10. My life

SANTI'S POV

The moment the boy said Jessica was out, I didn't hesitate to go out to see her, I couldn't help it. Once outside the shopping centre, I start looking everywhere looking for her, and that's when I notice she's a couple of meters away next to a person giving them money, which makes me realize she's still doing what she always does and I can't explain how he didn't make a single call in all these years, something that would let us know at least she was okay. I started walking in her direction while she was talking to the man, until she stopped.

"I see you're still the same Jessica as you were years ago." I said with a smile on my face, "And I keep insisting you're getting the wrong person." She answered this, turning in my direction and frowning. "I know I'm not." I said, "I really don't know who you are." She said frustrated, and I sighed, because something told me there was something I wasn't understanding.

"Okay, let's start from the beginning. Hello, my name is Santi." I said, stretching my hand in her direction and with a smile on my face. "I've never heard that name." She said, shaking my hand. "I guess it's not common around here." I responded, letting out a small laugh. "Not really, I'm Jessica, although apparently you know me." the girl replied with a frown, "I was fortunate to meet you years ago."

"And how long have we known each other?" She asked curiously, tipping her voice. "Since kindergarten." I responded "Wow, that's a long time." He murmured in a surprised tone, "Yeah. Can I ask you a question if you don't mind?" I asked "Sure, tell me." She responded, focusing her gaze on mine again. "What happened to you?"

"You say that because I don't remember you, right?" Jessica asked with a small smile on her face. "Well… you could say so." I said, running my hand along the back of my neck, "Well, you could say I forgot everything. I wouldn't even know my name if it weren't for Miky and his mother."

"What is it...?" I started, but I stopped, trying to find some words that wouldn't bother her. "What happened to me? Well, I don't remember, but from what they told me at home it was because there was a storm out of nowhere and I went out because I heard a child crying." I said, shrugging my shoulders, as if it was no big deal what she did. "That's the boy that's with you, right?"

"Yes, at least I did something good. He didn't deserve to die at that age, he's a good boy." He said, "And wouldn't you like to recover all your memories?" I asked curiously, "At some point I was determined to get them back, but it stressed me out a lot because I didn't remember and I'm happy with the life I have right now, so I stopped caring. Plus, I had to focus on taking care of Miky after what happened to his mother."

"What happened to his mother?" I questioned "She died last year." Jess responded calmly, "And now you are the one who takes care of him." I said, nodding and understanding many things. "I promised his mother." she responded, shrugging her shoulders. "And now you would be interested in discovering your previous life?" I asked "Well honestly, I have no idea. But I have a question."

"What?" I asked, tilting my head to the right. "How come you didn't come looking for me sooner?" Why now after four years?" She asked and I sighed "We did come to look for you…"

Flashback

The moment I found out what had happened in Los Angeles, I called Carla because I was desperate to hear from Jessica. I was hoping she would know something about her, but my hopes went to shit when she answered me. She tried to calm me down so I wouldn't do anything stupid, but I couldn't stay here. I had to go to Los Angeles and make sure my girlfriend is okay, so I decided to go to the airport. Carla showed up half an hour after I arrived while I was trying to buy a ticket to Los Angeles, but due to bad weather, there were no flights there.

I don't know exactly how long we had to wait, I just know at some point I heard people say flights to Los Angeles could now be made, so I quickly bought a ticket, and Carla bought another one since according to her, she wouldn't let me go alone.

The flight seemed eternal, but once we arrived, Monica was waiting for us, since she had answered the phone and had refused to say anything over the phone to Carla. "Why isn't Jessica with you? Where is she?" I asked hysterically, trying to find out where's my girlfriend. "Santi, calm down and your Mónica, tell us once and for all where Jessica is."

"Jessica…" Mónica began, sobbing "Jessica what?" I asked, desperate for information "Jessica left the shelter because she heard a child crying… And… And just when she was about to enter… The wind took her away…" she said "What do you mean it took her away? THIS ISN'T FUNNY MÓNICA." I screamed frustrated and even more worried about my girlfriend's condition. "Santi... I'm sorry... But Jessica... Jessica didn't survive..."

