Chapter Three

Orla hadn't answered the phone call; she'd sent a quick cold message in reply instead. Orla didn't want to hear the woman's voice.

The journey home had been long and dark, she had once been so happy to go home and see her wife's bright, welcoming smile, but things had changed.

How was she supposed to address this with Jay?

Was she supposed to pitter-patter around the truth or come right out and say it? How did a woman approach this topic?

Orla had never encountered this new world she found herself in; her wife had been some dominatrix for money. How was she supposed to speak to her again, her wife, who was always so gentle and loving?

Jay, who made breakfast in bed and who sang soft lullabies to their daughter as she slept.

In the end, Orla had gone for the straight-up tactless approach and shoved the laptop in Jay's face.

It had taken three days to build up the courage to broach the subject, but her awkward and tense silence had tipped Jay off to the fact there was something off about the woman.

Jay hadn't expected that this was the cause of her wife's silence. She wished it was anything else, anything but this.

Jay was too concerned with the tears streaming from her wife's eyes to even glance at the screen. She threw the laptop to the side and tried to console her wife.

Jay gasped at her wife in horror, what had just happened? "Orla calm down. What is wrong, what's happened?"

Orla's eyes gleamed with fire, the whites of her eyes red and bloodshot from the tears she had shed. "You lied to me, Jay." Orla pulled out the pictures her agent had produced. It had turned the writer's stomach when she had handed them to her, all screenshots from various porn scenes that Jay had starred.

Jay took the pictures with a shaky hand; confusion cleared her mind as reality hit her. "Orla, please, I never lied."

Orla leveled her harsh stare at the woman. "Yes, you did."

"I didn't lie to you, I've never lied to you." Jay pleaded her own blue eyes tearing up. "I never told you because I knew you wouldn't have looked at me twice if I did tell you, and you knew."

Orla tried to roll her eyes; it was hard to do when crying she was discovering. "You think by not telling me something like this, it absolved you of responsibility?"

"No, I..." Jay couldn't help but stutter; she had met Orla and been blown away by her; Jay was so afraid that she would wake up one day and realize she was far too good for her that Jay knew she could never tell Orla about her past life.

She feared she would find out, but she couldn't even form the words, so was happy to live in silence, the sword of Damocles hanging over her.

"Were you doing this when we were together?" Orla asked her heartbreaking piece by piece.

Jay lowered her gaze; she couldn't look at her wife. "Not the porn stuff."

Orla felt her stomach toss. "I can't believe this; you were. I can't believe how much of a fool I have been; this has all been so funny to you, hasn't it?" Orla shrieked angrily.

"No, Orla, listen, please let me explain it isn't how you are thinking." Jay tried to catch hold of her wife, but Orla hit her away.

"I don't believe a single word you say; we have a freaking child together, Jay," Orla shouted with rage. "I had a right to know, hell our child had a right to know her mother did….this kind of stuff." The idea made her ill.

"It must be nice to live in a world where everything is available to you, Orla." Jay bit back. "You grew up in this big ass house, you went to good schools and never had to worry about money that wasn't my life, Orla. I thought you knew that."

"Don't shame me for being born into a privilege. You were not." Orla angrily shouted she had brought Jay here to share a life.

"I'm not, I'm just telling you that sometimes you have to do things others would not." Jay sighed. "I got injured in University, I was on a scholarship, of course, I couldn't compete, so my prospects were over, and I had bills to pay.

"I don't want to hear another word from you."

"You'll condemn me, but you won't listen." Jay could feel an anger building at Orla's refusal to listen to her. "I was at the gym one day and met someone who already did that work, she made good money, and so I did it too."

"How nice for you." Orla sneered.

"What happens now?" Jay asked, closing her eyes; she knew what was coming. She knew Orla too well.

"It's over, Jay, I was humiliated, and I can't forgive you for that. I contacted my lawyer about divorce papers," Orla said more coldly than even she thought she was capable of, even though it hurt.

Jay took a deep breath; her throat clogged with emotion. "You know, I was always waiting for this moment. The moment you looked at me just like you are now, I was always on borrowed time, but I tried to soak up as much as I could while I was able to until you realized you could do far better than me." Jay's voice creaked and cracked. "And now you have."

"I'm not falling for this melodrama, Jay, you aren't the victim in this."

"But..."

"But nothing, we are over." Orla finally declared as she marched away, looking more co rodent than she was feeling. The woman wanted to crumble to the ground and cry her heart out, but fear of looking weak stopped her.

"I love you, Orla," Jay whispered, hoping Orla would turn around and hear the sincerity in her words, but Orla kept walking.

It was over.