twenty six

I quickly looked away going inside and sitting on the empty couch. He came and sat beside me while I uncomfortably shifted on my spot. There were little noises and footsteps indicating that the boys were here. I didn't turn to look at them or something. They came and sat on different fixed spots on the couches except Trevor who was sitting in Seok-Min's place, a seat left between him and me.

Where's Seok-Min? I wanted to ask. Is he okay? I wanted to ask.

"Y'all got something to say to me?" I asked instead.

Nathan cleared his throat and I landed my gaze onto him. He looked at me for a bit before looking away and back towards the stairs. He nodded and I heard footsteps come up behind me and stop right behind my back. Then two arms wrapped around me from behind shocking me. I flinched but didn't move.

It wasn't that I didn't want to push him away, I just couldn't. I had always connected the most with him. I saw Jack in him but I also saw him in him. I raised my arms and gently patted his arms that were wrapped tightly around my seated figure. He understood and let go coming around to sit next to me.

I removed my gaze from the floor to look at his face and lord no, I made the biggest mistake. He looked awful. Swollen eyes, dark circles, red nose, and face showing clear signs of stress. He noticed me looking and locked eyes with me.

"I'm so fucking sorry." He whispered tears collecting in his eyes and one almost falls onto his cheek but I wiped it holding his beautiful face in my hand.

"Why are you doing this?" Nothing.

"Do you or do you not want me around?"

"Forever."

"Then why'd you say what you said that night? Are you sure now or were you sure then?"

"I'm sure now. I'm just dumb."

"Mhm, why did you say that?" He inhaled and rested his forehead into my palms kissing them first.

"I, I was scared. I was scared that you'd leave me, leave us once you're done taking revenge for your real family." I couldn't believe he thought that.

"I killed three people for you, I didn't do that for fun."

"I know, you're just too good to be true for us."

"Yes I am but I had no idea you'd accept that somebody's too good for you," I joked and he chuckled softly under his breath.

"I, I love you Bee. I love you so fuckin much. You're my baby sister, I don't know what took over me that day. I've been doing that to everybody. I keep pushing people I love away."

"I hate you." I said jokingly and he stared at me panicked.

"No, I was kidding. Of course I love you too. You're my bro and I'm your princess, aren't I?"

"Yes, always. I afraid of losing you too Bee. I won't be able to take it this time." His body shaking. I felt so bad for him and I related so much. I knew what he was feeling. He shook and shook holding his tears back. I opened my arms and he slammed into me while I rubbed his back but he moved my hand into his hair.

"Why are you holding back? If you have something to say, spill it out. If you keep hiding under the weight of your pain, you'd never grow. Let it all out Seok-Min." He hugged me tighter and sobbed.

"We could say the same for you." Trevor whispers regret swimming in his eyes.

Me? I'm totally fine.

"I'm good. There's nothing to be let out."

"You hold all your emotions back. That's not right either." I looked at Jake and he shrugged.

"Please don't give me any advice I've seen enough of y'all," I said rolling my eyes.

"Bee, please just listen to us for once. We, we all really need you." Trevor said sliding down from the couch so that Seok-Min's legs were straightened. I looked down and found Seok-Min asleep. I smiled with trembling lips. One more argument and I'll lose it. He made himself comfortable and shivered a little so I put the comforter lying behind Young-Jae on him. There.

"He hasn't slept in two days. Fucking hell, we all didn't get sleep." Young-Jae grumbled, almost angry.

"If you were so bothered, you could have come up to me two days ago rather than taking the chance when Jake found me around Ed's store." I almost yelled out but then remembered Seok-Min.

"You think we just sat around?" Nathan asked and my eyes shot up to him.

Yes, that's exactly what I think.

"We had our car parked outside your house for the last two nights," Kyle said pouting and looking at me with those shiny doe eyes of his. Oh no no, he can't do that. That's being unfair.

"Really? Oh my god, you are so cute Kyle. I always knew you were the nice one," I cooed at him blowing him kisses. He blushed deep red and then smiled.

"Oh my god, the favouritism, I can't believe this." Young-Jae complained but still smiled at Kyle.

"Well, if you all were actually there, It doesn't take a genuis to ring a fucking bell." I growled directed towards them all except Kyle.

"We know that, we had nothing to say to you." Hyun spoke up, all his happy vibes gone.

"Yes, we heard what actually happened after you left. We were more than just speechless and realized how much it must have hurt you. We'll be the ones making sure this shit doesn't happen again." Nathan assured smiling at me half-heartedly. The others nodded in agreement.

"The one who hurts you is never the one to heal," I spat and smiled proudly to myself.

Yes, I read that somewhere but they're not gonna know that.

"Bee, you read that book with me." Nathan says bored. Shit.

"Anyway, please understand Bee, we'll never do this again. This was the first and last." Young-Jae said firmly gripping my hand and I looked at him. He smiled at me and I melted. He was right.

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him how crazy I was for him right now, how I could give up everything for him. I don't know why but the way I felt with Noah was nothing compared to the way I feel about Young-Jae. He was my Young-Jae and I wanted him to how I'm so damn whipped for him.

"Okay." The word barely came out of my mouth. I was too deep in this to back out now.

"Can I, uh talk to you alone?" Hyun said scratching his neck and I nodded still not looking away from Young-Jae's eyes.

"Come on, it won't take that long." Hyun jumped on his spot restless. I told him to go ahead and removed Seok-Min's head from my lap. Crouching down next to the couch, I brushed his hair back and smiled. He looked pretty even when he was sleeping.

I looked at Young-Jae who immediately stood up with me. Why was he acting so uptight? I laughed to myself over his adorably anxious self. Again, I am so whipped. I kissed Young-Jae's cheek and he turned tomato red. Cute but why was he acting like he hadn't kissed me before? I ignored it and followed Hyun. As soon as we reached his room, he turned around.

"Bee, I'm sorry for what I said that day. I realized later on how desperate we are for affection and getting taken care of. These two days, we were all a mess. We couldn't work properly and kept yelling at each other. Young-Jae, he didn't talk to anybody, I found out about his PTSD coming back because he fought with you. I can't see him crying every time he sleeps. You've got to help us." He ranted with lips trembling and hands on his hips.