73 The Big One

Okay, first order of business is killing it directly. Why?

Quest Update: The Kaiju

-The Kaiju cannot be sealed while conscious.

So, the first thing I tried to do was seal the thing into a scroll from a distance. A long, long distance. It was a lightshow, big, bright shiny lasers that did nothing. Hence, why I'm going to just kill it directly.

Spear of Creation.

This jutsu is the product of some serendipity on my part shortly after I ascended. I remember images and statues of Zeus, King of the Gods and his lightning bolt. Granted, most of those memories were from Disney's Hercules, but that's getting off topic.

I created the spear, a long, blue shaft of light and held it back.

The Spear of Creation holds the honor of being the only jutsu in my arsenal capable of doing infinite damage. Well, sort of. See, it's technically a debuff. I'm totally capable of multiplying someone else's health by two, three, a thousand…but this jutsu? It multiplies the targets health by zero. Only for a second, but when a person's health is zero, they're dead, so a second is all you need.

With my eyes on the mountainous target, I threw the spear.

It flew with all it's omnipotent glory, slamming into the target with a blast of light that engulfed the entire mountain range. I actually had to squint as the light was nearly blinding. It faded quickly, though, and then I saw the Kaiju.

Oh, it was falling.

If it hit the ground, I could see thousands of homes and villages getting shattered from the shockwave alone, not the mention how the mountains themselves would come apart.

I lifted off, heedless to Mifune calling after me, I can talk to him later, and went to catch this giant, falling corpse.

Getting close to the thing, I could see it was actually humanoid, both in bone structure and in skin. I mean, sure, the feet were propped up like the hind legs of some animal, but the torso, arms? Human, baby. It had skin, too, not scales, which kind of weirded me out but whatever. The only other divergence from human was the mouth, which had a pair of tusks jutting out and up from the jawbone.

And the glowing purple eyes, but you know, that's whatever.

Little disappointed that this thing isn't Godzilla.

Kaiju, here, was starting to fall and pick up speed. The winds around him were becoming hurricane level force as it rushed to get out of the way of his falling corpse. I got underneath his back and held my outstretched arms. A simple application of chakra allowed me to ignore that pesky thing called 'pressure' and I was able to actually catch the thing and hold it up.

Alright, time to seal the corpse.

…wait, shouldn't my quest be telling me that it's been completed?

Quest Updated: The Kaiju

-The Kaiju is now immune to hit-point debuffs.

Wat.

Then the corpse started to move again.

Hang on.

I'm really confused.

How is it still alive?

I used my chakra to stick to the thing's skin and tried to keep it in place.

Shocking Grasp.

You ever see a lightning jutsu with infinite chakra behind it? It actually was blinding. And the smell of burnt air and gas permeated the air. I could feel it coming into my lungs and burning them, but I had infinite health, so what did I care. As it stood, I created a seal over my lungs to filter harmful chemicals out as a convenience.

Alright, I'm pretty sure it's out like a light now.

Quest Updated: The Kaiju

-The Kaiju is now extremely resistant to lightning release.

-The Kaiju now only takes fifty points of damage maximum from any attack, calculated after damage resistance.

-The Kaiju's health has been doubled (1).

Now this is just getting annoying.

How did that knock it out?

Suddenly, I felt myself engulfed by a wave of purple chakra that looked more like a nuclear explosion than a jutsu and I felt…weaker.

Ninjutsu Partially Absorbed.

Your health and chakra have been temporarily reduced to 300.

WAIT-

Then it spun around and without the infinite chakra necessary to keep this mountainous behemoth from moving, he stood up. Then, it tried to reach around with his massive arms to try to swat me off it's back.

Well, this went from a boring disappointment to actually pretty exciting!

Okay!

300 chakra is still more than I had originally, so let's work with that. He's resistant to electrical damage, so let's hit him with a Yamato cannon!

I held the contained nuclear blast in my hands and threw it up, hitting the thing across the back of the head. Then another! And another!

He only takes fifty points of damage a blast, so more!

And I'm out of chakra. Rats.

That hasn't been a problem in forever-wait, why is it dark now?

