Kintama!-1

"Hah, this sucks." I said as I walked away from the bar, it wasn't suitable to drink there anymore.

I should have made that decision when I had seen that woman with blond hair and enormous breast walk in with a brunette holding a pig, but I wanted to delay the inevitable and stayed until an old man with very long white spiky hair and a blond shortie in a hideous orange jumpsuit walked in as well.

I think you guys can guess who I'm talking about and somewhat confused why I'm talking like I am in Naruto.

The answer to that is, I am in Naruto.

It was a little over a year ago that I woke up in this world, in a body that definitely didn't belong to me.

Blond hair that is closer to golden rather than yellow, muscles that could likely crush diamonds and could grate them to glittery dust on my abs to, a monstrosity that looked like the secret love child between an axe and a chainsaw in my hand. It took me a moment before realizing that I was Sakata Kintoki from FGO, a game that was designed to drive innocent otakus into poverty through the forbidden and unnatural powers of gacha.

Now, most people in my case would probably like this. Waking up in the world of a famous anime in a body that could be considered perfect with impressive abilities, it was the golden ticket to go around help your favorite characters and make sure that the world could reach to some sort of happily ever after. Cool, right?

Wrong!

The world of Naruto might be portrayed as a happy go lucky world with some fights in order for the main character to unite everyone under a single banner for peace but it wasn't like that in truth, not at all.

This was a world that was inhabited by mercenary assassins and education programs that indoctrinated children into becoming killers as well. A world where one could order a thirteen year old to murder his whole family simply because nobody could bother themselves to find an actual solution to their problems.

Screw that. I wanted to do nothing with ninjas, even with my new powers. Though ninjas didn't seem to get that memo since this last year was filled with them trying to kill me and me getting my face in their bingo book for protecting myself.

Fucking Iwagakure, they should just go hump a rock and die. Their ridiculous desire to kill me was the reason I was in the Land of Fire now. They would be noticed almost immediately because in this universe being ninja has nothing to do with stealth for some reason.

At least I had gotten used to my powers throughout the battles against the idiots of this world that came in many forms from bandits to yakuza to shinobi. I had also decided that I had Kintoki's E ranked Mad Enhancement since I had no problems with killing people and was cool as a cucumber about it instead of puking my guts out with terror and guilt like any normal human being.

At least today my knowledge as a former normal human came in handy as I knew exactly what would happen in that bar between the orange brat and miss giant tits. So I left the bar and went to the bar on the other side of the road. That was the great thing about Tanzaku Gai, there was always another establishment for you to waste your life and money across the street.

"You look glum, did you get dumped or something?" The barkeep asked as he poured some sake in my cup.

"Nah, I am coming from the bar on the other side. There are two strong Shinobi that know each other. So I escaped here." I said as I drank all the alcoholic beverage in one gulp.

"Seriously, poor Kazuma. Hope his ceiling falls on him and finally puts him out of my misery." The barkeep said with a flat expression.

"How cruel, what did that dude do to you?" I asked, Kazuma was probably the owner of the bar I had just escaped from.

"The bastard has been putting moves on my little sister. So screw him." The barkeep said gruffly and I had to concede that it was in his right to hate the other guy.

"Which village are they from? I might have to close if there is someone from Kiri or Suna, I don't want to deal with those guys."

"They are both from Konoha." I said. The barkeep looked at me like I was some sort of strange creature before putting my order before me, grilled beef skewers.

"Why did you leave then? Not like people from the same village would start a fight."

"They were Senju Tsunade and Jiraiya of Sannin." I said as I picked up one pf the skewers while ignoring the shocked look the barkeep was sending my way.

"Why in Buddha's name would either of those big shots come to this town?! And at the same time, just after Suna's attack on Konoha?!" Barkeep whispered harshly, trying to not let himself be heard by the other customers, knowing that they would leave if they heard.

"Don't know, don't care. I just thought that I would get away before the fireworks started." I said with a hum as I ate my food.

I had no interest in getting mixed up in the shitshow that is Naruto's story. The brat could try to fight the hag and embarrass himself all he wanted to. Honestly I was kinda on Tsunade's side on this fight, I wouldn't exactly be happy if some people just came out of nowhere and told me to take up a position that is basically an overly glorified secretary.

Nope, I wouldn't like that but I also have no intention of helping her either. Instead I would stay here, away from the canon and eat my beef skewers.

So of course that was the moment the orange wearing brat burst through the wall and landed on my table, knocking over my skewers.

"If that's all, you might as well give up now and hand over your money, brat."

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She didn't want to admit it but Senju Tsunade was kinda having fun.

Sure having some snot nosed brat and that moronic pervert Jiraiya just coming in and declaring that she would be becoming Hokage to that damn village was... irksome. But teaching the snot nosed brat some respect, as it was taught in her days, was an enjoyable experience.

Especially since she added her own flair to it, beating the brat up with only one finger. Two if you consider the support her of her thumb when she flicked the brat but that probably didn't count.

Doesn't matter, what mattered was the hilarious expression the brat had when she flicked him and he actually went through the wall of a bar.

"Oi!" Hmm, what the. Instead of the brat coming back and try to take another swing at her, he was dragged from the collar of his jumpsuit by another blonde, one that was far more impressive than the brat.

Blond, muscular and as tall as the perverted toad; he was the kind of guy most civilians would drool over. Even she had to admit the guy looked somewhat attractive. But he lost points due to his body type. He was too buff.

A Shinobi needed to be somewhat slim, even with their muscles. Prioritize speed over muscle strength in order to be properly effective on the battle field. There were only two Shinobi Tsunade knew that were muscle freaks like this guy and they were the Raikage and his brother. Those two were honestly less Shinobi and more of an ogre's club, a kanabo. But it wasn't likely that this guy was anything impressive, she wasn't exactly feeling much from him.

"Which one of you threw this brat on my food?!" He asked with a growl as he showed them the brat trying to get out the guy's grip with no success.

"I did." She said with a haughty tone, sure that she had nothing to fear from the muscular blond.

His fist landing on her cheek with a thunderous clap told a different story though.