Chapter 10

I was heading home and thinking about writing to Adonis. It seemed to be so natural with him, I just said exactly what was on my mind, and I hoped he was everything that he said that he was and more.

Going home. K

I sent the message to him and repeated it to Chaz. It felt like cheating, copying and sending the same message to both of them, but I didn't know what else to say. I had to pack, and part of me hated myself for being so late at enjoying the college experience. Until four weeks ago, I only had one friend, now I had two.They let us stay in the dorm a little longer, because the government was trying to stop people moving across country, because the cases were rising and they didn't want to do another lockdown. Well, not an official one, where we couldn't leave our houses let alone our dorms unless for food and basic necessities.

Four years and two friends. One thing was for sure, Nan had been more than generous with my monthly allowance. Sure, I'd never rushed out and bought designer clothes, but if I wanted to then the option was there to buy them if I reached out to Nan. But, until now, I'd been wearing the same jeans and shirts since I came to college. It was crazy that I'd never felt the need to try until now.

I'd bought backless dresses, something that I never thought would suit my body, especially with my big ass, but both Amanda and Lucy convinced me to try something different; I was glad for the first time in a long time that I did. It was as if I had been in chains, and at last I'd been set free. Being with the girls made me realize that the only reason I hadn't socialized all this time wasn't because no one had tried to connect with me, but simply because I hadn't let them.

"I'm loving you in those hot pants," Lucy said as she whacked my butt as I bent over, trying to pack my stuff together.

"Watch it! I can't believe that I came here with two suitcases, and I need about five right now."

She laughed. "Yeah, the same clothes. And books. Damn girl, you are obsessed with buying books."

I slumped on my bed as I went through them.

"Yeah, but I didn't go out and buy college books to study. I bought romance books by Sylvia Day, Jenner Kenner, JA Ward...just to name a few, and I haven't read one of them."

"What?" she said as she snatched one of them out of my hand.

"Even me, who had three boyfriends, still had time to read. What were you doing all those nights when you were alone?"

I shrugged as I took it back from her hand.

"Sending emails to the guys."

She waved her finger. "You only started writing to them three months ago. I'm talking about the last four years."

"Studying, like all students. Sulking. Mourning. Can we change the subject?"

I asked as I realized she had touched a nerve, I could tell that she knew it because instead of trying to tease me, she was kneeling on the ground helping me pack.

"Well, you may not have been wild in the beginning, but you sure made up for it in the end." I looked at her, and she winked at me. "It'll be alright when you go back home you know. There's nothing to worry about."

I sighed. "I know. It's just that whenever I'm there, I'm reminded that dad's not around, and I'm not even going back to my home, the place that I was born and raised. I'm going to this bed-and-breakfast where there's not one memory of him. Not one memory of us. I try not to be selfish and want to move on. He died so long ago that I really shouldn't be mourning him as if it was only yesterday."

"That's not true. You're his living memory, and you'll pass it on to your kids, and their kids. His memory doesn't die just because you're not living in the same home that you lived with him."

I agreed, "You're right. I need to get going and face the music."

"Even quicker than we assumed."

"What?"

I stopped what I was doing because I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

"We need to quarantine again. We've been given three days to get going or find a place here to stay for the next thirty days."

"Covid? But I thought it was over."

She sighed. "So did they."

There was an unspoken silence as we both wrapped our arms around each other. I thought I had another week here, but only three days? Two days really because the day was nearly done, and I had a bad feeling that flights were not an option which meant only driving. I had a license, but I wasn't a keen driver. This wasn't the time to be fussy. If I couldn't get a bus or train, then I really had no choice.

Until four weeks ago, I was looking forward to leaving this place, but now I finally had friends and had enjoyed myself recently. Unfortunately, it was all coming to a dramatic end. There was one time the idea of leaving here made me happy.

Now, it just made me feel sad.

* * *

To: Kiara

Subject: Going home

I can't believe that we've been talking for months. It's been great and uplifting to speak to someone who understands how hard it is to be in the field.

Going home could be even harder.

I hope not.

Stay safe, and don't be a stranger.

Adonis

"Shit!" I screamed out, as my eyes darted across the screen.

"What?" Lucy asked.

I sighed. "Seems Adonis is being dismissed for having PTSD. He said that it could be the case. He had a meeting or a trial or something, and there was some incident, and now it seems as if he's leaving. I can't ask him. He emailed, not a message via WhatsApp. That's weird, but why else would he be leaving?"

She nodded in agreement. "Seems like you know the answer to your own question."

Yeah!

We both sat in silence after I'd just slumped on her bed. That he would not continue as a SEAL felt wrong in so many ways. I knew how it worked; you had to be in with the higher ranks to get your way. If not, then you would be treated as if you were nothing, which just made me feel sad.

"Hey, I'm meeting up with Amanda, but I can stick around?"

I shook my head, remembering that they invited me to come along, but I said that I would pack. Something that I kept saying I would do and vowed to do it for sure tonight.

"No, you go ahead. I'll write to him. Not sure what..."

"I'm sure that you'll think of something. You don't want me to stick around?"

I shook my head, then I nodded, thinking that it wouldn't take me all night to pack nor write to Adonis.

"You know what? I'll write to him, pack and just throw everything in the suitcases and then join you later. I need to get out of here. All I'd been doing was living my dorm room and never venturing out until it was time to eat or go to class. Now, the idea of being stuck in the B&B made me feel down. I thought I would graduate and be ready to face the world, but I'll be stuck indoors again. Life's not fair sometimes!"

I sat on my bed, frozen, thinking that time was running out.

"You want to get wasted tonight?"

"Jake's or Brenda's?"

Those were the two bars that we could afford on our tight budget because I had money until four weeks ago, but with a shopping trip and everything, that money was on a tight string, and I didn't want to ask Nan for more.

"Both! Why only go to one?"

She looked at her watch and said, "You have exactly forty-five minutes to pack and write that email. So, hop to it."

I sprung up. I didn't have time to respond because she had slammed the door, and I started darting around the room thinking about which one we were going to go to. We didn't agree on one, but I would hurry and get on with it. Then, when I was ready to leave, message her to find out which one we were going to get wasted at first.