I looked behind me and I saw a mountain rushing up to meet me and crush me. Oh, the Kaiju is now trying to smash against the mountain in an attempt to finally kill me.

Alright, then.

Flying Thunder God.

The seal I teleported too was actually just outside the bridge to Iron's capital. But I could still see my mountainous friend slamming itself against a mountain and breaking it to pieces in the process.

I flew straight up and zipped over to him.

Isaac's Greater Missile Storm.

Words cannot describe how impossibly happy I am that I was able to recreate my favorite spell from my favorite RPG as a weapon to use. It only does around three hundred damage a missile but this thing only takes fifty damage a shot anyway (after damage resistance) so spam attacks are the order of the day.

It caught sight of me right before the first purple-ish blue missile impacted its face. Then the rest of the missiles hit it like a swarm of wasps flying at Mach 10, each impact sounding shockwaves that echoed through the mountain range.

With the final missile, the Kaiju was sent on its back, looking dazed as it leaned against the mountain behind it.

Your health and chakra are no-longer reduced to 300.

Aw, man…

The Kaiju looked thoroughly dazed, but it wasn't dead. Its eyes were completely unfocussed.

…you know, I've seen this behavior before. Take enough damage to wind you, you get knocked down, unable to do anything before you stand up a few seconds later, ready to go again.

But I don't remember what it means.

Ugh.

I can't wait to get home so I can Google all the crap that I've forgotten. Seriously, this is driving me insane.

Quest Updated: The Kaiju

-The Kaiju's health has been doubled (2).

-The Kaiju is now extremely resistant to Shine release.

It stood back up and roared, grabbing a large piece of mountain that it broke loose when it fell against it and throwing at me. Using my chakra, I caught it, whirled it around and threw it right back at him. It hit him in the head, shattering into a thousand comparatively tiny boulders that rained down onto the ground below.

There're villages down there, crap.

Isaac's Greater Missile Storm.

That takes care of the debris and as fun as this has been, I need to end it. Now.

…alright, damage clearly can't knock this thing unconscious. You know what I should've done the first time? Oxygen deprivation. That'll knock it right out.

Global Repositioning System.

Using Space release to teleport around is fun. Now that I was behind it and glued to its back, I prepared a scroll in one hand and the medical jutsu in the other.

Oxygen Deprivation.

I wish I had a clever reference to basically sealing all oxygen out of somethings brain. But I didn't, so that's what I had. Made me upset, but what am I going to do?

The effect was immediate, it started to fall over and I took that time to press the scroll to it's back. Sealing Jutsu.

It vanished in a massive cloud of smoke that dissipated after a few long, agonizing minutes. When the smoke cleared, the Kaiju wasn't there.

Alright, game. The Kaiju is dead. It's been reduced to a fine paste within a storage scroll. Time to update the quest and tell me that it's completed so I can start working on fixing the damage.

…game?

Game, you there?

Quest Updated: The Kaiju.

-The Kaiju is now immune to Fuinjutsu.

Are you kidding me, game?

That's awesome!

And terrifying!

But seriously, I need to get this scroll to my Vault now and put it somewhere secure so that, if it somehow breaks out of the storage scroll, which shouldn't be possible but rule-breaking is just something that happens around me now so I need to take precautions.

Also, I'm going to need to talk to Mifune after all this is done because this battle just wrecked a large portion of the Land of Iron and he is not going to be happy.

"Hey, I'm back," I said good-naturedly as the guards let me into Mifune's office. "Just to clarify, I've got no idea where that thing came from, and I'd like to help you fix the damages that our battle caused."

Mifune blinked once, carefully weighing his next response. His fingers were folded together in front of him, white from how hard he was holding them. Finally, he replied. "If it wasn't for the fact that the damages caused by that battle are real, I would have believed it to be a Genjutsu."

"You know, I wouldn't blame you for that one bit," I responded, with a nod of my head. "Mile-tall monsters don't usually happen."

"As it stands," Mifune continued, grunting as he straightened in his seat. "The fight did happen, and it was impossibly costly to the Land of Iron. Eight villages leveled by the beast before your battle, two during. We may never recover."

