I don’t wanna write dumb backstories but all stories need at least one

'I met those two bastards when I was out adventuring, you know, the ordinary awesome, charismatic man exploring the wild lands outside of the cities. I am so handsome and full of vigor at that time that every single blade of grass withered as I pass by.'

If you're a blade of grass, and you see a handsome guy walking towards you, will you fucking wither? Whatever you're drinking, I don't want one!

'One rainy day, I was in a valley where entry is forbidden, because it's a portal zone. But because of the strong man I am, I really don't care about whichever abomination pops up— I can crush them to pulp. So I basically slept in an elevated cave-like opening, and woke up the next day with multiple bladed weapons and Alliance personnel bearing down on me.'

Let's see where he's going with this backstory glorifying himself, even if I don't want to.

'Then tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, shit evade, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, then the still kicking threw a lot of stuff at me, then I spotted this beautiful girl from outside…'

What is that even supposed to be? A series of taps, a single move to evade, then a multitude of stuff were thrown, and an attractive girl? I'm disappointed. We've even lost track of the main topic here! It's supposed to be the story of how you three met! Why are we in a random valley or whatever cave! Screw this!

Last chance.

'So it was there y'know, that I smelled the aroma of grilled entrails and fried food. I followed my nose, and voila, I saw two dumb looking guys behind it. They were each staring at a barrel of a gun…'

I'm done— so done with this flashback. Why are they grilling innards and frying assorted food in a forbidden zone? Is there even any sense to this? I'm gonna do the dumb flashbacks from now on!

'I am like an overpowered protagonist in an isekai manga when I took out those guys for them. All I need is two taps, and then I swaggered into their cooked food stall and took some out with the grace of a grizzled war veteran. I'm so awesome…'

Why are you still speaking?

Huff… damn it I wasted a few hundred words on his useless blabber… here's the real unbiased story.

It was some five odd years ago, when a nineteen year old man in a bloodied hooded cloak suddenly appeared in a dirty Manila alley.

"Shit… those fuckers got me good," clutching his bloodied left side, he tried to control his breathing to recover his senses. "I can't even take control of my own blood flow… that cheating baldie…"

The man in the bloodied cloak fell over from exertion, only to try and force his way back up moments later. He succeeded only after turning into a pale white sheet. Perhaps fearing his ambushers will catch wind on his whereabouts, he tried his best to circulate his wide array of powers. Too bad, though, his poisoned bloodstream managed to stop his every attempt.

He used the last ounce of power in his teleportation device to at least get a little further away. He knew that the rain would cover up most of his stench anyway. As the lights flashed and he disappeared to a location unknown to even him, his ambushers appeared in a spot only a few meters away. His six ambushers wore dark blue cloaks, hiding their faces, but an intimidating aura leaked out from their varied physiques.

The man in the middle, a tall, well-built man with two scabbards on his side uttered with a hint of anger towards a certain direction, "how could we have let that lunatic get away! You said his teleportation device should be non-functioning now!"

The smallest of the bunch, a woman not even five feet tall even with the heels she's wearing snapped, "I said it should be! I didn't say it for certain! What I'm sure of is it's almost dead, so it shouldn't be able to take him far. Let's just search for him and kill him this time for sure! It shouldn't be hard, with all that poison in him!" The six then fanned out in six directions, after sensing that there is no aura scent around the area they��re in.

Meanwhile, several miles away…

"Good thing I finished selling all my pork innards before the rain fell!" A joyous elder brother John tapped his younger bro's shoulder with mocking intentions. "Told ya this is the kind of day for innards!"

Juan's face sank. He bragged that his fried food which consisted of kikiam, hotdogs, fish balls, and calamari would continue selling out earlier than his brother's for the sixth consecutive day. "You just got lucky! The rain helped you! If it hadn't rained… uhhh… I would've sold out earlier!"

"Hehe, you finally lost, you braggart! Time for you to treat me to a meal this time!" This is his end goal. He's lost a load of money because his brother eats a ton when he's paying, which he's done for the past five days. This has been the two's ritual for years now. Whoever finishes selling his food first, gets treated by the loser. But he loses at least three times more than his brother, so every time he gets a win, he forgets that it is his brother paying and just eats like a total glutton with a rich, billionaire friend.

"Dammit… I have to get my wallet ready." Juan's already sorrowful look went way worse this time.

The two brothers— one triumphant and cheery, the other overflowing with murderous intent— set off to look for delicious food to fill their stomachs. Of course, the rain doesn't make it any easier, but their growling bellies were above all else.

The two took a turn into a muddy alley that was a shortcut known only mostly by locals, and as they rounded off another muddy passageway, they were suddenly threatened at gunpoint.

"You two idiots, you seem loaded," generic bad guy number one sized up the two. "So just shut up and give me your money!" He commanded.

"What are you, a meme? Like hell we would—" John's disgraceful retort is cut off by the sudden emergence of a cloaked man. Even their muggers were stunned by this person that came out of nowhere.

He's bloodied, with his cloak torn at many parts. He also emitted a strange aura of death. These ordinary bandits started backing away, though the horrifying appearance of the man made them lose their noodles.

After the five bandits took a few steps backward, they suddenly tensed up. The hooded cloaked man's lifeless eyes suddenly spilled killing intent directed at the five. The brothers in the middle didn't even dare move, afraid that those eyes look at them instead.

The man smelled something, and instantly burst forward. His speed was so fast the brothers didn't see how he managed to decapitate the bandits. The two turned, and saw multiple fountains of blood where the five's heads have been. Meanwhile, the hooded man was panting, heaving seemingly from exertion. He coughed once, spewing a bit of black blood in the process. He coughed again as he turned towards the brothers, whose mouths were agape, spewing even more of that black blood.

The two found this scene appalling. They thought they could finally eat their fill after a day's work, but za warudo threw them a life-changing curveball.

The life-changing curveball is this assho— man in the cloak, the man that killed five bandits in a flash. The man smiled, with blood seeping out from the corners of his mouth, at the two.

A sweeping chill crept up the brothers' spine, as the bloodied man burst towards them the same way he did against the bandits.