Chapter 3

Chapter 3-Even

I felt uneasy on the stage, but the way I was feeling it was as if someone else was uneasy and I was just felling what they felt. I could also feel the same energy that I had been feeling walking to and from the bar, the energy I felt when he touched my hand the first night then again when he pull me from the traffic. He is here.

I closed my eyes as the music started.

"..Ever since I could remember everything inside of me just wanted to fit in

I was never one for pretenders and everything I tried to be just wouldn't settle in

If I told you what I was would you turn your back on me and if I seemed dangerous would you be scared

I get the feeling just because everything I touch isn't dark of enough that this problem lies in me.

I am a real man when the devil got me I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me

A monster a monster I've turned into a monster and its keep getting stronger..."

I couldn't stop the tear that slid down my cheek as I finished. This one song speaks to me; it describes how I feel better than I ever could. When I exited the stage I started to look for those eyes, but I didn't have to I could already feel that he wasn't here anymore.

The next 10 days passed quickly. I came to Hell Bound every afternoon at 4. I bartended for Duke, I never drank. Many men would offer to buy me a drink and I always refused as politely as I could. There is no way I could drink that poison after what it turned my dad into. I started to notice that no matter how much these people drank they never acted drunk, not a single one of them. The more conversations I overheard the more convinced I was that this was one of those fetish bars. Everyone was very open sexually, which strangely I didn't feel odd around. The people seemed to talk about biting, tastes of blood, shifting (whatever that meant). Some talked about how different things were centuries ago. It figures that I could feel comfortable about crazy vampire and werewolf people. A few of the people would talk about even more weird creatures, luckily I stayed pretty busy and only got to hear a sentence here or there. I sang almost every night. The

customers seemed to actually enjoy my voice. I was sleeping so much better, I didn't even half to take my sleeping pills anymore. It was strange, the way I am happy with my days and nights. My nights of course were spent at the bar from 4pm to 4am, they didn't close at 4am but Duke always told me my shift was up to go get some rest somewhere around 3 or 4 in the morning. And every morning I walked home I felt him watching me just like I did every evening. I could even feel him as I slept. I knew I was probably imaging things but I didn't feel scared, actually he kind of felt like my own guardian angel. Every day when I woke up there would be a different flower waiting on my window pane. I know I should have called the cops since that meant I most likely had some crazy psycho stalking me waiting to attack, but not once did I ever feel threatened or upset. I just couldn't feel anything but safe. I noticed a few times that I would be out of items

around the kitchen and then it was like the minute I turned they would appear. It felt too natural to argue about it. There were a few times over the past 12 days that I would question my sanity and wonder what exactly was going on but then I would feel my angel's presence and all the doubt and worry floated away.

Today was Tuesday; I have been in Flagstaff for almost a month now. I left the bar around 4 like normal but I couldn't stop thinking about my dad. I had one of those gut feelings that something just wasn't right. There was a few times during the morning that I had to talk myself out of taking a flight home right then. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I kept getting for my dad as I walked home. I had decided that staying month in a motel was enough; it was time to look for a place of my own. That was my plan for today. I was going to skip sleep and go apartment hunting. I had most of the money I had taken out of dad's safe still hidden in my room at the motel. Duke paid me really well, I told him a few times that he was paying me too much but he insisted that I had earned it. There wasn't many bartenders I knew that would bring home little over a grand a week, especially not where I am from. Since it was just me and I didn't eat much or

need much I hadn't even gone through my first weeks pay. The motel I was staying at was a real cheap run down place but I really didn't need much nor did I see the sense of spending more money on a place that I pretty much just slept and showered at. I had an appointment with the real estate lady at 8am so I had time to eat and shower before I had to head across town. I stopped at a little café about a mile from my motel for breakfast. I ate my blueberry muffin on the remainder of the walk to my room. Once I enter my room I start a pot of coffee. I am a coffee addict; there are many days I live off of coffee alone. If I start it before I take a shower it is usually done brewing about the same time I am drying off. I laid the bag with the extra muffin on the table like I had been doing for the past 2 weeks. Ordering extra food and leaving a plate of dinner or breakfast since I work nights on the table along with an extra drink before I went to

sleep. I quickly learned what he liked and didn't like. For one he will always eat all of a fruit filled muffin but only pick at a spice or nut flavored one. I took my time in the shower, since he never came in the bathroom with me I wasn't clouded by the calmness and warmth I always got in his presence. I lay in the tub letting the shower water wash over me as I thought about my dad. I know something is wrong, I have been feeling it all morning. A few days after I had first gotten here I called and left a message with the machine on the home line, I told him that I was fine and that I needed to get away. I gave him my cell phone number in case something happened and he needed me then I hung up. I do have a cell phone but I never use it. Most of the time I leave it here in my bed room. Dad, Duke, and Adian are the only ones that have the number and most of the time I am with either Duke or Adian if I am not here so there is really no sense in taking

