CHAPTER 22

HAN JIHAN

         Jungho's body distances itself from mine, grasping its warmth with it as I blow out a breath I didn't know I was holding. A breath I'm not sure of. It could be out of disappointment or relief, but which one is it, is something I'm not certain of.

        I watch as he sits where he had sat before he decides close proximity is needed when he'll let the truth fly past his cigarette-kissed lips. And again, fishing out a cigar, lighting it, sticking it up in the crook of his lips. 

          How many cigars does he smoke a day?

          "You should really stop doing that." I didn't mean to say it out loud but the betrayal of my mouth is evident in his huffed-out laugh. I have to bite down on my lips to kill the smile that tries to stretch my lips.

           "I bet it's smoking this time." 

           "If it isn't, then what else could it be?" Again, a laugh. It wraps me in the warm embrace of his trickling voice. 

          Is this how Joah felt all this time or is it just me being weird? 

         "An alpha, remember?" He says, huffing his chest out in pride. Obviously, being an alpha is something to be proud of. 

I try my hardest to shoo away the fondness that tries to creep inside my eyes as I watch him. 

        "mh-hmm, but do all the alphas need to smoke?" His shoulder curves into a shrug as he looks into my eyes. 

        "Definitely not, it's up to them. But I smoke."

        "And that's not something to be proud of, is it though?" He shakes his head with a smile on his face and mouths a 'no'. 

        "I've smoked." A shiver runs down my spine at the mere memory of it. And a rumbling laugh takes its birth in my belly. I hear Jungho gasp, then laugh. My eyes travel back to him, I don't know when they finally did leave him. 

         "You did? For real? Goodness! I can't believe this, Jih."  The way his lips shaped out my name plays a loop in my head and messes with my fragile heart. It's divine. It has the refreshing touch of a lone drop of water hitting the surface of the earth after a long, burning, summer day. 

         And I'm the heated sand on the shore that absorbs every little moisture it gets. 

         "I did." 

         "And I can't believe it." 

         "I'm not as good as you think I am," I say, nodding my head with a smirk on my lips.  At that, he laughs out, it swirls around my body in a pleasant buzz. 

         "How did it happen though?" 

         I'm not certain if I want to laugh or cry at the recollection I pick from the corner of my brain. "Umm, this is kind of embarrassing, but yeah, it happened a day after I freshly turned sixteen." Jungho nods his head in a way of telling me to continue. And I do. 

          "It was late afternoon when Joah came barging into my house. He was more vibrant than usual and I was really suspicious. He grabbed my hand and the blanket we used to take down the hill, where we used to lie down and have a quiet, peaceful moment. So I thought he just wanted to do that. He had told my mom that we'll be at the meadow. She gave us our usual little fruit basket." I swirl my head to the side. Jungho, again, is sitting beside me, so close that our thighs graze each other. It blazes a fire inside me, a fire that covers me from the cold. 

         "We ran down the hill, I didn't even know what was the point of grabbing my blanket when he had just thrown it on the meadow with the basket and given me a look that screams he got something up, which was really scary and resumed running, running back to where we had came, with my wrist in his hand. From the top of the hill, we peek if anyone is in the backyard, and when we see no one we walk down the gravel path." 

          I pause and breathe into the jasmine and the alluring smoky scent of his for a second. "That day he took me to Auzbergs wall, a place I only saw in my head after hearing so many tales about its existence. I still remember the scare I felt that day. I can still feel the way my stomach churned, smelling so many alpha scents overpowering the smoke. . . goodness, I can't believe I did it." 

         "There were a bunch of alphas smoking cigars. They all eye us and I was scared shitless because of my freaking hair, it almost always attracts all the trouble possible. I was literally chanting and praying to God to bear me, all while Joah had a fucking grin smacked on his lips, can you believe it? When I looked like I could piss in my pants he was all cheerful. When my scent was rotten his own was delightful." I huff, which only makes Jungho laugh harder. I shove him on the shoulder with a roll of my eyes.  

          "I smacked him on the head and asked him to go back. That's when he pulled out two cigars from his back pocket. I was shaking. Beyond shook. He soothe me and told me it was ok, that it was ok to be wild. It's ok to live a little. And he told me you don't have to hold back anything just because you are an omega. You can be anything because you are an omega, the precious and powerful among werewolves. It was as if I was struck by a thundering bolt of lightning. The adrenaline rush was everything I would ever want. I felt like I was alive. No, I realized I was alive. Then I smoked. It wasn't a pleasant experience I would say." My eyes wander to him and to his hand which held the half-done cigar. 

         "I still can't understand how you all smoke that shit. It's fucking ridiculous." He shot me a quick faint smile then nudges my shoulder to go on. "Eager much?" I nudge back with a laugh. 

         "I liked every single word Joah had said there. But smoking? I don't like it. We didn't have to do it in the first place. He was just being rebellious. But, I did use his words to regain my power so many times and sometimes I wonder if he was a little too wiser for a sixteen-year-old." Our laughs mingle. Our eyes lock and he purses his lips as if he got something to ask me. 

         "What?" 

         "Um, he's an alpha?" 

         "What, no! He's an omega, like me." well, not exactly like me. He's a healthy wealthy one. He nods. 

          "So, what happens after?"

          "Dad saw us there, he brought me and Joah home, his burnt scent is still very much there in my senses. The moment I got inside, he slapped me right across my face. Heavens, that was painful. But the betrayal swam his eyes were more painful." Jungho's eyes go wide as looks at me. 

           "Gosh, he hit you?"

           "He hit me." 

           "Why? It's a one-time thing. He should have warned you, maybe even scolded but…" 

           "He did that because I'm his son," I say, offended by his surprise. "Why, can't parents hit their children when they do the wrong deed?" 

            "That's right, but still shouldn't have done that." 

             "He was frightened, ok?"  Jungho's eyebrows cocks, and his head tilts as he looks into my eyes intensely. 

           "Frightened? For what?" 

           "You know how easily a male omega can get infertile, don't you?" God, why the fuck I even start this talk in the first place? I hate to talk about this crap. 

           "But it was your first time." He looks clueless, because he is. He is clueless about everything that contains me. Everything that is me.  

            "It was. . . And I won't do it again." 

            "Why?"

            "Don't you think it's a very needless question to ask?"

            He stays silent, we are silent, and I like this better than spitting the ugly truths.