Seven

Wang, Mr. Lee, called my name. I raise my head to look at him and he was alone. Fear gripped my heart. But Cheng said I could see Zhan ge. Or is he still upset with me?

"Please come with me," he said, and my heart lightened a little.

"I filled in my name, who am visiting, and my phone number." When I finished Mr. Lee gestured for me to follow him with his hand.

I followed him through the wide hallway with random doors on the sides, all leading to rooms that aren't cells but visitors' rooms with a lot of families and kids. People sobbing here and there and I felt my heart drop to my stomach, my legs became heavy. Did something happen to Zhan ge? We get to the end of the hall where there's a door.

"You can go in, I will get Zhan," Mr. Lee said and walked away.

I walked in and sat on a chair, picking my nails and biting my bottom lip. I got to see most of the prison. It's nothing special. It's worn down and tired looking. I wish I could just come in and paint all of the rooms to liven up the place a bit.

I can feel myself becoming anxious, but not so sure if I will be able to hide it from Zhan ge. I try to calm myself down by counting my breaths and tapping my fingers, but I feel like it only makes it worse so I sit still and wait.

The door finally opened. Zhan ge and a guard, I haven't met yet walkthrough. Zhan ge's facial expressions show that he's tired, that he clearly just wants to be left alone. The guard uncuffed him and he left us alone.

I take a breath and quietly sigh, going over my rehearsed words one more time in my head before I spoke.

"Zhan ge, I'm sorry about last time," I say, feeling like an apology is due. "I shouldn't have said what I said," I couldn't even look him in the eye.

Zhan ge doesn't say anything, he doesn't even look at me.

"I don't want you to think I'm trying to make you feel bad about yourself or that I don't respect you as much as I would respect anyone else.

Zhan ge continues to stay quiet and it gets me worried that maybe Zhan ge shut down. That I went too far and now Zhan ge won't even talk to me.

"I don't look at you any differently, than I do everyone else, I do-"

"Just stop," Zhan ge finally says. It's quiet and there's no force to his voice. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

I look at Zhan ge who still hasn't made eye contact. My heart breaks for him. Zhan ge if I could take back what happened I would. "I-I don't want you to shut down." He doesn't respond.

"Zhan ge please," I say, not knowing if I'd be able to forgive myself if Zhan ge stopped talking to me. If I ruined everything before it even started.

"Wang, it's fine. I'm not shutting down. I'm just not in the mood, okay?"

I take a deep breath, I don't know what to do or say. "Okay, yeah sure. Um, do-do they have cameras in here?"

Zhan ge looks up. "What?"

"Do they have cameras installed in the rooms?" I repeat.

Zhan ge shrugs. "How the fuck should I know?"

I look at the light behind him and then back to Zhan ge.

"Well, I hope there are none because I brought you something." I reach into my pocket and pull out a plastic bag that has fries inside of it. I slide the bag over to a very confused Zhan ge.

"What is this?" He asks, not touching the bag, just eyeing it.

"Fries and barbecue chicken from the restaurant For you to eat." Zhan ge just stares at the bag.

"I know what they do with fries," Zhan ge says "Why did you get these?"

"Because I'm sorry. Also they're really good and I figured you'd like them."

"What if I don't like them."

I pause. "You will"

Zhan ge gives a small smirk. "Yeah."

I smile happily. "So eat them."

"I feel weird doing that."

"Why?" I ask, I get it though.

Zhan ge shrugs. "I don't know."

I take the bag back and open it. I take two fries out and eat them and then hold the bag out to Zhan ge. There, now you won't be eating them alone." I smile.

Zhan ge hesitantly takes the bag. "Thank you," he says. I can tell Zhan ge is genuinely really thankful, it's probably a big deal to him.

"You're welcome." I smile.

Zhan ge slowly eats a fry. "Holy shit," he says once he's swallowed. "I should get mad more often if this is what you're going to do." he said.

"Please don't. I'll bring you fries anyway. As long as I don't get caught." I frowned.

"How didn't you?"

"Mr. Lee, he is a lifesaver. I said looking down at my hands.

Zhan ge, who's eating his fries, is clearly not concerned with eating them alone anymore, looks at me and then the fries and back to me. "You look scruffy," he said and continues to take bites of the fries.

"I could say the same for you" I bit my tongue, I'm been stupid again I thought.

Zhan ge, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said. I mumbled.

Zhan ge shakes his head with an amused expression. "Why are you so nice to me?" He asks.

My smile fades away and my face falls into a more thoughtful look. If I perish I perish with what I am about to do. "Because I love you. You are the nicest person." I bemoan.

