asleep frequently while talking.

"Goodnight. See ya. Bye..." I whispered.

...........

"Oh my God! I can't believe it. So you are finally coming to the city. I am so excited!" Juni exclaimed excitedly.

I moved the phone away from my ear. She was loud. "Well, well, it is not fixed yet. I am going for the interview. Still not sure if I will get the job."

She laughed. "Whatever. But at least, you are coming to the city. Let's hang out!"

"Okay. Okay." I smiled.

"Damn man. It would be so nice. You, me and Naomi can hang out all the time like old times."

"Yeah. yeah."

"So what should we do when you come here? umm..." She thought for a moment. "There are lot of things to do here. I will plan everything. Come stay for many days, okay?"

I laughed. "Let's see."

...............................

"Kwan...I want to go stargazing with you. I want to sit under the dark sky with twinkling stars and talk the whole night."

"Kwan, if we ever meet, I will create such a drama for you to kiss me."

"I have always wanted to feel loved. I am glad I found you."

"Kwan, how do we define our relationship?"

The voices in my mind turned into a mess as they echoed together in my ears. I was trapped in a dark room. There was no door, no way out. I couldn't see a single thing. But from the black walls echoed those words that still haunted me. I wanted to run away but I couldn't seem to move my legs. They were glued to the ground. I couldn't feel my legs, as if I was paralyzed.

A bright light flashed and was gone in a split second. And in a blink I was at an unknown street in an unknown ally. I looked around. A car drove past me. The strong wind made me shudder. I let out a heavy breath and it turned into a mist in the air.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I frowned. A sense of deja vu rushed through me. I turned my phone on.

Mr. K- I guess for me a veg pizza and a coke will do.

I frowned at the text.

I turned around and realized I was suddenly standing in front of a familiar hotel. The illuminated 'DAFFODILS' made me scowl as another sense of deja vu rushed through me. I gritted my teeth. I tried to take a step but i couldn't move again. What was happening?

"Kwan...I am going home. Uh...the situation is really bad so I guess I will come late at night. Don't wait for me. Sleep early."

My heart shrunk as tears flooded my eyes.

Unable to take a step forward, I looked up at the sky. I heard a horn in the distant. I looked in front me. A huge truck was rushing to me. It was getting closer with each heartbeat. I tried to run around I was paralyzed. The headlights blinded me and I waited for it to hit me.

I woke up with a jerk as if I had fallen from a height. I was covered in sweat and my heart was racing. I ran my fingers through my hair. I frowned and reached to touch my cheeks. They were wet. It wasn't the first time I had cried in my sleep.

Maybe I had started to think about him a lot again with the mention of going to the city. Dreams had become more frequent. And his voice was starting to lose its original tone. Honestly, I had forgotten what he sounded like but the voices would come as whispers. Maybe I was losing my mind.

Waking up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely was frequent for me. Just thinking about him made my heart clench tightly. I couldn't forget him. I...never wanted to forget him.

...................................................

"Kwan...my world would be happier if you were here with me."