"What? No... No... Jessica has to be alive..." I said, putting my hands on my head "You can't survive these types of storms... I'm sorry Santi..." she apologized "NO , I DON'T THINK TO BELIEVE THAT. JESSICA CAN'T BE DEAD." I screamed frustrated and with tears, "Santi, calm down so we won't achieve anything." Carla asked next to me, "We have to do something Carla." I asked "And we will do it, we will search all the hospitals that have victims of all this shit. We will surely find her in one of them."

"Then let's go, there's no time to waste." We left the airport quickly and started searching all the hospitals without having any luck in any. We didn't find her in any of the hospitals and as we went from hospital to hospital, I became more desperate because I couldn't find her and hug her.

We spent a week until Carla took me out of there, because she had died. Jessica had died and I wasn't with her to prevent it. I felt like the worst person in the world at this moment.

A couple of days after we got home, Carla was in charge of breaking the news to her family, since we had left Los Angeles, I hadn't opened my mouth at all, much less after the we would bury her.

End flashback

"Hey, are you okay Santi?" It's at that moment I realize I'm crying. Remembering everything that happened four years ago when I came to town looking for Jessica makes me feel bad. I think it was something I could never get over, but at least I was able to discover she's alive and well, everything else was secondary and the least important thing to me.

"Yes... Don't worry." I said, wiping away my tears, "How can I not worry. Since I saw you this morning the only thing you do or almost do, is cry, and I can't understand why." She said "It's nothing... It's just... It's just the joy of seeing you after all this time. We thought you were... We thought we would never see you again and because I missed you so much. "I missed you too much during this time."

The tears continued to fall down my face and although they were tears of happiness, there were also sadness because at this moment there was a tombstone with her name on it when in reality it was in front of me. Sadness for all that time I didn't spend with her and when she didn't really know who she's. But I would help her find out who she was, I would tell her everything about her life before, everything except that we were a couple, I wasn't going to pressure her with that.

I think I was so deep in thought that when I realize it, I have arms around me, and I have to admit my memory doesn't do it justice at all. It doesn't take me much longer to react and I hug her back, unable to help but breathe in to smell her essence. "I don't like seeing you this sad, and even less with tears, those eyes shouldn't have them, they don't let me see their beauty in its entirety."

"It's good to see you again, Jess." I said sincerely, "I may have known you before, but right now I am glad to have met you." She responded, with a smile on her face. Our faces were separated by a couple of centimetres and I couldn't stop seeing those eyes I had missed so much. I was summoning all my self-control not to kiss her right now, because that's precisely what I wanted to do most.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys." As soon as we heard Carla's words, we separated, and I can see a slight blush on Jessica's face, and if it had been a different situation, I would have killed Carla for interrupting us at this moment, but it wasn't like that, because she had told me helped him not to kiss her, although she didn't know that.

"No, you don't interrupt anything." Jess said quickly, "I'm glad, but we were looking for you. Why don't we go have something to drink? I invite." My best friend said with a big smile on her face. "No, you don't have to…" Jess started. "You'll have to remember I don't mind inviting you" Carla said "I don't remember" Jess responded.

"I'm sorry, this is all very strange." My best friend murmured, "It's okay, for me all this is strange too, but I'm afraid we won't be able to accept it. Miky has class tomorrow." Said my former girlfriend "Jess, no!!!! Please let's go." The boy asked, "You have class and I work; you have to get up early to walk Wisky before going to class."

"But I don't have class tomorrow." He answered "What?" Jessica asked surprised. "No, it's a holiday, remember?" He asked and by the look on Jessica's face, I knew she didn't remember. "What? Shit, who are you going to stay with tomorrow? Mrs. Philips had a doctor."

"I can stay alone. I'm older, Jess." The boy protested, "No way, you were the same last time and look at everything you and Wisky did." Jessica said, denying and crossing her arms over her chest. "But…" she began. "We can stay with him." Carla quickly responded "I don't want to bother you. You'll have more important things to do than take care of Miky."

