44 - Healing in Shadows

*Nemesia's POV*

The cool air stung my face, but I barely noticed. My chest was tight, and each breath felt like it was being dragged out of me. I leaned against a tree, trying to calm the storm raging inside me, but the weight of David's words pressed down on me, threatening to suffocate me.

"Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to forgive me?"

I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, willing the tears to stop. I hated how weak I felt, how vulnerable his words had made me. I was supposed to be strong, unshakable. But in that moment, all the walls I had built around my heart came crashing down, leaving me exposed and raw.

"Nemesia?"

His voice startled me. I hadn't heard him approach, but suddenly Evar was there, his presence a warm and steadying force in the dark. He moved slowly, cautiously, like he was approaching a wounded animal. And in a way, he was. I felt wounded, broken in a way I hadn't expected.

"Evar…," I whispered, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to keep it steady.

He knelt beside me, his hand resting lightly on my arm. "I followed you. I was worried… you ran off like something was chasing you."

I let out a bitter laugh, the sound harsh even to my ears. "Maybe I was chasing something. Or maybe I was just trying to run away…"

He didn't press me, didn't push for more information. He just stayed there, his presence a quiet reassurance in the chaos of my emotions.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked gently after a few moments, his voice low and soothing.

I shook my head, but the words tumbled out anyway. "He knew, Evar. David knew everything. About Marco, about me… He knew, and he didn't say anything. And now… now he's forgiven me. After everything I've done, he just… forgave me."

Evar's hand moved to my back, rubbing slow, calming circles. "That must have been hard to hear."

I nodded, tears blurring my vision again. "He should hate me. I betrayed him, I took everything from him, and yet… he forgives me. How can he do that?"

Evar sighed, his touch grounding me in the storm of my emotions. "David… Well, I may not know him like you do but for the past days, I got the idea that he's not like most people. He's got this… purity about him, I guess. He sees the best in everyone, even when he shouldn't. Maybe that's why he forgave you—because he understands that what you did, you did for reasons you believed in."

His words brought no comfort. If anything, they made the weight of David's forgiveness even heavier. "But I didn't deserve it," I whispered. "I didn't deserve his forgiveness, his… kindness. Not after everything I've done."

Evar's hand stilled on my back, and he gently tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. His eyes were warm, filled with something I couldn't quite place. "Nemesia, you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've done things no one else could have. And maybe… maybe that's why he forgave you. Because he saw that strength, that determination, and he knew you did what you had to... to survive... to change something."

His words broke something inside me, and the tears I was able to hold back after a while spilt over once again. Evar pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly as I cried. I clung to him, letting the sobs wrack through me, unable to hold anything back anymore. It was as if all the pain, all the guilt, and all the regret I had buried deep inside since the incident with Marco had finally found its way to the surface with full force, and I couldn't stop it.

Evar didn't say anything, didn't try to tell me that everything would be alright. He just held me, his arms strong and steady around me, anchoring me in a way that I desperately needed. His presence was a reminder that I wasn't alone, that even in my darkest moments, there was someone who cared, someone who understood.

When the tears finally subsided, I pulled back slightly, wiping at my tear-streaked face with trembling hands. Evar's gaze remained steady on mine, his expression filled with a mixture of concern and something else—something deeper that I wasn't ready to confront.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice shaky. "I didn't mean to—"

"Don't apologize," Evar interrupted gently. "You're allowed to feel this, Nemesia. You're allowed to break down sometimes. You don't have to carry all of this alone."

His words hit me harder than I expected. I had spent so long building walls around myself, convincing myself that I had to be strong, that I couldn't afford to let anyone in. But here, with Evar, those walls were crumbling, and I didn't know how to stop it.

"I don't know how to do this," I admitted, my voice barely audible. "I don't know how to let go, how to stop feeling like I have to keep everything together all the time... I was like that even before... before Marco..."

Evar reached up, gently brushing a strand of hair away from my face. "You don't have to figure it out all at once. It's okay to take it one step at a time. And you don't have to do it alone. I'm here with you, Nemesia. I'll always be here."

The sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes—it was almost too much to bear. I had never allowed myself to believe that I could rely on someone else again one day, that I could share the burden of my pain with anyone. But Evar… he was different. He had seen me at my worst, and he was still here, still willing to stand by my side.

"I don't deserve this," I whispered, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

Evar's brow furrowed slightly, and he shook his head. "You deserve so much more than you think, Nemesia. You've been through hell and back, and you're still standing. That takes strength, but it also takes heart. Don't sell yourself short."

I looked away, unable to fully process what he was saying. The weight of David's forgiveness, Evar's unwavering support—it was all too much. I felt like I was drowning in emotions I didn't know how to handle, and I didn't know how to make it stop.

"I just… I don't know what to do," I admitted, my voice trembling with uncertainty.

Evar reached out, taking my hand in his. His grip was warm, reassuring. "You don't have to have all the answers right now. Just take it one step at a time. I'm with you, Nemesia. Every step of the way."

For the first time in what felt like forever, I allowed myself to believe those words. I allowed myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to carry this burden alone. That maybe, there was someone who could help me find my way through the darkness.

I nodded slowly, squeezing his hand in return. "Thank you, Evar," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. "For being here, for… for everything."

He smiled softly, the corners of his lips lifting in a way that made my heart ache with a strange mixture of warmth and sadness. "Always, Nemesia. You don't have to thank me. Just… let me be here for you."

The vulnerability in his words, the quiet strength in his gaze—it was more than I could have ever asked for. And in that moment, I knew that no matter how lost I felt, no matter how broken, I could find my way back. Not alone, but with Evar by my side.

We sat there in the darkness, the forest around us silent and still, and for the first time in a long time, I felt a glimmer of hope. It was faint, fragile, but it was there. And as I looked into Evar's eyes, I knew that maybe, just maybe, I could start to believe in it.

But the pain of David's words still lingered, a wound that would take time to heal. I didn't know what the future held, didn't know how I would face the challenges that lay ahead. But with Evar by my side, I knew I could try. And that was enough for now.

Eventually, Evar helped me to my feet, his hand steadying me as we made our way back through the forest. The weight of the night still hung heavy in the air, but it no longer felt suffocating. With Evar beside me, the path forward seemed a little less daunting, a little more bearable.

And as we walked in silence, the cool night air wrapping around us like a comforting embrace, I allowed myself to hope that maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to move forward. One step at a time... Even with the darkness surrounding me. Even with all the nasty things I would do in the future. With him I could keep my strenght.