48 - More than fate

*Nemesia's POV – Back to the Present*

I stared at him, my mind reeling from the words he had just spoken. "You… what?" I managed to choke out, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I rejected her," Evar repeated calmly, his eyes never leaving mine. "I chose you, Nemesia. Even if you'd never choose me back..."

My heart pounded in my chest, disbelief and confusion warring within me. "But… she was your fated mate, Evar. How could you just… walk away?"

He stepped closer, his gaze unwavering. "Because she wasn't you, Nemesia. She wasn't the one who's been by my side and made me find a purpose in my boring life, the one who I've fought for, bled for… the one who I care about more than anything."

I shook my head, trying to make sense of his words. "That doesn't make sense. You're supposed to be with her. She's your other half."

"No," Evar said firmly, his voice full of conviction. "My other half isn't some girl I just met. My other half if I ever were to get one... is a woman who makes me want to be by her side no matter how bad it is, who is strong and makes me feel the sense of living in this wretched world. It's you, Nemesia. It's always been you."

I felt my legs weaken, and I sank down onto the cool grass, my mind spinning with Evar's words. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. Fate had decided for him, had given him someone else, and yet… here he was, standing in front of me, defying that destiny.

"Evar," I began, my voice unsteady, "You… you're not making sense. Fate chose her for you. How can you just ignore that?"

He knelt beside me, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. "Fate may have chosen her, but my heart chose you... Ragnar's heart too," he said, his voice low and filled with a quiet determination. "Fate didn't go through what we went through. Fate didn't fight by your side, didn't see the strength you have, the fire inside you. I did. And that's why I'm here, Nemesia. Because I choose you, every time."

A part of me wanted to reject his words, to push him away and tell him that he was making a mistake, that he was being foolish. But another part of me—deep down, the part that had started to open up to him, even when I tried to deny it—wanted to believe him.

"But… I never promised you anything," I said, my voice trembling. "I never said that… that we could be together like that. I never even let you think…"

"And I never asked you to," Evar interrupted gently. "I know what I'm doing, Nemesia. I know that you've got your own path, your own mission. But I don't care about that. I just want to be there with you, to support you, even if it means standing in the shadows, even if it means I'm to sleep alone for the rest of my life."

I looked away, my emotions swirling in a confusing, chaotic mess. "Evar, I'm not… I'm not going to sit on some throne just so I would become a puppet queen for another man like Peotius wants, or anything like that. You know that, right? There's no happy ending and power gaining here. There's just… revenge."

He smiled a small, sad smile that made my chest ache. "I don't care about thrones or crowns, Nemesia. I don't care about being your equal or being in the spotlight... I wouldn't even want that as I think I could never be someone like that as you're just too amazing. I just want to be close to your side, to be the one who helps you, who stands with you through it all. I don't want to be your king, your man, to own you or your heart—I just need to be with you... and if you'd want you can own me instead."

His words were so earnest, so filled with emotion that I didn't know how to respond. Suddenly I recalled as I started building walls around myself, planning on pushing people away because I couldn't afford to be vulnerable, to care. But here was Evar, tearing down those walls for a long while now with a quiet determination that left me feeling exposed and uncertain. And yet I was still scared of trusting... Never wanting to be betrayed like that again.

"I don't… I don't know if I can do this, Evar," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know if I can let myself…"

"Then don't," he said softly, cutting me off. "You don't have to decide anything right now, Nem. You don't have to change a thing. Just know that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Whether you want me to stand by your side or just behind you, I'll be there. I'll always be there. Or if you'd like me to stand five steps to your right or to be under... ekhm," his attempt to lighten the atmosphere with a joke made me smile lightly.

The sincerity in his words, the quiet strength in his gaze—it was almost too much to bear. I hand't allowed myself to believe that I could rely on someone else once again, that I could share the burden of my pain with anyone. But Evar… he was different. He had seen me at my worst, and he was still here, still willing to stand by my side.

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away, feeling foolish for letting my emotions show. "I don't know what to say," I confessed, my voice thick with emotion. "I don't know how to…"

"You don't have to say anything," Evar whispered those words again, reaching out to gently brush a strand of hair away from my face. "Just let me be here for you, Nemesia. That's all I ask."

I looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of doubt, of hesitation. But all I saw was unwavering resolve, a determination that matched my own in its intensity.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I allowed myself to believe those words. I allowed myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to carry this burden alone. That maybe, there was someone who could help me find my way through the darkness.

I nodded slowly, my heart pounding in my chest. "Okay," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Okay, Evar. But just… don't expect too much from me."

He smiled, a gentle, understanding smile that made something inside me ache. "I won't," he promised. "I just want to be here with you, however you'll let me."

We sat there in silence, the forest around us a quiet witness to the emotions swirling between us. As the cool night air wrapped around us, I leaned into Evar's embrace, letting myself find comfort in his presence. I knew I was probably one hell of a b*tch to talk to him to keep our distance etc. and here I was leaning into his arms, hungry for his warm touch, his breath on my ear, and his smell enveloping me like in a blanked. It wasn't a fancy smell like when you smell your mate... no... but it was a smell that could calm... it smelled like Evar... MY Evar...