Poppy

I don't know what it was about the sky that morning. But, it was a blue day. Usually, our skies are grey. Or black. Or something. Never blue.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and hurried downstairs. Mom was waiting for me. She always did. I didn't know why she still felt the need to drive me to school. I was eighteen. Have been for a month.

It was great. Except, Mom expected nothing of me. I thought I'd have to be responsible now that I was older. But, I wasn't. And no one expected me to be.

We sat in the car and watched the neighbour pull out of his driveway. Mom waved at the man. While I watched the boy in the seat beside him.

He was small. Like he could be my age. Only, he wasn't looking at me, so I couldn't be sure. Then they passed us. I watched until they dissolved into a dot.

Mom pulled out of the driveway, acting too carefully as if she's never driven before. And maybe she hadn't. Maybe this was a new world where everything was the first time.

Maybe I was going to high school today for the first time.

School was a bust. I sat in my seat, watching Mom drive away. It was kind of saddening. If today was the first day of high school, I at least wanted a kiss. And a pat on the back. I wanted to feel proud for making it this far.

Only, it was still the middle of senior year. And, I was still too young to do most things. Even though I was eighteen already.

I draw the shape of Mr Bennett's head in math. It looked like a bum. He had a funny chin. And cheekbones that made him look like he was always happy. But, he wasn't.

He was the angriest man on the planet.

He hated children but had five kids himself. He hated mathematics but taught high-school algebra. I didn't know what was wrong with him.

Maybe, he was stupid.

A lot of people are stupid. Like Mary (a girl in my English class). She doesn't understand why the pages in books are numbered.

I don't get it...

Maybe, I'm stupid.

Only, Mom says. I'm a genius because I never say anything when she speaks to me. I never say anything.

She argues that she wouldn't lie to keep her mouth shut. She likes talking. She's a social person.

"Miss Poppy," says Mr Bennett after class. He's standing behind his table. "Can I have a word with you?"

He waits until the class is empty. So, I know it's serious. I stand there and wait with him.

"It's about your assignment," he says.

And I just stand there. I know he's expecting me to say something, too. But, I don't. Because I'm stupid.

He clears his throat. "I mean, you did very well."

There's no one at school anymore. At least not anyone that I can see. The courtyard is clear from Mr Bennett's classroom window.

He stands closers to me, leaning against his desk. Arms crossed over his chest. "I was thinking...if you're up for it...there's going to be a Mathematics Olympiad this Autumn."

Mom says that I should be grateful for every opportunity. Only, I just want to go home.

But, I nod. As if I'm saying yes. I'm not saying anything really. Mr Bennett smiles like he understands.

He hands me a flyer. "See me tomorrow after class."

I take the flyer and leave. Mom isn't there in front of the school. I don't know why. So, I begin to walk.

Walking home from school is weird. I don't live far. But, I'm scared. Then it becomes so quiet that I'm not afraid anymore.

I hold the flyer up against the wind. Then I let go. It whips through the sky, a sliver of blue against the grey.

The sky has changed, I realize. It's not so blue anymore. It's grey again. I'm not sure if I like it.

I was enjoying the blue.

Mom isn't at home. I drop my backpack by the door and jog upstairs. My computer is on. I sit by my desk and check the history. Mom has been searching for a new car.

But, that's stupid. Our car is fine.