"It won't be a bother; I can assure you. Plus, I really liked him, he's my number one fan." My friend said with a big smile on her face. "Wouldn't it really be a bother?" Jessica asked. "No, we have all the time in the world, right, Santi?" My best friend asked just as I had focused all my attention on Jessica. "What?" I asked, trying to see if he told me what I needed to know. I wasn't paying too much attention to the conversation they were having, I was just staring at Jessica, because she really looked beautiful, and I couldn't help but look at her, but as soon as Carla asks me about something I didn't know about, I turned to see her, and I see that mischievous smile I haven't seen in a while.

"I see... I was telling you we have no problem taking care of Miky tomorrow." She said again, this time without taking her eyes off mine, "I don't have it, you do. I remind you that you have a sound check in the morning and a wardrobe fitting before lunch." I responded, "Guys, don't worry, I'll think about what to do." Jessica assured, but Carla denied "What? No, we can take care of it."

"Even if she can't, I can, I have nothing to do until concert time." I said sincerely, "Also, like I said before, my number one fan is going to come with me to everything I have to do. You will be the first and only one of my fans who can attend a sound and costume check." Carla said, looking at the child, "Yes!!!" Jess, they can take care of me, really."

"Miky…" Jessica began "I promise you I'll take care of him with my life." I knew she loves that child so much, and what I had just said wasn't a lie, the most important thing for me is Jessica's happiness, and currently, her happiness is the boy and that Wisky guy, it was a bit of a funny name to be honest, I would have to ask her who it was. He looked at me for a couple of seconds and then looked at the boy who seemed excited about Carla's proposal.

"Okay, but you will behave as you should, okay? And you're not going to bother." Jess said, pointing towards the boy. "Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, Jess." He thanked her, going next to her and giving her kisses all over her face. "Give thanks to them, they are the ones who are going to have to put up with you."

"It won't be a problem, we'll be delighted, but let's go get that ice cream, I promised you and I'm a woman of my word." Carla assured, "Ok." Along the way we were talking about various things. I think it was the happiest moment of my life, well, apart from the moment I heard and saw her in the cafeteria this morning. I could also see the looks Carla was giving us. I don't know what's going through her head right now, but by the look on my best friend face, she's thinking things that weren't, I'm sure of that.

The afternoon had passed too quickly for my liking, and honestly, I didn't want to stop seeing Jessica. I already spent four years thinking I wouldn't be able to see her again, I don't' want that to happen again. At this moment, we're in front of the door to her apartment building, and the boy had insisted Carla to see something he had done a couple of years ago.

"You can come in if you want, you don't have to stand there." Jessica said with a small smile on her face, "I don't want to bother you, and it's nice here." I responded, "Yes, it is, but I said it for convenience or in case you wanted to have a drink, because something tells me these two won't be over anytime soon."

"For Carla's part, I can assure you that no." I laughed, because I was more than clear it wasn't going to take a little time, precisely. "Not for Miky's either, since I met him, he wanted to meet her." She said, sitting next to me "It seems like he's a good boy and you love him."

"He's the only person I have." She answered sincerely, "Now you have us too." I assured, "Yes, well, but I'm sure you won't stay here forever, and I really don't remember anything." My former girlfriend responded, shrugging her shoulders, "We can help you with that." I stated, "I don't want to bother you any more than I already have. I suppose in all this time you have rebuilt your life for me to appears out of nowhere."

"That's not true." I said sincerely, but more on my part than on the rest's part, "That I appear out of nowhere in your life or that you should have already forgotten about me?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Both are lies, but the last one is the worst lie that could be told." I admitted, "Well, I don't see it that way. Everyone comes a time when they have to rebuild their life."

"I didn't do it." I muttered, more to myself than to her, "I don't believe that." She responded and I shrugged, "Well, it's true." I said "Why?" Jessica asked curiously "Because I couldn't… I could never really get over you." I answered "Why? Was I an important person in your life?"

"You weren't an important person but the most important person." I assured, looking straight ahead. "I don't understand." I knew she wouldn't understand what I meant, but it was the truth, and it made me sad she said we could have forgotten her. No one could have done it, least of all me. "Hey, I'm going to start thinking I'm a bad person." She protested "Why?" I asked looking back in her direction "You always cry, that's why. Is it because of what I just said?"