it everywhere with me. I was fully clothed and ready to walk the door when I had the nagging feeling to take my phone. I have always prided myself on always following my feelings. Mom use to always tell Eden and me to follow our gut no matter what. I use to consider it silly but since her death I found myself listening to the little advice she would always give us. So of course I took the phone with me to the bar. As I am walking out the door I glance to the table and see that the muffin is no longer there. I couldn't help but smile. Once I was safe and sound at Hell Bound I found myself sitting at the bar.

"what is going on in that head of yours?"

I was surprised to see Duke sitting beside me, I hadn't even noticed him or anyone else in here since I sat down.

"I was thinking that maybe I could take some self defense classes. Something bad is going to happen tomorrow."

I didn't even look away while I talked to him. I just stared at the same bottle on the wall of liquor behind the bar.

"you have peaked my interest once again, tell me why you believe something is going to happen tomorrow and I will have Mike teach you a self defense lessons tonight."

I tore my gaze away from the bottle so I could try to read his eyes, trying to see if I could trust him enough to let him know just how crazy I really am. After a few silent moments I focused back on my bottle on the wall and begin telling him my story.

"Eden and I were adopted, I don't remember a lot of our birth parents and as far as I know neither did Eden. No one ever came right out and told us what had really happened, like they were afraid it was too horrible for us to handle. I never really knew about it until after mom and Eden's accident. Dad started drinking trying to cope with losing the love of his life. When I say love of his life I really mean it, they were so in love so tuned into each other that I truly believe he lost himself when she passed. Eden and I use to joke about us finding a love that strong one day. It is silly now that I think about it. But anyways that's another story. I remember the surgeries, and I remember waking up in the hospital when I was 8. Eden was in the bed beside me playing with a doll. There was a couple sitting on the bed playing with her. They introduced themselves as the Adams, they said that we would be staying with them for a while when we were

released from doctors care. I may have gone home with them the next day but I was never really released from doctor's care. I had broken nearly every bone in my body. I had to have therapy to learn to walk, talk, I had to relearn everything. I spent more time in rehabs or having surgeries then I did with my sister and the new family that adopted us. When we were 12 we started asking them what had happen to us to cause all the problems with me. Mom and dad always told us that we had been in a tragic accident and there was no point dwelling in the past. So we always let it go."

I stopped to take a moment to asses Dukes reaction. To see if I should continue telling him the rest. He smiled at me, squeezed my shoulder to offer comfort before nodding that I should continue.

"Eden and my mom died on our 18th birthday, and the day we had the so called accident when we were adopted I later learned was the day of our 8th birthday. Every year that we were with mom and dad our birthdays were weird. Something always happened. 9 years old someone broke into the house and almost kidnapped us. 10 years old we both came down with some virus that nearly killed us both. 11 years old someone attacked mom on her way home from the store. 12 years old our house burned down while we were sleeping, we lost our dog. 13 years old dad was on a business trip when his plane malfunctioned, he was banged up pretty bad. Every year is was a day we would dread. When we were younger we never put 2 and 2 together but year 14 Eden was attacked by a dog while we were out playing that evening. 15, I fell out of our 2 story window; more surgeries for me. 16 we had gone on a trip thinking that getting away from home would keep anything from happening; we

got trapped in an elevator in a 50 story building. We were in the elevator for 3 days before someone got us out. 17 we had a school shooting; Eden was shot in the leg, me in my left side. And of course at 18 someone finally died. It was one thing after the other until 19. I was ready for it; I wanted to die after a year of my father treating me like I had killed them. The night of my 19th birthday dad was drunk as he usually was. He came into my room; I had my earphones in. never heard him enter, until he jerked them out of my ears.

"I said did you hear me Eve!"

"Sorry dad, I didn't hear you."

He knew I was scared, it seemed like he fed off of it.

"Do you know what you are Even?"

He was by my dresser looking at the pictures of me and Eden, and pictures of mom.

"He took everything from me again. I should have told him to just send me to hell instead of taking his deal."

I didn't know what to say, he was clearly drunk. He was talking out of his head.

