A Heartfelt Apology. (Not a Chapter.)

I don't know where to begin with. This has to be the most excruciating moment as an author.

I will be sharing all the details of what happened to me in this entire year.

If you are not interested, you can simply skip it, and enjoy your day.

However, if you wish to read, please try to understand that I am a human too.

Thank you.

…

In 2022, I started my journey with the idea of creating an overpowered Main character with crazy abilities and power. This was the time when I was reading many light novels and watching a lot of anime.

It was all rosy initially, but as time passed, I felt less motivated to continue that story. Eventually, there was an invisible wall between me and the story that I was unable to break, and dropped the story altogether. 

It was In-game online.

A few months later, I found Fire Engine's Sin System book and it captivated me.

A thought popped up and I started writing. In order to win a WPC, I molded the story for an academy premise. Learning from other authors, I wrote Erotic chapters. I even got contracted within a month. It was rosier than my first book.

I thought, this is it, I have done it, I have created a masterpiece. People went frenzy whenever I uploaded an erotic chapter. For me, even a hundred views and ten collections were crazy, but I got over a hundred thousand views and 4,000 collections in a single day. Boom! My mind was blown.

The path to success was that easy? Why did no one ever tell me? I was suffering from success.

In a hurry to climb the ranks, I started writing twice and thrice a day. Like an enraged beast, I continued working sleeplessly during late nights and early mornings.

There were times when I looked exactly how a zombie would.

But for some reason, there was this empty feeling in the back of my mind. Was this really what I wanted? I couldn't understand.

There were authors who had similar books like me which were getting even more views, some that were gaining even more popularity than I had, but I was satisfied.

However, something changed when I read an actual novel. 

It was mesmerizing. I started contemplating whether what I wrote could even hold a candle against this novel? The answer was a straight no.

The characters felt real, alive, moving, naive yet mature, they felt like real people in an unrealistic world. Although the novel was written by a professional, he/she was still a human. Someone who had gone beyond the greed of money and had submerged themselves in their work.

What they created was nothing sort of magical. I was craving for more, and when the book ended, I felt… empty, again. But this time, it motivated me to create something even better than them.

Can I also do something like this? I questioned and began reading more in order to write more.

I only had one goal, to create a world with my pen that will also display a unique power. Greater if not the same. However, things did not go well with that either.

As I took frequent hiatuses for multiple reasons and improvement, people lost interest in my work. So in order to keep the system of this platform (WN) alive, I wrote fake chapters.

At first, there were only four, but since I wrote, edited, proofread, and edited again, the process of a single chapter took over two days given my busy schedule.

People tend to overlook the fact that behind an author's pseudonym, there is a real-life person. Even I did the same.

(I won't hold back since this is the heart I am pouring on this paper today.)

People were unaware of fake chapters at first since they were behind the wall of privilege, but I knew that they would eventually.

During those days, I also joined a drama club in my uni. Initially, I simply wanted to understand the scenes written so that I could implement that knowledge in my book. I was ready to do anything to see how characters are written. And since I like to interact with people, I eventually got picked for a role in a competition.

It was a play that I received the role of a villain. Initially, it was only for 2-3 hours a day, however, as the day of the competition got closer, I was investing more than eighteen hours of my day. Yeah, (one-eight eighteen) 18 hours.

In the month of January 2022, I wrote a chapter during the night, slept for 3-4 hours, went back to the club, and edited it after getting back home.

I had not even seen my parents' faces during this time around.

I had a lot of pilled-up fake chapters by now, and it eventually got frustrating to do all things at once, so I stopped writing.

The drama club took more than three months from me.

In the month of March 2022, I finally got freed from Drama Club. We won the second prize. During our celebration, I got a call from my father that my grandmother had been admitted to a hospital.

Although we lived in the same house and I knew about her condition, I had completely forgotten this fact.

Since I was barely at home for the past two months, this news was hard for me. I had lived with my grandmother for nearly the entirety of my life after all. However, during her most crucial time, I wasn't there.

The next day, she passed away.

I couldn't even meet her and tell her about my first paycheck for the last time. Thereafter, I couldn't lift the pen to write either.

The March was spent in her funeral and preparations.

By the time I recovered, uni exams had arrived and I had to study since I had not attended a single lecture.

Although I did not give up on the book, I had written plenty of fake chapters by now to annoy a lot of my readers.

It was my fault and Karma that returned sooner than I expected.

People no longer cheered my Erotic chapters. Eventually, I started copying other's erotic plays since I could no longer imagine the scenes playing.

There was barely any progress in the story. But I continued.

In May and June, I uploaded both, real and fake chapters every day in order to remain in the system and get recommended on the platform.

There was a report saying that those who upload twice daily, get promoted more. This demoralized me even more.

By the end of June, I was pissed.

I was frustrated and I was ready to drop this work again.

However, I held back.

The same author that I like very much… I visited his older books just for fun and found a comment hidden there.

It was his dropped work, and people had written very harsh comments underneath.

However, that single comment changed my point.

"Author, take your time. Plotholes can be patched, the system can be reformed, and style can be improved. Don't drop it. If you enjoy this work, just be persistent."

You cannot understand how I felt at that time, even though the comment was not for me.

SAVS is devastated. People dropped it long ago, and I no longer get any views.

However, I did not want to drop it.

So, I decided to take a long break.

And during this time, I'll be working on LordMongrel's Lord's Authority as an editor.

I don't know when I'll get back with SAVS. But I won't give up. For sure.

9-Sep-2023

Update: 28 Nov 2023

I am finally feeling better.

I have been working diligently and have finally got normal. There are some improvements in my writing style which will be evident in the upcoming chapters.

A total of whooping 50 chapters awaits me and I know it'll take time to recover those.

But, I am back.

The Hiatus ends here.

I no longer feel empty and am very glad that people are enjoying the work I am a part of.

I left the Drama club since I had achieved what I had planned.

I am extremely sorry for everything that I have done and I know an apology without any action is like the tears of a crocodile.

But please trust me.

This time around, I will not disappoint the readers.

I will also not make any fake promises and simply work while facing the challenges whatsoever.

***

Thank you very much for reading this.

I do not ask for forgiveness but just a chance to prove myself again.

I know this platform is way different than how I had initially thought it was.

And I do not blame any of them. Not the platform, nor the readers.

It was completely my fault and I will correct myself with all means possible.

Thank you again for even reading this.