"Partly." I admitted, "I'm sorry, I'm just a little clumsy when it comes to speaking sometimes. I speak without thinking." Jess apologized "You don't have to apologize... I just... it's just hard for me... especially since I thought you were..." I said, stopping at that moment "What?" She asked "We thought you were dead."

At that moment she fell silent and looked straight ahead. A couple of tears escaped my eyes, but I couldn't help it. In these four years that word had not come out of my mouth, it was a word I couldn't relate to. "And isn't it better they think that?" she asked seriously.

That I didn't expect. Does she really think it's better for them to think about that than for them to find out she was alive? Was there someone in her life that made her not want to know anything about her life before?

"Don't you want to know anything about us?" I asked, worried about the answer she's going to give. "No... I mean, yes. It's not that I don't want to know anything about you, I like the idea of knowing that before there were people who loved me." Jess said "Then I don't understand what you meant before."

"I mean they think I've been dead for four years... One way or another they got over the pain. The fact that they find out I'm alive will only make them upset, and if I can stop that from happening, I will." the woman assured, "They will be happy to know you're okay." I responded "Do you believe?" She asked, focusing her gaze back on mine. "I don't think so, I'm more than sure."

A while ago we had sat on the floor next to the entrance door to the apartment. We were in comfortable silence and from time to time we could hear some laughter coming from inside the apartment. "Hey, shouldn't your girlfriend miss you in Italy now that you travel so much?"

As soon as those words left her lips, I can't help but open my eyes in surprise. "What made you think I have a partner? There was no way I could have her, considering she was the only person I really loved in my life, not even Amy.

Flashback

It's a spring afternoon after class and we were at Jessica's house lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling without saying a single word. Theoretically, we had to finish a project for history class, but we were tired of doing it, so we had fallen into bed.

"Santi…" Jessica said next to me "What." I responded, "What happened to Amy? You haven't talked to me about her in a while. Has something happened between you two?" She asked and I half sat up in bed to see her. "We're broke up." As soon as those words leave my mouth, Jessica quickly sits up in bed with a reproachful face.

"You break up and you're not telling me anything?" she questioned, standing up as well. "There was nothing to say." I responded, shrugging my shoulders, "I'm your best friend. I understand there are things you don't want me to know, but I could help you in some way to handle it better." She protested "That's not the case Jessica. You know my whole life and if I didn't tell you, it's because it's not worth it."

"You fought a lot for her, how is it not worth it? You were so in love with her." My best friend said in a confused tone, "That wasn't quite like that. I realized I'm not in love with her, but with someone else." I admitted "Oh yeah? And who is the other person?"

"I cannot tell you." I said. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt my best friend. "Is someone I know?" she asked, full of curiosity. "Obviously." I responded, rolling my eyes "Is it Vivian? "Esther?" She started saying random names "I'm not going to tell you, first I have to make sure what I feel is real. I will only tell you she's a very important person for me."

"Mmm... I know, it's Carla. It has to be her." She said, her face lighting up at her supposed discovery "NO!!!! She's not." I exclaimed and quickly denied, "Then I have no idea. When you find out what you feel for that girl and want to talk about it, you know you'll have me there."

"Don't worry, you'll be the first to know." What she didn't know was that my feelings had changed towards her. I'm almost completely convinced she's the one I love, but I thought the same about Amy and in the end, it turns out that wasn't the case. With Jessica I would make sure they were true, I didn't want to lose her, much less hurt her.

End flashback

"I don't have one." I said, "I don't believe that. A man as handsome as you and who must have all the girls after him, cannot be single. There must be someone out there, someone you like or have a crush on." She said as if she was offended, "There's someone."

"And why aren't you with her?" She asked curiously. "It's complicated." I admitted, but what she didn't know was I'm referring to herself "I don't think it's that complicated. You should tell her and that's it, or is it she doesn't love you?" Jessica asked, "Some years ago she loved me, now I don't have the slightest idea."