Zhan ge doesn't say anything else. He just eats another fry, looking down at the bag that's almost empty and then back up to me.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," Zhan ge says, closing the empty ziplock baggy and sliding it into the bin bag on the floor. He wiped his hands with a tissue.

"And what would that be?" I ask.

"Nothing good," he said sadly.

"I know, and if you do something to change my opinion, maybe I won't think as highly of you, but I don't see that happening. I smiled.

"Come," Zhan ge stood up and stretched his hand to me, and I gave him my hand. He leads me to the bed. Lays on it and pulls me into his arms. He felt so warm, felt like old times. I curled up into his touch. I miss his cuddles, I miss his scent. I miss him.

The room was silent, only the sound of our heartbeat could be heard. This is pure bliss and I'd give anything to be with him like this again.

I miss you, I mumbled against his chest and his hands pulled me closer to him.

"I missed you more" he mumbled and kissed my forehead.

"How have you been?" I asked.

"Shit," Zhan ge responds and I didn't really expect anything different.

"Yeah? Why?"

Zhan ge shrugs. "It always is."

"What's the worst part about today?" I ask.

"Aren't you supposed to be positive?" Zhan ge tease.

"Ranting can help sometimes. Tell me what you hate the most about being here." I said.

Zhan ge sighs. "I mean it's a prison, that's the worst part. Being locked up all day, for years. The food is terrible, the people are mean and bitter, the beds are uncomfortable, and there's no privacy. Man, I can hear guys jacking off when I'm trying to sleep. Do you know what that's like? It's terrible," Zhan ge finishes.

I can't help but smile at the last part. My heart hurts for Zhan ge. it really does, I truly couldn't imagine how bad it must feel.

"No, I'm sorry I don't know what that's like," I say.

Don't be sorry, Wang. They moved me and that one has actual doors and stuff. Not just bars everyone can see through, he answers.

"Oh. That's good then, right?" I ask, noticing how he is.

"Yeah. More privacy I guess. I have a roommate though, that's the one nice thing about being down there. I was the only one in my cell."

"You will manage right?" I asked.

"Yeah" I... I'm... He went quiet before he continued.

"I'm sorry I lashed out at you a few weeks ago" he whispered and kissed my forehead with his wet lips.

"It's my fault" I'm sorry I was mean.

I trace my hand down his shoulder and place my hand on his.

Zhan ge shakes his head. He looks over to his and my hands that are still clasped together. I notice and look over too. Zhan ge look at me and then back to our hands before slowly shifting them so that our fingers are intertwined.

"Zhan ge, you don't deserve this. It breaks my heart." I said, tears threatening to fall.

Zhan ge gives a sad smile. "Don't let it. I'm okay, I promise. I've come to terms with it. I'm scared as fuck, but I've accepted there's nothing I can do about it."

"I uh, I told you how I believe in reincarnation right?" I ask.

"Zhan ge nods."

"Your soul is beautiful. I think that this life you're supposed to learn heartbreak, grief, self-hatred, all of that, but I think through all of the lives your soul will live, that in each one of them one thing will be consistent."

"What?" Zhan ge asks.

"It will always show. Your light will always be there."

Zhan ge gives me a look that's not quite describable, he looks genuinely touched by my words but there's also a hint of hurt in his eyes. I don't know why.

"You sound like some wise old man that should have a long white beard and wears a robe." he teases.

"I hate you."

Zhan ge holds up our hands. "Sure you do."

Zhan ge laughed. My Zhan ge laughed. My heart flutters.

"I love you" he whispers and that was all it took. His voice said it all. The emotions. He loves me strongly.

"I rolled us over to kiss him" that was when the guard knocked on the door.

"Joy kill" I shrieked.

Zhan ge squeezed me so tight and kissed my forehead before we stood up and went to the door.

"See you Saturday" I whispered.

"Actually, you're to visit him twice a week," the new guard said.

"Twice" I asked looking surprise.

"Yeah" he mumbled

"Omg," I'll see you Wednesday and Saturday.

No, see me Friday and Saturday. He said.

Okay then. Friday, Saturday. I giggled.

We hugged one last time before I left.

When I entered the car, Cheng was still busy on the phone. So I just sat there and hummed.

Happy? He said.

Yes, thank you so much. I smiled.

He dropped his laptop on the back seat and zoomed off.

Halfway home, Cheng spoke.

Wang, I'm onto something but I'm not promising anything. I found out where Xue Yang's parents moved to but I'm not sure they'll give me an audience. "Don't raise your hopes" he said.

Okay, thanks. I appreciate this. I said.

I. Uh, thank you for changing Zhan ge's cell and for giving us privacy and a new visiting time. I'm grateful, Cheng. "I owe you one," I said.

"I will hold you to it" he teased.

Please drop me at the restaurant. I'm in a good mood today. I hummed.