Old Macdonald

What happens to the souls of animals when they die? Sometimes they linger, which is where Blaire Burke comes in. The doctor Dolittle of the spiritual world. He can see and hear animal spirits with unfinished business.

The phone rang loud enough to rattle his eardrum. Sunrays burn the eyes through the raised eyelid. The phone needs to shut up, but it needs help. Blaire looked at the old analog watch. "Six a.m.?" His hand fumbled for the smooth plastic receiver and pressed it to his ear.

"Blaire Burke Animal Medium At Large, how can I help you?" He asked with a yawn. Blaire noted his breath could fuel a car.

"My name is Dinah Macdonald. I am the daughter of Kevin Macdonald, formerly known as Old Macdonald, I need your help."

Seventy percent of Blaire's business came from prank calls. "How do I know you're not pulling my chain?"

"I have sixty thousand dollars in cash if you can help me." Dinah seemed convinced she had the money. Blaire wasn't so sure.

"Now I know this is a prank. Goodbye." the receiver was about to find the rest when.

"WAIT," Dinah screamed so loud the water in the glass rippled.

"What?"

"As you know, Old Macdonald had a farm. On that farm, he had many animals that loved him. Animals that died because they missed him so much. I am trying to sell the property, but the animal spirits won't leave."

"Which is where I come in, I assume?" Blaire asked. Maybe the dame was telling the truth after all.

"Yes, if you come right now, I will double the fee," Dinah said in an adamant tone.

A hundred and twenty grand? It was the case of a lifetime. He could move into a real apartment and get out of this hole in the wall. "Do you have an address?"

"1236 Ee-Yi-Oh Lane, you can't miss it, please hurry."

An hour later, the rickety Ford Pinto pulled into the muddy driveway. Dinah greeted him in rubber boots and overalls. A sunny smile was on her face. "Thank you for coming. The apparitions are in their prospective pens. Do you think you can help?"

There was the rub in his work. "Look, a spirit has to want to move on before it can. All I can do is convince them its the right choice."

"Oh, I had no idea being a medium was so complicated," Dinah said in a surprised tone.

"Animals are easier than humans. I've never had to convince an animal it was dead." Blaire wasn't fond of human spirits. They complained far too much and lied about how they died half the time.

Dinah giggled. "Sounds difficult. Where do you want to start?" Dinah asked. The smile hadn't left her face since he arrived.

There was a method to the madness of being a medium. "Which spirit gives you the most trouble?" he asked.

"The Rooster. He crows whenever someone comes to inspect the farm and never shuts up. Have you heard a rooster crow from the other side? People take off like they have jet packs strapped to them."

"We will approach him last. If we can get the rest of the animals crossed over, there's a chance he may follow." Blaire said. He noticed the dog spirit. Tire treads were across the body, and the soulful brown eyes almost sat on the tip of its nose.

Blaire motioned for Dinah to stay back. He knelt in front of the flattened puppy. "Looks like you had a tough time. Can I help you?"

"Yes. I want to have puppies. I never got to have a litter of my own. Old Macdonald would have loved to have one or two extra dogs to protect the livestock." The articulate roadkill said.

Why did the dead always have such unreasonable demands? "I sympathize with your cause, but the time for puppies has passed."

"Then you must adopt a puppy and bring it back to the farm. Make sure it's a girl. If you don't, I will bark outside your window at midnight for the rest of your life." The desiccated canine said.

Blaire believed the flattened mutt. Spirits have nothing but time on their hands. "Alright, I will do as you ask."

Three hours later, Blaire Returned with a beautiful female german shepherd. The pancaked animal apparition vanished.

Blaire moved on to the pigs. Tiny insects poured from their empty eyes and noses. "Look at our home. It's in disrepair, and the happy oinks are gone."

"It needs some love, that's for sure," Blair said. He kicked a rotten fencepost and revealed a termite colony. "It needs more than love."

"If you don't fix it, we'll use our spectral essence to create a gag-worthy smell you can't get rid of," The male pig said.

"Looks like you're getting a new pigpen."

"And two new pigs, one male one female to occupy it." The female pig said.

It took the better part of a week to get the work done. By the end of it, Blaire had accomplished the task. The moment the new pigs hit the pen, the spectral swines vanished.

The horse and cow were nothing but skeletal shadows of themselves. "My stable is under the rubble of the barn. I miss it, won't you please do something." The horse cried.

"The horse is my best friend. I refuse to move one without him. Fix the barn, put a fresh horse and cow under the roof, and we'll gallop into the next life." The skeletal cow promised.

It took two weeks and a bank loan to fulfill the request. Blaire figured the money he was making would be enough to cover the loan. The animalistic apparitions thanked him and walked into the distance

The sheep were next. All they wanted was a fresh clover to eat, a new pen, and some more sheep on the farm. The ghost cat wanted another cat to keep the mice at bay. Blaire's greed kept him on task until the debt came.

"Dinah. I am quitting. This job is costing me more than I am making on it. Find another chump to fix up your home." Blaire said as he headed to the rusted out pinto.

"Wait!" Dinah shouted. Her boots squished in the mud as she gave chase. "Six hundred thousand and your debts paid."

Blaire nearly dropped his keys in shock. "Are you sure you can cover that?"

Dinah accessed her account online and shoved the phone in Blaire's face. "You were saying?"

Dinah had more than enough to renovate the old farm. Why was Blaire stuck doing the grunt work? Greed and avarice told him to shut up and take the money. "Who is left?"

"Well, Old Rusty, the rooster has been standing in front of the old hen house for the last two days. Maybe he wants to talk now?" Dinah said.

Blaire marched up the rooster with dollar signs in his eyes. "What can I do for you?"

"You can give up your body to old Macdonald's spirit so the farm can continue." The rooster's eyes lit up like coals in a forge. Blaire turned to run, but Dinah was waiting, shotgun in hand.

The animal spirits revealed their ugly and twisted faces as their ranks closed tight around Blaire. Their new bodies were young and strong the psychic had no chance of escape.

"Old Macdonald had a farm. He stole it from a group of gypsies. And on that farm, a curse was placed." Dinah said. Her body slumped over and revealed the mummified spirit of Mrs. Macdonald. Our souls are bound to the farm, unable to move on. We steal living lives to make it bearable. Now on your knees and open your mouth." She said viciously. She pumped the shotgun.

Blaire did as he asked. The ghost of old Macdonald appeared pitchfork in hand. It flew into Blaire's mouth and kicked his spirit to the afterlife. He and Dinah kissed. "Guess we should dispose of the vehicle, and get hitched again." Old Macdonald said.

"Oh, Kevin, you are the light of my afterlife. Come on, you have one more field to plow," Dinah said in a seductive tone. The spiritual pair lived happily ever after.