Evanescere

"Sometimes, it is better to set aside the love and restore the friendship."

-Damian Franz Schiller

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LOOKING back when Haji was still around...

"Hey Jhay, what is it that scares you the most?" Haji asked Jhay. Damian was fixing his guitar strings as he kept humming, ignoring Haji and Jhay in the living room.

"Guess" Jhay said. Haji snorted as he grabbed a pillow from the sofa and recklessly threw it at Jhay's face.

"You're a good for nothing idiot!" Haji cursed as Damian and Jhay chuckled.

"How about you?" Jhay asked as Haji started to ignore her and kept sulking.

"Not scared of anything." Haji murmured. Damian put down his guitar and joined in their conversation.

"I'm scared of everything!!" Damian blurted out, Pherein brought a lot of gummy bears and the two toddlers ate all of it without giving any to Jhay.

"I think I'm scared of life" Jhay said. The two boys stopped eating and watched Jhay with horrible eyes as she ate another batch of gummy bears. Pherein left without hearing Jhay's answer, or maybe she pretended not to hear.

"Why?" both boys asked in unison.

"It tells us a lot of lies." Jhay said. Haji and Damian both nodded as if considering the topic as a bluff. They all knew what Jhay meant was true. The unstoppable marching of time only reminds us that we are going to vanish in this world sooner or later.

"So Jhay, do you plan to be an artist someday?" Damian asked as he chewed another red gummy bear. Jhay nodded.

"Is that what you really want to do for the rest of your life?" Haji asked. Jhay nodded.

"You sure?" Damian asked. Jhay nodded.

Jhay thought for a second, "Do I really want to be an artist?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

She was aware that her mind was nourished with knowledge and wisdom. But what's the use, if her heart never stopped thinking about things that the general population ignored? What scared Jhay the most wasn't life, it was life saying that she didn't belong to the world and that people  thought she was insane.

Jhay has been lonely for a long time and these people reminded her that somehow, she belonged to the society.

Little by little, Jhay began to understand. No matter how she tried to push these people away and how hard she tried to hide from them, they would try to understand her.

"Hey Jhay" Damian called Jhay. The colorful sceneries that started to form inside Jhay's head vanished as she heard them laughing.

"Why do you think Mr. Ayara left home for Antarctica?" Damian asked. Jhay smiled at them, a bitter one.

"Father loves the snow. He loves everything that is white." Jhay answered. Purity and cleanliness first came into her mind. Jhay wanted to talk a lot about how very fond she was towards John. John was Pherein's husband. When Jhay was eight he made an artificial snow outside their house. John barely went home and would tell Jhay a lot of stories. The adventures and the beautiful places that he told her were still fresh inside Jhay's heart. The photo that she gave Haji was the first photo John has ever taken of her. That was the first time Jhay smiled since she came in that house. Jhay smiled because John handed her a very fragile thing. It was a very small crystal like treasure.

"Snowflake" Jhay remembered John said it with a warm voice.

"A beautiful fragile thing, it slowly breaks if handled carelessly" John added.

"You made it?" Jhay once asked. John nodded and took a picture of Jhay with his old camera.

"I really love snow, just how much I love and treasure you, my little bedbug" Jhay remembered John said and caressed her head.

"Is that why you wanted to have snow here in the Philippines?" Haji asked as they both laughed at Jhay. They loved making fun of her which annoyed Jhay.

"What's so wrong about wishing to have a snow here?!" Jhay grumbled as they continued laughing at her.

"You're crazy!" Damian said laughing.

She knew.

If it wasn't Damian or Haji who said those two words, Jhay would have already accepted it. But when they told her those words.

"You're crazy" it just simply meant "But for us, it's normal because we understand each other".

Jhay always wanted it to snow there. And then, maybe, it would take a longer time for her father to stay in their country and investigate the phenomenon. Maybe a year? A decade? Or a lifetime research if that would ever happen. Then John won't have to go to Antarctica and leave home just to study about snow and everything there.

Jhay just realized something ironic everytime Mr. Ayara tells her stories. The more he tried to stay connected with her, the more he got far away from her. Everytime Jhay showed him her interest about his work, the more he got motivated and the lesser he went home. It was Jhay who made him go away.