"The lives you lost are a tragedy," I replied with a frown. "You have my condolences."

"Indeed," Mifune said, lost in thought as he squinted at me.

Oh, he suspects that I had something to do with the beast. Denial would only increase those suspicions at this moment. But I do have a way of disarming him. Plus, you know, it's what I want to do anyway. "How do you want me to help?"

Again, the Shogun didn't respond immediately. "You're asking me."

"I am," I replied. "I wasn't lying when I said I thought the constant wars of the world disgusted me. The loss of life from a battle that I was involved in is inexcusable. I want to help make it right. Just tell me how."

"First, answer me this," Mifune started, taking a breath and composing himself. "Was that a weapon of Konoha?"

"It is not. The Ninja villages aren't capable of creating something like that," I shook my head. "The closest thing to it that they've got are the Bijuu and those are captured, not made."

He believed me. Thank you, Charisma.

"Then where did it come from?" Mifune asked with a sigh.

"Presumably, the same place the Cat people that mauled your general, the fish people that kidnapped Konoha's clan heirs, or the bird-people of Kumo all came from," I answered, shrugging because I really didn't have an answer. "From nowhere, until we learn otherwise."

"That's not an answer," Mifune pointed out with a sharp frown. "Someone or something is out there, creating animalistic monstrosities to prey on the innocent. For what cause, we do not know. For what end, we do not know. We have to find out why, and soon."

"But it's what I got," I replied. "But I think the quest for answers can wait. You've got a lot of clean up ahead of you. How can I help?"

Mifune sighed.

This is one of the few times where clones were more than acceptable. I had disguised them in armor, covering their face so that people didn't get freaked out that there was a literal army of copy and paste Daisuke assisting in the damage control.

My ability to see chakra helped me see survivors that were buried beneath the mountains that had fallen upon them. Even as they worked to ensure that people were found, injuries were healed, I took a moment to marvel that the Three Wolves were still standing. I could see the wall of the Land of Iron built in the center, villages built on top and below the snouts.

Around the three wolves was a large mountain range, forming almost a ring around them – a ring that the Kaiju and I put a sizable hole in.

Memories came in. Part of why I hated clones was that the memories were never as good as living through it in person. Sure, you remember the rush of endorphins the clone simulated, but you didn't get them yourself. It was like watching life through a screen.

The irony sickens me.

Anyway, the clones helped regrow a little girl's severed legs. An old man whose entire left side of his cranium was smashed in was fixed up without issue. A Samurai who was stationed in one of the villages had his flattened arm and shoulder reassembled.

Lots of dead. Shame I don't know how to resurrect people – that would involve pulling people's souls from the afterlife and I'm not entirely sure that's something that's even ethical given how sweet the 'Pure World' is supposed to be. Might be a question for Shinigami if I ever meet the thing and it's in the mood for a discussion.

But it is what it is.

Why did the Kaiju just appear and attack the Land of Iron now? Where did it come from, really?

I don't want to just leave it at 'the game makes these things' and just leave it at that because that's too…clean. It's too simple of an explanation. An RPG is just a system. It's numbers, it's equations. It's not really something that acts on its own free will. At least, it doesn't seem like it should be able too.

But that's the only explanation that I've got with the information I have right now. If it's not the game doing it by itself, someone or something had to make all of these. Someone or something is pulling the strings. The question then is 'who' or 'what'?

And why?

Whatever, I need to talk to Mifune. Repairs are underway and I want to ask him what he wants done with all that loose stone that was in the mountains. From what my clones have seen, there's ore in there. Lots of ore.

Mifune was standing with his Generals, speaking and giving orders to coordinate rebuilding efforts. When I touched down, at least two of those generals placed a cautious hand on their blades.

"Mifune," I said with a smile. "I had a question about the mountains knocked loose. Did you want them fixed? Because in the debris, there's a lot of ore that got knocked loose that you might be able to use."

"You will address our leader with respect," One of the generals, a small, frail man whose grey hair was done up in a topknot.

I mean, I got to give the guy credit. He's the bravest one here, calling me out for not using Sama or San and not bowing.

"Kazuya, it is fine," Mifune pointed out. "He did just save our Land."

