Chapter 4.4

Seishin spread out his manuscript in the office.His eyes ran over the rewritten characters of the revised draft. In the silence of the night, the fading sound of God turning the pages echoed.

The older brother, ostracized from the hill for the sin of killing his little brother, roamed the wasteland. The little brother became a Shiki and followed him. The older brother didn't know why he went so far as to become that to follow him. Trying to look back on how his brother had been in life, as expected, he couldn't deduce his little brother's intentions. Far from deducing it, he couldn't even clearly recall his little brother before he was a Shiki. Nor himself the moment he killed his little brother, nor his sentiments at that time.

And, thought Seishin as he lowered the sharpened tip of the pencil to the paper like the tip of a sword. He

had to give up on surmising his little brother's true feelings again today. Whenever he tried to gauge his little brother's intent, without fail he would be obstructed in his groping quest for answers by his own confusion; while staring at him without any other means, regret gradually build up in his chest, and he declined to think any more beyond that.

Hanging his head in shame, gazing at the shadow the color of his own sin at his feet and then turning back, his eyes turned to the hill that, as he'd become accustomed to by now, didn't seem to be growing further away at all. Actually, his little brother was not chasing after him from behind. His little brother was surely waiting in front of him to receive him.

Above the hill the clouds parted, golden afterglow raining down incessantly. Within it was the white, clear, clear splendor. Enshrined at the top of the town, the unforgiving light shone towards him.

He had always, or at least for the time he had been on the hill, been taught that to the east of that garden was a vast wasteland but actually standing in the wasteland looking at the hill, the hill was enclosed from all for directions by the wasteland. The reason that this land was said to be to the east may have only been because that was where the gate was.

The sterile and desolate lands fallen from God's hand was supposedly this place where he wandered but, in actuality, the greenery of the hill that existed in the middle of this sterile and desolate land was seen as a miracle of God, that hill beautifully arranged and placed in this wilderness.

Now he thought on it as mysterious. Did the wasteland exist around the hill or did the hill exist within the wasteland? Did the high ramparts enclosing the foot of the hill denote the terminus of God's order, or instead did it note the boundaries of God's miracle?

In either case, the hill was beautiful.

Seishin stopped for a bit and tilted his head. He was being chased by the hill. Would the hill he saw when turning back to look over the wilderness be seen as beautiful after all? Far from having any killing intent towards his brother, he didn't know the source of his own impulse.

That should have been to him a very shocking tragedy. In judgement for that, he was cursed and chased. That order that pressured him, the hill that he had been shut out of, was it something that he could praise so impartially?

(Of course, he could...)

He even now yearned for the hill he had been expelled from. From the beginning, that had been what he had intended.

In either case, the hill was beautiful. If he closed his eyes, he could remember how it looked to him.

Green fields drew gentle undulations, there white sheep herded, feeding in peace on the grass that spread out to the green forests. The houses that dotted it were lined together by a red stoned path, rising up towards the street where the sage lived, levying heavy taxes. The spire stood tall in the center of the town, at the top of which was the seat of God. None but the one chosen as the sage were allowed to climb it, and were they to climb it there would be not but the downpour of splendorous light; it had no form of which to speak but clearly there existed a will there.

(And he worshiped that will.)

---Even though it ostracized him?

(To him, the hill was a place that should be loved....)

At the center of that spire shone on by the splendor, drawing concentric circles, spreading out and downward towards the outside, a single hill's mound was shaped.

Surrounding the spire was the temple where the sage lived, and around the temple was the stone paved town. The surrounding outskirts of the village were lined in sprawling forests. The beautiful and quiet forest of beautifully linked branches was itself enveloped in the blueish greens of the fields.

The green fields expanded without end, eventually the greenery being mixed at intervals with white stones and red clays. At the ends of the lands of gently undulating hills which green draped over like a moss were gigantic castle walls.

(Gigantic walls... Obstinate,

The sturdy ramparts, as if to shroud from the eyes of those who dwelt outside of it, 

as if to reject the sinners exiled for eternity,

spread out, and then, at that eastern block, a small closed gate. 

so that they could never return again...)

Seishin sighed hugely and abandoned his pencil. This is no good, he thought. His thoughts were slipping. He couldn't stop Ohtsuka Takayuki and Hiroko's faces from flashing faintly through some part of his mind

Sotoba was firmly united. On the other side of that unity was an obstinate tendency towards exclusion. Those who weren't parish families of the temple were, to the village, foreign substances. Rather, those who were formerly parish families that had defected from the temple would only naturally be seen as enemies more than foreign substances. They had cast off the faith that managed the villagers and took their leave for another faith of their choosing. Even when considering people's tendency to form groups, they couldn't help ostracizing those who those who were separated out like that.

But, Seishin thought. Why did groups of people have no choice but to act this way? Faith's foundation was of the heart, was it not something that brought about public peace through people's hearts? That it was separating people, becoming a just cause for ostracizing people---and that nobody had misgivings nor shame about that, Seishin had a difficult time standing.

Gentle smiles for those who were internal, and while showing that affection and love, showing those on the outside cold indifference and cruel conduct. That two sidedness could be felt most bleakly. Or was he the only one who struggled with such things as this?