Jhay remembered she has been taught long time ago that the world has only one continent.

Would it be possible that Sahara had met Antarctica?

Yet still, she could never forget the impact Haji brought into her life.

What happened after Haji suddenly left without a word?

She felt abandoned.

And Cold.

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"DAMIAN, could it be possible that Haji remembered his past?" Damian's mother asked him while tapping his shoulder. Damian was sitting on the sofa bed. He was wondering where did that idiot go.

BREAKING NEWS: NINE YEARS AGO THIS MYSTERIOUS HOUSE WAS ABANDONED BY A COUPLE. THE WOMAN SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED WITHOUT A TRACE. AFTER THE MYSTERIOUS INCIDENT, HER HUSBAND HAVE BEEN WATCHED BY SCIENTISTS AND RESEARCHERS FROM OUTSIDE THEIR HOUSE. THE MAN NEVER APPEARED OUTSIDE THE HOUSE FOR MONTHS. ONE TIME THEY HEARD A SCREAM FROM THE INSIDE. THE TEAM RAIDED THE WHOLE HOUSE AND FOUND NOTHING BUT CODES, AND SYMBOLS BEING CARVED AND WRITTEN ON THE COUPLE'S ROOM WALLS. CURRENTLY, THIS LEGENDARY HOUSE UNEXPECTEDLY COLLAPSED. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TALKING THAT THE COUPLE HAD A CHILD BUT THERE WAS NO EVIDENCE...

Damian sighed as he averted his eyes towards the window.

"Where are you Haji?" he mumbled.

...THERE WERE THEORIES THAT THE SUDDEN INCIDENT WAS CAUSED BY AN EARTHQUAKE OR TO PUT IT SIMPLY, THE HOUSE WAS TOO OLD THAT IT COLLAPSED. BUT, THERE WAS AN OLD MAN WHO SAID THAT HE SAW A YOUNG MAN WHO ENTERED THE HOUSE AND NEVER CAME BACK. ARE THE RUMORS ABOUT THE COUPLE'S HIDDEN CHILD TRUE? STAY CONNECTED WITH US FOR THE LATEST UPDATES.

Damian turned off the TV as he tried not to decipher everything that has recently happened. He thought it was impossible.

Damian thought, "It can't be Haji that they were talking about in the news, right?"

Now that Haji left Damian without telling him anything, he remembered something familiar.

"He disappeared suddenly just like how I met him unexpectedly." he mumbled and let out a lonely chuckle.

Damian wondered what could have happened if he never went to the forest that time. Would he meet him the other way? If he never gave Haji that shoe box long ago, would they ever meet Jhay the other way? Meeting someone in your life and letting them stay shows that somehow you see yourself in them.

Damian remembered he have read an article long ago, he was not certainly sure if it was true that: Once every 2373 years, Mercury, Venus and Saturn can be seen above the pyramids of Giza, Egypt in a very aesthetic view. Like a piece of art or a painting. A very impossible chance for everyone to witness even if they wait for the rest of their lives. Whether this article was a fact or a tale, one thing Damian knew was for sure: That if you had a chance to meet someone or witness a very important event in your life, whether they are temporary or permanent, let it be remembered and treasured.

Damian reached for his guitar as he felt the strings started to dig in his fingertips. He sang a song which he barely sings.

"Snowflakes are falling

And you are getting farther away

I miss you

I miss you"

Damian remembered that it used to be Haji the one singing since Damian believed he had a terrible voice.

"How much more do I have to wait?

How many more days do I have to stay up all nights?

Until I can see you?

Until I can meet you?"

Damian could never forget about how Haji loved to sing and play piano at the same time. Damian was the one who thought Haji but Haji seemed to be more experienced than he was when it comes to playing with the keyboard.

"You know it all

You're my best friend

The sun will rise again

No darkness, no season

Can last forever"

Damian thought, "Haji, will you ever come back? Even if not for me, but for the person whose life has changed because of your existence. Will you come back for Jhay?"