Kazuya growled softly, but offered no further objection.

"We were just discussing the merit of your offer," Mifune began, clearing his throat. "You wish to show us how to improve our infrastructure and the productivity of the civilian populous. As much as we are loath to admit it, that may just be necessary if we are to survive as a nation."

"Just so we're clear, I have no desire to see any of you give up Ninshū," I began, trying allay the concerns that Mifune's generals clearly had about the whole enterprise. "Once I understand it myself, I will try to spread Ninshū to the elemental nations. What I want to do here is give you more tools to become a prosperous and healthy nation."

"Perhaps you should give us an example of what you would give us," Mifune suggested. "The book on Jutsu is a good first step, but it would go a long way if we could see where the road that you're paving leads."

"Fair enough," I said, taking a piece of paper out from within my coat and drawing a blueprint on it. "This is something that's possible with Fuinjutsu, I call it a Gateway. If you build this at two separate villages, you can use this gateway to teleport people, objects between the two gates. If you had one of these built in every village, you could mobilize your entire army anywhere with one of these instantaneously. The roads would no longer be necessary, bereaving what few bandit clans that operate up here any source of income."

"And this would benefit our civilians by decreasing their travel time to zero as well," Mifune nodded. "This would ease the burden our new lack of numbers is sure to cause."

"Exactly," I said, handing Mifune the paper. "You can keep that. I've got something else for you, actually. Something for your Samurai."

Another blueprint, this one a two-handed variation of my pistol. "This, I call an Arquebus. It uses chakra to strike at a distance instantaneously. Over the top and bottom, you'll find chakra conduits that will allow you to create blades for close-quarters combat if it comes to that."

"You would seek to replace our swords," Kazuya balked.

"The Ninja fear the Samurai because you can cut off their hands before they can finish making jutsu," I pointed out. "This weapon? Right here? Removes their only advantage in that department: distance. So yes, I am trying to replace your swords."

"That is madness," Kazuya barked with a deep frown.

"You would need to provide a weapon for us to examine and then train with to see if it's worth it," Mifune replied. "If these weapons are as mighty as you say, you'll allow us to see for ourselves."

"I can do that for you," I replied with a grin. "My hope is that you'll get so good at Fuinjutsu that plain old Ninjutsu just becomes something you use for convenience."

Mifune let out the tense breath that he didn't realize that he had been holding. He watched as the godlike preteen that had just defeated the single largest thing that he had ever seen with his own two eyes single-handedly and then repaired nearly all the damage that had been done to his, admittedly small, nation.

Just what do you want, Daisuke? Mifune thought with a shake of his head. And what even are you?

Experience and the teachings of his predecessors had taught Mifune that one never simply trusted a Shinobi. They were always trying to find some way to put a kunai to your back.

But Shimoda clearly didn't need to bother with pretense. All of that battle had actually happened. No Genjutsu, no illusions, no trickery. He suspected that it might have been to get them to buy what Shimoda was selling, to accelerate the proliferation of Ninjutsu in their lands.

Which would have been unthinkable several months ago.

At the very least, now Mifune had proof that Shimoda Daisuke had, in fact, the power and expertise needed to bring the Land of Iron into a new golden age. But Mifune couldn't just trust that everything he was saying could be taken at face value. He was a Shinobi!

Even if his gut was telling him that the boy was being honest.

Kazuya also had a point.

Even with this Gateway and these Arquebus weapons, after having them been demonstrated, made him salivate at something that gave them a clear advantage over the rank and file shinobi, the accepting of any Ninja Art into their society went against everything that they stood for.

"I want these weapons placed under lock and key," Mifune ordered, hefting the short yet elegant weapon. "They are not to be used outside tests ordered by me, personally."

"It will be done, Shogun," Kazuya bowed. "Now, if I may ask you a question."

"Speak."

"What are you planning to do with these," The old man paused, looking for the right words. "Curiosities that he has given us?"

"Nothing," Mifune replied. "At least not yet. On our next meeting, I will see if we can get him to agree to Ninshū lessons. Then from there, we can learn his true intentions and move forward."

