Understanding

*This chapter will change point of view throughout. It will be listed just as it is at the start of this chapter.*

Sinlan:

"Beta," Brine and another wolf lowered their heads briefly to me to acknowledge my rank in the public setting. "she is insisting we let her inside."

"I smell blood! What happened?" Her eyes ran over me and into the room. They landed on Silas, chained and clearly asleep. Then they found my arms, the numerous cuts and clear bite mark still dripping blood. "You need to be tended to, come on." She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bathroom. The sudden warmth from her touch spreading through me.

"No one goes in!" I ordered behind me as she led the way. I couldn't stop her, and I didn't want to, but if Sie tried he could enforce another Alpha command on them. The two wolves quickly nodded and closed the bedroom door. We reached the bathroom door and she opened it, not even stopping to look around at the enormous room. She found the closest sink and walked me to it. "I'm fine really, it will heal on its own."

"You are not fine, and even if it will, it's hurting you now!" She cared that I was hurt. I couldn't help but feel a small smile form on my face. "Tell me what happened."

She wasn't asking, but could I tell her? Silas would likely not want her to know that he almost marked her. If we hadn't been there he definitely would have tried. She also didn't need to know that these wounds were from him. I didn't want her to think he was violent or dangerous. "We can't lie to her. She'd know in a second. We have to tell her." I took a slow breath preparing to find a way to explain everything without making her want to run away already.

Sylvia:

His arm was covered in blood, some dried and some still running. My mind was swarmed with images of what could have happened. Silas had been chained so it wasn't difficult to figure out he must have been the cause. Why though? He hadn't seemed the type to just snap on his Beta. Then again, I didn't know him very well. Maybe that was exactly the type he was. This could have all been a horrible decision. If he could do that to the person he had claimed to be his most trusted friend, what would he be capable of doing to me when I rejected him? Although it could be something else, maybe he is sick, or maybe he was affected by something else and reacted this way. All that was important right now was tending to the wounds on Sinlan. 

He had quickly come to block me in the doorway, clearly not wanting me to see what had happened. When I saw his arms and realized it was his blood that I had smelled, I knew I couldn't leave him like that. I reached for a small cloth and began to wet it with cool water, wanting to clean the blood first and see what the wounds looked like so I could focus on the ones that needed it. As I reached for the first arm I felt the familiar warm sensation that came when I made contact with him the first time, and when I had grabbed his arm in the hallway and pulled him into this bathroom. He was clearly thinking, most likely trying to decide how to answer my question. He wouldn't lie to me would he? I would definitely be able to tell if he did. 

"Okay, just don't freak out when I tell you." I rang out the now blood-soaked rag and wet it once more. There was so much blood it was practically stained red already and I hadn't even finished cleaning the first arm. I could tell his pain was minimal, but the wounds would definitely take long to heal. 

"I can only promise to listen before responding. You pretty much have as long as it takes me to finish cleaning your wounds. Why aren't they healing like they should?" I didn't want to take the attention away from what happened, but I knew wolves had enhanced healing. Nearly instant for most wounds, especially the nonfatal ones like these. They were deep and clearly there were a lot of them, but he should be healing faster than he was. His energy didn't seem weak so it wasn't a problem with him. 

"That's partly related to what happened. Okay, so you know a bit about wolves, but I've kind of dissected that you clearly didn't grow up in a pack so I'm guessing your knowledge about Alphas is probably limited?" I just nodded, he had already figured out I wasn't raised in pack life. He was smart, just hopefully not smart enough to figure out why. 

"Well, Alpha's are who they are because of their bloodline, but it comes with perks. Their wolves are much stronger than most, even Beta's. It also has the benefit of Alpha command where they can give a command we can't ignore unless it contradicts a previous order. The last big benefit to an Alpha, or drawback to most, is that a wound they inflict on any lower-ranked wolf takes longer to heal. It's kind of like a way for nature to ensure an Alpha could punish a pack member if they needed to. It'll heal, it will just take longer." So it was Silas who did this. Sinlan spoke softly, with no anger or frustration in his voice. Only the small trace of fear, fear that I would be upset. It wasn't even fear at Silas, so whatever had happened he clearly didn't blame Silas.

"Okay, so it was Silas, but you don't seem upset with him about it?" Why wasn't he upset at his supposed best friend essentially trying to rip him to pieces? The first arm was finally finished with the initial washdown. I lay it down and let it rest on the counter before grabbing the other. A few of the cuts on the arm continued bleeding, but they were slow going, with no risk of him bleeding out at least.

"He didn't mean to, and he even helped stop it. You see when a wolf is awake they are as much their own being as a single person. It's two beings stuck in one body and most of the time a wolf and the person are on the same page and working together. However, sometimes a wolf can decide to go an entirely different way and try to take control. Silas' wolf was the one who did this, but it was only acting on its instinct. Wolves are mostly instinctive after all, the control comes from us and the bond we build. Lower-level wolves are easier to maintain control of, but an Alpha is a different story." He paused, letting his eyes find mine. He was contemplating how much to tell me.

I finished the arm and sat it down before rinsing the rag now with warm water and adding some hand soap to it. "Tell me everything, because let's be honest I'll find a way to figure it out. I'd rather know what happened and what to expect from his wolf now." His jaw clenched and I saw the debate in his eyes. He nodded once before handing me his arm again. I began to slowly clean the deeper wounds. As I did I poured a small amount of healing energy into the wounds and they began to close a bit quicker.

"Okay, just know there isn't a risk to you. We had everything under control, even if you may not think so. After we told you goodnight his wolf got anxious, with you so close it wanted out and to find you." This was because of me? My heart dropped and my hands stopped moving over his wounds. All of these cuts and gashes were because I had been in the building…and Silas had lost control of his wolf, because I had been in the building. 