With a disheartened breath, Seishin piled up his manuscripts. He wanted to continue with it but his writing just wasn't flowing. All the more self-conscious of his struggles, he gave up and returned the manuscript to the drawer. In exchange he took out the memo pad with the notes he'd gathered but, he didn't even feel like opening it. Having given up on even that, Seishin stood. Leaving the office, he took the flash light off of the shelf in the entryway in hand and went outside.

The presence of fall hid within the winds that blew through the fir trees. The voices of the insects were, different from their summer timbre, sounding somehow lonely. He took a glance at the sleeping village and crossed the temple grounds. Pushing his way through the mountains, he knew that fall, hiding within the forest and its underbrush, was looking to come out of hiding. Walking quietly, he headed straight to the abandoned building. Nowhere in the village, trying to live secluded out here, in this sanctuary that was naturally looked upon as an enemy to the system and order of which the temple was a nucleus, the one drug out of here was---him.

As if to note the recluse's biter mortification, the sanctuary inclined, falling into ruin. Entering within, there was the voice of one single cricket echoing desolately. The lonely chirping faded, then as if realizing that it had faded sounded again.

Seishin himself didn't remember when he lit the lamp. If he was just going to be spacing out doing nothing, he wouldn't need lamp light. None the less, he realized when he heard the sound of the sanctuary door opening that he might have remembered in his subconscious that Sunako had appeared once saying it was because she had seen the light.

When he turned his head, Sunako was walking down the short nave of the church. Brushing lightly along the backs of the benches lined up on one side, light footsteps approached.

"Good evening."

"Hi," was all Seishin returned.

"I'm just saying this for your benefit, but this is the first time I've come here since the last time. I've been behaving well in my home, you know. So, do somehow overlook it this time, won't you?"

Seishin smiled and nodded.

"And for the record, I had applied bug spray before coming, and as you can see I've worn long sleeves with closed cuffs. I'm wearing two layers of stockings, you know. I do hope that with this Muroi-san understands that I am not trying to disregard his warnings?"

"....I know."

I'm glad, Sunako murmured, taking a seat on the bench directly in front of Seishin. She sat little kit on the bench, both of her elbows on the back of the pew.

"Ebuchi and mother were most grateful. Of course, they absolutely won't leak it to the outside. ---To begin with, they wouldn't have either way, but."

"I see..."

"Is it the same as ever? You look depressed."

Seishin smiled bitterly. "I see.... I guess it is as usual. It looks like things have gotten a bit worse. But I can't see any solution."

Sunako nodded as if to urge him on, so Seishin briefly expressed that he'd been looking for common points amongst the victims but, regardless, hadn't been able to find any clues.

"With your duties to the temple, even while you have a job as an author, it must be hard. And yet with no results, it's a given that Muroi-san would be making such a face."

"Do I look that depressed?"

"You do. The same as last time. You look down." Sunako said with a small laugh. "Every time we meet here, it is certain that Muroi-san will be depressed, isn't it? Is it possible you run away to here when you are depressed?"

Seishin blinked. "Ah.... Indeed. You may be right."

"You weren't aware of it?"

"I guess I wasn't. That's right---it does certainly seem to be like this more often, overwhelmingly."

"It's better not to be too discouraged. After all, Muroi-san is not an epidemic specialist."

Seishin smiled faintly and shook his head. "It's not as if I'm particularly down about the lack of results."

"Then, why? Did some one pass away again?"

"No---. I've been following the victim's footprints, you see, and it's more than I'd come to know some not-too pleasant things."

"Not too pleasant things?"

Mm, Seishin looked out into the half destroyed interior of the sanctuary.

"Sotoba is a good place. There are many good tempered people living here, and it makes for a peaceful cycle. But because of that, the power to push aside any foreign substances is strong."

Sunako tilted her head, and then nodded as if understanding something. "I think that I understand. To be warm to those close to you means to be cold to those who are not. ---Is it like that?"

Right, Seishin nodded. Sunako put her chin in both of her hands, resting on the back of the pew. ".....And so, Muroi-san has come to hate the villagers?"

"No. That isn't it."

"You've come to hate the village maybe. So while you're suffering for the village's sake, you're sickened by it."

"That isn't what it is. Because I think that the power to gather people also being the power to exclude is an unavoidable providence. Surely that's the kind of being humans are. So I don't condemn it. But, I do think it's a little bit of a shame."

"If that's the case, then you'll have to cheer up. You have to investigate it properly and hurry up and solve what's happening. If the disease spreads like this, the villagers will end up noticing, and then Muroi-san will experience something even more painful."

That pricked at Seishin's heart. Gazing seriously at Sunako's face, he understood that that was true.

Indeed, it was so. If the situation kept worsening like this, eventually, the villagers would notice the existence of the sickness. If they did that, what would happen? The unions that were protected by going so far as to exclude others would be cut. Be they members of the same parish, be they bound by blood or regional bonds, fearing contamination, they would begin to ostracize each other. There was no way to avoid it.

"....It's just as you say."

"Isn't it? People are fragile when cornered. They're very weak beings."

Seishin nodded. ---Yes, this was no time to be down. He didn't have the time to struggle with something like this.

And, in his own heart Seishin felt shamed. It was no time for escaping into his manuscripts either. Even if just a moment sooner, he had to find a way to stop this calamity. Before the village brought about its own end from within.