"Seems like cherry blossoms are blooming

The winter is gone

I miss you

I miss you

If I wait a little longer

If I stay up all nights for a couple of more days

I'll go to meet you 

I'll come to get you"

Damian felt his fingers bled as he continued playing. Never did he realized, he cried. Damian let his mind finished the song as he wiped his tears using the back of his bleeding hand.

Until this cold winter ends

And the spring comes again

And until the flowers bloom again

Please stay there a little longer

Please stay there

"Damian! what happened to your hand?!" Damian heard his mother's voice and he bowed his head.

It hurts like hell when your bestfriend left without a word. And what hurts the most is when you can never get angry nor mad because you will try to understand that person.

Damian's mother rushed towards him, she brought along with her the first aid box. She nursed her son's hand as Damian stared at her.

"Mom" Damian sighed, two sides of his brain were arguing whether he'll ask her a question.

"Yes honey, what is it?" his mother asked with still her eyes on Damian's hand, ensuring the bandages were intact.

"Do you know Haji's past?" Damian asked. His mother stopped and looked at him.

"Are you sure you want to hear my answer, Damian?" his mother asked and gave him a bitter smile. Damian nodded. His mother sat next to him,  she placed both her hands on her lap and released a heavy sigh.

"The theories on the news were no bluff... that kid was Haji. I don't know the whole story but... It was true." she said with a sad face. Damian's mother told him everything she knew about Haji's past.

Damian thought, "If that's possible, where could Haji be right now? Is he safe?"

Damian remembered Haji told him once...

"Hey Damian, if I happen to disappear without a trace... what would you do?" Haji asked his best friend with a smile. Damian ignored his question and continued playing his guitar. He didn't want to answer because he didn't want that to happen.

"Do you want to find your parents?" Damian remembered he asked Haji. Haji just gave his best friend a faint smile and said, "If I have the chance to."

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Damian sighed as he picked up his phone and started dialing Jhay's number. After two rings, Jhay answered the phone.

"Hey what's up?" Damian heard Jhay sighed on the phone. Since Haji left, Jhay only talked to Damian and asked him a lot of questions about Haji.

"Jhay, what did Haji do that made you treasure him?" Damian suddenly asked out of the blue. He heard Jhay chuckled softly before she answered Damian's question. He wanted to know if it wasn't only him who noticed, that Haji was one of a kind person. Someone who enjoyed the world filled with lies and fabrications through smiling at it. He who managed to make other people happy without considering and bragging about his sacrifices and efforts. He who seeked love and acceptance. He who treasured the name Damian gave him.

"You noticed it, right?" Jhay asked on the phone.

"I like him. I cherish him. I admire him. I envy him. I was proud of him. I even loved him. As Haji, as a person and as an idol. He brought the universe to me." she paused.

"And?" Damian thought.

"I always fail to thank him all those times. Damian, why do things suddenly get worse everytime I feel to start a little better?" Jhay asked, Damian was left dumbfounded.

Who was in agony right now?

Damian who found Haji but felt abandoned?

Jhay whom he gave the beauty and importance of life to,  and then suddenly vanished?

Or Haji, who left the people dear to him without having the chance to explain everything?

"We're both losers, don't you think?" Damian said sarcastically, Jhay chuckled on the other line.

"Yeah" she answered. After the short talk, they ended the call. Damian decided to take a shower and then he went to Jhay's house.

The same as the usual, Jhay only asked Damian questions about Haji.

"Does he love tigers?"

"Yes"

"Do you think he can dance?"

"Yes"

"Do you-"

"Jhay." Damian called her name.

"Yeah?" she looked surprised.

"Can you ask me too?" Damian asked.

"I'm already asking you" she said with an awkward smile. 

"About me, not Haji." Damian said.

Damian thought, "I'm a horrible person, I guess."

Jhay made an awkward reaction as she avoided Damian's burning gaze.

"Hey, I'm just kidding!" Damian exclaimed as Jhay was about to look for excuses to avoid the heated conversation.

Damian thought, "Yeah? I'm just kidding?"

Jhay liked Haji. Damian didn't like Jhay. He was just sad.

Or maybe, the last phrase was considered a joke too?