Sinlan's voice seemed tense when he continued, "Please stop thinking about it right now, just let me explain." My eyes met his, but I felt the water in my own. I couldn't cry right now. I wouldn't cry…even if this is all my fault. "His wolf has gone longer without a mate than most wolves in general go, and much longer than any Alpha I've ever heard of. Usually, by this point in his life he would have marked an unmated wolf just to give his wolf a mate and foundation to pull on. An Alpha's wolf is as strong as it gets and they are always a little more in control than any other rank. It's what makes them so strong, so powerful, but it has consequences. When his wolf wants control and Silas is tired or weak it can take it. Silas got control back though, and we had put steps in place in case this happened. It was almost guaranteed his wolf would try to come out at least once. It's impatient and its entire being is instinct, more so than other wolves." 

"Is that why he is chained up?" He had to fight his wolf to keep me safe. Sinlan had to fight his best friend. Silas had to fight himself. Was it even worth it for me to stay here? This couldn't be good for them, it was already hurting them both. 

"Yes, but we reasoned with his wolf so it shouldn't be an issue unless he is surprised or only half conscious." I remember when the door had opened he had gotten to me in less than a second. That was why he tried to get me out so fast and why the other wolves wouldn't let me in. It wasn't that no one was allowed in, it's that I wasn't allowed in. 

I knew he was waiting for me to respond. How was I supposed to react to this? I'd been here less than twelve hours and had already caused them both pain. "Listen, this is something we knew to expect. We knew it before we asked you to come visit. You may not understand, but the benefits we get from being around you, even temporary, are worth so much more than this setback." A tear ran down my face and I quickly wiped it away before putting my focus back on his arm. 

"I am not entirely sure I agree with you, but I guess it's too late to change my mind about coming. So, what can I do to help?" I couldn't stop the pain I was causing apparently, but there had to be a way to help it. I had finally got the last bleeding wound to stop, the enhanced healing was now given a little boost and healing much more quickly. Sinlan put his arms out in front of him and looked at them in awe. It made me smile a bit at how impressed he seemed. It was the smallest of healing magic, but it did the job well enough. 

"I can't believe you got them to stop bleeding already. You definitely will have to teach me that one." I laughed a bit and just nodded my head. I sat the rag in the sink and let my eyes find his, waiting for the list of things to avoid doing or always do to try and keep this from happening again. 

"Well, the main one is don't surprise us. If you are entering a room, knock first or let us know so we are prepared and our wolves don't have a minute to react first." That one was simple enough. "Just being around you helps too."

That one didn't make sense. "How can being around me help if being around me is what makes your wolves on edge?"

He let out a small chuckle as he shook his head, "No, being kept away from you makes our wolves on edge."

"Oh." That would make sense I guess.

"When you are around our wolves are alert and aware, but they trust us and are put at a bit of ease because of you being so near. When you are separated from us though…" He shrugged his shoulders and I could fill in the blanks.

"Your wolves want to change that."

"Pretty much."

"So why isn't yours a big problem?" He hadn't freaked out, or so it seemed at least. Maybe I had missed his or maybe it just had less of an impact. 

"Honestly, because my wolf is younger and less fearful of losing you. He trusts me and we are still within the typical age for a mate bond so he isn't extra difficult on a regular basis." He had a slight smile after that I knew was probably about what his wolf had said rather than meant for me. 

"Okay, well those seem like easy enough things to do. Always make sure you aren't surprised by my presence, and be near you. Anything else?"

His eyes fell and I got the feeling his wolf had reminded him of one. "Just one, don't be around us when we are weak, tired, or when our wolves are in control. Even mine. They are meant for battles and use their instincts when in control. We don't rely on them for their logical thinking skills." 

"Got it." My heart was racing. I wanted to help, but being around them would make it harder on all of us in the end. It wasn't a possibility of me rejecting them in the end, it was a guarantee. I had no choice in the decision and even if they didn't know that, it would be a hard result in the end. Although, his energy had been truthful this entire time. So even if it didn't make sense to me, he was very sure that everything he said was true. That meant being around them would help, so it would be something I had to do. 

"Well, I guess I'll get back to bed. Tomorrow though, how about a tour of the grounds? I know there's some lakes nearby and I'd love to go see them." I loved being near water, the cool depths of a lake would be the perfect place to relax and recharge after the night's events. It would be cold, but a little cold water wouldn't hurt anyone. Besides, he said we should be near one another, so a trip to the lake would be good for all of us. It must have been a good idea to him because his face just lit up and his energy spiked with excitement.

"Sounds like a wonderful idea. I'll walk you back to your room." He led the way, his hand on mine as we walked out of the door and down the hall. His hand felt warm, comfortable, and somehow familiar. My wolf was awake and up until now had been strangely calm given the close proximity I had with Sinlan. At his hand taking mine though it changed to a very determined pounding on the wall. The headache was almost immediate, but it seemed less noticeable somehow. "Sweet dreams." He pulled my hand to his face and gave it a small kiss. His lips felt soft as they quickly grazed my skin. My wolf stopped and began to whine. I said a silent apology, knowing I couldn't help her. I felt a sense of longing when his hand finally left mine. It felt empty and cold. I already wanted his hand back in mine.

"Goodnight." I said as I closed my door. "This will be a very long few days." I got situated back in the bed and let my mind try to rest. Tomorrow will be day one. I could do this. I would do this. When it was over, everything would go back to normal. I understood what they needed to help alleviate the end result now, and if that was all they needed it seemed a small payment for the future rejection and sorrow I knew they'd have to experience. A little quality time seemed harmless enough. I only hope they will understand when it comes my time to ask for what I need.