"What happened between you? If you don't mind the question, obviously." She said "It doesn't bother me. What happened was she had to come here for work reasons and since time I never saw her again." I said as sincerely as I could, "Did she leave you for no reason?" She asked surprised and I denied "And since then you don't know anything about her?"

"I didn't know anything until this morning." I responded "Then I have to assume she gave you a reason why she left you." My former girlfriend insisted and I denied, "Not her, but I discovered it." I replied "Then that girl doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry to tell you, but if she left you a long time ago without any explanation and after so many years, she doesn't give you a logical reason why she left, she doesn't deserve you."

"No, I'm the one who doesn't deserve her, she's very good." I assured, because that was more than clear to me, "You're a great man. I hope I can find someone like that in my life. Do you know something?" She asked "I know things, now, I don't know what you mean."

"What a funny man. I think I can understand why we were such good friends since we were little." Jess said, laughing, "Yes, sometimes you told me I was funny, but also stupid. Now tell me what it is I should know." I asked with a smile on my face "My whole life, at least everything I remember, I have had a hard time relating to others, but with you it's easy. It's like I've known you all my life. I feel like I can trust you."

"Considering you have known me all your life…" I said and she rolled her eyes. "You're very funny, huh?" she asked "Sorry, I just wanted to mess with you a little." I admitted, "I recommend not, I'm not the same as I were."

"If it's like years ago, believe me, I know what you're talking about." I responded with a laugh. "I don't know what it was like years ago, but can I ask you something?" She asked "Sure, what is that you want to ask me?" I questioned curiously "Can I hug you?" she asked, "You don't even have to ask that."

Jess approached me and hugged me, which I returned not even a millisecond later. We were hugging for a couple of minutes until we separated, our faces being a couple of centimetres apart.

"I have to tell you something." I said, "Well, say it." Jessica encouraged, "You were wrong before." I seriously said "In what?" she asked, frowning. "I'm not handsome, I'm a normal one." I responded, "Sorry, but you are nothing average." My former girlfriend said with a snort at the end, "I think so, here you're the one who's beautiful and no one can take that away from you. It's as if these years had not passed for you."

"I'm sure time passes me the same as it does everyone else." Jess laughed. "Well, you still look the same as you did years ago." We had gotten an inch closer and I was considering whether to kiss her or not, because why lie to us, I really want to kiss her, I want to give her all the kisses I couldn't in these years, but of course, at the right moment Carla appears with the boy behind her.

"I'm starting to think I'm always interrupting important things." Carla said from the door "You don't interrupt anything, stop imagining things." I protested "Considering you…" she started, but I stopped her before she said anything "Nothing, we nothing." I said "What about us?" Jessica asked "You guys…" she started again "Nothing Carla, we have to go because tomorrow we have to be fresh to take care of the boy."

"Ok." From the look my best gave me and the smile she had, I know this isn't going to stay like this, that as soon as we leave, she's going to ask me to explain, which isn't necessary, because at the end of the day, they were my things. and she shouldn't care what I did with my life. "Well guys, see you tomorrow."

"Bye Carla." The boy said goodbye with a big smile on his face. "Bye Miky, you'll see tomorrow we'll have a great time." While Carla was tickling the child, Jessica approaches me and stays by my side for a moment, until she hugs me again, which I don't take long to return. "Okay, I want to know what my life was like before." Jess said with a smile on her face.

As soon as those words leave her lips, I separate from her and see she has a big smile on her face, which automatically makes mine grow bigger and it didn't take us much longer to go to the hotel, since it wasn't a lie, we would have to get up early so she had time to do everything she had to do, because if something hadn't changed, it was that Carla had a hard time getting up in the morning, it took her practically two hours to get up, and she couldn't do that tomorrow, that's why she always had to get up earlier to be at the places at the right time when it was early in the morning.

"You and I need to talk seriously." Carla said, "If it's because of what happened before, we don't have to talk about anything." I assured, "That's what we have to talk about, but that's not what I'm talking about, it's something more important." She said seriously "Then what about?" I asked, now curious. "Let's wait until we get to the better hotel." I don't think I've ever seen Carla so serious in my life, which made me curious as to what she wanted to talk about.