"That is a good plan," Kazuya replied with a nod. "If I may be honest with you, Shogun?"

"Go ahead," Mifune permitted with a nod.

"The boy scares me," Kazuya admitted with a frown. "With his power and his stated mission, if he's telling the truth, I think it bodes an ill omen upon us, if not the entire world."

"We must proceed carefully," Mifune stated. "If he is sincere in his goal to learn Ninshū, we can then teach him. If he is sincere, then we can decide what we are to do from there. Besides, I think we can all agree that if we can get one Ninja to actually adopt Ninshū, that would be a triumph, yes?"

"Of course, Shogun," Kazuya bowed again. "I will take my leave."

"You are dismissed."

Kazuya left and, seeing nothing else that required his immediate attention, decided to take his leave as well, and made his way home.

The home of the Shogun was less of a palace and more of a fortress. It was a relatively small, two-story home with a tall wall extending over it. Walls that could conduct chakra to seal off all entrances and exits, should he require it. But he had never required it once in his life, and he wanted to keep it that way.

"I'm home!" Mifune called as he entered his home and put off his slippers.

Directly ahead of Mifune was the staircase going to the second floor. Past the stair case to the left was the door to the living room and study. To the right, the door to the kitchen and dining room.

"Father!" Out of the dining room rushed Mifune's daughter, a girl with long black hair that reached just past her shoulders, twin braids falling down the sides of her face. Her cerulean eyes were looking at her father in relief as she rushed to hug him. "I'm so happy you're safe!"

"Katsuki-chan, of course I'm safe," Mifune replied, returning the hug in earnest. "Where's your mother?"

"She's here," Katsuki said, separating. "I think she's-"

"I'm here!" Came a voice calling from upstairs. The sound of a flushing toilet followed and out of the door to their bedroom came Mifune's wife, a woman whose white hair was done up in a traditional bun. "I ordered the servants home when the attack started."

"Well, the attack is over," Mifune assured them both as Katsue also came in for a hug. "As quickly as it began."

"Was it the Shinobi?" Katsuki asked quickly, her eyes narrowing with thought.

Mifune held in an exasperated groan. "Yes, it was. He did not agree to join us, however."

Katsuki pouted, folding her arms in disappointment. "Well, that's rude. Did he say why not?"

"Because he suspected that my advisors would accuse him of placing a Genjutsu on me," Mifune explained. "I believe that is sound justification."

"I agree," Katsue nodded.

Katsuki groaned. "I want to be the one to teach him Ninshū."

"I know you do," Mifune replied. "But if he doesn't formally join us, that won't happen."

"I know," Katsuki said. "But still."

"Katsuki-chan, why don't you go get started on dinner," Katsue suggested. "I'll join you once your father and I are done talking."

"Yes, Mother," Katsuki replied, shooting just the hint of an unhappy expression at being excluded from her parent's business as she retreated into the kitchen.

"Does he still want to learn Ninshū?" Katsue asked curiously.

"He is insistent that he does," Mifune answered with a nod. "I'll speak with my advisors and propose that he only receive Ninshū instruction once he joins us as a Samurai."

"A ninja becoming a samurai," Katsue mused with a grin. "That's a pleasant turnaround, don't you think?"

"I do," Mifune replied. Though, darkly, he though; I don't really think he's a shinobi. To be perfectly honest, he seems more like some kind of strange god…

"Thank you for backing me up," Kakashi said with an eye-smile.

"No problem, Sensei," Nichiren replied with a smile of his own. He took his glasses off to clean them, his black hair still well groomed and parted perfectly. He pointed to the Akimichi restaurant ahead of them, the yellow, healthy glow standing drastically against the night. "So, she's in there?"

"Drunk," Kakashi nodded. "Again."

"She didn't take his departure well at all, did she?" Nichiren asked with a frown.

"Not in the least," Kakashi replied. "Let's go get her."

The two went into the Akimichi restaurant. It was fairly busy, with customers eating. Directly ahead of them, the greeter, an Akimichi with their famed body-type hurriedly urged them forward. "Are you the Shinobi sent to retrieve Mitarashi-san?"

"Yes, that's us," Kakashi nodded with an eye-smile. "Where is she at?"