"You will destroy the world Even, all worlds. It's not just the mortals that are in danger this time. She found me at a time of weakness, offered me what I would of lost without her help. 19 years ago today was the happiest and worst day of my life. I traded more time with my wife and child just to lose them and doom all worlds with it. She lives in you, and she will come for you. When it is time you will unleash all of hell onto all worlds. The only person who could have stopped you died a year ago. It should have been you Lilith, you should have died."

He tore all of the pictures of mom from my mirror and walked out of my room. The next year with him was a blur. He didn't talk, didn't even acknowledge each other. I kept telling myself that it would take time for him to come around, that he was a still my father. Even if it was not by my blood; he loved me but was just hurting. The day of my 20th birthday I hid. I went down into the basement and locked myself in. I wanted to die; I just never could bring myself to do it. I had a dream that night. A dream about a man named Eli. At least I think it was a dream. I never saw his face, just a shadow. He sat with me on top of a huge mountain. He whispered that I wasn't alone, that I was destined to survive. He told me that I just had to stay strong and ALWAYS trust my instincts. We sat there, shadow Eli holding me, comforting me until the sun came up over our mountain. When our night turned to day he kissed me on the four head. Told me to remember that love never

fails. And to listen to my gut. Then he was gone like the blink of my eyes. I hadn't dreamed about him again until the other night when he claimed me. I feel like he is here Duke, like Eli is watching me. But I'm not afraid of him, actually I like the feeling. I know what you are thinking, that I am out of my mind. But I also feel like what my father told me is true and that makes me feel even crazier then I think I already am."

Once I finished I just looked a Duke. Hoping that he didn't have me committed after my confessions.

"It seems to me sweetheart that you have had a rough life, any lesser of a person would of already cracked. You are not crazy. But I do believe it is time that I told you some truths. Truth number one is that I had someone looking after you; I know I shouldn't have but I was worried about you. Mike, he has been following you making sure you stayed safe."

I started to speak but he put his hand up.

"Let me finish before you get all mad. Truth number two, your father was right. You are special. I am going to need you to listen to me and try to be understanding. There are more worlds then this one, 3 to be exact. The light, the dark, and the gray. The light is also known as a kind of heaven, where good is. Dark is known as hell where the Devil and evil stay. This, the mortal world is gray. I know that you must know some version of the story of Adam and Eve."

He stopped and looked at me to make sure I was still following.

"Well there was also Adam and Lilith before Eve was created. Lilith was a child of the Devil. As a way of trying to even things up God and the devil made a deal. They created the mortal world and put equal parts light and equal parts dark, then promised to not interfere in the new race of man they created. Adam was the light and Lilith was the dark. When it became obvious that Adam and Lilith would have nothing to do with each other, that the human race would never grow God interfered. He created Eve. Adam and Eve then created more humans. Lilith was furious that he had chosen Eve over her. Lilith was the snake that tempted Eve to eat from the forbidden fruit. Knowing that if Eve defied her creator that his furry he would end her and Lilith could take her place back with Adam. God of course is not an easily deceived man. He saw what Lilith had done; he sent her back to the depths of hell insuring she would never return. Lilith cast dark magic on to Eve

and Adam. She spelled that one day when the human world was eaten up with the darkness that she would return in a child of Eve. She claimed that when the child turned the right age that Lilith would return to this world inside of the child. The only problem with the spell was that Eve decided to cast her own spell, to protect her children. She cast the same spell, only with light. That there would another child, one with a part of Eve inside of her. All those years have passed and no one has yet to figure out a way to take Lilith out for good, there are many beliefs that if we wait and destroy her once she's here in her human body. Then there's the one where we destroy the line of Eve before she gets a chance, which means we would have to wipe out a whole family line for the sake of saving the whole worlds. Then there is also the Adam thing, where there is a line of Eve there is a line of Adam and he will be searching for his Eve to close all the doors to the other worlds once he claims her as his. And, most immortals do not want that either. I believe that you are one of those children, I am just not quite sure if

you're the dark or the light. None the less we have to keep you safe. Mike will keep you safe."

I just stared at him for a few moments. What he said seemed crazy, like a movie or a book. But my gut told me he was right and it also told me that I was the dark not the light.

"I need to go."

That was all I said. Then I left. I headed back to my room

It was already dark outside. After listening to all Duke had told me I just needed to think. If I believed him then that means that happened to mom and Eden was my fault. I am a tool that will destroy everything.

"Mother fucking goddamned fucked up ass shit!"

I was throwing my hands up in the air cussing like I never had. Since I was pure evil anyway there was no sense in me being good to get into heaven. I couldn't help it. I just started laughing and laughing, I refused to cry so all there I could do was laugh.