Loss

Rose was still sitting in the bathroom floor, wet with water and blood and she was trembling.

- Rose, listen to me okay? Now you will open your eyes, we will slowly get up and you will see there is nothing there, then we'll get you out of these clothes okay?

She held his hand tight.

- I won't let go of your hand, you know that.

She opened her eyes slowly. He smiled at her.

He took her other hand too. He held her hands as they slowly got up.

He slowly turned the faucet on.

- See? It's just water

- But…I .. I saw

- Its okay. Come on , lets get you changed,

They went back to the room.

He brought her the clothes and waited outside the room until she changed.

When he came back, she was wearing the clothes Aliyah brought.

She looked tired. She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair messy and in her eyes as if she was trying to hide her face.

He took out a hairband.

- Aliyah keeps leaving these lying around all the time

He said sitting near her.

He removed her hair from her eyes, carefully brushed them and tied them into a ponytail.

She stayed still

- Remember when Lorelei died? The conversation we had?

- Yeah. You put your hand in my heart, " do you feel she loves you?" you asked.

- And you said you did

- Yes. And then you said that she's not dead.

She'll never be.

- Well, my mother is dead.

She said in an almost crying voice that broke Noah's heart because he did not have anything to say. There wasn't anything he could say that would make her feel better.

She got up and sat on the balcony. Drawing on her lap.

He brought her a blanket.

- Here, you'll be cold

- At least I'll feel something

She said and gave him the blanket back. Her mother was dead. She hadn't really hoped it would be all good between them two, but she had wished it would be good enough for a goodbye.

Now her mom was the one that left and she was the one that was left behind.

Was she sad? Is what she felt grief? Why was she numb?

Now what?

Well, she had come to say goodbye anyway, her mom just beat her to it.

Noah went downstairs. He thought she needed a little time alone to process it all.

Downstairs only Alison was left.

- How is she?

- I can't tell

- Want me to talk to her?

- Do you want to ?

- I do

- She's outside on the balcony

She said and she went upstairs not sure of what she was going to say.

She knocked on the door. No answer.

She knocked again.

Again no sound.

She cracked the door open a little.

- Mind if I come in?

She didn't reply.

She went in anyway. She went outside by her side.

- I'm really sorry Ro..

- You don't have to be here

- I know, but I want to

- Do you really?

- Of course.

For the first time she turned and looked into Alison's eyes.

- I know you Al, maybe I am the only person in this world who truly knows you. I can tell what you're thinking " mourning a mother she never had " ..yes. I never had a mother. Zoe was just a mere presence, just a name on some paperwork.

I know you although we've been apart for all these years, but you don't know me. I've changed.

You know what is Zoe to me now? At least what she was until a few hours ago.. she was a maybe. She was a possibility. She could have been my mom. I had started to see behind the mess she was. but I never got to say it. I mourn all I lost and all I could have had.

- Ro, I don't think you..

- No. Really, you don't need to say anything. I didn't come back here to take Noah, I didn't come to profess my love to him and to live happily ever after. I was never after that, or after all the things you thought.

Remember in the car, you said ", you're a volcanic mess Rose , ready to explode at any time and burn us all with you, you want us all to burn with you" You were right. I am a big fucking volcanic mess, but I never asked nor wanted any of you to be burned with me although I would walk through hell for each one of you. But this is me. I am back until I have to leave again, but I'm not here to burn anyone, especially you, I truly wish Noah loved you, I hope he will someday, but most of all I truly wish you had fucking cared a little about me, enough to know none of it is my fault, I would never hurt you on purpose.

- I did think so back then. But you know how I was feeling.

- I was feeling like shit myself, I almost fucking died, never did I hold that against you, you refused to go get help unless I left, and I did. You came back just to make me feel guilty for being back. And you kept lying that you did not force me to leave, and no you didn't but you did ask me to fucking choose between your life or them knowing full well I would have to choose you. And you lie so sure that I'm gonna go along with that lie because I somehow owe it to you but I don't. I don't own you a fucking thing. I did more than anyone would ever do, but now I have to take care of me and I don't plan on walking around with my head down for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

- Maybe we should talk when you're feeling a little better

- Let's not kid ourselves, that's only you avoiding a conversation again

Alison didn't say anything just motioned for the door

- I won't tell them, don't worry. I didn't come for that either

- Then why did you?

- You'll know soon enough

- I'm sure I will

She left slamming the door.

Rose got up and went inside. She saw her clutch on the couch. She remembered Noah's gift. She sat down and opened it.

There was a tiny gray box, she opened it.

There was a note :

" You will always be my dragonfly"

She smiled. There was a thin golden necklace of a tiny dragonfly.

She felt a pain in her heart. Maybe she shouldn't have come back at all.

Allison found Noah sitting on the couch in the living room.

- So?

He said, hoping they had patched things up for the sake of Rose .

- I shouldn't be here, I don't even know why I tried. Its Rose.

- What happened?

- She didn't seem as grieving to me

She said as she grabbed her jacket.

- You can't expect her to be okay tonight

- I don't expect her to ever be okay again

- What does that mean?

- Don't you notice? She's not the Rose we knew. Something has changed.

Noah couldn't say anything. He had noticed too, but after all he understood how struggles can make a person change.

- She isn't back for you Noah.

- I know

- She isn't back to stay

She said and walked out the door.

Connor and Aliyah waited for Mary a street down the Alden Mansion.

She came running, she was middle aged, light brown hair tucked back, big blue eyes. She was wearing a white shirt and black skirt, possibly the uniform of the Mansion. She had a black coat on.

- Sorry for being late, it took a while to get out without being noticed and I need to get back right away

- Its okay just give us what she needs

- Here is one of her backpacks, I put her favorite black clothes there maybe, uhm.. she will want to wear them at the funeral …and in the tiny front pocket is the medication, she will take it if it gets too bad but she shouldn't take more than 2 a day.

- Thank you Mary. Will take care of the rest

- How is she?

- Numb I think. She's just sitting there silently

- She'll get really quiet before she bursts out, take care of her okay?

- We will.

- Okay, I have to go now.

Connor was really grateful for her help. He felt better knowing there was something that can help Rose.

- Hey Mary?

- Yes?

- Does Mrs.Alden know?

- Yes. She's been notified, but she's busy just making sure others aren't .

Aliyah had to ask, she just still couldn't believe a grandmother could be this careless of her only living relative.

- Thank you, very much. For everything.

Connor said and Mary smiled and rushed back up the street.

They got into the car and drove back home.

- What the hell is wrong with the world? That's her daughter that died today goddamn it

Aliyah said holding the backpack while Connor drove.

- Well, I don't know, maybe its just rich people..

- Well Noah and Hunter are rich too but Jack would literally take a bullet for his boys. Any of us even.

- Yeah you're right, I don't know. I haven't met her but her grandma seems quite nuts honestly

- She looks like the nicest lady, she doesn't even look old, I wonder what her issue is with Zoe and Rose

- I don't know. Maybe it was Zoe's drinking

- No, I'd heard she had started drinking after moving to Pine Hills.

- I don't know. Every time I've ever seen Zoe she was either drunk, or passed out so I don't really know

- Yeah me too, but I remember her cursing her mom each time she drank

- Yeah, me too. But whatever the issue was between the two Rose has nothing to do with it, I don't know why she would hate her own granddaughter

- Me neither.