"She's just down here," She replied, pointing down the hall. "Let me show you."

"What kind of problems is she causing?" Nichiren asked with a frown.

"She just had a bit of an argument with her waiter when we decided she couldn't have any more drinks," The greeter answered. "We asked her to leave, but she hasn't even responded. She's not acted violent or anything, she's just had too much to drink and needs to leave."

"It'll take a few minutes, we just need to talk to her," Kakashi assured with an eye-smile.

Mitarashi Anko was looked collapsed across the table, her trench-coat acting like a pseudo blanket. In her hand was a bottle of sake.

Kakashi made a few hand-signs. "Static Jutsu."

Then he poked her in the shoulder, causing her to jump.

"Wha-hey-who?" Anko's head whirled around in every direction, looking for the source of her disturbance. Then she broke into a wide, inebriated grin. "Oh. Heeeeeeeey, Kakashi. You brought me a little dangoooo-"

"You've met Nichiren, right?" Kakashi introduced his student. "He was kind enough to come with me when I was asked to come eject you from the restaurant."

"Oh, right," Anko sighed in irritation and dejection. "They said that-that I had too much to drink. That's impossible, I tells 'em, but they don't agree with me. So now they don't want my ryo or somfink…"

"The scene is kind of dead here, anyway," Nichiren suggested. "Why don't we take you home so you can get some rest, Mitarashi-sensei."

"But rest means hangover," Anko whined. "I don't wanna deal with no hangover."

Nichiren turned his mouth in both directions once.

"Anko, I know you're upset, but you do got to go," Kakashi said sympathetically. "Come on, we'll escort you home."

"I don't wanna."

"…if you come with us, you can talk to us about Daisuke," Nichiren offered tentatively.

"Daisuke, Daisuke, Daisuke," Anko chanted, sounding more disgusted with every syllable. "That's all anyone thinks about anymore is Daisuke."

"Ah, ah, ah," Nichiren gestured to the door. "You got to come with us first."

"Now you listen here, you-you-you-you," Anko pointed at Nichiren angrily, only for the pointer finger to fall to the table and she sighed in irritation. "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine."

She made to stand up, only to trip over her coat. Kakashi caught her, and stood her up. "Easy, easy. Let's get you home."

"Yeah, yeah. Onward, men!" Anko suddenly perked up, only to lose it just as quickly. "Onward to my behhhhh-"

Nichiren threw a questioning gaze at Kakashi, who simply shrugged.

"Wait, wait, wait," Anko stopped, trying to stand up straight as they got to the front counter. "I gotta pay, you know?"

"We'll put it on your tab, Mitarashi-san," The greeter hurriedly said. "Don't worry about it, just get home safely."

"Okay, put it on muh tab," Anko waved goodbye with her fingers as Kakashi led her out of the restaurant.

Once they were out, Anko sighed. "Daisuke, Daisuke, Daisuke…I was such a…"

Anko tripped over her words for a moment. "I was bad to him. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. I was bad to him. Really, really, bad. The worst ever."

"How so?" Nichiren asked.

"You know what that beeeeeutiful boy did for me the first day I met him?" Anko asked with a huge grin. "He pulled out a seal-thingy. The thing on my shoulder. He got rid of it. Just…"

She made a swiping gesture with her free hand, the other around Kakashi's shoulder.

"Gone. Then, I was all laid up in the hospital and bored," Anko said, sounding giddy. "You know what he does? Ask meeeeeee…"

"What does he do?" Nichiren asked.

"He visited me," Anko answered with a smile on her face. "He visited me all the time. Brought me a whole library of books and played board games with me. Then I got out, and he trained with me to help me get back into shape."

"Wow," Nichiren blinked. "That's…dedication."

"I know, right!" Anko asked loudly. "It was awesome. Then I get to go with you guys. Remember that? I went along with you guys to SUNA. Suna. The sandy place."

"You did, I remember," Nichiren nodded. "Kakashi-sensei, you know where she lives?"

"I do, Nichiren," Kakashi nodded. "It's not far."

