what Death Feels Like

Death. 

What happens after you die? 

There are a lot of answers to this question, and depending on what religion one follows, the answer may vary. 

Some believe in heaven and hell, while others believe in reincarnation. 

But the place where Alex found himself after dying was neither of these things. 

He was floating in a black, void-like space. 

There was nothing around him to stimulate his senses, but just complete nothingness and void. 

"So I really did die?" Alex asked himself in a quiet voice, unable to bring himself to speak any louder. 

Alex really wasn't surprised by his death; after all, he was afflicted with cancer, which is one of, if not the deadliest, diseases in the world. 

And to make matters worse, they only caught it once it had reached a pretty late stage. 

He had tried to warn his sister multiple times of the extremely low probability of him surviving and how they should maybe avoid the treatment all together due to the money it would cost. 

Alex had thought about death multiple times. 

Even during the house fire four years ago, he expected to die painfully, just like his parents. 

But against all odds, he was somehow rescued by the fire police. 

After that, he went into depression after losing his legs and ended up with more trauma than any kid his age deserved to experience,when he thought about just taking his own life and ending it. 

But in the end, he was too much of a coward to actually take the final step, and he also didn't want to leave his sister all alone. 

Even when he was first diagnosed with cancer, he expected to die within a few months or maybe a year at most. 

However, maybe even despite his pragmatic and pessimistic nature, the treatment ended up giving him some hope of surviving. 

Sadly, it seems that he just had really shitty luck, and the only reason he was shown hope was to make the despair of death even worse. 

A part of him kind of wanted to meet his parents again after his death. 

Maybe this was a part of the reason why he was so uncaring about his own death before. 

But it seems even that was too much for him, and instead he needed to spend all of eternity alone in a void, with just his own thoughts. 

And that was never a good thing. 

'Even hell would probably be better than this,' he thought, thinking about how at least the pain he would experience in hell would let him remain himself. 

Even the usually stoic and cold Alex could no longer contain or suppress his emotions. 

He didn't want to die yet; he wanted to be there for his sister like she was for him.

There was far too much he needed to do in his life that he was never able to do due to his circumstances. 

Finally, all the tears that he had been bottling threatened to come out, and for the first time ever, Alex didn't stop them. 

After all, he was all alone; there was no longer a need for him to hide his feelings. 

However, the tears never came out. 

It seems even that was too much for him to do in the black void. 

He had a lot of regrets, but perhaps the worst one was his sister and how he had left her all alone to fend for herself. 

He didn't even want to imagine her face once she learned of his death. 

If he could, he would choose to go back to his sister in a heartbeat, but probably everyone who had ever died had the same thoughts as him. 

And yet, no one ever came back from death due to the cold indifference of the universe. 

Alex hated this; he didn't want to die. 

'If only I was given a second chance with an actually normal body, I would make sure to live a life without any regrets'

He consoled himself by thinking about a life where he could normally live like everyone else, with a healthy body, an alive and loving family, trustworthy friends, and being able to attend school like other kids his age. 

Was that really too much to ask for? 

Was it maybe the karma of his past life, like some of those superstitious people believed?

To be honest, Alex didn't know, but what he did know was that all of this was too messed up. 

How could a God really exist if people like himself were suffering and dying every day? 

The only two explanations that Alex's messed-up mind could come up with in his messed-up mental state were. 

Either that God didn't even exist to begin with or that they just didn't care about humans or other creatures they had supposedly created. 

And he wasn't sure which explanation was worse. 

Alex had never been super religious like his parents, but still, due to the qualities his parents instilled in him, he at least did believe in God as much as the average person. 

But today, he could really see his trust wavering. 

He was angry and pissed at his circumstances and how his sister was left all alone. 

He wanted to curse whoever was responsible for it, and his feeble mind naturally blamed all his problems on God. 

He demanded answers, even if he couldn't get a second chance. He at least deserved to know why he and his family were subjected to such a shitty life? 

His father was a cop who lived his whole life serving the people. 

And his mother was a housewife who was the kindest lady he knew and who used to always donate to the poor. 

So why did they have to die at such a young age? 

Why did the children of such people need to suffer so much before dying without ever even becoming adults? 

Why did bad things happen to good people while evil people got away with their crimes without any consequences? 

Was this really what justice and fairness were all about? 

These were some of the questions that plagued his fragile mental state. 

Questions that had been chipping at him for years, but he always kept them bottled within his heart. 

Until today, when he could finally let it all out. 

After all, he had already died; there was no point in suppressing them anymore. 

Sadly, even now, there is no one to answer his questions. 

In the end, there was truly nothing he could do except mutter. 

"If only I was given a second chance."

"If only I could live a second life."

And surprising him, as soon as his words fell, a blinding blue light consumed his whole being.