Chapter 45: Coal Digger (Part 3)

At the Jay household, the doorbell rings, and Jay proceeds to get up to open the door to welcome the Dunphy family.

Jay – "Hey, everybody! Come on in."

Haley – "Hi"

Jay – "Somebody got a haircut?"

Alex follows Haley in

Alex – "Hi"

Jay- "Hi, nice shirt."

Luke enters

Jay – "Did you grow again?"

Claire and Phil enter the door.

Claire hears the TV and asks, "Let me guess, the game's on."

Jay – "Just started."

Phil proceeds towards Gloria with wine in his hand.

Phil – "For you. Nice to see you, Gloria."

Phil then hugs Gloria.

Gloria – "Two times today."

Phil – "Oh, Okay."

Phil then goes in for a second hug, but Claire slaps his hands away. She then grabs hold of Phil's shirt and drags him away.

Claire – "She means we've seen them two times today."

Phil – "Okay."

Jay then points at the fridge and kitchen counter and says, "Okay, everybody, the food is in there, and drinks are in there. I will be in here."

Phil – "Hold on, Jay, I think we should address the big elephant in the room. Luke and Manny, in light of what happened today, would you like to express any feelings? I think this is the most appropriate forum."

An awkward silence filled the room.

Jay – "Oh, for god sake. Both of you."

Jay put his hand behind Luke and Manny's backs.

Jay – "Do family members kick and punch each or are they supposed to love each other? "

Luke and Manny simultaneously "Love each other."

Jay - "Good talk. I will now head to my den."

Phil – "All right, kids, go play together."

Jay then heads toward the sofa and sits down to watch the match.

The doorbell suddenly rings

Claire – "I will get it."

Claire then places her pie on the table before opening the door.

Jay doesn't react at first, but then it hits him that it might be Ryan.

Jay immediately got up and shouted, "Wait, I will get it."

Unluckily for Jay, it was already too late. Claire had already opened the door and found Ryan standing outside.

Claire – "Ryan?"

Alex – "Ryan? "

Ryan – "Claire?"

Claire – "what are you doing here?"

Ryan – "I should be asking, didn't you have a barbecue to attend today?"

Claire – "Which I am currently attending."

Ryan – "Oh, it was at Jay's house?

Claire – "Yeah, so why are you here?"

Ryan – "Oh, Jay and I had planned to watch the game together."

Claire – "Why didn't you mention it?"

Ryan – "Jay told me not to, as Jay told me to not say anything because he didn't want any additional company, which is why I was so surprised to find you here."

Claire turned around and asked, "Dad is what Ryan said true?"

Jay quickly increases the TV volume and asks, "Sorry dear did you say something?"

Claire is left stunned at Jay's answer.

Standing outside, Ryan couldn't take it anymore and asked, "Uh can I come in? The game has already started."

Claire nods and lets Ryan in. She then picks up her pie back from the table.

Ryan - "Is that pie in your hands?"

Claire - "Yes, it is."

Ryan - "Oh great, I love pies."

Claire - "Good to know."

Claire then heads towards the kitchen with her pie. While Ryan heads towards the couch

Ryan - "Uh, can you scooch over."

Jay scooches to the left and lets Ryan sit next to Alex.

Claire enters the kitchen, places her pie on the counter, and says, "I bought desserts."

Gloria picks up her pie and walks towards Claire.

Gloria - "Okay, I make pie too."

Claire - "We can never have too many pies, right?"

Phil throws his jacket in mid-air and heads toward them.

Phil - "Okay, everybody, take a deep breath. Let's think about getting real."

Claire seeing Phil trying to start up shit, says, "No."

Gloria - "Why, Phil, no? What is Phil doing?"

Phil points at Clair and Gloria, saying, "I am going to say it. There is tension between you two. Boom balm, it's now out there."

Claire - "I could kill you."

Gloria - "I think he is right. I think we should talk about it."

Phil - "That's what I am talking about, you two talking. About it."

Phil then tries to get a slice of the pie but is denied by Claire.

Meanwhile, on the couch, Alex starts talking.

Alex - "You know Ryan, I like football. Haley hates it, which is weird because it's all boys, and no reading is required."

"Ryan, did you know she spends at least 45 minutes daily doing her hair and then sometimes."

Jay - "Can you please be quiet? I am trying to watch the game. You know what? Ryan lips her. She will instantly go quiet."

Ryan doesn't even think for a second and starts kissing Alex right in front of Jay.

Leaving Jay and Alex completely speechless.

Ryan soon stops and asks, "Why are you staring at me like that? You told me to do it."

Jay - "I didn't think you would actually do it."

"Was that your first kiss?"

Ryan - "Yeah, but I beg don't tell Claire. God knows how she would react."

Jay - "Don't worry, I ain't no snitch."

Mitchell and Cameron suddenly spawn from nowhere and start walking toward the couch.

Cameron - "Let's go, Illini."

Mitchell, in a low tone, "Let's go! Right now!"

Jay - "Look like we have company. I guess I gotta now watch the Dick Butkus."

Mitchell - "Dad! Dad, come on, that's offensive."

Ryan - "How is that offensive? from what I recall, he is one the greatest linebackers to ever play at Illinois."

Cameron - "Exactly, and one of my personal heroes."

Mitchell - "And his name is Butt-kiss?"

Ryan - "Yeah."

Mitchell and Cameron take a seat.

Mitchell - "Dad, I thought you were being homophobic."

Jay - "We got all day."

Mitchell tries to divert the topic and asks, "Anyway, so, have we missed any action?

Alex - "No, absolutely not. Nothing to see here."

Ryan covers for Alex and says, "She means the games just started, so you haven't missed much. Isn't that right, Alex?"

Alex - "Yes, exactly."