Chapter 3 ~ Scars with Pain

Draven

The next morning I wake up from a hangover and my head is pounding.

I shouldn't have drunk painkillers with alcohol. My shoulder, my back and stomach hurt from the belt marks.

Someone opens the door and mutters. "Fucking hell."

It's Lilly and she looks like a mess. Her hair is a mess and her makeup is smeared around her eyes. I can see her bra through her dress and her dress is crept up till her thighs. I can practically see her panties.

"I am going to the mall with Maira. I told the guys to be there too." She grumbles and slams the door.

Holy hell, I need a cold shower. I am sweating like a pig and my skin feels like it's on fire.

My legs feel weak when I walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I have dark circles under my eyes. My eyes are puffy and red. I look like shit and my whole body hurts.

I take a long cold shower to let my muscles relax and it wakes me up, but I still feel like shit.

I wear the clothes from last night and drive to my dorm. Bryson is already in the room. How did he get here? Where is the girl?

"Got laid?" I grumble.

"Yeah, damn she was tight." He snickers. Dickhead as always. I shake my head and grab some clothes from the wardrobe.

"Did you hear from Lilly?" Bryson asks. Nobody must have seen her since last night.

"Yeah, she told us to meet the girls at the mall." I inform him.

"Okay, will you take your car?"

I nod at him and take a bottle of water from the fridge as he exits the room. I gulp the water down my throat along with my painkillers, and then change into clean clothes.

I drive to the nearest mall of Upenn. I don't think that the girls will drive too far to buy some clothes. The sun is shining today and I roll the windows down to allow some fresh air.

I should stop with drinking, but there is no reason to stop. For whom should I stop? For my mom? For my dad? I don't think so. My mom ran away with her lover and left me alone in misery. I have to tolerate the pain he causes and I can't do anything about it.

Sometimes I wonder what the future stands for me. Will I always be like this? Miserable? Will I be able to get a happy life like everyone else? I am not good enough to become someone's boyfriend or to keep anyone happy.

Sometimes I feel like nothing is real about me. I just exist and I am actually the spectator of my own life. Everything is a distraction for me.

I wish I was the guy I pretend to be. The guy that is cool, who doesn't care about anything or anyone. The guy that has chosen a good course, who is ambitious, has potential and leading towards a bright future. I should stop thinking about the future, because the more I think about it, the more I get terrified about what's in store for me.

I still feel a little nauseous and drink the bottle of water I bought yesterday. I park in the garage and take the elevator to the third floor. I get a text from Bryson that they are at the food court, waiting for the girls.

I have been here so many times that I have lost count by now. It's always the same. The same heavy crowd, shops and food court. The mall is like every other mall I have seen in my home town.

''Hey man.'' Bryson greets me, taking a sip from his soda and I sit next to him. Oliver is eating a burger and half of the toppings fall on the plate.

''Where are the girls?'' I ask.

''They are on their way. By the way we are going to meet Maira's roommate. I have heard she is hot.'' Bryson smirks.

''Dude, come on you are not going to have sex with her.'' Oliver rolls his eyes. Goddamn, he hasn't even met the girl and he is already thinking about fucking her. One of the reasons why I sometimes regret becoming friends with him.

''Where is Allison?'' I ask annoyed, trying to change the topic.

''She doesn't feel well, so she isn't coming.'' Oliver answers.

Then I see Lilly, Maira and another girl walking towards the booth, but my eyes are focused on the new girl. Her hair is caramel brown and she has ocean blue eyes. She seems nervous, because she looks down as if she is ashamed of herself. She must be a freshman too, because I have never seen her before. Not even at the parties.

''Guys, this is Shaina. My roommate.'' Maira waves with her hand to Shaina with a grin. Shaina, I've never heard that name before. It's different than those typical American names like Emma and Bella. Bryson stands up to make an impression. He always does.

''Hey, I am Bryson.'' He beams, extending his hand out. Motherfucker. I don't know why I am so jealous, but I know it's not right what he is doing.

''Hi.'' She shakes his hand with hers and shyly smiles, looking flushed. It's adorable, but I can feel my blood boil. Her ocean eyes meet my grey ones. She gives me a warm look, but she also seems curious. Then she does something I haven't seen in a long time.

She gives me a smile, not a polite one but a sincere one. I have the urge to smile back at her, but instead I take my eyes away from her and pretend to not acknowledge her presence, pretending to be the Draven I am with the group.

''I am Oliver.'' Oliver waves at her, going back to eating his burger. She nods at him and sits next to Lilly.

''And this is Draven.'' Maira nods her eyes to my direction, knowing that I would never introduce myself to her. I don't bother to look in her direction.

''So, Shaina what's your major?'' Oliver asks a simple question.

''Psychology.'' She answers.

I never expected her to study that major. For that major, you need more confidence and patience, maybe she has it. I don't know anything about her, so I have no right to think that way.

''Are you going to the party this weekend?'' Bryson asks. It's pretty obvious that he wants her to come.

Another party, I am getting sick of it and also bored. I don't want to interact with other people and laugh at their pathetic jokes to make some kind of impression. I don't want to drink till I am drunk, because neither my head nor my body can handle it. I want to sleep for the rest of the week.

''I don't know.'' She mumbles as she tucks a strand of her wavy hair behind her ear.

''Come on, it will be fun.'' Lilly insists, but Shaina looks a little unsure.

''Okay.'' She agrees, but she doesn't look enthusiastic the way Lilly and Maira are. She doesn't seem like the party type. I can feel her looking at me, but she avoids my gaze when my eyes watch her. She is playing with her fingers on the table out of nervousness.

Does she have a boyfriend? I don't think she does. She seems so innocent and shy, but her look seems so familiar to me. It's filled with sadness and pain. What happened to her? Someone has hurt her. I am certain of that, but she is trying to conceal the pain. It's not working on me, because people with scars recognize each other.

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