CH 02 ~ Disappointment

A year ago, following her second miscarriage, the imperial physician declared that she could no longer conceive. Eleanora, whose hopes had been held in that child, was at a loss for how to proceed, even for a moment.

She had staked everything on this hope, believing it would alter her destiny, and transform him.

She followed every prescribed remedy without question.

She continually prayed for him to see her dedication and her love.

Eleanora had done all within her power, but now, with her new pregnancy, he had utterly shattered her trust and respect for him.

Only she understood the joy she felt upon sensing a new life within her, confirming her third pregnancy.

"I was preparing a surprise for your father, but his surprise completely shocked me; what should I do now, baby?"

"He never approved of any man near me, yet he openly cheated on me..."

Eleanora mused with a bitter chuckle, caressing her still-flat belly.

'Each moment taunts me with my own stupidity…'

She had always done everything in her power to capture his attention.

Unlike the other ladies, Eleanora as a knight commander was not all gentleness and fragility.

Before her marriage, she slimmed down, endeavored to enhance her beauty, and devoted herself to the duties of an empress.

'Perhaps his disdain for me was so great that he didn't even arrange a wedding ceremony, and I, in my folly, married with a smile, oblivious to the ridicule.'

Their empire was the most powerful globally, and her contributions were a significant factor that couldn't be ignored.

He challenged Eleanora to demonstrate her value; she bought down every enemy and acquired every territory he desired.

But whenever he had embraced her in the past, it had always felt cold, clinical, as if he were performing a duty rather than taking pleasure in the act.

It seemed more like a punishment, one she never understood.

Those fleeting moments when he indulged her meant everything to Eleanora.

The rare instances when he touched her with intimacy, she cherished, even if they caused her pain.

Her skin would send sparks wherever their bodies met as their magic was bound together for them being partners, and his scent would intoxicate her.

She had always yearned for more of him, aspiring to be like any typical married couple. However, he would always simply adjust himself and depart.

No apology, no sympathy.

The emperor preferred to witness the empress's suffering rather than offer her a sliver of love or affection. He couldn't even afford her the courtesy of a glance in passing.

His disrespect for her was clear.

Yet, she continued to disregard it all, unable to cease loving him, as though her sole purpose was to love him.

Eleanora now feels she can no longer bear it and wishes to depart, uncertain of how to confront him as if nothing occurred.

His actions today have deeply disappointed her, and she can no longer overlook this mistreatment.

She snagged the hem of her gown as she dashed into the palace gardens, her jewel-blue eyes brimming with tears.

'Enough is enough!'

'How dare he to treat me like that?!'

The crisp, fresh air struck her face as she inhaled, sending a shiver through her body, yet it did nothing to soothe her heart, seething from betrayal.

Her previous miscarriage had left her feeling vulnerable, leading her to keep this pregnancy a secret until it was certain to be secure.

She was determined to protect this child from the tragedies that befell the ones before.

Eleanora now felt relieved that she had kept it hidden. 

If the emperor learned of it at this moment, she was certain they would be cast aside, just as she had been. 

A struggle for the throne would ensue between the two heirs, and certainly, the emperor would favor that girl's child over hers. 

'I was able to take the grief before, but now I will be completely shattered if something happens to this child too,'

She won't be able to leave the palace either, especially in her father's absence. If she were to escape now, it would only provide someone the opportunity to trap her.

Alternatively, he might even take the child's life with his own hands, as the empress's offspring would be the legitimate successor to the throne.

The emperor favored that girl to such an extent that he promptly crowned her queen and proclaimed her offspring as the heir.

In his decision, there was no hesitation, no regret, no thought for her.

Now, she realized it had been wise of her not to bring any children into this family.

No child would make his feelings change for her; it was naive of her to think so before and she found herself in an impossible situation.

Every fiber of her being urged her to flee, yet she was aware that the empire still required her presence, and she despised her own mind for still considering the needs of others.

Eleanora was certain that a girl with no background such as Jena... would turn this empire to ashes if she was entrusted with its leadership.

Jena lacked training, and Eleanora had never seen any talent in that girl.

In Eleanora's eyes, Jena was nothing more than a pretty face with no knowledge of anything around them.

'But what about my health and the baby I am carrying?'

'Hadn't I suffered enough?'

Enduring four years of indifference was excessively long for her to expose her vulnerable heart to him, and the final blow came with the news of his affair resulting in another woman's pregnancy.

"I was merely a fool..."

"A fool to think he wouldn't overstep that line, to hold someone else, who is not me..."

A single tear fell as her heart squeezed in agony, and Eleanora realized it was time to return.

She wished to remain in this state for a bit longer, to momentarily escape everything and close her eyes while breathing in the chilly air, despite the shivers it brought.

'If only everything was this peaceful...'

'Us, together with our children... wouldn't that be wonderful?'

'Just like the days with my parents...'

And so, another hour slipped by, and with a heavy sigh, Eleanora acknowledged it was time to go back, even though she longed to stay.

Suddenly, Eleanora's jewel-blue eyes narrowed, sensing someone's presence not too far from her own.

The surroundings were dark, and while Eleanora struggled to see clearly, the moonlight reflecting off the figure allowed her to make out his features faintly.

His light blonde hair swayed as he stood beneath the tree, arms crossed over his chest, wearing a lonely expression.

The shadows of the trees draped over him, causing his emerald-green eyes to glow amidst the darkness.

'Why is he here?' 

Eleanora attempted to approach him slowly out of curiosity, completely disregarding the emperor's warning to steer clear of him. 

Yet, before she could get close enough to spot him, within a blink he turned away and vanished behind the trees, leaving her astonished. 

It was as if he had never been there. 

'Could it have been all in my mind?' 

Having endured a profoundly traumatic experience, Eleanora considered the possibility of hallucinations, convincing herself that she needed to clear her mind before sleep.

Her mind was stretched to its limits, and she felt on the verge of breaking under the strain of pregnancy.

'Maybe I should go back and sleep now…'

'Things will be tougher for me from now on,'

Eleanora pondered as she turned her heels towards her forsaken mansion, eager to avoid a repeat of what she had just witnessed.

She was aware that the news of that girl's pregnancy would have circulated by now, and people would gaze upon her with sympathy.

Yet, she could not afford the risk of being perceived as crazy.

After all, she was the empress.

Her status was precariously close to collapse, and she could not give the nobles another pretext to oppose her.

Not until her father's return, at the very least.

'Please come back soon and safe,'

'I need you beside me so badly this time,'

.

.

.

'Papa…'