"You know what happens? He meets the snake," Anko spat the last word out like she was spitting venom. "Fights him off, doesn't tell anyone. Not a soul! Not a soul."

Kakashi stopped his wince. But just barely. "I remember."

"He was just to busy being Daisuke," Anko said with a laugh that sounded hollow. "You know what I did? Ask me what I did."

Kakashi and Nichiren didn't answer.

"Come ooooooooooooon," Anko moaned. "Ask me what I diiiiid…"

"What did you do?" Nichiren finally asked.

"I turned on him," Anko sounded angry and more importantly, sober. "I turned on him in a snap. This one wonderful, beautiful boy puts my entire life back on track and I turned on him the second something went wrong."

She started drooping again. "Then he goes and kills him, Kills the snake. Like a hero. I couldn't say a thing to him. Nope, not one thing. I was ashamed. I was a traitor, not fit to even lick his boots…"

Nichiren sighed.

"Then when we get back, he apologizes," Anko said incredulously in her drunken stupor. "He apologizes to the traitor. To meeeeeeeee."

"Wow," Nichiren said with a frown.

"Then we're partners! But he doesn't kill anyone," Anko pointed out, her eyes wide while poking Nichiren in the chest. "Not a single person. Not even the Hokage."

Anko's voice got low and angry, like a feral growl. "I would've."

Oh boy, Nichiren thought.

"He attacked Daisuke just like I did," Anko snarled. "But he had done exactly what Daisuke had done! Let the snake go without telling anyone. Then he goes and does the one thing he knows that Daisuke hates beyond anything else."

Calling him a child, Nichiren thought with a small nod. Which is kind of a weird thing to set someone off. He wasn't really called that very much. Usually it was stone-faced freak or gargoyle or something. But child? No.

"Don't know why, don't know how," Anko said in a sing-song voice. "But boy, oh boy, does Daisuke hate being called a child."

"We're almost there," Kakashi said, as they started walking up some stairs.

"You know," Anko said cheerfully, with a laugh. "It's kind of funny. You know his girlfriends?"

"Hisako and Ino?" Nichiren asked with a frown. "Yeah, what about them?"

"They didn't get it," Anko giggled. "They were trying so desperately to convince Daisuke to date them that they missed all the signs."

"What didn't they get?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"Daisuke, Daisuke said that he's not reeeeeeeady for a relationship," Anko said, the alcohol thick on her breath nearly causing Nichiren to gag. "They bought it. Hook, line and sinker. But that's not the reason. Noooooooo…"

A smug smile quickly grew on Anko's face. "I saw the way he looked at that ramen chick. I saw how he looked at me…they're too young for him."

Anko started laughing.

Daisuke likes older women, Nichiren shook his head. You know, suddenly, that entire situation makes sense. He probably didn't even realize it, either. Geeze, he's dumb.

"Watching them run around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to woo him was funny," Anko said with a grin. "Hey, we're here! Yay! I got my keys in my jacket…lower left pocket?"

"Nichiren, if you would?" Kakashi asked.

"Got it," Nichiren said, reaching into the pocket on her waist. He unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"My bedroom is just down the hall," Anko said with a grin. "You two wanna…wanna…wanna spend-"

Like that, Anko fell asleep on Kakashi's shoulder.

"About time," Kakashi muttered. "This woman's got energy for someone too drunk to walk."

"No kidding," Nichiren said, shaking his head. "I can see why you wanted backup. Have you done this before?"

"No," Kakashi shook his head, walking down the hall and nudging open the bedroom door. "You mind getting the sheets? No point in just leaving her across the top."

"Sure," Nichiren said, grabbing the sheet corner.

Kakashi laid her down on the bed and pulled the sheets over Anko. Satisfied that his job had been done, he turned on his heel to walk out. "Thanks for talking with her. Answered a few questions I've had for a while."

"No kidding," Nichiren said, leaving her keys on her nightstand.

The two exited the apartment, locking the door behind them.

"Have a good night, Nichiren." Kakashi waved.

"See you, sensei," Nichiren bade farewell.

The two disappeared in twin, black blurs of motion.

Inside the apartment, now beneath her blankets, Anko whimpered in her sleep. "…should've gone with you…"