CH 13 ~ Memories

'Where I am?'

'Am I really dead?'

'What about my baby?'

Eleanora's body felt so heavy that she wondered if she was crushed down by a mountain.

She wished that the past few years of her life is only a dream.

A faraway future she saw.

Her memories became a mess and she could no longer think about anything anymore.

And then a light seem to flash across her blue eyes and she found herself back in a really familiar place.

'Lex… She is so beautiful!'

A beautiful woman with dark blue hair and golden eyes was bending over to look at something, and Eleanora found her father, who looked younger then before standing beside the woman with a gentle look on his face.

'Yeah, she may have silver hair and blue eyes like mine; but she looks like you more.'

'Thank you for giving me such a precious gift, Lea…'

Alexander spoke as he kiss on the woman's forehead, before both of them looks down to glance at their baby in the cradle.

This was the scene right after Eleanora's birth, which she couldn't remember.

Eleanora felt happy to see her mother, whom she couldn't see for 16 years again.

But then the scene changed in another flash and a new scene appeared.

'Nora!'

'Where are you baby?!'

'Stop bullying mommy and come out quickly!'

Eleanora instantly recognized the place around her, which was the old residence of the Dalton Duchy.

'Found you, My Princess…'

Eleanora felt her body being lifting up and found herself sitting on her father's lap, where her mother rushed to them.

'Do you two have some short of agreement?'

'How come you always find her fast?'

Her mother complained as she once again lost in the hide and seek game, where they have to find little Eleanora.

Her cheeks puffed up with anger and little Eleanora giggled.

'Are you jealous that our daughter loves me the most?'

Alexander spoke as he kissed the three year old Eleanora's cheek, before whispering in her ears softly.

'Papa will always find his princess and save her…'

But Eleanora, who was now dead, only felt heartache after listening to this.

'You have failed to save me, Papa…'

Then the scenario changed again and Eleanora waited for her vision to get cleared.

She slowly looked up to stare at her father's back, who was not facing her.

There was a small sword on her right hand, as she clenched the hem of her father's robe with another hand.

'Papa… Are you busy?'

Eleanora found herself speaking and realized this is her memory when she was six years old.

Two month after her mother's dead in assassination.

'Hmm… I am busy, I can't teach you anymore. Sir Rayon will teach you from now on.'

Alexander replied without turning back to look at her, and Eleanora's face dropped.

'But… I want papa-'

The six year old Eleanora paused on her words as she released the hem of her father's blue knight robe.

Her blue eyes filled with tears and she still tried to speak normally after taking a step back.

'Okay… I understand. Father is busy.'

The little Eleanora ran towards to her room as soon as she finished speaking, and Maria rushed to check upon her lady.

But Alexander stood still, clenching his fist tightly before he just left the house.

'My lady! The duke is really busy with the investigation! He is going to bring the duchess back and make you happy-'

'DON'T LIE TO ME! I KNOW MY MOMMY DIED TO SAVE ME!'

Maria became stunt after hearing her little lady's words and tears willed up in her eyes.

'No… No, My lady…Who told you this?'

'EVERYONE SAYS THIS! PAPA HATES ME BECAUSE OF THIS!'

The little Eleanora confessed and Maria didn't know how to console her anymore; she could only hug her little lady tightly in her embrace and cry with her.

Eleanora closed her eyes because of the pain in her heart and opened them as a cold voice rang in her ears.

'You have been trained before right?'

Eleanora couldn't reply as she felt breathless and before she could even catch her breath, a big palm was extended towards her.

Her heart skipped a beat with horror as she glanced at the 17 year old crown prince, who had a sword fight with her just now.

The way he extended his warm hands toward her was like a ray of sun light in her lonely life.

Eleanora didn't want to put her hands on his hands and run away with fear.

But then she realized it's only a memory and that 13 year old Eleanora was already smitten with the crown prince at that time.

There was a faint blush on her cheeks as she put her hands over his palm and he gripped her hands tightly before pulling her up to stand.

'Y-Yeah… I liked swordsmanship and Father, he is busy; so Sir Rayon has helped me with my training till now;'

Eleanora found herself speaking like a memorized script.

'This should be my memory when I thirteen, and was sent to the palace to stay at the age of twelve, as Father went for the border relief. Where the late emperor had the intention of bringing us closer…'

And Eleanora also knew the young crown prince's answer.

'Then the crown princess can surely help me by participating in this ongoing war and replace me, right? After all…'

The crown prince paused on his words as he bent down to meet Eleanora's blushing face because of the closeness between them and spoke again.

'The crown princess is so talented, and beautiful like a doll.'

At that time, Eleanora took his words as compliments, but now she understood that he was just mocking her.

Telling her to be useful and played by him like a doll.

Just like that, Eleanora relived her every memory till her death, again and again with no stopping.

She felt pathetic, the truth was in front of her but she refused to believe it, see it, and face it.

Eleanora thought he would at least respect her position as an empress. But his love for that girl was so great that he stomped on her to make Jena happy.

And she had to pay that price with her life along with her innocent children and family.

'Please stop it…'

'I don't want to see this all anymore…'

'Please… just let me rest now…'

'Let me just give up…'

Now Eleanora only want to rest in peace and if possible she want to meet her babies again and live with them only.

These are her one and only wish.

She wants to see them, touch them, and talk with them.

How they look, how they will talk and address her as mother.

She hopes they regret what they did to her, especially the emperor.

She wants him to suffer the same, feel the same pain that he gave her.

Eleanora stayed curled up in the darkness for longer than she could say.

It felt like days, or even years, but time didn't seem to move the same way here.

"Watch out!"

Suddenly a surprised voice rang in her ears and even before she could react, Eleanora felt like falling down,

A lot of images together formed a memory and floating past her as she dropped.

Like a new memory was being transferred into her brain.

How her mother died, how her father stopped calling her by nickname and they grew apart, how she still craved for her father's love and she become obsessed with the crown prince during her stay at the imperial palace.

How she went to the battlefield to return with victory as a knight commander, her marriage with no royal ceremony to the emperor and losing her child twice; before it ended with her death.

It was replayed over and over again as if trying to make her go insane.

Remember to not make those mistakes again.

'Please... stop...,'

Eleanora begged in her mind as she couldn't talk, and felt really cold.

'Someone please save me... Please... I beg you...'

And her prayer seems to be heard by someone as the memories stopped to play in her brain, but she felt breathless; like drowning.

Eleanora relaxed her body and let herself drown deeper and deeper in the coldness around her for a moment.

She didn't know what was happening anymore.

But then she felt someone grabbing her wrist tightly and pull her up.

Trying to save her, who had lost all her hopes...